Posted in

Stephen D. Smith – UK Bloaterman

by Steve Balm••48

Our friends in the United Kingdom, The Walter Mitty & Bloater Hunters Group, send us their work on Stephen D. Smith.   Smith is 52 y/o as of June 2019 and lives in Taylor, TX.

Just so you understand the terminology and differences in the UK vs US – a “Walter Mitty” is a Stolen Valor POSer and a “Bloater” is an embellisher.  Also, the Stolen Valor hunters are allowed to read military records but not publish them.

So, Steve Smith was in Texas and then went to Britain, and has now moved back to Texas and set up a security company called Asgard National Training Group LP.

Since Steve Smith’s case has been published, he took down his Facebook page and his business page.   Here are some specifics to be aware of, shared by our friends in the UK.

Steve Smith was flagged up earlier this week by a member after claiming to be a retired CSM and all arms Para Commando trained amongst other bloater-shit.  The real story is that he failed basic for the Royal Signals, moved to the RAOC as a storeman for about ten months before buying himself out. After his long service in the Army, Steve went on to become a cadet adult instructor in Durham.  They managed to track down a few of those who he served with with and here are a few things they had to say:

1. He was a very poor cadet instructor.
2. He used to give it the big one to the cadets that he was a war hero and a battle-hardened soldier,
3. Was not allowed to teach much due to his lack of knowledge.
4. Brought a mess dress that had lots of ribbons on it Badges of rank and used to cut around wearing it on cadet camps.

After this, he moved to America and set up his own company Asgard National Training Group and totally re-invented his life. He has been making money off the back of these claims and somehow duping a lot of Americans he’s the real deal. 

Steve now claims:
1. He was a former Sergeant Major British Army. (See below)
2. All Arms Para Commando trained.
3. Sniper / Counter sniper trained.
4. Served in a counter-terrorist team in NI, Central America & the Middle East.
5. An instructor in military training, small unit tactics & hand to hand combat.

Steve managed to fit all the above and rise to W02 in ten months and ranks up there with a legends

Verdict – Bloaterman USA

On a quick sweep, we found no record of US military service but he does not claim any.

So, if you live in Texas and need personal security training, you may want to consider all of this before you hire a man who claims to be a retired British Army Sergeant Major who is sniper and counter-sniper trained.

Thanks to our friends in the UK for sending us this case.

 

You might also like

State politician accused of stolen valor is assigned to veterans committee.

NCIS Hawaii: Stolen Valor

Fake soldier’s appearance at remembrance event results in his exposure

48 thoughts on “Stephen D. Smith – UK Bloaterman”

  1. Aw, he’s kinda cute, ain’t he? Like that barking little widget masquerading as a dog in the yard next door, barking at everyone, including the local coyotes…. all sound and fury and mostly hot air.

    Moving on!

  2. Stephen D. Smith…Bloated up with his Bovine excrement. Welcome to your new found Google Fame. Too bad you took down all your social media lies before we had a chance to really rain down on your lying, embellishing limey ass. (Apologies to my Brit Friends) ESAD mofo!

    Not sure if you are worth the bandwidth or keyboard ribbon ink, but ChipNASA’s trigger finger is itchy and I will be the FIRST to call for the deployment of The Hemisphere of Insults.

    1. Would it be appropriate to refer to this “Magnificent Fellow” as a slimy limey?

      1. The term “limey” came from a time in the 18th century where it was common for sailors to get scurvy, a disease caused by Vitamin C deficiency.

        British sailors figured out if they took limes with them on sailing trips, they could avoid scurvy. Others started referring to British sailors as “limeys.”

        The term extended to all Brits.

        1. Yes, yes I know all that. The question is do we refer to this fine fellow as a slimy limey?

          1. I don’t think so. He exported his greasy self to the UK, annoyed them immensely, and came running back to the good ol’ USofA, Not a true transplant anywhere, just a lurching lout who deserves a clout.

            1. He never moved to the UK, he is British, and married an American girl and moved to Texas. I served with him in UK Armed Forces

      1. Well it’s Friday and we have a request and a second. I certainly will never deny an enthusiastic request for the The Hemisphere of Insults®™ , but this dude, is basically a failed fluffer and (hey I should Control+F “fluffer” and add something to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™ ) anyway, as I was saying, if we get an “AYE” vote off we go, because this guy fucked up on two continents to yeah, dickless wonder here may get the bomb dropped on him.

