Well, TSO’s non-update update on the great USO brouhaha got me to thinking. And you know that means I’m about to wander off the reservation – again. (smile)
The “music video” – if you can call it that – that TSO provided in his non-update update about the USO brouhaha was one of the worst pieces of . . . musical junk I’ve ever seen or heard. (WARNING: most of the links in this paragraph are to video clips of songs so bad they may spoil your breakfast. Viewer discretion advised.) But so was Twist’s “Banana Song”. And I humbly submit that the “blast (of flatus) from the past” I provided was God-awful-bad, too – as was the even worse-sound but apparently later video by the original artists (in spite of the eye candy in the newer video). And there are a couple of other . . . interesting items in the comments, too.
So I’m asking for TAH reader input here. What in your opinion is the absolute worst song you’ve ever heard – or seen and heard on video? I’m talking stuff that is want-to-put-bleach-in-your-eyes-and-jam-a-pencil-in-your-ears-after-seeing-the-video God-awful bad.
Some ground rules:
1. A representative video or audio clip of the song must be available on the Internet. A verbal description of bad just is not sufficient. Everybody needs to be able to hear and/or see for themselves what bad looks like.
2. Provide a link to said audio or video clip.
3. Be at least semi-serious. Don’t get “cute” and post links to a sister-service’s song (Anchors Aweigh/Off We Go Into the Wild Blue Yonder/The Army Song/The Marine’s Hymn), a rival school’s alma mater, the former Soviet national anthem, or anything like that. We’re talking about really bad songs, irrespective of politics or rivalries.
4. Multiple submissions are OK. But if you put more than a couple of links in a single comment, the spam filter may flag and filter it. Best to go with no more than 2 links per comment.
5. Foul language alone doesn’t qualify a song, nor do lame lyrics. So don’t send in something just because its lyrics are foul/lame/obscene – unless it’s just so bad overall as to qualify as being musically obscene as well. Ditto marginal or even bad performances of an otherwise decent song – it needs to be spectacularly bad in that case. (And if you do post a link to something with foul language or nudity, please include a “NSFW” warning).
6. Submissions must be generally accepted as actually being music. Bad verbal monologues, comedy bits, sound effects, or non-musical acts don’t qualify. This means some of Pink Floyd’s early work (and similar things) won’t qualify; an example would be “Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving With a Pict“.
7. Finally: bad covers of The Star Spangled Banner are off-limits. Yeah, there have been some legendarily bad covers of the national anthem, and yeah – the melody possibly isn’t the finest, musically speaking, on earth. But IMO as the national anthem it has a special status and is deserving of a bit of respect. So don’t submit any covers of the national anthem – no matter how bad.
. . .
OK, those are the rules. Gimme yer worst!
And who knows – if the resulting “playlist from hell” turns out “good” enough, maybe the folks at Leavenworth can put it on a continuous loop on the TVs in Hassan’s and Manning’s cells. (smile)