This ain't Hell, but you can see it from here

Category: Who knows

  • Oopsie.

    It seems as if there was a bit of a gaffe recently at Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson, Alaska.

    The Sexual Assault Prevention and Response (SAPR) office there distributes occasional promotional items.  One of the items it recently distributed was lip balm.

    Unfortunately, no one checked the ingredients before ordering the lip balm.  I can’t say I blame them; unless it’s from a questionable source like a “head shop”, I probably wouldn’t think to check the ingredients on lip balm either.

    Well, in this case it turns out they should have.  The lip balm Elmendorf SAPR office purchased contained hemp seed oil – and thus trace amounts of THC.  Products containing hemp seed oil are banned on DoD installations.

    Oops.

    JBER public affairs officials have emailed base personnel asking them to trash any tubes of lip balm they received from the base’s SAPR office.

  • Just When You Think You’ve Seen It All . . .

    . . . something comes along to show you that no, you haven’t.  And occasionally, it’s something you can even smile about.

    Here’s what appears to be an item of official correspondence promulgated at Thule AB earlier this year. (Click the image for a larger copy.)

    OK, here’s the background.

    Earlier this year, the USAF Space Command CG – Gen. John Hyten – apparently visited Thule. He was supposed to be there for 2 days.

    Due to a number of mechanical delays, he ended up staying six.

    A band – called “Blue Steel” – was also apparently stranded there as well.  That band apparently often played the old Eagles tune “Hotel California” quite often while Gen. Hyten was there. The song’s final couplet:

    You can check out any time you like
    But you can never leave

    Apparently the Base Commander (or perhaps someone on his staff – the memo isn’t 100% clear on the “who”) ordered the band not to sing the song’s last lines one night. The next day, the mechanical problems with Gen. Hyten’s aircraft were fixed and he was able to depart.

    The policy letter followed. Anyway, “That’s their story and they’re sticking to it.” (smile)

    It is good to see senior officers with a sense of humor. God knows they sometimes need one.

    Like when their command ends up unexpectedly “babysitting” high-level visitors from HQ wearing stars for an extra few days. (smile)

    (Original story – from the “John Q. Public” website – can be found here.)

  • Yeah, I’d Say She’s A Bit “Out of Touch”

    Provided without further comment. (smile)

    (Source story with image here.)

  • Matthew Riggins’ legacy

    I guess you dickweeds aren’t going to stop sending me this link until I post it. Matthew Riggins, an amateur burglar tried to hide from the police in a Florida swamp. So what could happen, right?

    Well, young Matt’s body was found ten days later after he was ravished by a crime-fighting 11-foot alligator. Actually, he was drowned by the ‘gator. The do-gooder ‘gator was put to death. He should have been given a medal.

    It makes me shiver to think of all of the time I spent in chest-deep serpent-infested water armed with only an M16 with a blank adapter.

  • Seems Apropos Today

    Enjoy. (smile)

  • Strategy Meeting? Practice Remarks? Who Knows?

    I ran across this on YouTube.  I think it might be a clandestine recording of the DRC’s latest high-level strategy session set to music.  Or maybe it’s a recording of someone we all “know and love” practicing for his next court appearance.  I guess it could be either.

    (FWIW: the embedded comments in the video are a hoot.  It’s worth watching carefully IMO.)

     

     

    A bit of trivia about the above: Mike Oldfield recorded it after an argument with Richard Branson during the making of his debut recording, Tubular Bells.  Branson reportedly wanted vocals in the work, which Oldfield wanted to remain an instrumental.  Finally, after one meeting with Branson, a thoroughly torqued Oldfield yelled, “You want lyrics? I’ll give you lyrics!”   He then stormed off.

    Oldfield then grabbed the recording engineer, a bottle of Jameson’s, and went to the studio.  After drinking half of the bottle of Jameson’s, he recorded about 10 minutes of his own drunken grunting and screaming. This grunting and screaming was then edited and processed (including being slowed down substantially) and dubbed onto the portion of Tubular Bells popularly referred to today as “Piltdown Man” (occurs about half-way through side/part two of the original album).

    Usually drunken stupidity is painful as hell.  However, every once in a great while what at first blush seems to be drunken idiocy works out OK.

    But don’t get any ideas, DRC.  You guys don’t have the skills to pull it off.  (smile)

  • Another Bogus ID, Courtesy of the DRC

    Well, that didn’t take too long.  Looks like the DRC has “found” me.

    Again.

    For at least the sixth time.

    And just like the five previous times . . . they’re full of it.

    A little “birdie” sent me the photo of the guy the DRC has identified as me this time around.  That individual doesn’t need any more DRC grief, so I’ll pass on posting the photo here.

    I should probably be flattered.  I’m no great judge of handsome, but the fella in the photo I received seemed to be a rather good-looking guy.  I’d guess he has no problem in getting all the female companionship he wants.  I’m sure the DRC members are envious.

    And, yeah:  he was sporting a Trident, plus some Navy decorations.  So that means that – once again – I’m supposedly ex-Navy and a former SEAL.

    Geez.  Remember when I previously asked if our “good friends” in the DRC had the common sense to urinate in the toilet vice the trash can when they went to the head?  I guess we have our answer now.

    Listen up, you bunch of Dumb Royally Clueless j-holes:  best I can tell, I’ve never been closer than maybe 40 or so miles to where this latest guy you’ve falsely identified as being me lives today – and that was approaching 20 years ago.  I haven’t been anywhere near that close since.

    Again, for the record:  no, I’m not a former Navy SEAL. This is at the third damn time I’ve told you dipsticks that I’m not a former SEAL.  Are you too freaking stupid to understand plain English?

    At the risk of being repetitive:  I’ve never served in the Navy.  I’ve never set foot on an active Navy warship.  I’ve never been at sea other than on a couple of tour boat or ferry rides.

    “Never served in the Navy” means I’m not a former SEAL.  How about you let that fact penetrate your thick skulls, m’kay?

    Bottom line:  you’re barking up the wrong tree.  Again.

    That doesn’t surprise me, though.  IMO mercury is an excellent metaphor for you fools’ minds: dense, liquid, and toxic.

    Here’s the obligatory recap.  First, close to two years ago supposedly I was a now-retired and relatively well-known Army GO.  Second, I was wrongly identified as being The Hair himself, Don Shipley.  After that, I was allegedly a retired Special Forces Sergeant Major.  Fourth, I was supposedly a serving Army CPT   (or maybe by now MAJ) teaching ROTC.  Then a few weeks ago, according to the DRC’s fifth flight of false-ID fancy I was allegedly CAPT Larry Bailey.

    Hell, maybe there were other bogus IDs I missed.  I don’t really know; and I don’t much care.

    Now this time around, according to you DRC j-holes I’m supposedly a third different ex-SEAL – when in reality, I’m not. That’s at least the sixth time that you damn fools have “gotten it wrong”.

    They say everyone has a role in life.  The DRC IMO has now shown they have not one role, but two. The first appears to be serving as a counterexample regarding life in general.  Their second role – as shown by this ridiculous series of comically inept “identifications” – must be providing comic relief.

  • PhotoShop? Pfft. Try This Civil War Equivalent.

    Here’s a photo from the Civil War.  It’s entitled “General Grant at City Point”.

    There’s only one problem:  it’s fake.  It’s the Civil War era equivalent of a modern-day Photoshopped image. The event “recorded” in the photo never happened.

    Fox has an interesting story concerning the fake photo.  It’s a short article, and IMO is well worth a few minutes of your time.

    FWIW:  it’s also IMO a better job of combining photos than that done by someone we all “know and love”.  And based on its copyright date (1902), it was done over a century earlier.