This ain't Hell, but you can see it from here

Category: “Teh Stoopid”

  • Wow – Talk About Longevity!

    OK, take a guess.  How many people in the US are over 112 years old?

    C’mon – guess.  100?  1,000?  5,000?  maybe even 10,000?

    Nope.  You’re way low.

    According to the Social Security Administration, there are 6.5 million.  Well, at least that’s how many active Social Security “accounts” exist for with birth dates of 16 June 1901 or earlier – indicating the individual has a current age of 113 or older.

    Gee, that’s odd.  In 2010, there were less than 53,500 persons in the USA that were documented to be even 100 years old.  They sure got a lot older in only 5 years – and they multiplied, too!

    I wish I was joking about the SSA being so out-to-lunch here.  But I’m not.

    The reason for this bit of idiocy?  Those conducting the audit – from the SSA’s Officer of the Inspector General – “concluded that SSA lacks the controls necessary to annote death information on the records of number-holders who exceed ‘maximum reasonable life expectancies.’ ” 

    And, yes – as you might have guessed, some of those “account numbers” do indeed appear to be being used for unlawful purposes.

    Apu the Hindu was right.  We are truly screwed.

  • To Paraphrase A Great Man: “There They Go Again . . . . “

    Well, it looks like a couple of      tools     cretins     jackasses    everyone’s favorite individuals have been at it again.  A little birdie tells me that I’ve been identified!

    Yeah that little birdie tells me that SoMe GuY wHo WeArS pUrPlE-tIgEr-StRiPeD jUmPsUiTs and/or another guy in the Pacific Northwest (or SW Florida, if his move is now official) have been using their “mad skillz” as      jerks     dipsticks      fools      “trail assassin” and/or sleuth – as well as babbling semi-coherently – once again.  And since the same photos appear to have shown up on both their websites, they also seem to be coordinating their efforts.

    According to an item that little birdie screen-captured and sent to me, apparently now I’m a Captain in the Army – presumably serving on active duty.  They also appear to be saying I’m teaching at Appalachian State University.  But I guess they could mean I’m attending Appalachian State.  That part’s not really completely clear.

    At least that’s what they’re saying today.  Previously, I was Don Shipley.  Before that, a retired GO; afterwards, a retired SF SGM.  And maybe someone else sometime along the way, too.  Who knows?  Who can understand the workings of . . . “special” minds like theirs?

    Nonetheless:  be still, my beating heart!  Wow!  I’m a freaking university professor – or a university student.   Imagine that!  Now, I wonder . . . why I didn’t know that?  Did I miss the memo?  Did I have a memory lapse?  Am I suffering from selective amnesia?

    Oh, and if I’m an Army O-3 . . . that means I’ve managed to shed some years, too.  Damn – why didn’t anyone tell me about being younger!  I didn’t notice that!

    That also means the Army is supposed to be sending me an active-duty paycheck every month.  Damn – I guess I need to go see the folks at Finance.  I’ve apparently got a sh!tload of back pay coming my way – not to mention back housing allowance, subsistence allowance, and maybe others!  (I wonder if the assignment also qualifies for a civilian clothing allowance?  I can always use some nice new business attire . . . . )

    And I am either teaching at or attending Appalachian State University!  As Max the VW might put it: “That’s . . . . cool.”

    . . .

    OK, time to be serious.  I’d guess I could say, “Yeah, right.”  But it’s not right.

    I know you’re reading this, dumbclucks.  So listen up, you barely-literate, ignorant, addled-brained schmucks:   that’s the wrong individual.  Again.  For at least the fourth or fifth freaking time.

    Let me put this in very simple terms.  I’m doing that so you can understand it, hopefully without having someone else explain it to you.

    •  I do not now teach – nor have I ever taught – ROTC or anything else at Appalachian State University.  Hell, I had to do a Google search to find out where the place is located!

    •  I am not currently attending Appalachian State University.

    •  I have never been to Appalachian State University.  In fact, best I can tell I have never even been within 30 miles of Appalachian State University in my life.

    •  I most likely never will visit Appalachian State University, much less teach or attend classes there.  Trust me – if I ever end up teaching at or going back to college, Appalachian State is way down the list of places I’d want to attend or teach.

    •  And, finally, for completeness:  you have identified the wrong person – yet again.  I am not a Captain serving on active duty in the US Army at Appalachian State University.

    Is that clear enough – even for you?

    Out of courtesy towards the individual our     resident clowns and self-demonstrated fools      “good friends” here have misidentified as me, I won’t list his name.  He doesn’t need the hassle.

