Category: Who knows

I’ve heard it said that the US and British are “two Nations separated by a common language”.  IMO, that’s pretty close to 100% correct.

And the results are sometimes absolutely hilarious.

What follows I believe to be true.  It is a second person account, related to me by someone who claimed to have seen the document in question, many years ago.  I do not believe the individual was BSing me.

. . .

Scene:  a NATO HQ in Europe.  A document is being staffed.

The document has a staffing sheet, which identifies who will review the document by name.  Those various names are from multiple NATO nations.  At least one of them is an American.

The document has already been partially staffed.  It has been through some of the NATO national contingents.  It is now being staffed through the British contingent.

The document, or one of the sheets attached, has notes in the margin.  One of those notes is next to an underlined name – an American name.  There is an arrow pointing at the American’s name.

The comment reads as follows (language approximate).

“We really need this bloke to support our position.  Have someone give him a head job.”

The words “head job” in that comment is in turn underlined.  Immediately below it, in very different handwriting, is the following comment:

“Take care in using this term around our Yank allies.  It has, shall we say, a somewhat different meaning to them.”

In British slang, “give a head job” means “appeal to their vanity” in order to get them on your side.  I don’t think I need to spell out the common American interpretation.

. . .

You gotta love that dry British humor – even when it’s unintentional.  (smile)

With apologies to the late Johnny Otis (he died in Jan 2012), who wrote and performed  the original.

Mangina

I know a foole called Whacked-out Whittie
Ain’t had a chick since Bad Blood Betty
Now he whine and cry like Susie Q
He a walkin’ an’ taklin’ mangina, too

Mama, Mama, look at that man-ho
Whinin’ so much that his mangina get so’
Cryin’ to get a nickel an’ a dime
He actin’ like mangina all the time

Mangina, mangina, mangina
They all got sore mangina

“Doctor” an’ lawer an’ “Indian chief”
They ain’t nothin’ but some whiny queefs
Whacked-out Whittie give ’em all a treat
When he claim he gonna’ file a lawsuit neat

Mangina, mangina, mangina
They got sandy mangina

Whittie and lawer they hook up this spring
Put they heads together, get nothing
Dudes act crazy and it’s plain to see
Displayin’ mangina now for all to see

Mangina, mangina, mangina
They nuthin’ but mangina
Hey hey

 

For those who can’t place the tune, here’s the Johnny Otis original.  You’ll probably recognize the tune once you hear the first few bars from later covers by Eric Clapton or George Thorogood.

Dunno how common the term is in other services, but in the Army there’s a rather crude term that’s used (or at least was at formerly used ) at times when referring to an unfamiliar and faraway place.  That phrase is, “Bumf**k, Egypt”.

Much less common is a variant:  “Bumf**k, Kansas.”  And that second phrase purportedly has an, um, interesting origin.

What follows purports to be the origin of that second phrase.  I cannot swear to the veracity of the story; I wasn’t there when the alleged incident occurred.  It’s also unclear whether the person who related the story to me about 30 years ago was there or was relating a second-hand story he’d heard.

Still, here goes.  Enjoy.

. . .

Sometime in the late 1970s or early part of the 1980s, a discussion occurred at a US Army school.  I believe the account I heard said it was at the Army’s Command and General Staff College at Leavenworth, but I could be wrong.  The subject of the discussion is not terribly important.

During that discussion, one of those present – a mid-level US officer taking the course – used the phrase “Bumf**k, Egypt” in conversation.  The phrase was fairly common at the time as a reference to an unknown, faraway place.

It turned out that wasn’t exactly the best choice of words.

Within earshot was an Allied officer – a LTC – who was attending the course.  The Allied officer was from Egypt.  This individual spoke excellent English, and was following the discussion.

The allied officer definitely heard and, unfortunately, understood the term “Bumf**k, Egypt”- interpreting it in a British-English, literal-definition sense.

Predictably, the man was initially somewhat taken aback.  He then was understandably and visibly offended.

A more senior US officer was also present, and had observed what had happened.  (My recollection was that he was leading the discussion – but again, it’s been around 30 years since I first heard the story – so I could be wrong.)  With his career flashing before him (being involved in an international incident resulting from an Ally’s national honor being insulted is NOT exactly career-enhancing), this more senior US officer immediately approached the Egyptian LTC and asked to speak with him.

He explained to the Egyptian LTC that no direct insult to his nation was intended.  He further explained the common, crude use of the term as a soldier’s reference to a place far away, of which the speaker has no knowledge and had never visited.  He also indicated he would counsel the US officer who had used the phrase.

The Egyptian LTC – obviously still angry – looked at the more senior US officer; he though for a few moments.  His face then softened.

The Egyptian LTC then smiled, and said the following, in Arabic-accented English:

“Very well, I can accept that explanation. 

But around me, would you please use instead the phrase, ‘Bumf**k, Kansas’ ?”