Here are four cartoon graphic videos related to the Navy; done by The Infographics Show. The first two addresses the challenges of living on an aircraft carrier and on a submarine. The third video entertains what it would take to sink an aircraft carrier. The final one talks about the US recovering a Soviet submarine that the Soviets were not able to find.
Why living on an aircraft carrier sucks:
Why living on a submarine sucks:
What would it take to sink the USS Gerald R. Ford aircraft carrier?
The Soviets lost a submarine. The U.S. government found it and come up with a way to retrieve it:
1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Every 2 hours after you go to sleep, have someone whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble “Sorry, wrong rack”, or “Sign this!”
2. Don’t eat any food that you don’t get out of a can or have to add water to.
3. Spend as much time as possible indoors and avoid sunlight. Hang out in such areas as dark theaters, windowless buildings, closets, etc.
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move the shower head down to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping. Squeegee and wipe down the stall when done.
5. Repeat back everything anyone says to you. Repeat back everything anyone says to you.
6. Sit in front of your TV set, with the antenna disconnected and watch for 6 hours. Report any unusual static patterns.
7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to “High”.
8. Don’t watch T.V. Instead setup a 16mm projector and only watch movies that you don’t like.
9. Don’t do your wash at home. Pick the most crowded laundromat you can find.
10. Announce “Commence Snorkling!” Setup your lawnmower in your living room and run for at least 1 hour. Periodically hold your nose and mouth shut and try to blow out your eardrums.
11. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
12. Get a clipboard, paper, and leaky black ink pen, then take hourly readings on your electric and gas meters.
13. Sleep with your dirty laundry at your feet.
14. Invite guests, but don’t have enough food for them.
15. Get some broken exercise equipment and mount it to the floor in your kitchen.
16. Store up all garbage for a week in your bathtub. Compact and dispose of once a week.
17. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread (Optional: Breakout a #10 can of ravioli or cold soup)
18. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator.
19. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off: Announce ‘fire in the garage!’ Jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can. Run into your garage and break out the garden hose. Since there really wasn’t a fire and everyone is up anyway have the kids clean the house.
20. Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back together (just in case they were about to break).
21. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking.
22. Invite at least 85 people you don’t really like to come and visit for a couple of months.
23. Store your eggs in your garage for two months and then cook a dozen each morning.
24. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.
25. Check your refrigerator compressor for “sound shorts”.
26. Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key on a lanyard around your neck.
27. Lockwire the lugnuts on your car.
28. When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then spread icing really thick on one side to level off the top.
29. Every so often, yell “Emergency Deep!” or “Torpedo in the Water!”, run into the kitchen, sweep all pots/pans/dishes off of the counter onto the floor. Bitch out wife and kids for not being, “stowed for sea.”
30. Put on the headphones from your stereo (don’t plug them in). Go and stand in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in particular) “Stove manned and ready”. Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to nobody in particular) “Stove Secured”. Roll up the headphone cord and put them away.
31. Make the kids learn the location and operation of every light switch, outlet, circuit breaker, valve, appliance, fire extinguisher etc..Don’t let them watch any TV/movies until they can recite same from memory. *
32. After 60 days or so; go load up the family in a taxi, go out to the worst part of town (preferably where English is a second language), and have dinner at the most run down bar or restaurant available. *
33. Every few years cut a hole in your roof, hire a some workers to remove all furniture, appliances, electrial wiring, pipes etc. to a storage warehouse. Go live in the neighbors garage for a year or so then put it all back. *
34. Buy all food in cases and line the floor with them.
35. Spend 3 or 4 hours waxing your floors to perfection. Then, just before they dry, invite the whole neighborhood over to walk across them. Then do it again.
36. Stand on your roof once every four days for six hours in the winter and don’t let anyone in your house.
37. Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit.
38. Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet at all times.
39. Post the Uniform Code of Military Justice on the wall across from your toilet. Highlight the parts that begin: “penetration however slight…”
40. Install a Furnace and Air Conditioner that blows directly on you while you are sleeping. Have the controls so they will cycle to hot and cold in a matter of seconds.
41. Install a multi-channel entertainment system over your bed that doesn’t work.
42. Hookup your air compressor to the sewer line to the house and blow a shit geyser ten feet in the air. Come in side and tell your wife “calmly” I forgot to shut the valve and have her clean it up.
