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Lance Whipple tethered

by Jonn Lilyea••27

We first wrote about Lance Whipple two years ago when we caught him pretending to be an Air Force PJ captain. The truth was that he went AWOL after 35 days in Air Force basic training.

His wife sent us his forged DD214s, thinking that would vindicate his claims. She told us that she would come to West Virginia and prove his service, but that never happened.

The document was probably the worst forgery we’d ever seen. He’d left the code indicating that he’d gone AWOL on the document when he’d forged it.

Last year, he was arrested for illegally carrying a concealed firearm. He was sentenced to two days “time served” for the offense, not bothering to enforce existing gun laws.

Today, one of our ninjas tell us he violated his parole in August (substance abuse) and the court put an electronic tether on his ass;

I contacted the prosecutor after his sentence of two days and she told me that she was aware that his claims of his military service were false. Let’s hope that is true and the court decides to enforce existing gun laws for a change. It looks like he’s had quite a few parole violations in the year since his conviction and the slap on his wrist. Maybe the court should punish him for a change.

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27 thoughts on “Lance Whipple tethered”

    1. The AWOL was probably from PTSD due to being denied use of his favorite “Hello Kitty” pillow.

    2. What did he do, wuss out and run away when he found out they don’t do group hugs in AF Basic?

      1. He should have stuck around. Day 36 is when the group hugs start. It’s what we do while the maid service is making up the dorm. Then it’s to the bowling alley for 10 frames of PT. While there, we’d hit the arcade for a round of Time Crisis, which of course counts as the triennial rifle qualification.

  3. You can get an Honourable Discharge for 35 days plus an unauthourised holiday????

    Suppose its more taxpayer friendly to punt him than charge and punish him for AWOL

      1. My FIL had the same from the Coast Guard. He enlisted at 17yrs 3mos, went AWOL right after basic. CG decided it was a waste of his time and theirs to try to rehabilitate with NJP and just pushed him out with a Honorable. However, unlike this turd, he later served an (honorable) 18 month enlistment in the Army, then went to Korea as an 0341 AT Gunner in the USMC, landed at Inchon and was wounded twice between Seoul and the Chosen.

  5. Well below the gunga dan line, and fled from AIR FORCE BASIC TRAINING…mr. whipple is a wimp…

  7. That’s NOT the Mr. Whipple I knew!

    This clueless tree stump is a disgrace to the name Whipple. How about Whimper instead?

    2. I want you guys to remember that the REAL Mr. Whipple (Dick Wilson) graduated from the Ontario College of Art & Design and then became a comic dancer in vaudeville. He enlisted in the Royal Canadian Air Force and served as a pilot in World War II. After the war he moved to the United States and became an American citizen in 1954.

      WWII Vet, real pilot, the REAL deal, something this clanking twit can’t remotely claim.

  9. Unbelievable. AWOL from Basic? And then tries to convince others he’s all this other stuff? Takes a special kind of dumb. Guess he was hoping his records disappeared in the great fire in St. Louis.Or they’re in a locked, real hidden drawer in the Presidents office, ’cause he’s a tip top seekrit squirrel?
    There’s code to show AWOL?

  14. He still looks like Jabba the Hut with Downs Syndrome, I wonder if he’ll go full Bernath?

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