Author: TSO

Seldom do I take forays into the realm of reviewing goods or services I have received. In fact, I know only of my one, wherein I told Ronald McDonald how his eatery on 38th street was the culinary equivalent of poop on a stick in the rain:

I bring the frozen drink to Caro, who immediately notes that she has no straw. So, I go inside, hereby defeating the original purpose of the drive thru. I get the straw, I return outside. I wait 2 mins and Manager comes out again, bearing a coffee, and 2 bags of food. Now, I know at this point we have a problem, unless for some inexplicable reason it takes 2 bags to carry 1 hash-brown. But Jesus is waiting, so I take what is offered, thank her, and move off.

Bag 1 contents: 3 hash-browns.

Bag 2 contents: 2 creamers and……7 bags of tea. Why? I have no idea. Perhaps she though that the young lady and I were all dressed up to reenact the Boston Tea Party? Perhaps she thought this was a prelude to dressing like an Indian, and dumping the contents of our McDonalds Bag into Eagle Creek? Perhaps she just looked at me and the cool and erudite Jean Luc Picard leaped to mind? Tea, Earl Grey, hot.

Anyway, I wanted to level out the field, by praising a local business.

Last week, while in West Texas (wow, what boring geography) my wife and I were awakened by a phone call at 6am informing us that our troublesome Boston Terrier (“Fenway”) had been bitten on the ear, and required medical attention. When I got home (the wife stayed in Texas) I found him missing a pretty decent sized chunk of his ear, and was told by the Vet that if he didn’t behave and let it heal, he might have to have more amputated. Well, this is a Boston Terrier, lethargy is not a character trait. So, I drugged the dog up to where he couldn’t stand, and have kept him similarly medicated for 3 days, but what to do about our Puggle (“Mosby” for the civil war Colonel, not Ted Mosby of How I met your Mother) while the other one recuperated.

A friend at work suggested Doggy Day Care, provided by “Tender Loving Pets” which is near work. So, I took Mosby down there yesterday. The place is pretty damn cool. It is like a big warehouse with offices, and the dogs just run helter skelter through the place doing whatever they want. Anyway, they take Mosby, tell me the first day is free, and proceed into this meeting room that has all the dogs, and allows for introduction. So, I walk to this window, and see my puggle let in.

As I said on my Facebook page yesterday:

It looked for all the world like the scene in Shawshank where Andy Defresne is led into the yard. Actually, I am pretty sure the Dachsund that went to meet him at the door told him that he would either shank him or make him his bitch. I’m fine with him doing the taxes for the girl working there, but if he tunnels out through the sewer, I will have a dog that needs adoption.

Now, not only did they give me the first day free, they called me at 10am to let me know who he was playing with, and then emailed 2 pictures during the day. When I went to pick his tired ass up last night, dude was so tired he slept in the car, which is something he never does. I also got a “Report Card” on him (see below.)

The very nice young lady there said he acted great, and played with everyone. The lady today told me that he “made a boyfriend right off.” Look, my dog is not a GAY (not that there is anything wrong with that), but he may be a bit bi. I’ve never come home to him watching Bette Midler movies, or listening to Cher, and not once has he ever snuck out at night wearing only chaps (Sniper tells me they are ALL assless) and a Kaiser helmet to see a BeeGees cover band in drag….but, he may have a little of that Spartan Hoplite “look bro, we’ve been in the field a while” sort of thing going on. He’s actually gotten better. When I first got him he humped everything from my pillow to the door knobs. First time I got him at the Bark Park he tried to do it “his” style with a 150lbs male Mastiff. But, I’m not buying the “he behaved thing.” I’m just glad he didn’t come home wearing a feather boa with a tattoo that read “I [heart] Spike!”

But, either way, I know I have only between 0-2 readers in Indianapolis, especially since my wife is away, but sometimes you just have to praise good service. For the cost of 0$ (subsequent days are a bit pricey for me at $25) I got a dog well cared for, a phone call, a report card, and two emails with pictures. I wish that the customer service side of Tender Loving Pets Doggy Daycare was picked up by other businesses. Mosby will be going there everyday this week and next, and I get the peace (piece?) of mind knowing he won’t get stomped, and will be tired out when I pick him up.

Meanwhile, Fenway is at home, locked in his cage, wondering why Daddy left the TV on Sportscenter. Look little dude, I already have one fruity dog, there may be hope for you, and I’m not leaving you to watch Buffy reruns on the LOGO channel. And remember, bitches dig scars.

BTW- For the small minority of you that read this and don’t get it, the gay stuff is all a joke. Couldn’t care less if my dog is gay. Don’t care if anyone is gay. Except my wife, that might sting a little. So please don’t get all worked up, this is a humor post.

