This ain't Hell, but you can see it from here

Category: Pointless blather

  • Finally – A State Legislator With Some Common Sense

    I’m sure you all remember the recent Baltimore “Pop-Tart Gun Crime“.

    Well, it looks like at least one Maryland State Senator has some common sense – and is pissed enough to try and do something productive.

    Sen. J. B. Jennings has introduced a bill that would describe “appropriate discipline that must be adhered to during counseling students of all grade levels in any Maryland school that uses public funds.”  The bill reputedly includes a protocol for counseling and disciplining school administrators who violate these guidelines.  And it further mandates that minor offenses such as the “Pot-Tart Gun Crime” not be entered into a child’s school records if it’s simply an instance of “kids being kids”.

    Not sure what chance this has in the People’s Republic of Maryland legislature.  But it seems a breath of fresh air nonetheless.

    I’m normally not a fan of more laws.  But when the lunatics are running the asylum and about to burn the place down, well, sometimes a new law just might be needed.

  • This Week’s Friday Funny

    Thought this one apropos for this week’s Friday funny.  Enjoy.

    . . .

    French Military History in a Nutshell

    Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by – of all things – an Italian.

    Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare:  “France’s armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman.”

    Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.

    Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

    Thirty Years’ War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

    War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

    (more…)

  • Time for More Dog Control?

    Maybe.  It seems like a police K9 in Massachusetts managed to fire a pistol into an occupied dwelling.

    Police in Lawrence, MA, were investigating 3 shots fired.  They spied a vehicle containing suspects.

    The suspect vehicle led police on a high-speed chase.  When it stopped, one of the vehicle’s occupants got out and buried something in a snowbank.

    The police detained the 3 occupants of the vehicle.  The police soon afterwards released a K9, who located the buried object – which turned out to be a firearm.  In doing so, however, the K9 managed to discharge the weapon into an occupied dwelling.  Thankfully there were no injuries.

    The 3 occupants of the vehicle are now facing various charges.  No word on whether the K9 was placed on administrative leave pending investigation of a negligent discharge.  (smile)

    No, I’m not joking – well, except for the “administrative leave pending investigation . . . ” part.

    At least, I think that was a joke.  With some big-city police departments, you never know. (smile)

     

  • This Week’s Friday Afternoon Funny

    An acquaintance sent me this, and I thought it worth sharing – thanks, Sam.

    Enjoy.

    — — —

    PUNOGRAPHY

    When chemists die, they barium.

    Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

    A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

    I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

    This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

    I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

    I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

    They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

    Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

    Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.

    Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

    I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

    How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!

    Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

    When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

    What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

    I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

    Broken pencils are pointless.

    I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

    What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

    I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

    I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

    All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

    I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

    Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

    Velcro – what a rip off!

    Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

    Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

    Earthquake in Washington obviously government’s fault.

    I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

    Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

    Never fall in love with a tennis player because to a tennis player, love means nothing.

  • The low down

    I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while. I want you to know that this is not a gambit to secure some sympathy or to beg for prayers or anything of that sort. It’s just that I have about 7,000 friends who visit this blog everyday and this is the best way to tell you all. You may remember that I spent a week with the wonderful doctors at Walter Reed last summer to figure out why my feet quit paying attention to me. It’s been going on for about three years now. They ran every test on every malady they could think of and they arrived at the same conclusion I’d guessed.

    I have amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) more commonly known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease. It is a neurodegenerative disease of unknown cause that breaks down tissues in the nervous system and affects the nerves responsible for movement. Well, I say I “have” the disease, but there’s no real test to prove that’s what it is – the doctors have to eliminate everything else in order to arrive at that diagnosis.

    The good news is that I’m still around – many people die from it in less than two years after the symptoms start appearing. So far, it’s only affected my feet and lower legs. Today, the doctors at the West Virginia ALS clinic tested my ability to breath (how most people die when the respiratory system doesn’t talk to the brain) is higher than they expected. The doctor said she’s going to put the test results on her fridge.

    Luckily, my real job doesn’t require more than sitting at a computer, like this one, so as long as my hands work, I’m good. My hands show no signs of not working. I do have a problem doing math in my head and my vocabulary is slowly contracting, but there are computers for that I hear.

