Day 3: Village People Biker.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Seriously, this is so fricken gay I am putting it after the jump. How Gay is it? Imagine Liberace, the N’Sync dude and A-Rod all in a hot tub naked listening to Elton John. Now, raise that by 10 to the power of 57, and you’re within a few orders of magnitude. A guy who watches Thelma and Louise with a gallon of icecream and tears streaming down his face would look at this and tell me to man up. This picture makes Andy Dick look like Chuck Norris. You have been warned.]
(Photo deleted as Mr. Bernath is stealing my copyrighted photos)
Look favored by: Mr. Slave of South Park, Colorado, and bikers who sing odes extolling the virtues of the Navy, Macho men and YMCAs.
Young man, there’s no need to feel down
I said young man, pick yourself off the ground
I said young man, ’cause your in a new town
There’s no need to be unhappy
Young man, there’s a place you can go
I said young man, when you’re short on your dough
You can stay there and I’m sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time
It’s fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A
Strengths: Somewhat surprisingly, this look totally kicks ass. It is basically the facial hair equivalent of Three Wolf Moon shirts. I wasn’t sworn on the look until I went to Cracker Barrel this morning. Wife wouldn’t come, so I went alone, and enjoyed my standard fare. (Eggs in a basket, hashbrown casserole, side of sausage, coffee, Arnold Palmer, the drink, not the dude.) Anyway, I must have looked kinda lonely, because this huge dude came over and asked if he could join me. I think his name was “Bear.” Anyway, he wouldn’t stop talking about how awesome it looked. He even invited me to go with him and his partner (I’m assuming he owns a small business or something) to a dance club Friday night.
And chicks don’t seem immune to it either. The waitress came over and talked to us for a while, letting me know how great she thought it was that I could get married and serve in the military. I agree. Not sure why she was bringing it up then, maybe I just have a post Afghanistan high look about me.
Anyway, Bear paid for breakfast and gave me his number. So, just a great start to the day.
Weakness: None that I can tell. In fact, the beard kinda makes me look like a walrus, which I know from 50 first dates has the longest schlong of any mammal. Which is good too. Bear even mentioned something about it, but I was trying to read the Life section of USA Today.
Overall: 9/10. The only thing that would make this look better is if it had titties.
[Seriously, holy shit it was so gay that I shaved it off literally 10 minutes after taking this picture. I even beat the crap out of myself in what may have been a hate crime.]
Comments
44 responses to “TSO Beard Day 3, He’s a Macho, Macho, Macho Man”
That is sooooo teh ghey….
Wow…..just wow….speechless…
Geezth Crise….
Holy Crap … that is NAVY Gay! And I never talk like that!
On a scale of Lance Bass and Liberace, that is easily Clay Aiken…
Uhhhh….does anyone know if TSO hit his head or something while he was in Afghanistan?
Just sayin’…
@5, you have no idea how close I came to shaving it all off last night and saying to hell with you guys. Seriously, I managed to creep myself out in a game of gay chicken.
So it is approximately 1/5 as ghey as Tom Brady.
He looks like he’s ready to take on all comers (or other spelling variants thereof) in Soho, the Castro, East Colfax, or South Boston.
NHS- I was thinking more of “spend Memorial Day in Provincetown, maybe leading a parade.”
That is so bad CV’s dog was last seen securing his leash around a ceiling fan. If he could he would have called Animal Control to come pick him up.
Two words: Assless chaps.
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. No, wait, it was a lot.
Reminds me of Mr. Slave from South Park
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrBSbZMISvM
I thought Rip Taylor was dead…..
Liberace COULD PLAY the piano —
“elton john” — ??
OK-so the beard is understandable, but the fact that you have those leathers…
Not sure if the most disturbing part of that is the beard itself, the rosy cheeks or the farmer tan.
All best to you and Bear.
You’re right, TSO. That lookth justh tho thavage-like. Claymore’s comment from the predecessor article about Wookies and Krispy Kreme’s might be apropos here, too. Good call to shave more off quickly.
But I’m heartbroken that we won’t get to see you model the “Ballduster McSoulpatch” look. (smile)
Since your boy’s name is Bear… does that mean you get to be BJ??
Yeah… remain at least 1,000 yards from school zones when dressed like that.
The Village People called. They’re holding auditions in Indy next weekend.
There are no words. I think I need brain bleach now.
Looks like he could play for the San Francisco Giants.
My wife just about died looking at this…
Ah, when Glamour Shots goes horribly, horribly wrong…
Now that is freakin’ funny! Not the picture, the write-up. The picture is just totally ghey. So ghey that Mr. Obama may use it for the new three dollar bill. Hell, you may even get a ship named after you!
@21: You said it!!!
What has been seen – cannot be unseen.
The bigger question is how he came into possession of the hat and jacket………or why he felt it necessary to NOT have a shirt on underneath?
Then, again, I don’t want to know.
If you send this in to the .gov, you’re liable to snag a cabinet position. Maybe Queen Czar, or Director of Twinkle Toe Relations…you could be the next Secratary of Homoland Security!!
Son of a bitch it won’t loud on my cell, all I get is your eyes up.
All you need is UJ’s yellow pants and the ‘look’ will be complete!
Very good thing I saw brief mention of this on FB (but not the photo), so was prepared for teh eye-searing agony! LOL
*flags waiter to order a LARGE glass of wine to help ease the pain . . .
It’s just Tho Thexy.
If you have enough to pull it off, finish it with the “Tony Stark”…….you’ll be the man and a pimp.
TSO: Either you have a really, really great sense of humour or you are seriously disturbed. Maybe both. The arched eyebrow and pursed lips were a nice touch.
#11 NHSparky: Don’t give him any ideas. He posted this picture didn’t he…
DUDE! That is just wrong.
I think Pinto Nag may be on to something … re: possible near miss boom-boom in A-Stan recently …
Oh God, it looks like your face has ass chaps.
Wow. I mean, just… wow.
Wow.
Whoa now that I can actually see it you do look like a gay guy from The Sopranos.
You just one gay chicken..there is nothing we could do to top that…..dude, we were all kidding about the gay thing. Please pass on to Mrs TSO how sorry we are for what we’ve done to you.
From now on when I feel like I am going to that dark place where I have a hard time coming out of I’ll just think of this and… Cheesus chrise! I’ll snap out of it!
I’ll bet that even the pug is walking backwards away from that look TSO.
Ray–two words–Halfway Night. I’m telling ya, he would have killed.
There should have been a PSA with this.
I opened it up with 5 other army officers in view of it.
My day just went to hell….
For some reason I had to bring this zombie back from the dead…muwhahaha!