SAN FRANCISCO, July 12 (UPI) — Linda the penguin has split up two male penguins who lived as a nesting couple for six years at the San Francisco Zoo, caretakers said. Male penguins Harry and Pepper had been so content together they were allowed to incubate and hatch an egg laid by another Magellanic penguin last year, zookeeper Anthony Brown said. “Of all of the parents that year, they were the best. They took very good care of their chick,” Brown told the San Francisco Examiner in a story published Saturday.
Curse you, Linda! Never has a story from the world of the Spheniscidae, Order of the Sphenisciformes of the Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Aves and Infraclass Neognathae wrought such devastation on our society. Were you not of the female pursuasion I would grab you by your dirty little vestigial wings and slap the supraorbital gland right out of you.
Have you no decency Linda? I get that your eyes are adapted for underwater vision, and are the primary means of locating prey and avoiding predators, and that in air it has been suggested that you are nearsighted, but dammit no research has supported this hypothesis. I’m guessing that evil bitch Miss California (now Ex) put you up to this husband stealing, and I will not stand for it! Gavin Newsome is purportedly in tears over this.
Again, curse you, Linda, you tramp, I hope you loose all of your thick layer of insulating feathers which serve to keep you warm in water.
It’s about 2:30 am right now and I am in no shape to write this blog post, but I have to get this on the record. I haven’t been sleeping much lately and I have been mixing gin and Xanax to cope with all the anxiety I have been dealing with lately, but here goes nothing.
But a funny thing happened on the way to Congress, that paragraph disappeared. I am sure it was just a glitch in the blogging software, but figured I would post here so Adam can re-correct the record at his leisure. After the Jump, the screencaps.
I do solemnly swear that I will defend the Constitution from all enemies foreign and domestic; I will bear true faith and allegiance to my country; I will obey the President of the United States of America; so help me God.
Of course, those of us who took the oath may note some alterations. It would seem that IVAW and their brethren forgot to consult with 10 USC 502, which has the actual Oath. So, Let us compare, shall me? IVAW oath in italics, real oath bolded.
I do solemnly swear that I will defend the Constitution from all enemies, foreign and domestic;
I, XXXXXXXXXX, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic;
What happened to “support”? Well, they can’t in good conscience argue that they are supporting the Constitution, nor bring themselves to state which Constitution. Chalk this one up to rare showing of honesty, or the fact they just felt like taking the Red Pen to our oath.
I will bear true faith and allegiance to my country;
that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same;
Service-members bear “true faith and allegiance” to the Constitution, IVAW to “the country” which is I guess some sort of opt-out clause. What with the will of the “country” being open to a more generous reading than the Constitution.
I will obey the President of the United States of America;
and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice.
Those pesky officers and the UCMJ, gone. See how easy that is? No longer must you obey the laws, just the person making them. Ergo George (Chimpy McHitlerBurton) has become a defacto iron-fisted fascist with legions of soldiers at his disposal to thwart Democracy. But, why would they want to do that? Because saying you disobeyed a dictator sounds better than disobeying the orders and officers who the country as a whole (the civilian leadership being our ultimate boss) and taking the UCMJ out exonerates our Congress, since they’re the ones who came up with it.
So help me God.
So help me God.
Eureka! Something which bears a resemblance in each of them. That is Teh Awesome! UPDATE: Army Sergeant just defended the Oath changes on grounds of artistic license and said no one would know this was the oath of enlistment. I assume she did that to crack me up, and for that I thank her. In this video here, different than the one up at her place, they actually put the WRONG quote right up on the screen. Hilarious!
BTW- The whiney little pre-pubescent girl in the beginning is Christine Arendt, famed commander of Camp X-Ray and Delta. It’s also said that she is still waiting to finish the operation to become a man. We wish her all the best with her Addadicktomy. After the jump, a little person dancing with a vacuum cleaner, because if you made it through my entire post, then you have earned this! It’s my way of saying Thank You.
Military Institutes New ‘Don’t Tell, Let Me Guess’ Policy
WASHINGTON—Pentagon officials announced Tuesday a new policy toward homosexuals in the armed services, the so-called “Don’t Tell, Let Me Guess” system, which gives Pentagon brass the opportunity to state their opinion on a soldier’s sexual orientation, provided it’s followed by the phrase “Am I right?” “These new guidelines allow homosexuals to serve in the armed forces, as long as they don’t show any outward traits that would tip us off and ruin all the fun of guessing,” said Adm. Michael Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who purports to have “excellent” gaydar. “When you make a game out of it, you’re much more invested in the survival of your fellow serviceman—at least until you guess whether or not he or she enjoys sex with members of the same gender.” Pentagon officials said soldiers who are correctly guessed to be homosexual will face immediate dishonorable discharge, unless they can prove they have killed at least 10 enemy combatants in a particularly brutal fashion.
I imagine that the lack of comments to my posts is due to the raging success of the forums, but I started to get a complex when someone sent an email to me that read, in its’ entirety:
You posted, and the world wept because no one gives a ______ what you think.
So, I thought I would give you a “behind the scenes” look of TAH from the point of view of COB and I when our posts go without comment love. Playing the part of Lilyea will be his body double, Grishnak.
OK, so what is it you guys want me to post about? Come on man, hit me with the clue bat.
(Also, if anyone knows where I can get the Rankin Bass Return of the King record, or preferably CD or download, kindly let me know. Got very nostalgic for my youth seeing this video. At one point I owned a record player and only the one record, this one.)
OK, so slow day, and I am looking for something slightly off kilter music-wise to listen to, so I open it up to the floor. Just go ahead and shout out suggestions, no need to wait to get the conch. For an idea of what I am looking for, I want a cross between Albannach and Reverend Peyton’s Big Damn Band. Preferably by a band which includes a midget little person, and an albino named Phil who suffers from Tourettes.
