Category: Shitbags

  • Declaration of Fakery

    When in the Course of human events,  there are people who saw a lot of war movies and wanted to do that too, but liked their couches more, it becomes necessary for such people to craft tales of awesomeness they once read about.  To assume among the powers of the of the internet, the separate and greater station to which their tales of heroism and the Laws of Narcissism and of Narcissism’s God entitle them, a lack of respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare how awesome they are, and threaten to sue should they be found out, and to deny the causes which impel them to tell the lies.

    We hold these truths to be self-evident, that we deserve the adoration that other people fought for with blood sweat and tears.  That we are endowed by Dr Phil with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Lies, fraud and the pursuit of Accolades.–That to secure these rights, the Government can’t take away my “free speech,” deriving their powers from the lies the congress critters told, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive to my personhood I can sue, even if I lied.  It is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish their records, and to institute new better stories, laying its foundation on such acts we were too lazy to commit ourselves.

     

    We are better than you, not because we actually did the really impressive stuff that we claim to have done, but rather that we are clever enough to earn the accolades that go with said achievements, without having to sweat for them.  We who make up stories are entitled to be treated like the special little snowflake we know we are.  We are entitled to earning money speaking about our heroism that we did not actually display.  We are entitled to VA benefits for the post traumatic stress we got from watching Deer Hunter.  We demand and declare this!  And if you don’t like it, we’ll sue the crap out of you.

    No law shall stop us from putting on SEAL tridents with Master EOD badges on Marine uniforms.  We will not accept your fellonius slanderous names like MSG Soup Sandwich.  We are awesome.  Just look at our medals!  We were jumping into panama when we were in diapers and how dare you attempt to prove otherwise!

     

    Signed,

    everyone that steals valor

  • Ventura contemplates 2016 prez run

    Yesterday we read that Jimmy Janos, the former governor of Minnesota and current crank, has decided to sue a grieving widow because of his chapter in her husband’s book. Today we read in the Washington Times that he thinking about running for President in 2016;

    Ventura volunteered the possibility while at Minnesota’s Capitol on Friday — and pushed back against skepticism that he would re-enter the fray after being out of office since 2003.

    He says the next race is “an opportune time” for an independent like him to run because there will be no incumbent. He says he’s approached radio shock jock Howard Stern about being his running mate.

    Yeah, that’s a brilliant strategy, sue a widow and then run for President. I might skip voting that year if the only choices are a Bite Me/Nanny Bloomberg ticket or a Mr. Scruff Face/King of all Assholes lineup.

  • Janos to sue widow Kyle

    Little Jimmy Janos, Scruff Face, or Jesse Ventura, however you want to refer to him, has been thwarted in his quest for Chris Kyle’s book money by Kyle’s untimely death, and so he’s decided to include Kyle’s widow in his lawsuit says the Star Tribune;

    Lawyers for Ventura have asked a federal court to continue his lawsuit against Chris Kyle — who was killed in February by a young veteran he was mentoring — by substituting Kyle’s wife, Taya, as the defendant. Ventura last year sued Kyle, a decorated former SEAL and author of “American Sniper,” claiming that the book’s description of a California bar fight defamed him.

    “Although Kyle is deceased, his ‘American Sniper’ book continues to sell and it is soon to be made into a movie,” said Ventura’s motion, filed last week by Minneapolis attorney David Bradley Olsen.

    Ventura’s lawyers said his claims survive Kyle’s death, and “it would be unjust to permit the estate to continue to profit from Kyle’s wrongful conduct and to leave Governor Ventura without redress for ongoing damage to his reputation.”

    So, what, couldn’t Scruff Face find any puppies he could kick or some kids from whom he could steal their candy, he has to sue a grieving widow? This kind of shit only leads me to believe Kyle’s story, and I’m sure it won’t endear him to the court, either the legal court or the court of public opinion.

    Thanks to SGT K for the link.

  • Weiner takes a shot at Bloomberg’s seat

    I know this doesn’t have anything to do with the military, well, except that you could say it’s about Weiner’s “little soldier”, I guess, but Anthony Weiner announced that he’s going to try to run for the mayorship of New York after resigning from Congress in disgrace for flashing pictures of his underwear around the internet. Now he thinks that the city has sunk so low under Nanny Bloomberg that he must look good to New Yorker voters. But he issues the proviso that there may be more pictures, “it is what it is” he told WNYC-FM listeners today.

    Yeah, well, if “what it is” is just pictures of his drawers, it shouldn’t be a big deal, but that’s not the extent of it, actually. Remember how he explained the photos initially? Someone hacked his Twitter account, he said. Federal officers even conducted an investigation into the allegations, expending public funds to investigate that which Weiner knew was false. If you or I had made a false report to police, we’d be a lot lighter in our wallets than we are right now, maybe even making weekly meetings with our parole officer.