He is armed and dangerous.

From noted fantasy based fiction writer Duff:

The same tactics used illegally against Afghan insurgents and terror suspects is routinely used against wounded and disabled active duty members of Americas military. Defending this criminal behavior is one of the most reprehensible and unpatriotic Americans in its history, Representative Steven Buyer of Indiana.

No single individual we can name has done more to harm our troops in the field and our veterans at home. Why the people of Indiana keep reelecting this worthless SOB astounds me.

Shame on you! What you will see should anger and sicken you. If you can’t find a proper target for this anger, look to Indiana, look to Steven Buyer. Get him out of office, elect a jackass if you have to as long as it is an American jackass.

Buyer, a lawyer, holds the rank of Colonel in the Army reserve with 3 years active duty as a lawyer. Members of congress like Lindsay Graham and others are always “colonels.” It allows them to double dip on pensions and parade around in uniform.

Buyer claims to have “combat experience” interrogating Iraqi POWs. God help them and god help any American troops he has worked to destroy.

Hey, Fugtard: Steve Buyer retired last election. He went home to spend time with his wife who is ill. I don’t even really like the guy, but how about pulling your head out of your ass long enough to do some research?

This from the man that brought you foreknowledge of how the Sears Tower would go down on Easter.

Lern to wikipedia n00b.

UPDATE: Worthless charlatan veteran advocate Duff corrects his post by just deleting shit, and adding new stuff without any acknowledgment. What a turd this dude is. I’d be mad, but he’s such a loser that it just cracks me up. The most obvious difference between me and phony combat hero ex-marine (not former for him) Duff McDouchester is that when I eff up, I will write “OK, I edited out some stuff, because I effed up and should have done some more research.” Not Duff, the cut and past master of the cyberninja asshats, he just edits it out.

I’m not even commenting on Duff’s claims about the charity. I know jack shit about it. (You see how that is done Duff? When you don’t know shit, you don’t say shit.)

UPDATE x2: Ha, that douche even cut and pasted from wikipedia in full. Well, except this last line about the charity:

The complaint was terminated with no finding that Buyer had done anything wrong.[28]

Duff wouldn’t know integrity if it bit him on the ass. Lying shitweasel that guy.

This must be there equivalent of Bachmann v. Pelosi. It should be on PPV, maybe a cage match. “This time it’s for all the gold food marbles Sharia!”

Anyone miss me?

Will have a post about my ride later, but damn was I in the company of heroes. I mean like, real honest to God stone cold killers, and all of them as nice as could be. Met two guys from the 173rd from the battle of Wanat that I really REALLY hit it off with.

They shared this with me, and thought I should pass on to you R-Tards.

Saw this over at Ace’s shop, from Politico:

Jon Huntsman’s 2012 video voiceover man

It’s actor Brian Dennehy, of “Tommy Boy” and “F/X” fame, who narrates the Fred Davis web videos that the press is enjoying, including this new one that was showed before the candidate announced today at Liberty State Park.

Yeah, Brian Dennehy, the guy from First Blood that made us all look like lunatics on the edge. But it is okay, because he’s a big time combat veteran:

“As for killing someone, anyone in combat would agree that it’s pretty much accidental. It’s not what you’re thinking about. You spend a considerable amount of time just trying not to be in a combat situation. You’re trying to avoid coming face-to-face with anything. So when something bad happens, it’s usually accidental. But the implication in war movies is that war has this rational beginning, middle and end. And of course none of it does. It’s absolutely fucking chaos. Apocalypse Now is the movie. Even more interesting is that it was made so soon after the war was over. It was and is the most sophisticated overview of the experience.”

Yeah, he goes on about his awesome service in Viet Nam. Which he apparently garnered via his acting, like that other jackass Val Kilmer. Regarding Dennehy:

Dennehy is a fine actor and apparently does a lot of research into his roles. But he is not a Vietnam veteran. According to his military record, which we obtained through the Freedom of Information Act, Dennehy was on active duty from Sept. 15, 1959, through June 4, 1963 — before the war really got cranking. He wasn’t wounded in combat. Dennehy’s only overseas duty assignment was as a Marine football player in Okinawa in 1962.

Dennehy finally admitted in a lengthy handwritten letter to us that he had not served in combat in Vietnam. He’d started “shooting my mouth off in bars” years ago. From there it snowballed.

In 1998, when Stolen Valor was published, Dennehy got calls from newspapers asking about his claims. He came clean.

