OK, Florida DRC Members: You Want to See Hondo? Here Ya Go. Directions.

Well, it looks like our “Favorite Florida Friends” (or maybe that should be those “Florida Flying F**ksticks”) have kept running their yaps. So I thought I’d finally tell them where to go.  (smile)

Once again, this group of Dufi Royally Clueless have accused someone else of being me.  And this time, I’m both honored – and a bit peeved.  Again.

Now, I’m supposedly CAPT Larry Bailey, USN, Ret.  Yeah, THAT CAPT Larry Bailey.

That would be an honor.  Except I’m (a) not a former SEAL, (b) was never in the Navy; (c) have never been to sea, (d) have never been on an active Navy ship (though I have been on more than one Naval base, and I did visit a USCG Museum ship), and (e) left the service almost to 20 years after CAPT Bailey did. So I guess I can’t be CAPT Bailey.

Are you guys for real?  So far, this makes 2 former and well-known Navy SEALs, a former Army GO, a serving Army CPT (or maybe by now MAJ), and a retired Special Forces SGM of being me – along with probably some others I don’t remember or missed.  And you’ve been wrong every freaking time.

But you know, I’ve about had it with this crap.  So here goes.

Listen up, you bunch of dipstick imbeciles who don’t seem to have the common sense to urinate in the bathroom’s toilet instead of the waste basket.  You want to see Hondo?  Fine.  I’ll help you out.

Put away your comic books, and put your crayons back in their box.  Close your mouths, and remember breathe thru your noses instead of your mouths for a while.  Wipe the drool off your chins.  Sit down, and shut yer yaps.

Now, pay close attention.  Here are your directions.  Follow these without screwing up and they’ll take you right to Hondo.

No, these are not the shortest routes you could take.  Instead, I tried to make these directions as simple as possible for each of you to follow.  Lord knows you both have enough problems with even relatively simple concepts and actions.

I’ve also depended on each of you to find a major highway reasonably close to each of your current abodes – US Highway 17, to be precise.  Hopefully you’re capable of doing that much by yourselves.  Even though your addresses are matters of public record by virtue of your own past actions, I decided to respect your privacy (though not the two of you personally) and refrain from giving detailed directions starting at your driveways or mentioning your current towns.

Directions.

For ThE NoRtHeRn FlOrIdA GuY.

1. From your house, go to US Highway 17.  It’s generally east of you – that means you need to go towards where the sun rises in the morning.
2. At US Highway 17, turn north.  That probably will be a left turn unless you manage to cross over US Highway 17 and have to double back.
3. Follow US Highway 17 north until you reach Interstate Highway 295 south of Jacksonville.  The “north” part is important, so don’t screw that up.
4. At Interstate Highway 295, take Interstate Highway 295 north towards Savannah.  Do NOT take the on-ramp marked “St. Augustine”.
5. Follow Interstate Highway 295 to Interstate Highway 10.
6. At Interstate Highway 10, take Interstate Highway 10 west.  That’s the ramp marked “Lake City”.  Do NOT take the ramp marked “Jacksonville”.
7. Follow Interstate Highway 10 west to San Antonio, TX. It’s rather a long drive, so you might want to pack a lunch or two.  Given your advanced age and general state of physical and mental decrepitude, you also might want to plan on stopping somewhere overnight.  Your call.
8. Where Interstate Highway 10 and US Highway 90 split (that’s in the San Antonio metro area, at the interchange where you also meet Interstate Highway 35), stay on US Highway 90 west.  Do NOT stay on Interstate Highway 10 or turn onto Interstate Highway 35.
9. Follow US Highway 90 for roughly another 39 miles.

For our other “FFF” – the one down in SW Florida – here are your directions, in italics.

1. Take local roads from your house to Interstate Highway 75.  As was the case with your FFF colleague, it’s generally east of you – e.g., in the direction where the sun rises.
   
