Yup, the Stolen Valor selection committee is hard at work.
RangerOffspring, AverageNCO, Rob from Ranger Up, Justin, Old Tanker and Taco Bell from the Sand Gram are currently going through all 96 fakes we’ve covered since Veterans Day of last year, and they will wittle it down to 64 by the end of this weekend. (Hopefully sooner.) I wanted to share the names, so that any media out there that thinks this is “not that widespread a problem” can see just the type of people that the Supremes let off the hook. We’ve got the lowest of the low here, like a valor-free Mos Eisley cantina of asshats, shitbirds and criminals.
As Action Figure Therapy reminds us… (possibly NSFW)
Albert “Sensei Dick Munch” John
Alex “Subway Sandwich Shop Commando” Popovic
Andrew “Purple Heart Plates Phony” Bryson
Andrew “7.62 done killed my cap” Santee
Ane “Bikini Special Forces” Loyola
Angel “Snagletoothed Douchasaurus” Ocasio
Anthony “The Saginaw Forrest Gump” Vanderhoof
Asleigh “Shrapnel slit my throat” Martel
Ayush “Major in the Navy SEALs” Arora
Bill “Psychic SEAL” Brockbrader
Bob “Bolivian Field Mouse” Duft
Brandon Lee “Phony Billionaire, shops at $1 store” Price
Brian “Pound me in the ass Prison Bitch” Culp
Brian Leonard “T-Shirts and Tattoos make you a SEAL” Creekmur
Carl John “Hero of Every Pacific Battle of WWII” Pequignot
Christopher “Buffalonian Occutard” Simmance
Dallas “Flying Assclown” Wittgenfeld
Daron “burned my 3 year olds butt” Soard
Darrel “Infidel Sniper” Tracht
David Garcia “Not so Trusty” Diaz Jr
David “Toys and Total asshats” Lebrun
Delroy “The only phony Coast Guard vet in History” Bowe
Derek Kent “X-acto knife Recon” Rose
Derek “Mutant Strain of GWS” Walls
Dominic “Blue Neck Gator” Gallegos
Eliut “Mitigational Fiction” Lopez-Enriquez
Fermijon “Maggots and Rice” Marrero
Gary “The man loves a parade” Spors
Graham “IVAW Ranger Brigade” Crumpner
Gregory John “Trident and trim” Schaffer
Gregory “Slats the Euro-weenie Marine” Leveau
Herbert “Cav Secret Squirrel” Williamson
Jackie Lee “What’s a forged DD214 between friends” Climer
Jacob “read my plates bitch!” Cruze
Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Dilberto
James “Jumpmaster Noflash” Bryan
Jasper Land “My moustache alone is SF qualified” Holland
Joe T. “the T is for Theft by Deception” Joseph
John “Mayor/Aquatic Secret Squirrel” Spodofora
Jomathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey
Jorge “Columbian Medal of Valor Recipient” Cruz
Joseph “Who wouldn’t go AWOL from Jersey” Coyle
Kasie Michelle “Warr Bunnyy” Benson
Ken “Tri-recycled 18B Wannabe” Aden
Larry “The Round Marine” Gugle
Larry “Cambodian Drummerboy” Marquez
Lehn Joseph “The Long Road to Stolen Valor” Bundrick
Leo “Half my Squadron Died” Webb
Lt. Taylor “Zombie Ballduster” Kent
Marc “Gunshot in Grenada” Restucci
Mark Seymour “Wookin fa nub with a falsified ID card” David
Matthew “The Tattooed Phony” Beck
Melanie Evalena “Meth made me ugly” Gutermuth
Micaiah “Marine Terrorizer of OWS” Dutt
Michael Allen “Gwinnett County Grifter” Bradshaw
Michael “8 tons of frijoles” Frisoli
Mike “The dirty Cohiba sucking Major” Kronos
Mike “Goth Special Forces” Wilson
Nathan “upside down ribbons” Seal
Paul “PTSD Counselor” Schroeder
Paul “Prince Chumming” Tillson
Richard “Senator Dickenthal” Blumenthal
Richard “Gunny Recon Seal Truck driver” Lyons
Robert “Headmaster with a Dishonorable Discharge” McDowell
Robert “72 medals and a dump truck to carry them” Vaughn
Ronnie Glenn “Wheelchair Security Guard” Eddings
Ryan “Door to door phony” Brashears
Shedrick “Homeless SEAL” Burgess
Stephen “I done faked a GED” Chase
Stephen Frank Cio “The Fourth most dangerous NDSM recipient in the world” Burrel
Terry “From a cage to Ice Cream Man” Sallada
Thomas “Colonel, Lawyer, Minister, CEO, Phony” Hughes
Thomas “Rolling Thunder Jackass” Lowry
Thomas “45 is the new 18” Montgomery
Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” Oliver
Tony “The Pushup Machine” Trimble
Father Time, now with more bling
I have recently met the “real” GI Jane and had my doubts. I’m very interested in finding out the truth when you get the freedom of info act response. I’ve never served but my father did so I feel it’s very important that the record be set straight. Thanks for all you do. Patrick