Author: TSO

This week’s non-profit is Cooking With The Troops (CWTT). Cooking with the Troops is a 501(c)(3) charity that supports U.S. and Allied troops, their families, and caregivers worldwide. Our mission is to provide comfort, nutrition, and hope through four major programs: Food Events, Careers, Homefront Support and Frontline Support. Go and toss them a few Talents.

Who will be the third of our Fecal Four?

As an aside:  This one exemplifies the differences in voting, and I sort of expect some heated exchanges in the comments, so I wanted to put in a brief statement if you will allow me.  This isn’t to alter how anyone votes, because I honestly don’t care.  We have here two guys from the different fields of Stolen Valor.  I’ve in the past considered advising principles on how to vote, and immediately abandoned it, because this is in essence a personal decision.  Wilson and Diliberto are both wretched people for different reasons.  Some will find Wilson the more worthy recipient because he’s just so jacked up.  Others will vote Diliberto on the theory he does more damage to actual veterans.  Vote however you wish, but bear in mind that the idea here is two-fold: to have some fun, and expose how widespread a problem this actually is.  Let’s not get too heated about folks who vote under either theory, remember, the “winner” doesn’t actually get anything.

8 Mike “Goth Special Forces” Wilson v.
2 Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Diliberto

WILSON

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: 2LT wearing the electric strawberry patch but who was also secretely SF:  “Classified · 2006 to 2012 · Needles, California- I can’t talk about my job discription. All I can say is that I was special forces.”

Actual: UNKNOWN, but apparently simultaneous to the military service, he was also “Goth To The MAX!” per his photo album of the same name.

Intangibles: Wilson nods to his ancient ancestors through his use of eyeliner.  Although it subjects him to the constant approbation of his peers who reject him as a “Nancy boy who looks utterly douchetastic” and “You look like the midget version of the bad guy in that movie 300” and “Dude, you look like a total phag” I think clearly he was paying homage to his Egyptian ancestors.

According to a history of eyeliner:

A prominent characteristic of the Egyptian façade for both men and women was the heavily lined eye. Ancient Egyptians used kohl eyeliners produced with a variety of materials including lead, copper ore and antimony, a toxic metallic element. The elements were ground into a paste and applied with rounded sticks of wood, bronze, or glass created for the purpose. Kohl pots were common and used to crush and serve as cosmetic containers for the eye makeup.

Wilson is also a Goth.  While Got chicks can be hot (c.f. chick from NCIS and Rose McGowan in a chain mail bikini) the paradox is that Goth dudes have no shot with them, because they are losers.

As Baudelaire noted in his preface to Flowers of Evil:

It is Boredom! — an eye brimming with an involuntary tear,
He dreams of the gallows while smoking his water-pipe.
You know him, reader, this fragile monster,
Hypocrite reader,—my twin,—my brother!

I would posit he is fragile from compulsive masturbation, and the realization that he’s a disappointment to his parents and his twin, who probably whipped his ass repeatedly when they were kids.

Regardless, if this dude is SF, then Jonn is actually Gabby Douglas.

DILIBERTO

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: US Marine with service in Iraq and Afghanistan.  A political scientist and Christian Theologian, Diliberto is also the cofounder of Veterans for Rethinking Afghanistan.

Actual: Proverbs 19:9, “A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall perish.”

Yeah, not so much on his claims.  Christian Theologian Diliberto never made it into either Iraq or Afghanistan. 

The unit deployed immediately after 9-11 by ship. his leaders put him on duty in the kitchen of the ship where he intentionally lanced his hand to get out of working there. When they got to Pakistan prior to their deployment into Afghanistan, Diliberto locked and loaded his weapon and threatened his corporal which resulted in the unit giving him another NJP action and included a bust to Private. His unit went on to Afghanistan while Diliberto went back to working in the ship’s kitchen.

Intangibles: Nothing pisses me off like a turd like Diliberto claiming refuge in the Christian faith.  Seriously.  Granted a cornerstone is redemption, grace etc, but Diliberto would first have to actually atone for his mistakes, not just compound and obfuscate them.  Take for example this comment left by someone from his unit.  Now, granted it is hearsay.  But assume that this was about you, and that you were a divinity student, wouldn’t you come out and address it?

in reference to the altercation he was involved in inside the barracks, he was bullying a smaller older marine, and when someone his size came calling, it got ugly. He got his ass whooped like the punk he his. he’s a liar, i was actually decent to him, more so than he ever deserved, because i thought i could turn him into a decent marine. His ego and his bs are too much. he can’t be helped. it’s a real tragedy that a news station would put this moron on alongside people who create and change military strategy. he isn’t a combat vet. If larry king ever does a special on midnight firewatch, or njp, that would be the only good time to have this idiot on.

Does that strike you as the kind of person you would want representing either a religious persuasion or a movement?

Revelation 21:8, “…and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone:”

Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up, I think I’m cracking up
Am I just paranoid?  Now I’ll go vote.

