Category: Dumbass Bullshit

  • Derlyn Roberts speaks gibberish in sign language

    Derlyn Roberts speaks gibberish in sign language

    Andy11M sends us a link to the story of Derlyn Roberts who was the sign language translator for a press conference for the Tampa Police Department as they talked about the arrest of their local serial killer. Roberts was a felon just released from prison last year for identity theft according to MSN;

    Rachelle Settambrino, a sign language teacher at the University of South Florida, told the Tampa Bay Times that when Dugan said his agency received around 5,000 tips about the four murders, Roberts signed something along the lines of “fifty-one hours ago, zero 12 22 [gibberish] murder three minutes in 14 weeks ago in old [gibberish] four five 55,000 plea 10 arrest murder bush [gibberish] three age 24.”

    For those of you who aren’t veterans, that’s exactly how some of those valor thieves sound when they explain away their lack of a military career.

    From the Daily News;

    The incident comes just two months after another Florida press conference went completely off the rails for the hearing impaired when officials were attempting to spread vital pre-Hurricane Irma information to residents of Manatee County.

    Instead, the interpreter told viewers “pizza want you are” and that they “need be bear monster.”

    Florida is jam-packed with people who aren’t happy with the trajectory of their lives.

  • SAS may alter performance standard to accommodate women

    The UK’s Daily Mail reports that there’s a rumor circulating in the halls of the Ministry of Defense that the selection phase for the Special Air Services, the special forces of the British Army, may get easier for female applicants when the course is opened to women in 2019;

    But according to sources who spoke to the Sunday Times, women – who can apply for all military roles from 2019 – might be allowed more time to complete tests and be given lighter loads to carry.

    The potential watering down of selection criteria will also apply to the SBS (Special Boat Service), the sources add.

    It would specifically affect the initial selection phase, during which candidates are pushed to their limits in the Brecon Beacons over a month-long period.

    In typical “Newspeak”, an official explained that the standards aren’t being lowered, but rather the playing field is being leveled. I hope that they read the enemy in to this newly-leveled playing field and they take that into account on the next battlefield.

    I’m sure that one of the social justice warriors still roaming the halls of the Pentagon will come out to tell us that “Well, the British are lowering their standards for women, so we should do that, too.

  • Jon Ritzheimer sentenced

    Jon Ritzheimer sentenced

    According to Stars & Stripes, Oathkeeper and provocateur, Jon Ritzheimer was sentenced in an Oregon federal courtroom last Thursday for his role in the occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge last year. He wore his Marine Corps medals on his blue suit, which he removed during sentencing, stating that he wasn’t proud of them anymore.

    The prosecutor asked for two years in prison, but the judge gave him a year and a day along with a year of supervised release. Of course, Ritzheimer’s lawyer claimed that he suffered from PTSD and that’s why the Iraq War veteran threatened war against federal officers in the bird sanctuary.

    “In the winter of 2016, in the high desert terrain of eastern Oregon, decked out in military garb and slinging a rifle, Jon Ritzheimer was a wounded warrior, still at war,” [Defense lawyer Terri] Wood wrote in her sentencing memo.

    Yeah, we have Ritzheimer’s Marine Corps records, he was a truck driver while he was in Iraq, he wasn’t wounded and there’s no Combat Action Ribbon indicating that he participated in combat.

    Ritzheimer DD214 Awards summary

    It seems to me that Ritzheimer was itching to engage in the combat he didn’t see in Iraq right there in Oregon;

    Ritzheimer also was in the first convoy of cars who arrived at the refuge on Jan. 2, 2016. They were armed and cleared each building before blocking the front gate and positioning armed guards in the watchtower and entrances. Ritzheimer had a military-style AR-15 during that initial takeover and described himself as “triggerman,” according to the prosecutor.

    “Thank God there was not an employee there,” Gabriel said. ” If there had been, your Honor, we could be looking at a different case.”

    After the occupation, paperwork seized by federal agents showed Ritzheimer was listed as a leader of the infantry squad, constitutional defense forces, and a rapid response team, and that he went by the nickname “Rogue.” On Jan. 5, 2016, fearing federal officers were going to raid the refuge, Ritzheimer urged other occupiers to take a “defensive posture.” In a subsequent video that went viral, Ritzheimer was angered by hate mail and a package of sex toys sent to the refuge during the occupation, and he was captured angrily knocking them all off a table.

