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Vanessa Tesky; phony AF pilot steals truck

by Jonn Lilyea••62

In Oceola, Florida, Vanessa Tesky wanted a new Dodge Ram pickup truck – so she presented the car dealer with a military ID card for the discount claiming that she was an Air Force pilot earning $7000/month. She wrote about $60,000 in checks for the truck. The checks bounced, of course;

Detectives found Tesky in Osceola on Wednesday with a new Toyota. She told detectives she wasn’t an active member of the military, but said she is a dependent of her ex-husband, who is in the U.S. Air Force. She also claimed there was over $60,000 left in the bank account attached to the dealership’s check.

Investigators found checkbooks from USAA Bank, a military dependent ID card and a letter written to a Ford dealership that claims she is a lieutenant colonel in the Air Force.

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62 thoughts on “Vanessa Tesky; phony AF pilot steals truck”

  1. Stolen valor is harmless, huh? No one gets hurt by it, right?

    Okay, sure. Can I have some ice cream?

    1. Wish she would pull that same stunt in Arkansas after our soon to be enacted Stolen Valor Act takes effect 1 August.

  2. First off, this woman is from”Kissimmee”…………..
    never on one of my loneliest days! Heck, I don’t think even IDC SARC would hit it.

    Second of all Ex-PH2, I really could go for a freshly made Persian doughnut right about now…..maybe ice cream later.

  3. Skyjumper: You don’t get your chow until I get my ‘Friday’ sammich from PH2. She has been negligent in her delivery of the Friday sammich lately.

    Had a good sammich last night. Boar’s Head meat and cheese, toasted in frying pan over low heat for about 20 minutes each side. I often use mayo instead of butter for the toasting. It really tastes better. We use vegan ‘mayo’.

    It can’t legally be called mayonnaise b/c it doesn’t contain eggs or some such but, really, it tastes the same as real mayo.

    Also made some really good banana nut cake last night. Have a few more bananas past their prime so will make it again today and freeze or give to friend.

    Now, about that sammich …

    1. Yeah HMC Ret, it appears that she has been slacking of in the food department as of late.

      I would however tread softly with the sammich request. I’m thinkin’ that if one were to ever utter the words “Woman, make me a sammich” to PH2, that person might just possibly wind up wearing a skillet. KLOOOOOONGG!! 😉

    2. Well, now, I only put up the recipes threads because Our Glorious Leader Whatshisname was in Sickiepoo status and could not function normally. Systems were ‘Go-NOGO’.

      I guess if he doesn’t get his shorts in a bunch, I could do it again, but remember, it’s not my blog. It’s his.

      And I did get Hickory-smoked Spam at Walmart this month. Planning a Spam hash or maybe a Spam frittata for it if the weather stays cold.

      1. Speaking of cold weather Ex-PH2, went from record breaking 65 degrees Thursday up here in my part of the world in east central Wisconsin to now eight inches of snow on the ground with high temp of 26 today with 20 mph winds.

        Might be a going to stay in the house day today or making fine sawdust out in the heated shop. Either way, going to be topped off with some homemade vegie soup & lots of fresh brewed coffee.

        1. Got the southern edge of that, Skyjumper, with the cold, but only a dusting of snow. The birds finally showed up for chow this morning.

      2. I like the hickory smoked spam, but the black pepper one is, IMHO, the best.

        I like to slice & dice, throw it in a frying pan till it’s crunchie frid. Toss in 2 or 4 eggs, scramble soft, with toasted English muffins.

        Dammit! Now I’m hungry. See y’all later.

        1. I like Span thinly sliced and fried. Add cheese for a sandwich or, better yet, fry a couple of eggs and make a Spam and egg sandwich. A little mayo and I’m good to go. Oh, and has to be fresh, soft white bread, lightly toasted.

        2. Do it like I used to have in Hawaii–Spam and fried rice, topped with scrambled egg.

          Knew a place in Pearl City that just kicked ass at it.

      1. I have an 04 Accord, bought new, and it’s the best vehicle I have owned. Was going to trade in for a 2017 to get all the new safety additions, but decided to wait to get an 2018. The 2018 will be totally redesigned, both body and engine. The 2.4L four cylinder is being replaced with a 1.5L turbocharged and the 6 cylinder is being replaced by a 2.0L turbocharged. I’m planning to get a 2018 EX with Honda Sensing. I’ve seen pictures of the 2018 and it’s really a nice looking car.

    2. Ya think maybe the dollar signs dancing in front of the salesman’s eyes could have been what made him unable to differentiate between a dependent’s ID and a service member’s?

      1. I’m sure that’s ALL that Salesmutt saw while drooling over the sales commission he thought he was going to get.

        1. Have top agree with that. Pretty sure they don’t penalize the sales people, or for that matter even the dealership for getting “defrauded”, Once the loan is approved it all falls on the bank that financed it.

          1. Sounds as though there were no loans involved. She wrote hot checks, and no one from the dealership bothered to call the bank before they accepted them.

            1. Car salesmen generally get paid at the end of the month; I guarantee if all the checks bounced the salesman got nada. The F&I guy probably got fired.

