Author: TSO

With the realization that Airwolf, in all 79 episodes of it’s awesomeness is available on Hulu, I feel a renewed vigor for life. It’s almost like I imagine having a child would be like, only (obviously) much better. Anyway, my wife is goofing on me, largely because in the 80’s she was watching Care Bears and Kids Incorporated.

So, that begs the question, what is the greatest TV show of the 80’s?

Here’s a little concept I have been toying with, complete the thought for Michael Yon. He never just comes out and says anything unless he’s cornered, in which case he implicates something entirely not connected to the subject. As a logic based humanoid, I realize how this puts me at a disadvantage, it’s like arguining with the wife 2-3 certain days a month. Now, because of the dearth of information that he throws out there, I often times devote significant mental energies to figuring out just what in the fug he is talking about.

Just recently it occured to me that I should either create a Michael Yon Magic 8 ball (on sale soon at your local AAFES) or throw it out to you, my beloved readers. Anyway, today’s innaugural one is from this enigmatic post:

Anway, can you please vote and let me know how to interpret this?

There are only two folks that I look on now and am like “Why didn’t I see the clues that dude was a huge bag of steamed dicks?” Charles Johnson at LGF, and Mike Yon. And to be honest, there’s nothing finer than watching them completely implode.

If you haven’t read the Professional Soldier’s thread where Yon retreats when a guy shows up with facts about how Yon was escorted off the SF FOB for opsec violations, it is a thing of beauty.

I was the Team Sergeant of the ODA on FOB GABE during that time frame. You asked one of my guys to talk to me and I met you in our main living area. You told me that you were in Iraq independently as an author and told be about your previous book. You asked a couple of questions about what we were doing (as had other reporters) and I deferred you to our PAO located in Mosul at the time. You pressed on with your questioning, even suggesting that I/we could benefit in the long run from the association. I interpreted this as being beneficial to your writing and a breach of OPSEC and became rather short with you. Our dog, “Sheik,” sensed my anger and bit you on the back of the leg (not sure if she broke skin or not, but at the very least got ahold of you pant leg) With that, I told you to leave our compound and not come back and walked you back out of the Team House and through the gate. I then instructed my BDOC guards to prevent you from ever entering the compound again. In such, you we’re removed from an SF Compound at that time and the statement is true.

So, how does Mike respond to this? Is it to issue a mea culpa? Oh, hell now. He accuses them of incompetance and murdering an unarmed Iraqi man in 2005.

Your memory of events is off, though some facts are correct. For instance, on the raid in question one of your team members could not get through a gate/fence. (I may have photo or video.) It was closed by wire. He needed my knife to get through the wire, which I gave to him. Mind you, this was on initial entry and he could not get through without my knife. I believe he was wearing jeans instead of a uniform.

I did in fact photograph papers that your team was leaving behind. I gave the photos to 1/6 because it was evidence that your team was going to (and did) abandon.

It’s understandable that your team does not like me. And in fact, it was your team that caused me to turn down all other SF offers for the last seven or so years.

How did the murder investigation turn out? During an operation in about February 2005, it was alledged by an officer in 1/6 that one of your team mates murdered an unarmed Iraqi while he lay face down on the ground. After I left Diyala, I did not track that any more and nearly forgot about it until now. What was the outcome of the investigation? Was there an investigation?

From there, Yon really rolls out the big guns, citing video of Samuel L. Jackson and Jack Nicholson. Just what in the Holy Name of Spongebob that has to do with a murder 6 years ago is unexplained. But the Yonites are totally down with it.

Dude, jumped the shark, jumped the boat, damn near jumped the Atlantic Ocean. Loving the implosion. Kinda embarassed I ever looked up to him with respect, but so it goes.

That’s right, the BG in the CIA won the whole thing, proving him to be the biggest loser of the year.

And for those interested, he won by 37 votes with over 1,500 recorded.

First, from Sniper, with his usual brilliance:

And from VT Woody, who defends his work:

im sitting in a panera, on a lap top, trying to not let people see my photoshopping a vampire and a cereal box character. I rushed with my little touch pad and ran with it.

Dude, stiff competition already. I gotta go with Woody for the sheer genius level of his work.

Keep them coming! TSOatTAH[at]Yahoo[dot]com

Also: Campaign Slogan & Photoshop Contest below!

Bear in mind that I didn’t pick this cockholster’s name out of the phonebook, he actually wrote an obscenity laced email to a woman because he thought she was picking on him. Andy Dick looks at this guy and wishes he would butch up. So anyway, what is the inevitable denouement of such a fight with a coward:

DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN! NEITHER YOU, YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, ASSOCIATES, ANYONE WHO KNOWS YOU!

FAILURE TO OBEY THIS REQUEST WILL RESULT IN ME FILING CRIMINAL CHARGES!!!!

I WILL NO LONGER COMMENT ON YOUR BLOG EITHER!

Do Svidaniya,
Nel Sangue,

Jonathon The Impaler Sharkey

There are of course several issues with this. As Mr. Sharkey has repeatedly mentioned in comments and unhinged emails, he’s a noted public figure. In fact, he’s a Presidential candidate. We know that because he told me I was harrassing one. Second, his grammar is atrocious. He does for the written word what Jeffrey Dahmer did for home cooked meals.

Now, looking at his legal threats, I will note a few things. For a guy who “majored in pre-law”, and “In July 1985, Jonathon received his Paralegal Degree, graduating with Honors” and who served a whole 18 days as a “Legal Specialist” in the Army, he really doesn’t know dick about the law. His knowledge of the law is roughly akin to Rosie O’Donnell’s knowledge of hunger strikes; he’s vaguely aware of the concept, but he lost himself in a bucket of fried chicken.