“I lied about serving in Vietnam,” Dennehy told the supermarket tabloid The Globe, “and I’m sorry. I did not mean to take away from the actions and the sacrifices of the ones who did really serve there…I did steal valor. That was very wrong of me. There is no real excuse for that. I was a peace-time Marine, and I got out in 1963 without ever serving in Vietnam… I started the story that I had been in ‘Nam, and I got stuck with it. Then I didn’t know how to set the record straight.”

I wouldn’t vote for Huntsman anyway, this makes it no less or more likely, but now I will be pretty vocal bashing him.

Oh, boo-fricken-hoo.

Christopher Kibbee expected The Citadel to be tough.

He didn’t expect abuse, harassment and hazing from older cadets who held leadership positions, or the other knobs who were trying to emulate them. That’s what the 20-year-old from Saegertown, Pa., said he got when he enrolled at the state’s military college in 2009.

Kibbee, who left The Citadel after one semester, said upperclass cadets told him to jump off the top floor of the barracks (which he didn’t do), denied him meals, threatened to cut him, trashed his room and glued the pages of his Bible together.

Former Citadel cadet Christopher Kibbee said this photograph was taken in the fall of 2009 soon after an upperclass cadet repeatedly drove an unsharpened pencil into his forehead, a move that sent him to the infirmary.

Physical hazing of first-year students, known as knobs for their extremely short haircuts, has been entrenched at The Citadel for decades. The school has made strong efforts to stop hazing among the Corps in recent years, requiring all cadets to take classes on proper behavior.

Lest I be accused of beating around the bush, Christopher Kibbee is a total pussy, and I am glad his punk ass left my school.

Look, when I was a senior in High School, my dad told me that I had to have a college lined up by Christmas, or I was not wrestling that year. I went to the guidance office, tossed a bunch of info into a computer and it spit out “The Citadel” which I had never heard of. Content, I told my dad that that was where I was going.

No, I had no fricken clue it was a military school. When I found out, I thought it would be like Enders Game type shit. Then I went down for pre-knob weekend, where you stay with a knob and see what it is like. My pre-knob was Beau Turner, son of Ted Turner, and he got the shit beat out of him every night I was there. Rather than deter me from attending, I knew then I had to go. Because the place scared the every love crap out of me, and if I didn’t go, I knew I would always find myself wanting as a man. Wasn’t fun, but I finished.

Now look, I’m no advocate FOR hazing. It is what it is. However, this little panty waste at ANY POINT could have gone to his TAC officer and said, “hey, dudes are doing psychotic shit to me.” He didn’t. And that is the reason I am glad he is out, not that he should have submitted to the hazing.

Every now and again I remember James Darren Byers. I can barely remember my own name most the time, but from the day I got to the Citadel, I had a VERY healthy fear of that man. Mind you, the facts probably don’t match my recollection, but he had to have been 6-3, about 105 lbs, with no blood, except what he drank from the neck of knobs he killed. The day I got there some dude said about me “Oh man, Byers is going to be pissed at this kid, this one may be the only person uglier on campus.” Hard to argue, I had coke bottle glasses, a scar from ear to ear, and a plastic nose. One time I had to report to Byers’ room. I was so scared I forgot to announce myself and request permission to enter, and just ran in. It was the scariest thing I ever saw. Dude was brushing his teeth in his underwear and his head slowly pivotted to me, and in his Carolina accent he just quietly noted “wow did you just fuck up.”

I wanted to quit that night.

But I didn’t. And not later when they kicked the shit out of me either. Nor when I had to exist on grits for about a week. Nor the next year, when I again walked over 100 tours. Nor the next 100 I walked. Not even my last year when I was arrested riding the Coburg Milk Cow butt ass naked on ring night. (And Harvey Dick, Col, 1 ea, called my dad and forgot my name and just kept calling me Delbert Dumbass.) Not even when I walked tours for the 24 hours leading up to graduation, as my grandmother on her first foray out of Maine stood at the portcullis and cried.

Anyway, all that crap I put up with is what made me what I am today, albeit a deeply flawed and mental person. Ask my wife, or anyone else that knows me, I don’t even speed, because every time I so much as veered over the line at The Citadel, there was Col Dick calling me Dumbass again.

I can’t say I am glad that this kid got hazed. But I am real glad he left before he got a chance to get a mans ring. Let him go to Clemson, he’s not cut out to be a whole man.

UPDATE: I googled him, and turns out he also is a lawyer now.

I think I may have peed a little just watching his commercial:

Bring your A game people, because Demophilus came out with a good one right out of the chute:

Thus, with one Tweeted picture, began the sad saga of the downfall of Congressman Arthur Blueballs.