        “AYE?”

        1. AYE, AYE, AYE!

          Load all torpedo tubes, set primers and fire when ready! Make sure all fish are running hot, straight and normal!

        2. OK so I am really a sick individual (and who here didn’t already know that?!?!) but I just added ” failed fido fluffer in doggo pron, even using an entire jar of top quality, organic, gourmet, peanut butter, …” to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™

          Maybe because I’m aggravated and it’s been a crappy week at work (not for me, but I’m running around with the pooper scooper) and I’m feeling particularly hateful!

          😀 😀 😀

    3. OK PEOPLE! Quiet down. Remember your safety brief. Have all necessary gear prepared. DON YOUR PROTECTIVE REFLECTIVE PT BELT!!

      Hey Stevie Baby, I hope that for all the effort you put into it, and you have now managed to piss off a whole lot of folks on TWO CONTINENTS, you have indeed, earned and are about to be awarded to coveted, The Hemisphere of Insults®™

      Pip Pip and all that shit.

      Do Enjoy.

      Ta.

      The Hemisphere of Insults®™
      (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
      FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
      TACTICAL NUCLEAR ROUND OUT!!!!
      THREE PASS AIRCRAFT BOMB RUN!!!!!
      DANGER CLOSE!!!!
      MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
      TAKE COVER!!!!!
      …. Stephen (Stephanie) D (The Walter Mitty & Bloater Hunters Group: “ Everything was fine until we all had to deal with dickless here”…” TAH: “Is this true?” The Walter Mitty & Bloater Hunters Group: “Yes folks, it’s true. This man has no dick.” credit: Ghostbusters) Smith (Shittart) …HEY WONDER WOMAN, We all hope you read this and come back here and try to defend your actions, but, you won’t because, YOU’RE A STRAIGHT UP COWARD, from the US and UK, has been outed as a “bloater”, an embellisher, of a really truly shitty, Army career, vile, flaming piece of skunk shit, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, You flaccid piece of tofu, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, Fucking one cell spermatozoon with a tiny flagella, gaping giant ass walking fungus shit nugget, Bag of seasoned dog shit, Cambodian cunt sauce, he deserves to have his private parts gnawed by angry badgers, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, bucket of ass chum, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, if you Mom would have known you were going to turn out like this, she’d have prayed for a miscarriage, Diaper-Sniper, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, suck a big diseased gorilla dick and open those ass cheeks for the bull elephant that has been eyeing your lying ass, Poster-child for post birth abortion, Testicle face, This twat waffle is dumber than a bucket of goat piss, I pray thou shalt be pursued into the mountains by sex-mad baboons, O thou creature of the pit!, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Jerk Wad Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection bunghole tonguer, Klootviool, Dude–even your balls are made of pussy, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, you’re the afterbirth that slithered out from your mother’s filth, you have always been picked last, you are a puck shot, catcher’s mitt double dribble field goal miss, you are the trash bag after a barracks/frat house party, the Stanley Cup could be your Mom’s dildo, I wish you were an EOD training power point presentation. Not the cool, highly trained bad ass EOD guys, the recipient, He’s more fucked up than a spotted Zebra, shirt-lifter, This guy stepped on his dick so hard it made mine hurt, when your Mom was pregnant with you, the dry cleaner used to charge her double for extra coat hangers. She had bad aim, If this wasn’t so sad, it would be as funny as watching a monkey try to fuck a football, I’m surprised he didn’t award himself a Purple Heart for stepping on his dick., Anus tonguing shitslurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching dick lips wanktoaster, pud-knuckling pus-nuts, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping dickchops, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, short strand DNA ‘tard,
      a bathroom selfie loser, fake “death stare” makes you look like a semen sucking cum vampire on his way to a flying J truck stop hobo ball sac buffet, Cuntosaurus Rex, Bulbous Bleeding Batrachivorous Butthole Burrito, enjoys being attacked by and being sunk by meat torpedoes, failed fido fluffer in doggo pron, even using an entire jar of top quality, organic, gourmet, peanut butter, If you started fucking off today and kept fucking off until the sun burns out you still wouldn’t fuck off far enough to fuck off, Fuck you Fucksicle, You’re so fucked up that his imaginary friend took a Restraining Order out against him, This pissant is such a genius of monumental proportions he can skullfuck his own asshole, You man meat munching, spunk bubble blowing butt sponge, You are a disease, worse than a crotch tick, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper, Boy, you couldn’t lead a fresh turd down the bowl, Thinks that he is in the “dark” secret ops, not realizing that he has his head up his ass, You were born stupid and had a prolapse, In need of an appointment with a brass-knuckles Amateur Dentist, exposure to diseased posers is also known as “the Result of Cyclospora” with * “Symptoms of cyclospora include diarrhea and frequent, sometimes explosive bowel movements, according to the CDC.” I say, I say, That boy’s about as sharp as a sack o’ wet mice, Dear fucking 8 pound 6 ounce baby Jesus on a cement tricycle, banjo eyed, insignificant and inconsequentially ignorant imbecilic idiot, single strand DNA refugee from a blow job, not worthy to lick taint lint off my cats backside, Unable to prevail against his one brained celled activity taking him over, so he types, talks, acts as if a retarded ghost possessed him. dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, Oh, fuck you sideways with a roll of horse liniment coated concertina wire…you sorry, miserable, posing, shit eating goat fucker, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion, got-damn cum drop, You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, hey douche bag, I bet your ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, I heard you volunteered to go to the Middle East to take on terrorists…dressed as a goat, I believe you to be one of the few, proud pieces of shit that flies won’t fuck on, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, pigshit fungus, grubby little dick-beater, You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john, Connoisseur ,worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, petrified shit biscuit, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, Fuck you, you nutless chickenfuck cocksucking rat-bastard piece of roach shit!

