This ain't Hell, but you can see it from here

It’s Friday – Gimme Yer Worst!

Written by

Hondo

in

,

Well, TSO’s non-update update on the great USO brouhaha got me to thinking.  And you know that means I’m about to wander off the reservation – again.  (smile)

The “music video” – if you can call it that – that TSO provided in his non-update update about the USO brouhaha was one of the worst pieces of . . . musical junk I’ve ever seen or heard.  (WARNING:  most of the links in this paragraph are to video clips of songs so bad they may spoil your breakfast.  Viewer discretion advised.)  But so was Twist’s “Banana Song”.  And I humbly submit that the “blast (of flatus) from the past” I provided was God-awful-bad, too – as was the even worse-sound but apparently later video by the original artists (in spite of the eye candy in the newer video).  And there are a couple of other . . . interesting items in the comments, too.

So I’m asking for TAH reader input here.  What in your opinion is the absolute worst song you’ve ever heard – or seen and heard on video?  I’m talking stuff that is want-to-put-bleach-in-your-eyes-and-jam-a-pencil-in-your-ears-after-seeing-the-video God-awful bad.

Some ground rules:

1.  A representative video or audio clip of the song must be available on the Internet.  A verbal description of bad just is not sufficient.  Everybody needs to be able to hear and/or see for themselves what bad looks like.

2.  Provide a link to said audio or video clip.

3.  Be at least semi-serious.  Don’t get “cute” and post links to a sister-service’s song (Anchors Aweigh/Off We Go Into the Wild Blue Yonder/The Army Song/The Marine’s Hymn), a rival school’s alma mater, the former Soviet national anthem, or anything like that.  We’re talking about really bad songs, irrespective of politics or rivalries.

4.  Multiple submissions are OK.  But if you put more than a couple of links in a single comment, the spam filter may flag and filter it.  Best to go with no more than 2 links per comment.

5.  Foul language alone doesn’t qualify a song, nor do lame lyrics.  So don’t send in something just because its lyrics are foul/lame/obscene – unless it’s just so bad overall as to qualify as being musically obscene as well.  Ditto marginal or even bad performances of an otherwise decent song – it needs to be spectacularly bad in that case.  (And if you do post a link to something with foul language or nudity, please include a “NSFW” warning).

6.  Submissions must be generally accepted as actually being music.  Bad verbal monologues, comedy bits, sound effects, or non-musical acts don’t qualify.  This means some of Pink Floyd’s early work (and similar things) won’t qualify; an example would be “Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving With a Pict“.

7.  Finally:  bad covers of The Star Spangled Banner are off-limits.  Yeah, there have been some legendarily bad covers of the national anthem, and yeah – the melody possibly isn’t the finest, musically speaking, on earth.  But IMO as the national anthem it has a special status and is deserving of a bit of respect.  So don’t submit any covers of the national anthem – no matter how bad.

. . .

OK, those are the rules.  Gimme yer worst!

And who knows – if the resulting “playlist from hell” turns out “good” enough, maybe the folks at Leavenworth can put it on a continuous loop on the TVs in Hassan’s and Manning’s cells. (smile)

Comments

145 responses to “It’s Friday – Gimme Yer Worst!”

  1. Country Singer

    I know many of you here are fans of “Classic Rock”…so let me ruin that for you: http://youtu.be/GDeVAF58jPg

    And how did this one go unmentioned: http://youtu.be/jOHCQ7EmmyA

  2. ANCCPT

    NSFW: With no further ado, I give you: Ducksauce “The Big Bad Wolf”

    Add eyebleach starting at 00:39 and in.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKMoVAObbhE

  3. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    Moon Unit Zappa – Valley Girl

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb21lsCQ3EM

    I loved Frank but this is bad … like, oh my God, really, totally, bitchin’ gross, for sure, bad!

    Valley Girl Sung in Hebrew – For the Easter Holiday

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGOBZloBcF4

  4. Steelbreeze

    Gotta agree with 41. How far can a band fall? I’d like to think that song was the reason that Starship (nee Jefferson Starship, nee Jefferson Airplane) an icon of the sixties was the opening act for Night Ranger circa 1985. Yes, Sister Christian was saccharin crap that didn’t even make sense but it was still better than Starship’s hit. In a related note, WTF was wrong with us in 1985?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_EdzOSSDV0
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z92bmlcmyq0

  5. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    Don’t laugh at me for this one … I still can’t get this song out of my head after 40 years.

    Minny Riperton – Loving You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE0pwJ5PMDg

  6. jabatam

    Mick Jagger & David Bowie – Dancing in the Streets

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G4jnaznUoQ

  7. PortDawg

    Please put your hands together for Jan Terri…

    http://youtu.be/hLqvQUoxLFI

  8. Gruntling

    I know Veritas already beat me to this “artist”, but she’s so terrible that I’m posting a second one.

    If you can make it through more than 30 seconds of this without a migraine, I’ll be impressed. And sorry that I put you through 30 seconds of this song.