2. Get on Interstate Highway 75 north.  That’s the ramp towards Sarasota and Tampa, in case you haven’t figured that out for yourself.
3. Follow Interstate Highway 75 north until you reach US Highway 17. 
4. Take the exit for US Highway 17 and go north (the “north” part is important).  To go north, I’m guessing you’ll need to turn right at the end of the ramp.
   
5. Follow US Highway 17 north until you reach Interstate Highway 295 south of Jacksonville.
6. At Interstate Highway 295, take Interstate Highway 295 north towards Savannah.  Do NOT take the on-ramp marked “St. Augustine”.
7. Follow Interstate Highway 295 to Interstate Highway 10.
8. At Interstate Highway 10, take Interstate Highway 10 west.  That’s the ramp marked “Lake City”.  Do NOT take the ramp marked “Jacksonville”.
9. Follow Interstate Highway 10 west to San Antonio, TX. It’s rather a long drive, so you also might want to pack a lunch or two.  Given your advanced age and even worse state of physical decrepitude than your north Florida “compadre”, you also might want to plan on stopping somewhere overnight as well.  In fact, since your trip is substantially longer than your friend’s, I’d recommend stopping twice.  But that’s your call.
10. Where Interstate Highway 10 and US Highway 90 split (that’s in the San Antonio metro area, at the interchange where you also meet Interstate Highway 35), stay on US Highway 90 west.  Do NOT stay on Interstate Highway 10 or turn onto Interstate Highway 35.
11. Follow US Highway 90 for roughly another 39 miles.

In your case, there are shorter routes – but I chose this route for you in case you wanted to carpool with the northern FFF.  Given my understanding that your past public assertions in court have stated that you are “disabled” and on “pain medication”, IMO that might be a really good idea. 

I’m sure you can find out where the northern FFF lives if you try; in fact, I’m reasonably certain you two have probably corresponded with one another in the past.  And if you two carpool, you’ll also have someone to keep each other company – even during any overnight stays.  Perhaps you’ll both enjoy that aspect of carpooling.  (smile)

At Your Destination.

Once you’ve completed the last step in your directions above, just find a convenient place to park.  From there, unless you’re blind or you’ve screwed up, by following the above directions you should easily be able to see Hondo.

If you can’t, just ask anyone you see, “Excuse me, sir (or ma’am), where can I find Hondo?” If they appear Hispanic – and there’s a good chance they might – you might want to say, “Disculpe, señor, ¿dónde puedo encontrar Hondo?” instead. (If the individual is both Hispanic and female, say “Perdone, señora, , ¿dónde puedo encontrar Hondo?” instead.)

I’m sure anyone you ask will be quite eager to tell either or both of you exactly where you should go.  Each of you IMO has such a “winning personality” that that’s virtually guaranteed.   (smile)

Strip Maps.

I’ve tried to make the directions above as simple as possible.  But just in case the above directions are too complicated for you – and you can’t find someone to explain them to you in terms you can understand – here are some pictures.

First, the “big picture”.  For ease of viewing, I’ve broken it into eastern and western parts. I’ve also cropped the eastern part so that it doesn’t show the specific part of Florida where either of you live.  As I noted above, you’ve both made your current addresses easy to find on the internet; in fact, it’s public record information in both cases.  But as I alluded to earlier, I have no real reason to be an a-hole and post your addresses here – even if those addresses are already listed in Internet-accessible public records.

Here’s the eastern part of the “big picture”:

And here’s the western part of the “big picture”:

Finally, here’s a picture showing more details about the western end of those directions:

So, you fellas still want to see Hondo?  Well, now you know how to get to Hondo.  You even have detailed driving directions and strip maps.

Whether you choose to make a “road trip” or not is up to you. I don’t much give a sh!t either way.

Regardless, I don’t plan on holding my breath waiting.  But if you do choose to use those directions, I also predict you won’t much like the results.

(smile)