Author: TSO

A man just showed up at my house for the Yard Sale that my wife has forced on me. Now, this has led to Mucho marital strife for several reasons, not the least of which being, I don’t want to sell all my books. But I have no where to keep them because of the Rhineland Campaign (some sort of spousal Lebensraum) where she has taken over ever available place in the house and converting it to Estrogenville.

So anyway, I wanted the books etc gone, but I want them to go to a good place. So, I couldn’t take much more, and decided I needed to go to the store and get some head ache stuff (Alka Seltzer cold) and as I am leaving there is a nice dude out there pawing through my books. I think, ok, as long as they go somewhere they will be wanted.

I notice one of the books was from my Yucatan history collection, because when I go on vacation I do more research than the damn CIA and I have been to Belize a few times, and if I got captured by Ancient Mayans, I wanted to know what motivated them. So as I am pulling out, I take this picture of his vehicle:

Now, that was unsettling enough. (Yes, the vehicle does state he is a paranormal investigator.) But then I got home and the wife was bragging on the fact that dude bought this:

Not the duffel bag, not the motorcycle cold weather gear, NO, the PT BELT. That’s right, Dr Raymond Stantz bought my Army PT Belt.

So, do I need to worry? Does anyone know what kind of dark secrets a PT Belt will give up under intense questioning/interrogation/possible torture?

Should I move? Should I change my name? Should I dress as a wookie and escape into the woods?

12 lucky ladies are invited apparently.

“It is important to note,” he continues, “I have not been intimate with a female companion since February 2, 2010, nor have I played with myself during that time.”

Therefore, he desires the company of “at least twelve (12) intelligent and beautiful women for this overnight birthday extravaganza.” He says that these women should also “feel free to invite a friend or two” to the tepee/tent-residence.

And then there was two.

Sharkey def. Oliver 65.1% to 34.9%
Diliberto def. Mailahn 51.5% to 48.5%

I see you’ve got your list out, say your peace and get out.
Yes I get the gist of it, but it’s all right
Sorry that you feel that way, the only thing there is to say is…
Every silver lining’s got a touch of grey.
I will get by, I will get by, I will get by, I will survive.

Voting starts next week.
THERE WILL BE NO UPDATES ON THE VOTING. “Winner” unveiled on Tuesday the 28th.

Last day of voting for the Fecal Four, and I can think of no better way to celebrate that with perhaps the greatest song in the history of the World.

Bacon Pancake!

5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v.
15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” Oliver

2 Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Diliberto v.
2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn

Almost everyday you fall
Upon my waking eyes,
Inviting and inciting me
To rise.
And through the window in the wall
Come streaming in on sunlight wings
A million bright ambassadors of morning.

And no one sings me lullabyes
And no one makes me close my eyes
So I throw the windows wide
And call to you across the sky….

From a friend:

So I am in Pittsburgh …

And I am on Sandusky Rd and OnStar told me to turn on LaCock…..

Yeah, I’m thinking you might want to change that unfortunate confluence of streets.

OK- So quick note on cheating. In the law there are two sets of illegalities, in the latin they are “Malum prohibitum” and “Malum in se.” The first is “wrong [as or because] prohibited” while the second means that the act is wrong or evil in itself. So the first is like speeding, and the second is hanging a guy from the outhouse by his genatalia because he wore a burnt orange tux to your wedding. Spamming the poll is the first. It’s not that big a deal, since the winner gets nothing. I actually found it funny, but please don’t do it. And this isn’t exclusively “Anonymous” because someone else also did it for Diliberto.

So a quick note: dudes, this is just for fun. While the whole “Chicago Dead People Voting” and “Louisiana My Dog Voted Obama” is humorous, it adds time to my being able to tabulate the responses since I then need to download all the responses, sort by IP address, and then audit it. So if you could refrain, that would be great. Y’all are largely just evening each other out, and the race is close enough as it is.

So, while I’m not mad, I’d just ask that you not do it, since when results come in every 10 seconds for an hour, I’m bright enough to notice a pattern!

Nonetheless, we move on:

Three Day Totals:

SHARKEY: 62%
OLIVER: 38%

DILIBERTO: 51%
MAILAHN: 49%

As a reminder, each day you will be able to vote. The weekly VOTE total (not average of the percent) will win. The math is easier for me that way. So, vote 5 times, and on Friday I will add them all up.

5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v.
15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” Oliver

2 Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Diliberto v.
2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn

Bios haven’t changed, so if you need them, click here.

Come down off your throne and leave your body alone
Somebody must change
You are the reason I’ve been waiting so long
Somebody holds the key
Well, I’m near the end and I just ain’t got the time
And I’m wasted and I can’t find my way home

Two Day Totals:

SHARKEY: 59.4%
OLIVER: 40.6%

DILIBERTO: 51.6%
MAILAHN: 48.4%

As a reminder, each day you will be able to vote. The weekly VOTE total (not average of the percent) will win. The math is easier for me that way. So, vote 5 times, and on Friday I will add them all up.

5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v.
15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” Oliver

2 Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Diliberto v.
2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn

Bios haven’t changed, so if you need them, click here.

Woke up this morning, what did I see
A big black cloud hanging over me
I switched on the radio and nearly dropped dead
The news was so bad that I fell out of bed
Sharkey and Diliberto were ahead?

Yup, now go vote:

Screencap from 14:17 hours…..