    Lady-Yankin
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvN9YwiveXc (NSFW)

  9. Twist

    This one is for Ex-PH2.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qit3ALTelOo

  10. Janaburg

    #31…A young Stephen Remmler, check out his “Amerika”. Es ist soooo lustig!!! You just can’t make this sh*t up.

  11. Twist

    Who will take the challenge? I only made it 45 seconds.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aELcXyjpts

  12. Ex-PH2

    Master Chief, did you HAVE to post Minnie Riperton? I had that button turned OFFFFF!!!!!

  13. Ex-PH2

    Twist – TNX for kitty video.

  14. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    EX-PH2 …. you are lucky that you were able to turn it off. Most can’t …. sorry about turning it back on!

  15. Country Singer

    And this will take those of us that spent time in the Far East to a special place: http://youtu.be/G7oGx2dImE8

  16. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    Here is another that you will hate:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rog8ou-ZepE

  17. Old Tanker

    MCPO, I hate you…..

  18. Old Tanker

    61 Twist,

    16 seconds…..

  19. Country Singer

    I didn’t say it was a good special place, btw.

  20. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    @ 65 …. Holy Shit .. It is bad but very funny!

    Sorry Old Tanker …

    Lalalala, Lalalala, Lalalala, la la la laaaahhhaha!

  21. Twist

    I’ll just leave this here.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gq–g4zIuNA

  22. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    For all the German’s out there!

    http://www.youtube.com/user/vat19com?v=zuDtACzKGRs

  23. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    Swedish!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPnGPIMUnus

  24. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    And finally Japanese:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs1CA5hFdd4

  25. Hondo

    Twist, I think your Banana Song just might have slipped to #2. See the link provided by MCPO in comment 72. (smile)

  26. Heidi

    MC Ejnar, danish

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugKQvPJXC0Y

  27. Heidi

    MCPO #72, that was really bad

  28. Twist

    Hondo, Are we putting it to a vote? If Banana Song drops to #2 at least I have been beaten by a worthy opponent.

  29. Twist

    To stick with the German theme

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yT5rqKMaHAg

  30. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    @ 77 … Yes it is bad. This is a competition … I play to win!

    Stick this one in your baggy pants!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otCpCn0l4Wo

  31. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    @ 79 … Nicely played … “The Hasselhoffinator”

  32. Heidi

    Mr. T

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhZRqPPTNjE

    Twist @79, ugh

  33. Heidi

    Baltimora

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8pYwJ8fKMY

    Hondo, I believe I have beat Twist and MCPO with this one. What say you, guys:)

  34. Flagwaver

    Well, someone’s got to do this. I guess I am the only one with the balls to actually post this link. All hail the Supply Guy!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

  35. Claymore

    In the spirit of the season…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeFoS40l4wc

  36. Twist

    I don’t know if this is cheating or not.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMzduCJG6OU

  37. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    @ 86 Twist … that is not cheating … that is werid!

    TWO WORDS:

    DAS BOOT

  38. Twist

    Gotta love the Japanese.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q16KpquGsIc

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vs1CA5hFdd4

  39. Twist

    It is obviously a slow work day.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5Ng1HbOAKs

  40. Old 21B

    Ten, yes 10, hours of Pink Fluffy Unicorns Dancing on Rainbows!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ky3Ordfqn88

  41. PFDRbrendan

    I know that I am a little late to the party but, I cannot resist the mother of all stupid music videos. This video is so annoying and catchy that it will be stuck in your head for the next week or so.

    You have been warned.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh7lp9umG2I

    Not Safe For Anyone

  42. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    Twist: Two Things

    # 1. I posted the Jap video already, truly very bad indeed.

    # 2. Get the unicorn video down to GITMO immediately, it could win the war. They will be singing like drunk birds within hours.

  43. Flagwaver

    Hey, hey, hey… Even though America didn’t sign the Geneva Convention, we should still treat our prisoners humanely and just shoot them… not subject them to this kind of torture!

  44. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    OK … That is it … I have been saving this.

    Gangdum Style – Backwards!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0wpMqEvfsA

    I hate this guy ….

  45. Old Tanker

    MCPO,

    Not fair, I posted the Japanese one back on #14!!

  46. Twist

    MCPO, I must have somehow missed that. Bad form on my part. Let me see if I can redeem myself.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l06spAoJjQQ

  47. This ain't Hell, but you can see it from here » Blog Archive » Gimme Yer Worst – Update

    […] I’d post an update here regarding the “Gimme Yer Worst” article and my request for reader […]

  48. MCPO NYC USN (Ret.)

    OK … for REGGAE AND GAY LOVERS … (not there is anything wrong with either)!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6guC8JmYuIw

  49. Twist

    WARNING!!!

    Following video may make you spit out drink or have your coworker think you are nuts for laughing your ass off.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZaiB9jYCxI

  50. Detn8r

    Since the National Anthem is off limits!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfPxkuJMrjw

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