This ain't Hell, but you can see it from here

Author: TSO

  • Dear people attempting to get me fired

    It’s SOOOO not going to work, but it is a source of amusement. Everytime I get one of these complaints I go to my Director, My HR Director, and the General Counsel. My boss said “Great, pack your stuff, and get out. Are we still going to lunch?” My General Counsel said “Wouldn’t it just be easier for him to stop lying?” And the HR Director, when informed that someone wanted me fired said “Tell him to take a number, I think it is at 102 now. Line starts down around the corner.”

    Seriously, just stop. You are embarrassing yourself.

    And yes, Magsam was the latest. He called our “Internal Affairs” division thinking it was like police internal affairs. Then he got angry because they forwarded his complaint to me and didn’t like my response. Whatevs dude. Stop trying to delay the Tournament, I have a good feeling you’ll make the dance.

  • Need a second ruling

    Dead people who had their SV exposed post-mortem. In or out?

  • Need a ruling

    If a Stolen Valor guy has appeared in the tournament before, but he is caught AGAIN, since the last tournament, do we include him again on the superseding event?

    Case in point, Jeffrey “Casanova Bandit” Elvington. He was in the last tourney, but he was again arrested in the middle of it. (LINK HERE.)

    Should I list him again and let the seeding committee decide, or should I take him out?

  • Guess what time it is? That’s right people, it is almost time for the 2014 John The Shovel Hurler Giduck Memorial Stolen Valor Tournament.

    So here we go. I need a seeding committee. 10 people. Last year was too damn difficult for me, so you have to conform to all my rules if you want to be on it. You MUST have Excel. You must know how to use Excel. You must at least look through the nearly 200 Stolen Valor entrants and seed them from 1-64. Those over 64 need not be ranked.

    It is a royal pain in the ass for me to write 64 bios, but I am more than willing to do it, but you have to help me by making sure you take the seeding seriously. By the end of next week I will have a post up with every “contestant”. If there are folks I missed, you let me know and I will add them. The seeding committee will be given the list in an Excel spreadsheet on February 20 at midnight. I expect it sent back to me by 28 February.

    So, if you are interested in being on the seeding committee, comment here in the comment section. I already have 1 person on it, and I have a few Legacy seeders I will offer it to. But if you want to be a part of it, then let me know.

    Email me at seaveyattorney@gmail.com if you have any questions. Yes, I know the email sounds pretentious, it was actually so I would remember what the email was for, but none of our nascent sewers (those threatening to sue) ever respond to me.

  • Dear Tony Magsam:

    Nice try asshole.

    Now you really pissed us off. So we’ll make you extra famous now.

    Magsam FOIA1

    Our ISP made an error that won’t happen again. But it come from a halfassed idiotic complaint from someone who doesn’t know anything. Someone at the ISP got panicky. But we got it squared away now I believe. I think it was an innocent mistake on their part. But Magsam will pay. Oh boy will he pay.

    Already have a call into my private detective, who just happens to be in South Jersey, and 20 mins from Philly. I wonder what he’ll be able to find. I’ll have all kinds of pictures shortly, and I will own the copyrights on those. Hell, I half expect to have a stool sample by COB today.

  • Operation Blue Jay: The building of Thule Air Base

    Most of you already know, but I am getting ready to head to the Arctic. I have everything I need except some gloves and extra Ranger Up Tee shirts. Anyway, was researching today, and I found this AWESOME video of the building of it. Now, granted this is no “War on Masturbation” post, so it will get little traffic, but I love these old time DoD films.

    BTW- The distance from Indy to DC is the same distance from Thule to the arctic circle. That means I am going WAY NORTH of where one ought not go! Can not fricken wait.

  • The great BYU war on masturbation

    Um, what?

    My Mom said it would make me go blind. I now have 20/400 vision, so joke is on her. I can almost see my hairy palm.

    Are you kidding me with this?

    I had to have a swim test a few weeks ago at the doctors office, and it was the only test I had ever studied for 30 years. (I passed) But can we agree that the war analogy here is misplaced? VT Woody and Sniper were fighting this horrible war mere feet from my bunk in Afghanistan.

  • Could any dude answer these questions?

    My wife says that’s me to a T, but that is only because she doesn’t pay attention to me. If that box of tampons was on fire, or wrapped in a $100 bill I still wouldn’t touch it. If there was $100 bill under it, I might knock it off with a broom to get to the money, but then I would burn the broom.

    Would any of you know the answer to this? My shopping experience is this: if it is not sold on Amazon.com, it is unlikely I ever shopped for it. Excepting whatever is sold at 7-11 or Speedway.

    And how long does a bra last? I have a sweatshirt from Bosnia that is basically in tatters, and I still wear it like twice a week. So I’m going to guess a bra lasts from puberty to menopause, not accounting for any augmentation surgery that might occur to change the size.