    Just like with the Clinton scandal, it’s supposed to be about a “personal matter”, because that’s what titillates the media, but actually it should more about his lies. Does New York City really need someone who tells a bald-faced lie to his constituents and the national media, just because he embarrassed himself? Can you ever trust a thing he says ever again?

    The childish photos are just the tip of the problem here, it’s about the more adult problem of failing to take responsibility for a relatively minor offense. New York State’s Legacy Governor Gomer Cuomo says “shame on us” if New York City elects Weiner. Yeah, well, if New York elects Weiner as their mayor, they have no shame.

  • Jersey Shore frauds

    Earl sends us a link to the Ashbury Park Press which reports about some fraudsters who pretended to sell 9/11 memorabilia for charity, but apparently, the only charities they helped were in their own pockets;

    Mark Niemczyk, 66, of Tinton Falls and Thomas Scalgione, 41, of Stafford sold T-shirts and collected donations at 9/11 events, but never gave any of the more than $50,000 in proceeds to the victims’ families or to 9/11 charities as promised, according to a statement from the state Office of the Attorney General.

    The pair was indicted Friday on third-degree charges of conspiracy and theft by deception. Niemczyk is additionally charged with third-degree failure to file a personal state income tax return in 2011. While Niemczyk receives Social Security benefits that are tax exempt, he collected thousands of dollars in proceeds at 9/11 events in 2011 and won $55,000 at the Borgata casino in Atlantic City on Sept. 6, 2011, which he was required to report, according to the statement.

    According to Earl, these two hail from the same town where phony SEAL John Spodafora is mayor.

  • From The Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Files

    the era of Über political correctness has struck the a brigade in Army’s 4th Infantry division.  Before I get to commenting too much about the major douchegasm that a full bird Colonel just had, I’ll let you read what he wrote.

     

    Hazing

    Hazing2

     

    Done reading?  Are the NCOs in the audience turning red?  that’s right sports fans, you are no longer to “smoke” your privates, as this might be considered “hazing” and is counter productive.  Correcting deficiencies will now fall to sending the hapless privates to a class and inspecting the deficiencies until they’re corrected.  There will be no unique or embarrassing corrective measures.  The memo makes it pretty clear that all the measures that were effective and novel in making sure shit bag privates square themselves away most ricky-tick will now be a thing of the past.

    Pah-THETIC!  Look any private that isn’t terrified of his NCO’s wrath obviously has some bad NCOs.  Everything from cleaning their room, to having their weapon cleaned properly and in a timely fashion are vital to military life, and though the Army can sometimes focus on the bullshit routines of garrison there is nonetheless a solid reason for each of those routines.  Having a private yell out “I LIKE TO F**K MY BUDDIES!” as loud as he can while running in a circle holding his rifle over his head might seem cruel at first glance, but ask that private if he’ll ever flag a friendly with a loaded weapon again.

    I have learned a lot of vital lessons because an NCO took me out to the grass and smoke the crap out of me.  Because I knew that my NCOs would come down on me like a ton of bricks my uniforms for Motorpool Monday formations were always pressed and my boots were so well shined I could have used them to shave with.  Because of an NCO making me do elevated push ups while I listed the parts of a 9-line, I remembered them.  Because of an NCO dummy cording a giant brick to a guy and making him carry it everywhere, I never forgot my weapon.  These lessons have a way of staying with you too.  Even now long after I’ve gotten out of the Army I’m always early to any meeting I might be having.

    Expecting the NCOs to churn out quality soldiers that can go anywhere do anything, while simultaneously tying their hands up makes about as much sense as a poopy flavored lollypop.  Unfortunately the society that America is becoming sees adversity  and hardship as having no value.  Everyone is a special little rainbow.  All we seem to be producing are obnoxious self obsessed fat assholes.  How we expect our Army to continue to rock and roll kicking asses and taking names when we can’t even drop someone is beyond me, but no doubt that is exactly what we’ll be expecting of them

  • About that IRS thing

    The TEA Party is pretty wary of the federal government, its a well known fact that they think the Federal Government has become corrosive towards individual liberty.  You could call the TEA Party a coalition of conservatives and libertarians.  You could call them paranoid.  You could call them funny.  You could call them idealistic.  You could call them wacky.  All of these tittles do have some element of truth to them.  It’s not like a guy walking around in a tri-corner hat with teabags hanging from it  is necessarily hard to make fun of.  But whatever else the TEA party is/was, it was and remains a legitimate political movement.  Our laws are created to protect any group of people that are passionate about any issue, and there are groups from both sides of the isle that are exempt from taxes because they are legitimate political groups.  Speech, it would seem is the one thing the Government isn’t trying to tax these days.