    A few years back, the VA determined that ALS occurs in an abnormally high number of Gulf War veterans, but they don’t know why. I’m still in touch with many of my troops and they don’t show symptoms and I have no family history of the disease. Regardless, I’ve applied to the VA for disability through the Paralyzed Veterans of America and they seem to think that it’s an automatic 100% disability rating. So I guess I’m going to become an expert on the claims-filing process at the VA.

    Like I said, I didn’t write this for any special treatment or to beg you for your prayers. I wrote it just because I think of you dickweeds as my friends (all of you lurkers I don’t know, too) and this blog is one of the few successful things I ever done. So, thank you for sticking by me with all of my trips to the doctors and for the shortfalls in the blogging in recent months.

    By the way, mentally, I’m fine with this. There’s no one to blame, not even myself or the Army or Saddam Hussein or anyone else. It’s just stuff that happens.

    I have a great family that sticks by me, great doctors who do everything they can, and you, my great friends. To borrow from Lou Gehrig in his good bye to the Yankees fans “I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth”, and I’m not going anywhere until God decides otherwise.

    ADDED: By the way, my doctor has a patient who she’s been treating for 15 years. He takes his wheelchair out to his tractor, farms all day and then wheels himself back to the house. So you phony soldiers aren’t going to be getting rid of me anytime soon.

  • Team S-1, Assemble.

    Ok there is a rumor that is going around work that the Canadian Jump Wings are no longer going to be a authorized Foreign Badge to be worn on Army ASU/Class A Uniform. I do not have any written documents saying if this is true or not. The reasoning behind this is that the training that one must go through to get the Canadian Jump Wings to too similar to the requirements for US Jump wings. The fact that US personal are not leading the jumps is not enough to consider the badge a Foreign Badge anymore. I was told that I might be able to get a copy of the new document tomorrow.

    I have been looking up the past regulations such as Section 578.120 – Foreign badges. The badge is still being listed on HRCs website as a approved badge for wear. There is something that I found but I am not able to find the full message.

    MILPER MSG 12-336 23 OCT 2012

    Corrected Policy and Procedures for Processing Foreign Military Personnel Awards

    Has anyone else heard anything about this or similar to this?

  • Memory Lane: R&R Fun With MAC and SATO

    One of the “bennies” you get while deployed to an existing, established theater  is something called “R&R Leave”.   Vietnam had it; so did today’s GWOT.  Formally, it’s “Rest and Recuperation Leave”.  I’ll spare everyone the older, very politically-incorrect “informal” names.  (smile)

    Today’s rules may be a bit different than the Vietnam era.  So for the benefit of those who’re unfamiliar with today’s policies and rules I thought I’d write this to describe those policies, circa late 2007.  I’m pretty sure the policies and procedures are pretty much the same today.

    And they’re indeed a sterling example military bureaucracy at its finest.  (smile)

    The bennies associated with R&R in 2007 – and, presumably, today – were twofold.  It wasn’t a complete “freebie”; you did have to use accrued (or advanced) leave.  However, the US Government paid for your round-trip transportation to your R&R leave destination.  You could go to Australia or Spain if you wanted to (I know folks who went to each location on R&R).  But Uncle Sam only paid for your ticket; if others joined you there, that was on your nickel. (My spouse and I met in Munich and spent my R&R at the Eidelweiss AFRC in Garmish.)

    The second bennie was that only the time spent at your R&R location was counted as leave.  Travel time to/from that destination was not.  The net result is that you got to spend all of your leave time at your R&R destination.

    Of course, some would say that the simple fact that you’re allowed to spend some time outside of a combat zone is a third bennie in its own right.  To some extent they have a point – but that’s not entirely an unalloyed good thing.  Some folks found coming back in-theater rougher than deploying in the first place.

    Did I mention that this is all governed by numerous rules, regulations, policies and the like?  Leave it to military bureaucracy to make something like going on R&R just “oh so much fun”, and damn near more trouble than it was worth.

    (more…)

  • Trust, But Verify

    Jonn’s written before many times about guys using photos of fake military IDs and stories to con unsuspecting women online. For any such approach, the title of this story is generally good advice.

    It’s damn good advice regarding any online relationship, period.  And guys take note:  as the case of Manti Te’o and his phantom girlfriend shows, that advice is not just for the ladies.  (There is some thought that Te’o may have been a part of the hoax vice a victim.  The matter is under investigation.)

    “Doveryai, no proveryai“, people – “doveryai, no proveryai“.