43. Start every story with “This is no-shit”.
GMTA
You forgot the bug juice.
44. Buy Kool-Aid, lime green is preferred. Use it to drink and clean the toilet(shitter).
I grew to hate Kool-Aid and all of its competitors, permutations, and variations. Rather taste the chemicals.
” clean the toilet(shitter).”
Just nit-picking, but your formulation implies that that one shits *in* the toilet. The usual case is that one shits *on* or even *near* the toilet. That may seem a bit pedantic but there is a difference. Trust me.
Have a soft serve ice cream machine that will burn up within two days with no replacement parts.
Where’s the World War II version of that?
LOL.
*sigh* Good times.
The Army ain’t no better, except we get a little more elbow room most of the time.
38.” Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls.”
Supply room closes at noon on Saturday. 60 sets of bowels never close. Short straw gets to clean the latrine Monday morning.
23. “Store your eggs in your garage for two months and then cook a dozen each morning.”
Use only powdered eggs that turn greenish-gray. cook to order, as long a they are scrambled.
21″. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking.”
Throw coffee in 20 gallon pot. Add water. Boil until color looks right. Serve cold. The grounds are a bonus; something solid to chew on (lots of fiber) and that’s where all the “flavor” is.
19. “Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night….”
Call a unit alert sometime between midnight and dawn. Run around in circles loading all your stuff on vehicles then go for a drive in the brisk and refreshing pre-dawn winter AM to your designated camping spot. Huddle together for warmth while waiting for the cooks to use their advanced woodscraft to find your designated favorite camping spot. At the end of the day, return home tired and hungry to spend the evening cleaning and stowing all your stuff. Go to bed, secure in the knowledge it won’t happen again for at least 24 hours. Honest.
And remember, be grateful for those C-rations in the field–no C-rats means no toilet paper.
Don’t forget under 23 that those powdered eggs can have powdered cheese added to disguise the fact they are powdered…because to the Army, two powdered ingredients somehow is supposed to negate the powdered taste as opposed to doubling it….
Once you understand that line of logic the rest of the Army’s regulations make a lot more sense…
That powdered cheese trick must be something new.
How to Recreate Submarine Life at Home
1. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Every 2 hours after you go to sleep, have
someone whip open the curtain, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and mumble “Sorry, wrong rack”, or “Sign this!”
2. Don’t eat any food that you don’t get out of a can or have to add water to.
3. Spend as much time as possible indoors and avoid sunlight. Hang out in such areas as dark theaters, windowless buildings,
closets, etc.
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your bathtub and move
the shower head down to chest level.
When you take showers, make sure you shut off the water while soaping.
Squeegee and wipe down the stall when done.
5. Repeat back everything anyone says to you. Repeat back everything anyone says to you.
6. Sit in front of your TV set, with the antenna disconnected and watch for 6 hours.
Report any unusual static patterns.
7. Put lube oil in your humidifier instead of water and set it to “High”.
8. Don’t watch T.V. Instead setup a 16mm projector and only watch movies that you don’t like.
9. Don’t do your wash at home. Pick the most crowded laundromat you can find.
10. Announce “Commence Snorkling!”
Setup your lawnmower in your living room and run for at least 1 hour.
Periodically hold your nose and mouth shut and try to blow out your eardrums.
11. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.
12. Get a clipboard, paper, and leaky black ink pen, then take hourly readings
on your electric and gas meters.
13. Sleep with your dirty laundry at your feet.
14. Invite guests, but don’t have enough food for them.
15. Get some broken exercise equipment and mount it to the floor in your kitchen.
16. Store up all garbage for a week in your bathtub. Compact and dispose of once a week.
17. Wake up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread.
(Optional: Breakout a #10 can of ravioli or cold soup)
18. Make up your family menu a week ahead of time without looking in your food cabinets or refrigerator.
19. Set your alarm clock to go off at random times during the night. When it goes off :
Announce ‘fire in the garage!’
Jump out of bed and get dressed as fast as you can.
Run into your garage and break out the garden hose.
Since there really wasn’t a fire and everyone is up anyway have the kids clean
the house.
20. Once a month take every major appliance completely apart and then put them back
together (just in case they were about to break).
21. Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 or 6 hours before drinking.
22. Invite at least 85 people you don’t really like to come and visit for a couple of months.
23. Store your eggs in your garage for two months and then cook a dozen each morning.
24. Have a fluorescent lamp installed on the bottom of your coffee table and lie under it to read books.
25. Check your refrigerator compressor for “sound shorts”.
26. Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key on a lanyard around your neck.
27. Lockwire the lugnuts on your car.
28. When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan while it is baking. Then spread icing really
thick on one side to level off the top.
29. Every so often, yell “Emergency Deep!” or “Torpedo in the Water!” ,
run into the kitchen, sweep all pots/pans/dishes off of the counter onto the floor.
30. Put on the headphones from your stereo (don’t plug them in). Go and stand in front of your stove. Say (to nobody in
particular) “Stove manned and ready”. Stand there for 3 or 4 hours. Say (once again to nobody in particular) “Stove
Secured”. Roll up the headphone cord and put them away.
31. Make the kids learn the location and operation of every light switch, outlet,
circuit breaker, valve, appliance, fire extinguisher etc..
Don’t let them watch any TV/movies until they can recite same from memory. *
32. After 60 days or so; go load up the family in a taxi, go out to the worst part of town
(preferably where English is a second language), and have dinner at the most run down
bar or restaurant available. *
33. Every few years cut a hole in your roof, hire a some workers to remove all furniture,
appliances, electrial wiring, pipes etc. to a storage warehouse.
Go live in the neighbors garage for a year or so then put it all back. *
34. Buy all food in cases and line the floor with them.
35. Spend 3 or 4 hours waxing your floors to perfection. Then, just before they dry, invite the whole neighborhood over to
walk across them. Then do it again.
36. Stand on your roof once every four days for six hours in the winter and don’t let anyone in your house.
37. Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit.
38. Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet at all times.
39. Post the Uniform Code of Military Justice on the wall across from your toilet. Highlight the parts that begin: “penetration
however slight…”
40. Install a Furnace and Air Conditioner that blows directly on you while you are sleeping. Have the controls so they will cycle
to hot and cold in a matter of seconds.
41. Install a multi-channel entertainment system over your bed that doesn’t work.
42. Hookup your air compressor to the sewer line to the house and blow a shit geyser ten feet in the air. Come in side and tell
you wife “calmly” I forgot to shut the valve and have her clean it up.
43. Start every story with “This is no-shit”.
Why is ONE bathroom for 40 men worse than ONE bathroom for 40 WOMEN?? What you guys don’t know….
I may have a degenerate imagination, but even I draw the line.
But now that you mention it–
I think we all know that the science of ballistics tells us a long-barreled weapon , a rifle for example, is much more accurate than a short-barreled weapon, a pistol. Why is it, then, that men’s toilets are always surrounded by a puddle of urine?
Low GAS (give a sh!t).
I see you covered #5 nicely.
Ha LOL. They’re showing F-16’s landing on the carrier. That would happen exactly once and then they would have to push it over the side as the landing gear would have collapsed. If by some slim chance the jet DID land safely, they would still have to push it over the side because it could never be launched with the skinny ass nose gear a Viper has.
Left/libtard media people… just be glad those weren’t Russian or 737-MAX aircraft used.
Kinda like a certain (d) prez celebrating the US Navy with a picture of Russian warships.
2012 Dem National Convention
Russian ships displayed at DNC tribute to vets
Military Times
Idiots.
The nose gear would launch just fine. The rest of the plane would be nose down on the deck though.
I went down a bit of a rabbit hole. There was a naval variant of the F16 on the drawing board. https://www.defensemedianetwork.com/stories/v-1600-the-carrier-capable-f-16-that-wasnt/
FWIW: the C-130 was also considered for carrier use as well. Further, it was successfully tested for the role using a USMC KC-130F with minor mods by Lockheed (smaller nose wheel orifice, better non-skid braking system, and underwing refuling pods removed).
The airframe was found to be capable of both taking off from and landing on a carrier (the USS Forrestal) without the use of either catapult or arresting cable. Testing involved 29 “touch and go” landings, 21 unassisted takeoffs, and 21 unarrested landings.
No, I’m not kidding.