    What I will do is say the following, clearly and for the record:   the individual they claim to be me . . . is not.  Thunder Chickenchoker  and/or the guy from the Pac NW (or maybe now SW Florida) are 100% wrong – yet again, as usual.

    However:  I will offer you two “fine individuals” one bit of advice.  Since false written claims that tend to defame others are legally actionable as libel – if I were you two, I think I’d take that bit implying that a currently-serving Army Captain is engaging in “cyber stalking and harassment” down pronto.  You know, before that individual gets royally p!ssed and maybe files a non-frivolous lawsuit against one or both of you for defamation.

    But that’s your call.  Suit yourselves.

    . . .

    This whole business is getting fairly tiresome, though.  I’m considering telling one or more of these dipsticks where to go, and even giving them step-by-step directions on how to get there.

    I’m thinking they wouldn’t much like the results of the trip.  (smile)

  • Not A Good Idea

    A week-plus ago, a guy was driving in Palm Beach County, FL. He cut off an unmarked police vehicle.

    That in itself was not real bright, since at the time he was also (1) a felon, (2) driving a stolen car, while (3) in possession of illegal drugs and (4) unlawfully in possession of a handgun. Predictably, police followed him; observed additional unlawful behavior; and arrested him.

    However, while in custody the guy did something that really takes the cake.

    When questioned – either verbally or when asked to fill out a form; the account isn’t absolutely clear on which – he was asked his occupation. He indeed told the police his occupation:  “drug dealer”.

    Seriously.

    Apparently the Refreshments were right nearly 20 years ago.

  • Yer Sunday Silly: Look, Up In the Sky! It’s a . . . WTF?

    Well, it appears we in the USA have no monopoly on government stupidity – or gullibility. Looks like the folks in New Zealand can give us a run for out money.

    In the city of Auckland, the city council commissioned some public art. They paid the artist the equivalent $147,000 (US).

    They got what is purportedly a sculpture of a cloud – indeed, it’s titled “Transit Cloud” . It’s currently suspended over a walkway near a major transit hub, on public display. It’s seen by thousands daily.

    I say it purportedly looks like a cloud because, well, that’s not exactly what I’d say it looks like to me. But I guess YMMV.

    The sculptor says his “sculpture” was indeed supposed to represent a cloud, and further that he “was confident it would look different once 50 metres (165 feet) of neon lights were connected to it and lit up inside the structure.”

    Yeah, right. Somehow, I don’t think so – at least not in broad daylight when people can see it.

    You could not make this sh!t up if you tried.

  • A Message for Our Purple-Tiger-Striped-Jumpsuit-Wearing Readers

    Well, everyone’s favorite purple-Tiger-striped-jumpsuit-wearing      jerk      washed-up has-been      one of only a handful of people ever thrown out of the SFA      skydiving clown (literally)      freaking idiot       TAH reader recently “graced” us with another appearance.  This time, he’s shown up in Facebook comments to some recent articles (for a representative sample, see the Facebook comments here).

    Yo, Doofus – long time no see.  Wassup? Have you been flying an aircraft while half-crocked again? (2nd part of article here.) You been busy stroking or choking the old “Thunder Chicken” . . .  costume?  Attended any SFA meetings lately?

    Yes, folks, Anus Maximus has resurfaced again – just like a persistent case of athlete’s foot or jock itch.  He claims yet again to have determined who I am.  According to  jumpsuit-boi here, I am a Retired Army Special Forces Sergeant Major.  Specifically, he says in one of his ignorant ramblings I am none other than SGM George Milton Davenport III.

    Well, at least that’s what he’s saying today. About a year ago, supposedly I was Don Shipley – and before that, I was a retired US Army General Officer.  Or maybe he thought I was the retired GO afterwards.  The guy changes his claims regarding who I am so often I can’t really keep the details of his looney-bin ramblings straight any more.

    Hmm.  Oddly enough, that’s not the name on my driver’s license – and yeah, I double-checked.  Or the name on any of the other cards in my wallet.  Or on my birth certificate.  Or on my bank accounts, for that matter.

    Sh!t, I guess that means everyone’s been lying to me all my life about who I am, too.  Because “George Milton Davenport” certainly is not what people have been calling me all my life.

    But Baldy the Dumbcluck says that’s who I am, so I guess all of those documents and other people must be wrong.  He can’t possibly be wrong, given his “mad skilz” as a “trail assassin”!  He cometh!

    (Well, at least he claims he “cometh”  – but he never seems to actually get anywhere he says he’s going.   And given how decrepit “wonderful” he looks in this mug shot, frankly I wouldn’t be surprised if he can’t get it up any more – much less keep it up long enough to “cometh”.)