      1. Eat a whole fucking ConEx full of dicks!, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, maybe this hero could strap a suicide vest to himself, go out in the open desert and make people confetti out of himself, Wait, of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON??, He’s so much of a dickhead he takes Viagra thru a nasal spray, and he’s still limp, How I the fuck do assholes like this sleep at night? With one hand on their tiny dick and the other thumb in their ass, Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, A butter knife amongst razor blades, Rusty Trombone Virtuoso, he is the kinda guy who likes meeting up with two strange men so they can sword fight in his mouth, he’s the kind of guy you’d find hanging out around highway rest areas because he’s frequenting the public bathrooms trying to gargle marbles for change, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, fucknuckles, is about as real as a Civil War Issue polyester blanket, Menstrual quimsquirt, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, Knobgobble, prancing pony penis puffer, Likes to turn his mouth into a day care center with guys baby gravy behind the local truck stop, I hope his rectum is popped so hard, he will achieve liftoff on Mr. Tiny’s launch pad, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as an SBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, you should get dorked in the squeakhole with the Barbed Cock of Satan, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, putrid barrel of fermenting manatee prostatic fluid, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy panther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) (Not Colonel Potter but if he’d have thought about it, he’d have said it. ) one giant pile of Moose marbles, Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, People like this make me wanna hatefuck a dumpster, on fire and then give sloppy seconds to a menstruating porcupine , Shit-Slot Cosmonaut, Proper Daft Cunt, you thought you had a hair on your dick until it peed, zombies would take one look at you and walk the other direction, Do you know who has more friends and is more popular than you? The Shit Pool at Kandahar Airfield Afghanistan, he has less brains than a bony eared assfish if he thought he would continue to get away with his bullshit, Fair suck of the sav, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, he is just a rock with lips rocking the dick head look, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, He looks like the kind of guy that really needs to take a bath…with a toaster. baby cave, analconda, Grade A chode yodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, you were born after your Dad cream-pied her asshole then finger fucked her vagina, your “heroic “ career is less believable than UFOs, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, you are the poster child for ED, when I want to terrorize my children, I tell YOU are under their bed, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid, Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid, you emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid, nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, a black hole would spit you out, the founding fathers said all men are created equal….except for you, you make scientists contemplate the possibility that there’s a negative IQ number, if you an 2 other guys ran a race together, you’d come in fourth, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, You make PTSD/TBI look like a state fair, a 3 ring circus and Disneyland all rolled into one, likes to gargle with a mouthful of unborn crib midgets, He can shit and fall in it as far as I am concerned(This one is for the Ladies and Medical Staff) this prancing fairy is about as popular as a failed Episiotomy with a 4th degree perineal tear, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Deputy executive assistant jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, turbo douche & enema nozzle, mental midget, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, 100 retarded monkeys could jerk off in a stagnant swamp and generate a better life form than you, You are about as useful as a knitted condom,