So, pictures or you don’t believe it? Well, the above link has video. And the link that follows has more.
https://www.military.com/video/military-aircraft-operations/carrier-landings/c-130-carrier-landing-without-hook/2812569251001
To date, the Herc is the largest aircraft ever to make a carrier takeoff or landing. And it did so both unassisted and unarrested – in moderately heavy seas – with up to a 25,000 pound payload.
My love affair with the Herc started when I volunteered for Operation Deep Freeze and got to ride in the ski equipped C130’s a few times.
My love-hate relationship with the C-130 started during my first trip to Bagdad. The threat level at the airport was high, so to land the C-130 went nose down, on what it seemed like a 90 degree angle to us, straight down, and at the last possible moment leveled off and landed hard but without being too rough.
A few brave high-speed infantrymen shit their pants. I refuse to acknowledge whether I did or not to this day.
Nose down at full throttle, attempting to plow a furrow in the deck.
Way back yonder when one of the troops bitched about how small the Kasernes or Firebases were, I’d just tell them “Quit yer bitching, you coulda been drafted into the Navy.”
Just think, people volunteer for that crap these days. Go figure.
As a child I got to tour a few Navy ships and observe the living conditions. My observations of the berthing areas on even an aircraft carrier did influence my decision to join the Army.
Umm, has someone told them that F-16s aren’t carrier aircraft?
Oops; should have reloaded and gotten Bill R’s comment.
Same here. Their info is not bad, but their animation is stupid lazy. They could be more accurate with basic Microsoft Word clipart.
Nice simulate submarine life at home. Got a bunch of those, but was simulate ship (surface) life at home which amounted to almost the same.
What bugs me about the Infographics Show is that they tend to get really lazy with their graphics. Their thing on the Bismarck would have us believe that the battleship in question was a modern DDG, HMS Hood was a Kirov-class cruiser, and the RAF was flying BF-109s and F-16s. Maybe I’m just nit picky, but that bugs the hell outta me.
TOW, maybe they had oughta think about hiring on somebody with experience in building authentic, to scale, dioramas for their productions. Hmmmm, wonder where they could find someone like that? Hmmmmm
These wanna be productions remind me of some of the conversations I had with Hollywierd types when I was doing a little advisor work with them. Me…”No that’s not really authentic/how it should be!” Them…”It’ll be ok, no one will notice, and if they do, they’ve already paid the admittance price.”
Sure glad I was infantry.
Ditto.
Uh, I wouldn’t go quite that far. Army, sure, but Infantry? Not that I do not treasure every moment I spent making love to Mother Earth.
Quit your bitching.
I was in the Air Force and had to stay at 3-Star Hotels some time.
Every time I tour a Navy ship, whether it’s an aircraft carrier or a submarine, I wonder the same thing:
I can understand why someone might ENLIST in the Navy.
What I CAN’T understand is why anybody would RE-ENLIST.
“What I CAN’T understand is why anybody would RE-ENLIST.”
To continue as a Corpsman in every clime and place to serve my beloved Marine Corps!
Heh. Funny thing, both carriers and submarines are pretty cushy rides, even when the weather turns bad. The carriers are so big it takes REALLY heavy seas to affect them much, and a submerged sub is below all the fun. My first tour was on small boys, in the Atlantic. When the weather got frisky enough we’d just rack out, no unnecessary movement, and chow was limited to horsecock and cheese sammiches. If anyone could keep them down. At times one could walk as much on the bulkheads as the decks (walls and floors for our Nautically Challenged members).
So I jumped at the opportunity to go to land based P-3Cs, which had its own challenges.
“…which had its own challenges.” Yep…wings and motors were both installed wrong. Bless their hearts.
Swim lane. In. Stay. Good Doggie.
” horsecock and cheese sammiches.”
I suppose it’s better than eating bats, but those Army “cold cuts” made me truly realize the consequences of buying from the low bidder. And chewy Worcestershire sauce (filtration costs money).
Video #3;
“…nearing obsoletion…”
Arrgghh!!
I have no quarrel with the cartoonish graphics, but at least the words should be grownup words!
The way they keep saying “submariner” on their other video made me cringe… it’s not sub-mar-eener!!!
Lived it…no need to watch. 🙂
Why are ALL the submarine guys jerking off?
Asking for a friend….