Anyway Jonathan, I would note from one of your many emails this nugget of fecality, which passes as wisdom for you:

As I told Jonn, Florida has a long arm when it comes to justice. I don’t have to time deal with You or your associates. I don’t associate with drug dealers, unlike you.

Contact me again or your buddies, especially since you are in IRAQIANA (interstate harassment) , and I promse you, I wont wait to see what the Feds do. I’ll contact FL DA Mark Ober (R) and file harassment charges. You are not mainstream media. Nor are you like by mainstream media. I owe you no answers or anything.

Remember, I am part of the Republican Party here and I am liked.

Again with the shitty grammar. Did an apostrophe drop you on your head when you were a kid? Anyway, you know what else has a long arm of justice? The First Amendment. YOU ARE A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, DEALING WITH PEOPLE WHO DON’T LIKE YOU IS THE NORM. However, that bit about being friends with the DA has me so worried…well, no, not really. See, YOU don’t file charges against me, you would need a prosecutor to do that, and there is no “he treated me like a poopy head” criminal law. You can lodge a complaint against me, and HOLY SHIT do I highly encourage that. I’m sure DA Ober would love to know that a C-Bomb dropping dillweed who threatens women is dropping his name.

So anyway, just because he doesn’t want to hear from us anymore doesn’t mean we can’t help out his campaign.  So, here is the offer, I am willing to give $50 in credit to Amazon.com for whoever does the best Photoshop of Sharkey we can use on a campaign poster.  I’m hereby offering another $25 to the best Campaign Slogan slogan.

I’ll take the photoshops and campaign slogans until next week sometime.  As I get them, I will post them.  I even set up my own Yahoo email to get them, so forward along all your work to TSOatTAH[at]Yahoo[dot]com.

I know this bitch is just trying to find some courage for me, but I really want to suck her blood and then eat her little dog.

Well, yesterday came out exactly 50/50.   With almost a 1,000 votes, they are seperated by less than 30.  Who says every vote doesn’t count. 

Before we can move on to the inevitable Jonathan Sharkey walk off win in our second tourney, let’s close this one out.   Who will it be, the Soup, or the Ballduster.

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When I say this dude is frutier than batshit, I mean it.

Meet Jonathan Sharkey:

Among his career highlights are:
Having the worst record as a candidate for public service I have ever seen: Although his status as a loser extends far beyond the political realm, this jackass has so far run for President twice, Congress in three different states, and governor of two states. He’s probably the only douche that could lose a debate to a mute.

He claims to be a Vampire, living on the blood of his mistresses and girlfriends: There is no way this round mound of hirsute jackassery got that rotund on blood. Seriously, go look at this picture and tell me this fat balding ball of fug got that fat from blood. Dude must be drinking it with a couple of hundred donuts. He looks like a Mr Potatohead with My Pretty Pony hair glued to it’s head.

He threatened to “impale” President Bush: Clearly not a real threat, as one could low crawl away from Hey Kool-Aid guy here, and just wait for his inevitable cardiac arrest. This guy is roughly as imposing as girl scouts selling cookies in front of Target. Which is ironic, because underage women are apparently all he can get.

He likes to essentially kidnap troubled underage girls: Dude, when you look like that, you have to go for the underage vampire chicks. First rule of being a fat, pasty, balding has-been is to go with what you know. It’s like fishing with dynamite, or hunting at the petting zoo, if that’s all you can do, you go with it. Problem here is that it is of course illegal. Naturally, he’s had plenty of problems with the law…

He likes to stalk: Which is ironic, because the the thought of this fatass sneaking up on anyone has me giggling. It’d be like Juraissic Park…there you are drinking your iced tea on the porch, and suddenly you see it sloshing back and forth. Earthquake? No, just that fat kid toucher trying to sneak up on the neighbors again. BTW- Is that a pterodactyl on your head, or plugs Mr. Impaler?

Anyway, this overstuffed balloon of fetid meat also has a Stolen Valor component to his atrocities. (That hair alone is worthy of investigation by the ICC.)  This sasquatch looking turd burglar claims:

The MOS’ Jonathon worked in while in the Army was – 13B (Field Artillery), 11C (Motars), 11B (Infantry), 11BX (Infantry Drill Segreant)18B (SF Weapons), 71D (Legal Clerk specialist), 79R (Recruiter).

Jonathon is also Sniper Trained and Qualified. He still practices his Sniper skills to this day.

During Jonathon’s 9 year total in the Army (DEP, AD, IRR, RES. NG and AGR), he was assigned to – Ft. Sill, OK, Ft. Benning, GA, Ft. Bragg, NC, Ft. Riley, KS, Ft. Dix, NJ and Ft. Monmouth, NJ. He did his Desert Training at White Sands, NM and an ARTEP at Ft. Drum, NY.

Jonathon is presently 100% Service-Connected by the Department of Veterans Affairs, as a result of his undergoing Total Left Knee Replacement.

Of course he had a knee replacement, hell, even tank treads wear out, and an Abrahms only weighs half of what Ninja jones here weighs. Now, would it suprise you to learn that his claims are completely full of shit? Anyone know any SF Sniper in history that only has a Army Service Ribbon and a Sharpshooter badge?

Anyway, hardass lardass here likes to send obscenity laced emails around, and threaten litigation, no doubt thanks to the 18 days he spent in the Army as a “Legal Specialist.”  After the fold, read the charming C-Bomb laced email he sent Mary from POW Network.

STRONG LANGUAGE WARNING AHEAD

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