    I think Dave Hardin was the person who sent the Malheur occupiers a bag of Gummi Penises. So that’s his fault.

    Back to the courtroom;

    Ritzheimer made a brief reference to the bar of colorful military medals he wore on his jacket lapel. “I came here with this stuff on,” he said, pausing, overcome with emotion. As he removed the pin of medals and placed them on the defense table before him, he added, “I’m really not proud of it anymore, your honor.”

    He said he never wants to be a person who is “just following orders” again.

    Brown told Ritzheimer no one was contesting his valor and military service. The medals, she said, are intended to recognize his accomplishments, but there’s no debate that he carries the burden of his combat and needs continued treatment for it.

    I’ll bet he sees 2404s in his sleep – those Preventive Maintenance Checks and Services keep me up late, I know. I have flashbacks to hours of reading at the PM Magazine and the large-breasted cartoon women contained within.

    Thanks to Skippy for the link.

  • Aric Frydberg “We made a deal”

    Aric Frydberg “We made a deal”

    Floridaman Aric Frydberg called 9-1-1 while he tried to evade Collier County sheriff’s deputies when they noticed a marijuana-smell emanating from his car during a traffic stop. According to the Huffington Post, Frydberg tried to flee the traffic stop and, during the ensuing chase, called the 9-1-1 operator to report that he was being followed by police officers;

    “I need help, please,” Frydberg told the dispatcher. “There’s a police officer chasing me.”

    The 911 operator repeatedly told Frydberg to pull over, but the fleeing driver had some requests, according to local station WFTX.

    “Call my mom, call my mom,” he said. “Please call my mom.”

    When that didn’t work, Frydberg pulled out his trump card.

    “Donald Trump is a close friend of mine. We made a deal,” he said.

    He added, cryptically: “It wasn’t his fault, it was the Jews who fucked me, not Donald Trump, it was the Jewish community.”

    Deputies finally apprehended Aric and found a burnt leafy, green substance in glass pipes in his vehicle.

  • Johnny Wayne Agee impersonates secret service, goes to jail

    Johnny Wayne Agee impersonates secret service, goes to jail

    According to the Herald Bulletin, the guy, Johnny Wayne Agee had a disagreement with an official of a local hospital over a medical procedure and decided that he would threaten the fellow by posting a picture of himself with a gun on Twitter. The hospital’s officer got a restraining order against the crackpot, but that didn’t deter him.

    After receiving the order, Agee took to Twitter again to post numerous times that he was immune from prosecution because of his position as a special agent.

    A deputy on the case informed Magistrate Kevin Eads, who signed the protective order, that Agee allegedly threatened to go home to get his gun and shoot up the Madison County Government Building, according to the affidavit. This happened while Agee was in the presence of Eads, with his back turned to the magistrate.

    Agee also tweeted from the same account about Eads, saying in part, “ya can’t touch me ya #snowflake #(expletive) your nothing to me.”

    Yeah, he claimed that he was special agent in Vice President Pence’s security detail.

    So he was arrested on Friday and he’s still a-moldering in the local county lock-up. He looks kind of felonious, it’s a wonder he wasn’t locked up just based on his appearance.

  • Oh, shut up, Bradley

    Oh, shut up, Bradley

    The convicted traitor, formerly known as Bradley Manning, took to Twitter to honor US veterans on Veterans’ Day;

    I guess he had a mouse (or a gerbil) in his pocket with an honorable discharge, because his “us” certainly couldn’t include Manning. He was dishonorably discharged when he left Leavenworth Disciplinary Barracks. The only fighting he did in Iraq was that time he assaulted his female squad leader and she beat his ass.

    And, oh, yeah, the president didn’t start any of the wars that he has troops fighting these days, so I don’t know what he’s talking about with the “nationalist fairy tales” comment. Manning’s story is a fairy tale.

    Of course, Manning is as much a veteran as he is a woman, so what do I know?

  • A Fobbit’s opinion on guns

    A Fobbit’s opinion on guns

    I love, which actually means “I hate”, how after every mass shooting, Fobbits come out of the woodwork to claim some sort of moral superiority on the issue of gun control. The first one this season is another intelligence analyst named Manning, who, like the other more famous intelligence analyst, is smarter than the rest of us, in Newsweek. This one is Josh, who claims to have served two tours inside the wire in Iraq. He has to tell us how he left the wire once;

    When I served in Iraq, my unit and I would sometimes leave the base and head out onto the local highways. We each had a 20-round magazine in the well and a round in the chamber. After passing the front gate, our rules required us to switch off our safeties.