        2. Actually, the commission on new vehicle sales, regardless of the price of the vehicle, is a pittance compared the the commission on a used vehicle.

          Essentially, the commission is calculated based on the difference between what the dealer paid for the vehicle and what it gets sold for, minus what they call a “pack” charge (dealer’s prep/profit).

          This is why a typical car salesperson doesn’t act judgmental if you aren’t approved for a new vehicle and is so very helpful in helping you secure a used one.

    3. Not much of a discount. She should have used the USAA vehicle buying service.

      I did when I bought my last truck. Sticker price was $44k, got it for just under $36k.

      And yeah, you can spend $60k on a truck, easy. Start with a F-350, 4WD, Diesel, and go from there. The Lariat will go $65-70k, depending on how fancy you want to get.

  5. Am I missing something here? She is a pilot making $7K a month but has poor credit? And the sales manager let her leave with the truck w/o verifying the checking account was open and funded? Jeez, Louise, I know where I’m getting my next truck. Maybe I’m missing something. If so, let me know. This doesn’t even remotely pass the sniff test.

  6. Cut her some slack.

    She needed the truck to travel to All-Points Logistics where Phildo was going to help her get on track and start stealing like a pro!

    Productivity and a proactive approach, folks. Don’t hate.

    1. Does he have any job openings? I could use some extra cash, and I could probably help him out with cooking the books. All done by Remote Long Distance Relay, of course.

      1. Word on the streets is that All Points Logistics is having trouble filling the slot for a senior executive position in their Reston office. Every time they hire someone, they quit after one day complaining that the office has an overpowering smell of failure that contaminates anyone that approaches.

  7. One look at her and I say, ‘Social services dependent and personal issues.’ I do not say, ‘Now there’s a woman who can buy a $60K truck from me.’ Sometimes, you really can tell a book by its cover.

      1. It is. It really, really is. Don’t ya know she’s Heavy Chevy’s C-130 Compass Call Co-Pilot and potential 11th ex wife.

        But, anyway, the automobile dealerships around my territory claim to “have the sharpest pencil in town.”

        Down in Florida, I guess they write the sales contracts in crayon.

            1. He was divorced yet again last Nov or so, Still trolls dating sites. Still claims LTCOL USAF Aux. Puts in 2 years and Change as NCO in TSG when he tries to impress ladies.
              Still toting around his Wilmer PD badge, claims to be a Lt in his own security company. Tells women he carries fully automatic weapon and body armor and guards ATM tecnicians.

              1. I wonder how many women have Googled his name and ran thus making them “near Misseses”?

          2. Yep. I saw that. You were posting while I was still fat fingering my comment.

            It takes me a while to get my comments worked up because I have to spell each word one letter at a time in my mind before hitting the appropriate key.

            1. There was a truck hijacked in Texas. It was carrying 8,000 5-lb blocks of cheese. This happened about 14 months ago, about the same time Dr. Chevy fell off the radar. No lie.

              1. Stolen cheese? Might have been Fat Boy Kim from North Korea. He has a reputation as a cheese whore.

      2. Negative G’s will do that to you. That’s why Hack preferred to travel by tracked vehicle when he was active duty.

  10. Sure, I can see her as a C-130 driver, as long as Heavy Chevy Chevalier is the co-pilot and he’s bringing along the cheese…

  12. An EX-Dependapotummus trying to hustle a pickup truck, what an outstanding pillar of the community! And the Salesmutts at the dealership? I’m betting someone got their ass reamed if not shitcanned over letting her run off with that truck.

  13. She can also be a UH-60 driver, with Chelle Tesla as the co-pilot; then they would be the ace flying team of Tesky and Tesla…

    2. That facial expression of hers looks like one saying “OH SHIT, I’m busted” and is only sorry she got caught. I wouldn’t even touch her with a disbarred lawer!

          1. That’s double coyote ugly.

            Single coyote – You wake up with her sleeping on you arm, so you chew your arm off to get away without waking her up.

            Double coyote – After you’ve chewed off the one are to get away, you chew the other one off because she’ll be looking for a one armed man.

    3. You guys are mean. If she lost 50 pounds and did something with her hair (like cut it short and start over) and stuff like that, maybe a trip to Dress Barn to get some decent rags – well, she might not look quite so demoralized.

  17. UPDATE….Now we’ll all feel guilty. Last night this woman and her boyfriend (he worked for the circus, biting the heads off live chickens) both froze to death. They had gone to the drive-in theater to see “Closed for Winter”. Both autopsies read as “Cause of Death”…..Stupidity.

    1. Hey! This person does not qualify for the title of “lady.” That is something earned, not an entitlement, so they tell me.

  19. This woman is so stupid, she flunked nap time in kindergarten. In spite of that Wal Mart hairdo, if the Living Dead ever come her way, she need not fear. Zombies only eat brains.

  20. I feel sorry for the hubby. That is IF she has one….and IF he’s active duty current serving, he’s in a world of deeeeep shit. He’s supposed to not let his Dependapotamos do such things a commit fraud.

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