I somehow neglected this yesterday, but this week’s non-profit is Cooking With The Troops (CWTT). Cooking with the Troops is a 501(c)(3) charity that supports U.S. and Allied troops, their families, and caregivers worldwide. Our mission is to provide comfort, nutrition, and hope through four major programs: Food Events, Careers, Homefront Support and Frontline Support. Go and toss them a few Talents.

Who will be the second to make it to the Fecal Four?

16 Fatty McQuartermillion Pounder v.
15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” Oliver

 

FATTY McQUARTERMILLION POUNDER

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: UNKNOWN

Actual: UNKNOWN

Intangibles: Looks like a sausage.

Facts about Sausage:

The earliest known reference to sausage is from Homer’s Odyssey, wherein Odysseus is remarked to be

 rolling from side to side
as a cook turns a sausage, big with blood
and fat, at a scorching blaze, without a pause,
to broil it quick

Chaucer also talked about a game of hide the sausage (actually, no, it is from Urban Dictionary, but fairly funny):

A fayre visaged manne was in the partee,
Lipsed of voyse, and limpe of wriste eek.
Ful wynsomme a crafty butcher was he,
We played heide thee sausage and I could not sitte downe for a weeke.

He was afterward banned for life from Chick-Fil-A.

This US Rower may have smuggled sausage onto the podium at the medal ceremony.

The word “sausage” is descended from the Latin salsus, meaning ‘salted’.

Haggis is technically a pudding, not a sausage.

This year in Scotland, the Super Bowl was marked with an entire day devoted to Sausage.  In Indianapolis it was accompanied by my tears.

Someone on the internet wrote a tribute poem to Sausage:

You may brag about your breakfast foods you eat at break of day,
Your crisp, delightful shavings and your stack of last year’s hay,
Your toasted flakes of rye and corn that fairly swim in cream,
Or rave about a sawdust mash, an epicurean dream.
But none of these appeals to me, though all of them I’ve tried–
The breakfast that I liked the best was sausage mother fried.

OLIVER

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape: “A member of the unit commonly known as Delta Force, he said he hit the ground in Kandahar after a high-altitude jump with thousands of other specialized troops from different branches of service.  He recalls three days of intense ‘house-to-house urban warfare.  It was a lot of chaos and a lot of fear,’ he said.”

Actual: I would say he’s completely full of shit, but his wife Phebe Durand assures us we don’t know the truth because “that’s a threat to national security” and we can trust her because she has a law degree from Cortez Junior High School.  In fact, according to Chief Justice Durand of the Supreme Court of Oz, merely mentioning her or him is “breaking the law.”

Intangibles: Dude’s a Drood:  “A practitioner of Druidic arts for fifteen years desiring to bring his gifts to the public. Friendly and caring readings and a genuine desire to help you with any questions you have.”  Also, he is blind, but wears prescription eye glasses.

The pony tail he sports is an homage to David Carradine,

The grandson of Kwai Chang Oliver walks out of the past. He teaches his son wisdom at a Shaolin temple. An evil force destroyed that temple. Father and son each believed the other had perished.  Fifteen years later, they were reunited. Now Oliver faced new challenges… and his son jumped into Kandahar with thousands of other specialized troops from different branches of service.

Carradine was found with rope around his neck and sausage.

I know you’ve heard it all before,
So I don’t say it anymore,
I just stand by and let you fight your secret war.

Now go vote.

Short Review:  Go buy this book.  If you aren’t pleased with it, email me through Jonn and I will buy the copy from you, because I want to share this book with damn near everyone who can read.

Video of the Book:

Longer Review: I read non-stop, but I seldom do book reviews, and usually only when I had the book sent to me.  So, when I come out and do a book review on a book that I had to pay full price for, and am under no moral obligation to tout, you can bank on it being good.

For a host of reasons, I have been in an absolute funk lately, not helped by the week-long cold that is still crushing me.  My usually recourse is to dive into reading, since I generally read about 3 to 4 books a week.  But since I finished the “Iron Druid Chronicles” by Kevin Hearn a few weeks ago, I’ve been reading books that were adequate, but not altogether stand-outs by any stretch.   (Hearn’s books though are outstanding in every way, and should be read.)

So anyway, yesterday I was in an even bigger funk, and enroute to church I was bemoaning that I didn’t even have anything to read when I got home.  In a moment of serendipity, a lady named Aili McConnon came on the radio to discuss with some host her new book, “Road to Valor: A True Story of WWII Italy, the Nazis, and the Cyclist Who Inspired a Nation.”  To be perfectly honest, I didn’t really intend to read it, but I wanted to buy it because the story seemed like one that should be told.  I’m weird that way.  I buy a ton of books I probably won’t read, just because I think the author should be applauded for actually writing it.

Anyway, I decided to crack the first chapter yesterday about 3pm.  I finished reading the book at 9:30 last night.  And, yeah, I would definitely place it in the top 5 non-fiction books I ever read.  If you liked “Unbroken” by Laura Hillenbrand, you will love this book.  And, I am not too proud to admit I did get choked up reading it a couple of times.

(more…)

Who will be the first to make it to the Fecal Four?