    Only, that doesn’t seem to be the case.  Apparently the IRS has been harassing groups with the words TEA party or Patriots in the title.  What it all boils down to is after the Citizen United ruling in 2010, the number of groups seeking 501(c)(4) status increased in order of magnitude.  Many of those groups were conservative, like the TEA party.  What appears to have happened is that following this sudden outgrowth of the TEA party, and the Citizens United ruling, some low level bureaucrats in the IRS specifically targeted the conservative groups.  They would target for auditing, demand donor information (which is illegal), name of who sat on the board (inappropriate), and in certain cases apparently asked question about the children of the leaders of these groups (HIGHLY inappropriate).  Keep in mind all of this is in the space of 2010-2012.  The run up to the 2012 election saw a lot of TEA party groups complaining about harassment, which most everyone dismissed as right wing wackos who were paranoid about the government.  Turns out they were right.

    Let’s step back for a second and look at that.  The IRS was using it’s almost God-like powers of paper to cause these people no end of grief.  If you haven’t been harassed by a government agency you have no idea what a nightmare it is.  Think bumbling psycho stalker that happens to have all the keys.  The term “harassment” doesn’t do it justice.  But there’s something else that should send a cold chill of fear down your spine.  a branch of the Federal Government used its power to assist a political ideology, or  more accurately to punish an opposing political ideology that could have potentially, affected the election.  That should stop everyone cold.  That should cause congress, and the American people in all areas of the political spectrum break out in a cold sweat.  The gears of government are choosing a winner.

    I know that Romney probably would have lost anyway, I know that Obama was still riding the “historic” wave, and the TEA party were just dismissed as loonies, but history has shown time and again that suppression of a political ideology by gears of the governing body is a very bad thing.  I’m not saying that the Sturmabteilung are going to be marching down the streets, or that the anarchists are going to finally “bring it all down.”  What I’m saying is that like Rome we have reached the apex of our power.  Our great philosopher leaders have come and gone.  We’ve had our Ceasars, we’ve had our Marcus Aurelius, and now the Praetorian Guard is auctioning off the crown.  This is a mark of corruption, perhaps of well meaning individuals, though that’s probably not the case.  We have devolved to the point were we are willing to intimidate and bully the very people our Constitution was designed to protect.

    It should not matter to you where you stand on the political spectrum.  You may personally despise the TEA party.  You may be diametrically opposed to everything they stand for, at the end of the day you should still defend them from government abuses, and protect their right to free speech.  It should not matter how despicable you find them, the principle is the same, if it can be done to them, it can be done to you.  If you are say a died in the wool Paulbot, or a die-hard Obamanut you should be on your phones to your senator or representative, calling them demanding an investigation.  Your party affiliation should never matter when the feds are harassing someone about their political beliefs.  What’s even worse is that this is being put out by pencil pushers.  Its a tyranny of bureaucracy.  There’s no congress critter to throw out of office.  Much like a “fire and forget” javelin anti tank missile once the mountain of paper avalanches on someone, there’s no way to recall it.  It should give you all a cold sweat that one stroke of a pen in the wrong place, one decimal point in the wrong spot, one “low level” clerk in an office in Ohio can make your life a living hell or send you to jail.

    This is your government doing this.  You, sitting there reading this, have a roughly 1/308,745,538 +/- ownership stake in the federal government.  Every bit of good it does on your behalf, every piece of property it owns, and every misstep it takes belong in some portion to YOU.  Abraham Lincoln called this a government “Of the People, By the People, and For the People.”  If the Government is picking winners, if the People don’t give a damn.  If the People are so apathetic that they do not act when their rights are clearly threatened, that they do not take ownership of their government, then this will no longer be the case.  It will be a government “Of the Government, By the Government, and For the Government,” and the people can go screw themselves.

  • Nanny Bloomberg’s Comeuppance, Part II

    We all know about the idiot good Mayor of NYC, Michael “I’m Your Nanny” Bloomberg.  You know – that Mayor who blames all the world’s problems on privately-owned guns, Big Gulp sodas, and trans-fats?  Who mistrusts people and thinks personal freedom is a “tool of the devil” – so people can’t be trusted to decide for themselves what to do?  The Mayor who seems to  view the concepts of freedom and personal responsibility with distain?

    Hell, Bloomberg’s such a joke that even the Daily Currant has satirized his “control freak” nature and policies.  Everyone with even half a brain knows he’s nothing but a freedom-hating blowhard who has more dollars than working brain cells.

    Well, it seems someone else decided a little more satire regarding Bloomberg was in order.  A NYC bakery called “House of Cupcakes” has come up with a cupcake in Hizoner’s honor.  And it’s not your run-of-the-mill cupcake, either.

    It “weighs in” at nearly 36,000 calories – the caloric equivalent of over 10 pounds of body fat.  From an article about the “Mayor Bloomberg” cupcake:

    “Its got over 12 pounds of sugar, five pounds of butter, four pounds of flour, six cups of cocoa powder, 24 eggs, two cups of milk,” owner and cupcake creator Ron Bzdewk told WCBS 880?s Marla Diamond.

    The best part?  The article about the Mayor Bloomberg cupcake is not satire. This really happened.

    Well done, Mr. Bzdwek.  IMO this couldn’t have happened to “honor” a more deserving blowhard control freak.