        1. if I had the taste of you in my mouth, I’d lick the taint of a dead rotting water buffalo in the Vietnamese jungle just to get the taste out, just to fix your shit, you could make a Jew deny the Holocaust, you are the reason Jesus can’t play peek-a-boo, he has holes in his hands, you are a 0 EPR/OPR, you are worse than a Dishonorable Discharge….from your Mom’s vagina, Massive, back alley, bucket of schlong fuck juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, you’re such an embarrassment to your family and your father is so ashamed of you, he’d refuse a free blowjob out of fear of further spilling his seed, Forrest Gump points and laughs at you, you suck so bad, AIDS and Cancer have nightmares about you, your shit is about as funny as Anne Frank, Helen Keller and Terri Schiavo having an orgy in the showers at Auschwitz, you suck so bad, puppies, kittens and babies hate you, you are so loathsome, looks like the kind of guy who lets his wife gets her shit pushed in by Mr. Ouch while he watches, Gandhi would ass rape you for giggles, you are about as welcome as a yeast infection, hemorrhoids, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, genital wards and herpes, you’re one of the reasons Trump is President, you make God want a do-over, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby,Rear Admiral of the Butt Piracy, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, deep sea crotch lobster, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee Ermey, R.I.P.) British Army failure, booted out of basic for the Royal Signals, moved to the Royal Army Ordnance Corps as a storeman (Supply clerk?) for about ten months before buying himself out, and then tried to pull his bullshit a cadet adult instructor, again something which he was poor (if that) at and a fuckup, then tried to move to Texas in the United States and baffle the masses with his brilliance (read “BULLSHIT”) and set up his own company Asgard National Training Group, as a security consultant for which he is wholly unqualified,
          did have about maybe 1 year or so of honorable service (although completely uninspiring and I’ve seen wet dishrags perform better) BUT YOU JUST SHIT ALL OVER THAT PAL!!, TOTALLY a retarded, soul patch ball dusting, burn pit of worthlessness, you know the old saying “don’t throw the baby out with the bath water?” You would be the exception, he can go fuck a hill of dildos, you’re so fugly, you could make the Sun go down and not want to come up again, you make people that know you, want ass cancer, you make Hillary Clinton’s vagina look attractive, should be blowing everyone in cell block D and taking it up the ass, simultaneously from everyone in cell block C, You fucking LAND WALRUS, shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, remember that story in the news a while back about a guy that was arrested for fucking his girlfriend’s dog that had been dead for a few days, in front of a daycare center? Yeah, you’re worse than that guy, you make child rape and crib death seem funny, you are such a fuckgasim, you’d leave Don Rickles speechless, you could make Goodwill, the Salvation Army and the Red Cross give you the finger, You make your own Mother cry on Mother’s Day, you’re the reason proctologists are a thing, seeing you frolicking around in all your finery makes me understand why Abba wrote the song Dancing Queen, I’d rather watch AFRTS than see this guy’s shit on the Internet, if you were a planet, you’d be Uranus, YOU are the reason monkeys throw poop, you stupid toilet mint licker,
          Hitler wishes he had you as a mentor because now he feels like a failure, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, What an oily little meatgazer, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Impacted breaching turtle head, Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tapping glory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, I heard you were created via frozen embryo, you must have thawed, obstreperous shit-whistle,what’s gross, a truckload of dead babies, what’s grosser than gross, a truckload of dead babies with a live one in the middle trying to eat its way out, what is more disgusting than that? You, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, needle dick buttfucker, Putz, rectal inspector, this swollen, sweltering manhole should be infected with herpegonasyphilaids, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Richard Gere’s Ass Gerbil Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian bag of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, You couldn’t make a point if someone gave you a pencil sharpener, should be pounded in the poop hole with a turret of a M1 Abrams, and then fired a WP round therein, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.
          If any of this offends you, I’m sorry. If something here *doesn’t* offend you, I’m not trying hard enough!
          We now include the NEW & IMPROVED
          OFFICIAL TAH BINGO CARD®™
          /FREE with every deployment of an equal or greater value           The Hemisphere of Insults®™
          https://imgur.com/nGqi3aR

          FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
          Can I get an AMEN?! (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
          Here endeth the lesson.

