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It’s Friday – Gimme Yer Worst!

by Hondo••145

Well, TSO’s non-update update on the great USO brouhaha got me to thinking.  And you know that means I’m about to wander off the reservation – again.  (smile)

The “music video” – if you can call it that – that TSO provided in his non-update update about the USO brouhaha was one of the worst pieces of . . . musical junk I’ve ever seen or heard.  (WARNING:  most of the links in this paragraph are to video clips of songs so bad they may spoil your breakfast.  Viewer discretion advised.)  But so was Twist’s “Banana Song”.  And I humbly submit that the “blast (of flatus) from the past” I provided was God-awful-bad, too – as was the even worse-sound but apparently later video by the original artists (in spite of the eye candy in the newer video).  And there are a couple of other . . . interesting items in the comments, too.

So I’m asking for TAH reader input here.  What in your opinion is the absolute worst song you’ve ever heard – or seen and heard on video?  I’m talking stuff that is want-to-put-bleach-in-your-eyes-and-jam-a-pencil-in-your-ears-after-seeing-the-video God-awful bad.

Some ground rules:

1.  A representative video or audio clip of the song must be available on the Internet.  A verbal description of bad just is not sufficient.  Everybody needs to be able to hear and/or see for themselves what bad looks like.

2.  Provide a link to said audio or video clip.

3.  Be at least semi-serious.  Don’t get “cute” and post links to a sister-service’s song (Anchors Aweigh/Off We Go Into the Wild Blue Yonder/The Army Song/The Marine’s Hymn), a rival school’s alma mater, the former Soviet national anthem, or anything like that.  We’re talking about really bad songs, irrespective of politics or rivalries.

4.  Multiple submissions are OK.  But if you put more than a couple of links in a single comment, the spam filter may flag and filter it.  Best to go with no more than 2 links per comment.

5.  Foul language alone doesn’t qualify a song, nor do lame lyrics.  So don’t send in something just because its lyrics are foul/lame/obscene – unless it’s just so bad overall as to qualify as being musically obscene as well.  Ditto marginal or even bad performances of an otherwise decent song – it needs to be spectacularly bad in that case.  (And if you do post a link to something with foul language or nudity, please include a “NSFW” warning).

6.  Submissions must be generally accepted as actually being music.  Bad verbal monologues, comedy bits, sound effects, or non-musical acts don’t qualify.  This means some of Pink Floyd’s early work (and similar things) won’t qualify; an example would be “Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving With a Pict“.

7.  Finally:  bad covers of The Star Spangled Banner are off-limits.  Yeah, there have been some legendarily bad covers of the national anthem, and yeah – the melody possibly isn’t the finest, musically speaking, on earth.  But IMO as the national anthem it has a special status and is deserving of a bit of respect.  So don’t submit any covers of the national anthem – no matter how bad.

. . .

OK, those are the rules.  Gimme yer worst!

And who knows – if the resulting “playlist from hell” turns out “good” enough, maybe the folks at Leavenworth can put it on a continuous loop on the TVs in Hassan’s and Manning’s cells. (smile)

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145 thoughts on “It’s Friday – Gimme Yer Worst!”

  2. @ 101 … All righty then Ninja …. those two were very … uh … um … well one was … very rural … and the other well … ah … very urban!

    Thanks for sharing!

  5. @ 102 — I just can’t believe either of those is seriously a song…especially the second.

  13. CC Senor #111, I know being from Denmark, I grew up on all those songs:) but most americans probably have not heard or seen the video, which is kind of funny.

  15. Has G.O.A.T. and your mom’s Quack Like a Duck been mentioned?

    This is not safe for anywhere. Seriously. I got rolled into this one on another site and will bear the psychological scars for the rest of my life. Do not click.

    Seriously, don’t click.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9yHFAAhUq0

    I told you not to click.

  22. @119. Heidi: I trusted you! I looked at no one’s link but yours for fear of what sort of physical reaction I might have to the others. I thought you were different. I thought yours wouldn’t hurt. Oh–Heidi! How could you do it? I’ll be waking in the middle of the night seeing Grace Jones in a peacock headdress, hula-hooping through a move-lips-sound-comes-out-but-it’s-really-not-singing thingy.

  25. @107. VOPV: Once Heidi ruined me, I thought that perhaps yours would calm me, that yours might be one of the more cerebral entries. I figured wrong. Thanks. I want to know, now, just who is going to clean up this mess all over my floor? I owe you.

  36. Hondo …. you have created a monster. If these videos in any way represent one’s true underlying charactoer .. our nation is doomed!

  37. MCPO…etc. There is no GAY category. If there were, you would be a winner. Well, you and Das Boot, that is.

  41. MCPO…etc.
    “I found the video.” Save it. That’s like saying you just happened to find a fish in an aquarium, a baseball player at Yankee stadium, or a clown at a circus. It’s the gayest video ever made.

  42. Hondo, your great honor, hmm I believe it might be between Twist, MCPO and me, now don’t let those 2 guys influence you just because of their background, you all need some reg. folks here too, so with that HA Ha I beat you two, not even the boot can compete. I’m sorry just had to go there. Will you let me back in at some point.

  44. @140–Master Chief–you just broke the gaydar. No, actually, you broke it, blew it up, and burned the itty bitty pieces, then scattered the ashes to the wind.

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