    Oh, no!  How will I ever recover from this massive shock? How will I ever sort out the mess?  With apologies to Apu the Hindu of Simpsons fame:  “Oh, now I am truly screwed!”

    Yeah, right.  (smile)

    Yo, “buddy”:  wrong again, dipstick.  I am not SGM George Milton Davenport III, US Army, Retired.  Best I can tell, I don’t believe I’ve ever met SGM Davenport – though I guess it’s theoretically possible our paths crossed 2+ decades ago and I don’t today remember meeting him.

    Based on a quick look, from what I could find on the Internet SGM Davenport sounds like a great guy.  Maybe I’ll meet him one day and we’ll laugh about ignorant bozos like you over a beer or two.

    You really should quit accusing people I’ve never met of being me, though.  This latest makes at least 3 – plus only God knows how many others that I’ve missed.  I really don’t know for sure how many people you’ve claimed are me; I have better things to do than attempt to monitor all of the asinine, idiotic Internet ramblings of a tool like you.  But I should probably count my blessings; at latest count, another individual who comments at TAH has now been incorrectly accused of being someone he’s not at least 7 times.

    The fact that I’m not SGM Davenport is probably a good thing for you, Dullard. P!ssing off former SF operators or SEALs – and you are neither, your past bogus claims of being SF notwithstanding – like the good SGM and Don Shipley generally isn’t a particularly good idea.

    Living rent-free in your mind kinda sucks, though. Yeah, it’s a cheap place (in every possible sense of the word).  But the place stays disorganized, chaotic, and messy as hell all the freaking time. Things there doesn’t seem to work very well any more; I understand they likely never really did.  Logical thought seems virtually absent; ditto the concepts of being truthful and honorable.  And as your own past statements here and here show, your mind seems simply to reek of both misogyny and racism.  Thankfully I have a strong stomach.

    You might as well give up trying to figure out who I am, WitLessOne.  Based on your demonstrated competence to date I predict you will only find out who I am if and when I want you to know – not before, and maybe not ever.

    But it’s a free country; suit yourself.  Keep wasting your time and looking like an utter fool if that’s what you want.

    Until you come to your senses, I guess I’ll just continue to be your obsession. (I’m not holding my breath.)  Oh well – Queeg had his strawberries; there’s no accounting for the workings of a damn fool’s mind.

    But I still think you should execute the final bit of advice I gave you in my article from about a year ago.  IMO, that advice is still 100% apropos today.  If you’ve forgotten what that advice was, just follow the last link in my earlier article.

  • More “Global Warming” News

    According to NOAA, today and tomorrow the 14th major impact snowstorm of the 2010s will hit the NE USA. That makes the 2010s – in terms of such major impact snowstorm events – the snowiest decade on record.

    The previous record-holding decades were the 1960s and 2000s. Each of those decades had 10 such .

    Since it’s only January 2015, I don’t suppose I need to remind our readers that the 2010s are not even yet half over.

    Oh, yeah: in case you were wondering, the      pointy-headed idiots      global warming advocates are already blaming this latest blizzard on global warming, too.

    Global warming? More like “glow-bull” warming if you ask me. Yet they persist in blaming everything that happens on “global warming”.  Hmm.

    Why? Well, I think we should just follow the money. IMO that will answer a helluva lot of questions – including why.

  • Just When You Think They Can’t Get ANY Stupider . . . .

    . . . you read something like this.

    Seven months after federal officials fired CGI Federal for its botched work on Obamacare website Healthcare.gov, the IRS awarded the same company a $4.5 million IT contract for its new Obamacare tax program.

    The Daily Caller today has an article with more details. It’s worthwhile – if depressing and infuriating – reading.

    It will be so damn nice to see the current      band of clueless idiots      DC clown krewe      Administration end. Maybe then we’ll see adult leadership again.

  • Another One Bites the Dust

    It looks like another Navy Captain recently decided to sh!tcan his career.

    The commander of Naval Base Guantanamo Bay was recently relieved. His relief had nothing to do with detainee operations. Rather, the Navy announced that he was relieved because of the proverbial “loss of confidence in his ability to command” for other reasons.

    Why? It turns out that the guy was apparently playing around with a DoN civilian employee on base. That fact came to light when NCIS investigated the recent drowning of the lady’s husband in waters west of the base.

    This Fox News story has a few more details – though they’re rather sparse at present. I’d guess more info will likely become public in the future.

    Um, yeah. Hey, I can understand physical attraction. Sometimes it makes people do truly stupid things. But this case just looks awful – even if no criminal activity was involved.

    Hope she was worth it, Captain. And I hope for your sake your resume is already written and looks really good.