Category: Pointless blather

Paul Newman‘s politics sucked, but these are two of my all time favorite movies. I lied to my mother to get into Cool Hand Luke when I was 13 years old and told her I had to see it so I could get extra credit in school for writing a review of the two movies at the theater that weekend (it played with Bonnie and Clyde). I recognized myself in Sully, Newman’s character in Nobody’s Fool two decades later.

You have to admire that he stayed married to the same woman for fifty years in Hollywood where no vows are held very sacred.

He was smiling… That’s right. You know, that, that Luke smile of his. He had it on his face right to the very end. Hell, if they didn’t know it ‘fore, they could tell right then that they weren’t a-gonna beat him. That old Luke smile. Oh, Luke. He was some boy. Cool Hand Luke. Hell, he’s a natural-born world-shaker.

Peter: You want some buns?
Sully: Dogs don’t eat buns.
Peter: You’re buying ground beef for your dog?
Sully: I don’t own a dog.

Stolen from the Free Republic – many more.

(Another soft hitting account of life in the slow lane from the Oasis of Intertubes Intellectualism)

 There are no greater things in this world than bookstores and Irish Pubs.  (Some Navy guys *cough* Nixon *cough* might suggest that brothels also rank, but not for this cat.)  Seriously, you can nourish your soul with either a frothy Guinness, or a dog-earned copy of Cyrano de Bergerac.  So, since liquid lunch on a Wednesday is not advisable (least not when my employers read this blog), off I sojourned to Borders books at lunch.

 When I say I love bookstores, I do not hyperbolize.  You know when you meet someone of the opposite sex and you get all excited and wonder if your fly is down and keep reminding yourself not to stare, and need to go the bathroom?  That’s me in bookstores (no lie) so I approach such an outing like an pirate ambush:  Get in, get out, quit  F__ing about, ya ho, ya ho, ya ho.

 So, I got to the “New in Hardcover” section, proudly proclaimed thusly by the cardboard sign affixed to the stand.  (Stay with me people, there will eventually be a point to this.)  I see nothing I don’t own, so I move on.  But out of the corner of my eye, I see those “Recommendations” sections where the retarded girl with the nose piercing and glass eye tells you what she would read if she wasn’t busy sniffing glue.  And next to this section was the “If you liked this book, you’ll LOVE these” section.  And there I see Lone Survivor: The Eyewitness Account of Operation Redwing and the Lost Heroes of SEAL Team 10, by Marcus Luttrell. 

 Now, if you haven’t read the book yet, you shouldn’t be on the internet.  Seriously, you are an asshat and need to call in sick tomorrow, and not come back out into public until you’ve read it.  Whether you support or oppose the war, the Bush Family Evil Empire or the Navy, everyone should read it.  I’ve had the pleasure of talking to Marcus.  Our conversations mainly dealt with me asking him if his combat situations had prepared him for what I assumed were droves (nay, legions) of women tossing their panties at him, whether he fashioned himself the Tom Jones of our generation, and how willing he would be to share his cast offs with me.  In turn, he looked at me while frantically waving down police officers to get mental health professionals to come deal with the dude who was clearly insane.  None of which has anything to do with this post.

So, anyway, what books do you think were there with Marcus’?  Now bear in mind, if you liked Lone Survivor, you will LOVE ____.  (read previous sentence in Gene Rayburn Match Game style.)

The answer in this particular Borders Bookstore was these three books:

1) Blackwater: The Rise of the World’s Most Powerful Mercenary Army, by Jeremy Scahill. 

2)  Warrior King: The Triumph and Betrayal of an American Commander in Iraq by Nathan Sassaman

3) What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington’s Culture of Deception by Benedict Arnold McClellan.

What in Spongebob’s blue ocean made the people at Borders think that someone reading Marcus’ book would enjoy these unfortunate uses of trees?  I can only assume that my borders is terminally infested with illiterates or those suffering either cranial rectal inversion or some other diminshed mental capacity ailment.

