Senior enlisted advisor, 1SG DeOrchard, couldn’t believe his eyes. While on break, from his motivational speeches during the weekend drill, a member of his specialist mafia caught his attention. This hide and seek champion didn’t normally leave his hibernation spot unless it was something real good… Like release for lunch or for the day.
Specialist Johnson-Donaldo came across news that talked about Mark Hunter and his Big Foot catch in Washington. “Big Foot” looked familiar to DeOrchard, 1SG for the Army Reserve’s 503trd Tactical PSYOP Company situated at the Air National Guard base in Duluth, MN.
The First Sergeant’s suspicions grew when Mr. Hunter claimed that he used pork ribs to trap and shoot the big creature. The Second Lieutenant, Dillon McRob, loved pork ribs. The 99th PSYOP Battalion, parent to the 503rd, contacted the Department of Defense DNA lab to verify McRob’s DNA with the University of Washington.
The University of Washington and the Department of Defense confirmed that “Big Foot” was actually Second Lieutenant Dillon McRob. This ended his stubborn insistence on remaining on the unit’s nonparticipant/unsatisfactory list.
McRob got lost during a land navigation exercise back in January, 2016.
“I couldn’t understand how we could’ve lost someone during land navigation,” explained MAJ Oysterman, CO for the 503rd, “all of the land navigation points were along Grinden Drive, straight onto Airport Road, left on Mustang Drive, left on Deuce, Deuce to Starfire, left on Phantom drive and back to the start point.” The CO explained that the unit ran this route the morning prior to LANDNAV. It’s an easy route to follow.
A team of secret squirrels reported to the base to replicate the land navigation exercise; they found twice the number of points in 10 minutes despite drinking a couple shots of liquor between points. Said one secret squirrel, “I didn’t even need a compass, protractor, or GPS; the points just jumped out at you! You could see them from the starting point!”
Meanwhile, Mr. Hunter has more than being shamed for a previous Big Foot hoax to worry about. The casualty recovery team had barely started preparing Dillon McRob’s remains for transport to autopsy when police charged Mr. Hunter with murder.
Back at the 503rd, SFC Perezoso shook his head in dismay, “If only I nailed pork ribs on his points, 2LT McRob would’ve found all his points in minutes. He’d still be with us today, I would’ve received a good NCOER, and I’d be a Master Sergeant!”