 

5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v.
3 Jason “Prison SEAL” Truitt

 

SHARKEY

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape:  Claims “The MOS’ Jonathon worked in while in the Army was – 13B (Field Artillery), 11C (Motars), 11B (Infantry), 11BX (Infantry Drill Segreant)18B (SF Weapons), 71D (Legal Clerk specialist), 79R (Recruiter).  Jonathon is also Sniper Trained and Qualified. He still practices his Sniper skills to this day.” 

Actual: National Guard PFC with an Army Service Ribbon and Sharpshooter Badge.  (Which sucks for a sniper, hell, even I shot expert)

Intangibles:  Looks like a cross between Ron Jeremy and Guy Fawlkes; has lost 7 elections for public office; fled Minnesota with emotionally damaged minor; threatened to impale me, chop off my head and perform satanic rite with entrails; moved to Russia.

As an aside, my reaction to his threat was as follows:

Love the threats, I mean seriously, it makes me chuckle. Okay tough guy, come on up to Indy, we can fight on the War Memorial Grounds. You bring your Secret Service friends, and I will bring my equally imagined companions: Smurfette, Nessie, one of the dwarfs from the Council of Elrond, an Amish porn star, several Minions from Despicable Me, and a couple of your girlfriends from the Niagra Falls area. You don’t think there is anyone that believes your horseshit do you?

I’m still waiting for him to show up.

 

TRUITT

Tale of the Stolen Valor Tape:  Claims “It was a harrowing seven tours. He was shot 11 times. He was declared missing in action, twice a prisoner of war. Once he was MIA for two months and 14 days. He was tortured and disfigured. He was shot in the stomach, requiring several feet of his intestines to be removed. His tattooed skin is covered in scars. He has vision in only one eye.”

Actual: According to his father, Truitt served for about eight months as a “fueler” on an aircraft carrier, and never reached a battle area.

Intangibles: Drug addict who spent at least 9 months in prison; stole a trip that should have gone to one of our actual wounded brothers or sisters; managed to get a free rifle from the NRA (subsequently returned allegedly); as an ex-felon, wasn’t supposed to have any guns; from one of his hunting partners:

“Jason’s elk was wounded and thrashing around, suffering,” Whitnack said. He described how Truitt then went to the elk with a .45 semi-automatic pistol.

“He emptied the magazine into the elk’s head,” Whitnack said. “Just the craziness of expending seven rounds, fast as you can shoot them, into this downed elk.”

Batshit Crazy, Party of One, your table is now ready.

Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare, now go vote.

Last week I noted to Jonn that we were coming up on this number, and I wanted to thank him.  He made it VERY clear that all thanks is to our commenters, both the trolls and the hardcore regulars.  I agree.

This is a pretty big moment.  We actually hit 1 million for 2012 earlier this morning, but I didn’t catch it. 

I can’t thank Jonn and all of you enough.  I don’t get paid from blogging here, and Jonn isn’t exactly retiring on it either.  We do it for the fun of exorcising our demons, and to try to protect the brother and sisterhood we were fortunate enough to join when we enlisted. 

A simple thanks isn’t enough, but it is the best I can do.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR NOT SO GREAT EIGHT!

Justice Kennedy Regional:
Sharkey def. Wittgenfeld (thank you Jesus) 51.7 – 48.3
Truitt def. Comacho 56.8 – 43.2

Justice Ginsburg Regional:
Fatty McQuartermillion Pounder def. Sensei John 64.4 – 35.6
Oliver def. Tillson (farewell to boobies) 52.3 – 47.7

Justice Sotomayor Regional:
Wilson def. Creekmur 71.5 – 28.5
Diliberto def. Vaughn 57.4 – 42.6

Chief Justice Roberts Regional:
Stuttering Poe def. Brockbrader 72.6 – 27.4
Gunny Highway Mailahn def. Clumpner (IVAW is out) 62.8 – 37.2

Next week we vote for the Final Four.

 

For the Wittgenfeldian Truthers:

NSFW (Language)

It makes me wish I knew how to make games.

Books For Soldiers = awesome. Good people, good organization, send them some Dinar.

 

1 Tim “Stuttering Jackass” Poe v.
4 Bill “Psychic SEAL” Brockbrader

3 Graham “IVAW Ranger Brigade” Clumpner v.
2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn

8 Mike “Goth Special Forces” Wilson v.
5 Brian Leonard “T-Shirts and Tattoos make you a SEAL” Creekmur

11 Robert “72 medals and a dump truck to carry them” Vaughn v.
2 Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Diliberto

I can hear you coming
We know what you’re after
We’re wise to you this time
We won’t let you kill the laughter

Lunatic fringe
In the twilight’s last gleaming
This is open season
But you won’t get too far

‘Cause you gotta blame someone
For your own confusion
But I’m on guard this time
Against your final solution

And because the movie is second only to Red Dawn in terms of affecting a young TSO, I give you the song with clip that will have me fired up all day:

Vote, or the Ocelot gets it.

Shutting it down at noon for the results of the past week, so vote now.