 I would rather be a phrenologist reading the bumps on a homeless man’s skull than read those works.  I would rather see my face on the cover of “Coming Out” magazine after a night of severe intoxication than read that stuff.  I would rather show up for a date with Skye and have Chris Hanson come out and tell me to take a seat and ask me what I am doing there than read that crap.

 For the record Borders Bookstore on 20th and M street, the proper responses to “If you liked Lone Survivor, you will LOVE ____” is:

1) House to House by the incomparable David Bellavia.

2) Will: The Autobiography of G. Gordon Liddy, by the bald moustachioed one.

3) How to kill a man with a plastic spork, and still get his family to apologize for wrecking your utensils with low quality blood by TSO.

 OK, that last one might not be real, but it is essentially what Marcus’ book is like.

So yeah, Borders ruined my lunch.

If you are waiting for an insightful post from me today, I fear your wait continues.  This will again be a welcome respite from the otherwise intellectually stimulating things you find in the blogosphere.

By now, you have likely heard the tale of the “Satanic Cult”/Democratic operatives in North Carolina.  Here’s a tid bit for those who have not:

Joseph Scott Craig, 25, and his wife, Joy Johnson, 30, were arrested last month after a man and a woman told authorities they were beaten, shackled to beds, kept in dog cages and starved.

The victims met Johnson and Craig through the Web site for Indigo Dawn Inc., a business that Johnson and Craig operated. The company is a spiritual growth service offering “past-life reconstruction” and “communication with spirit guides,” according to the company’s Web site. The site talks about Johnson’s activism and describes Craig as a reverend and a “devout student of magick.”

I’m inexplicably fascinated with the story, although not to score cheap political points on the Dems, although admittedly that part is fun too.  What amazes me is not that these two were doing such things, but that there are people out there so pathetic as to buy into this [IVAW].  So, I read everything on this case.  And I just found this in the same article as before:

According to the warrant, Johnson and Craig described themselves as teachers of the Order of the Morning Star.

 Now, some of you will recall my unfortunately brief cyber-romance with Chrissy my beloved Hippie Girl, whose first missive to me was fantabulous:

I am part of a new group. Our mission is to provide love to those who were in war and to those who are going because the more love we provide the less violent they will be while at war. If you are being deployed to war, please let’s talk first. I promise I can be really sweet and understandable….   We do this by providing love, understanding, and a soft female touch.

Now, this is a movement I could get behind (pun intended).  Anyway, I went to see if the Order of the Morning Star was of a similiar bent, because I can be one hell of a spiritual dude when there are young women involved.  (Currently I attend the Congregation for the Worship of Skye, but don’t tell my wife, she thinks I am just volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters.)

The Morning Star Order… is the religious order (The Holy Order) of the One Earth Church of Divine Humanity. The purpose of The Holy Order is to provide a structure wherein the teachings and esoteric knowledge of Divine Humanity are discussed and taught as well as a means for spreading the message of Divine Humanity.

Well, I gotta tell you, that explains nothing.  But please, do go on.

The Order’s Mission is to work for the eradication of fear-based systems that obstruct peace, harmony, partnership and Oneness (unity) on Earth. To accomplish this humanity must be awakened to their divinity. The eradication of fear begins with each individual.

M’kay. Then this, which is the part that has me UTTERLY befuddled.

The Order’s Virtues are emblematic of the Greek Spartan Knights life-giving sacrifice for the ‘greater good’ at the ‘Hot Gates’ of Thermopylae in 480 BCE.

“Greek Spartan Knights”?  There was no Greece in 480 BCE, and “Knights”? And how on earth could anyone confuse the Agoge system with “peace, harmony, partnership and Oneness (unity) on Earth”?

Anyway, I’m thinking of starting my own wacko religion. Any help from the readers here would be appreciated. Obviously a lot of obligatory and profligate references to Dionysis, Venus Kallipygos and Priapus are required, but I get lost after that.