    No matter the job (I was what infantry would call a base-sitting intelligence wimp) we kept our fingers on our triggers in the back of a half-ton Army truck.

    Yeah, no you didn’t. You only put your finger on the trigger when you have your sights on a target and you’re about to fire, otherwise, you get the back of your head slapped by the nearest NCO, after he has made sure you have the trigger cleared of digital impetus. I haven’t seen a twenty-round magazine for the AR rifle in decades, maybe my memory is faulty, but that’s just odd that soldiers in combat would get something from the Vietnam era to fight in a modern battle.

    He defends calling modern sporting rifles “assault weapons” because that’s what the Army uses them for – assaulting stuff.

    Josh Manning, our moral better, who ran as a Democrat for a State Senate seat in Montana last year continues;

    Instead of sensibly prohibiting civilian use of assault weapons, they are still legal in most places and in the wake of the Las Vegas tragedy, you can still make one fire automatically with a “bump stock.” The fact that only semi-automatic, and not fully-automatic rifles are legal, isn’t the point. What is the point: a tool meant for combat situations is widely available in civil society for no apparent reason other than to let civilians feel like they are soldiers. So we wind up with men carrying a legally-purchased weapon of war. No, they are not designed exactly the same, but when the bullet leaves the barrel at subsonic speeds to shred bones and organs, the results are often the same.

    It is beyond time that we ask our representatives in Congress if the massive casualties over the past several years are worth the sacrifice. In the Army, you certainly learn to value your rifle. But the men and women around you are far more important. Let us finally put our neighbors’ interest over those of the National Rifle Association and change America’s gun laws.

    Yeah, um, in 1984, I bought a rifle that Manning would call an assault rifle, I’d spent ten years in the Army and had another ten to go before I retired and I didn’t buy that rifle to “feel like I was a soldier” – I was already a soldier. I liked having a rifle that I could take to the range with it’s thirty-round magazines and maintain my weapons proficiency during my off-duty hours.

    I’ve owned that rifle for more than thirty years now and it’s never been pointed at another human being, but this pipsqueak thinks that I shouldn’t own it because of some nebulous “interests” of my neighbors (who, by the way, are more heavily armed than me and I’m not worried).

    I never considered the NRA’s interests when I’ve bought a gun, only my own and the interests of the criminal element. Stephen Willeford, the hero of Sutherland Springs, shot the gunman with his own AR rifle, and he’s an NRA instructor. That kind of ruins your whole piece in Newsweek, doesn’t it?

    By the way, if you have to use your military service to defend your support of gun control, you have no moral superiority in the discussion. If you can’t speak to the subject by without dredging up something that you never really did, you’re just some guy with a unsupportable position on the subject.

    Thanks to David for the link.

    Toxick found his DD214;

  • Vandalized car report was false

    Vandalized car report was false

    Dauntarius Williams, a 21-year-old Manhattan, Kansas resident reported to police that his car was vandalized with racial slurs and threats. The incident triggered local events which included “discussions” about race and diversity. Until Dauntarius admitted to police that he had vandalized his own car according to the Kansas State Collegian;

    The FBI assisted the [Riley County Police Department] with the investigation into what had initially been called a hate crime. RCPD Director Brad Schoen and Riley County attorney Barry Wilkerson have opted not to file charges against Williams for the false report, concluding that doing so would be against the best interests of the Manhattan community, the press release said.

    “I would like to deeply apologize to the community,” Williams said in the release. “The whole situation got out of hand when it shouldn’t have even started. It was just a Halloween prank that got out of hand. I wish I could go back to that night but I can’t. I just want to apologize from the bottom of my heart for the pain and news I have brought you all.”

    It was not immediately clear why Williams made the initial police report for what he called a prank.

    The Riley County Police Department explained why Williams wasn’t arrested;

    “While Williams’ mistake had a decidedly negative impact on the community, please recognize that he, like many of us when we were young, is a young man who made a mistake and is now doing his best to own up to it,” Schoen said in the release.

    I wonder if the prosecutors and police would have been as understanding if the report had turned out to be real.

    Thanks to AverageNCO for the link.