          Oh and one time Blake Morgan said: “ I swear I was hearing “O Beautiful for spacious skies… For amber waves of grain” playing as I was reading this…. “

          So without further ado, here is a link to the New York Orchestra performing America the Beautiful, at Carnegie Hall, for your listening pleasure, if you want a musical accompaniment to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HgeYRROlk8

  3. Bollocks! I’m knackered and cream crackered by all the bloatermen and Walts out there but at the same time I’m cheeky and chuffed to bits that our mates bloody caught this chap. What a codswallop!

    To the Walt hunter folks in the UK – give us a tinkle on the blower should another dog’s dinner show up and we’ll be on it like a car bonnet.

  5. Note for the Mayor and City Council of Taylor, TX:

    If any of you are in need of a new operable Male Bovine Fecal Matter Detector (NSN 6635-00-498-3466), any old Supply Sergeant up at Killeen/Fort Hood should be able to fix you up with one.

    Killeen is less than an hour’s drive (about 60 miles) from Taylor and it wouldn’t take a whole lot of effort to obtain a working detector./smile

  8. Couldn’t even hack it as a cadet instructor. That’s a Loser with a capital L.

    Thanks be to our Brit brothers for casting the harsh light of day on this cockroach.

  11. OK, can someone familiar with England help me understand what a “cadet instructor” is or does?

    Is it analogous to what we would think of as “Junior ROTC” in the US? Or more like the Boy Scouts?

    I’m assuming that whatever it is, it has no official affiliation with the Royal Armed Forces because otherwise how would someone with only negligible service get a position as an “instructor?”

    2. The Army cadet force of which i was a member after serving in the British Army is a youth organisation that takes youths both male and female between the ages of 13 & 18 yrs old and gives them a basic knowledge of military skills ie Skill at Arms Map reading First Aid adventure training. Plus a few more although its NOT a recruitment organisation many ex cadets go on to military careers. And all become oroductive members of society several of the cadets i taught have become soldiers nurses forensic scientists and im proud to have taught them and to know them hope this helps

  13. A few helpful acronyms: CSM in this case means “Company Sergeant Major” – US equivalent would be First Sergeant.

    RAOC: Royal Army Ordnance Corps

    The terms “warrant officer” and “Sergeant Major” are sometimes interchangeable in the Royal Army, depending on the position held.

    Warrant officers in the British military are NCO’s, not Officers like they are in the US military.

    Reading through this I am again reminded of George Bernard Shaw’s comment about the US and England being “two countries divided by a common language.” 😀

    1. Stolen Valour — says it all.

      Here’s a good one that tripped me up for a long time – is it “grey” or “gray?”

      Even though either is becoming acceptable, you can be proper by remembering that E = England and A = America, therefore GREY = British/England and GRAY = America.

      We now return you to your regular programming.

  14. Most Texans I know are a bit blunt when making a point, and do not tolerate bullshit well at all. I believe SDS here woulds be well advised to find employment elsewhere, and quickly.

  15. I went to the The Walter Mitty & Bloater Hunters Group on Book of Face and left them the following love note. I hope we get a few or more visitors and maybe some over the pond contributions to the coveted The Hemisphere of Insults®™

    “Hey guys,
    Just FYI, myself and TAH just lit Steve up.
    I have a “thing” that many folks at TAH including myself, have cobbled together called The Hemisphere of Insults®™.
    It started small and then over time, has grown to more than 6 pages.
    I am just the curator and we use a sort of Robert’s Rules at TAH when it is requested for an individual (Men only as not to be considered misogynistic)
    Do drop by and enjoy it, and certainly, if you are of a mind, contribute to it in the thread.
    Cheers”
    https://www.azuse.cloud/?p=87774

    1. Yep, I added that to the The Hemisphere of Insults®™ after I found out what it was.

      1. Have not seen him comment lately.
        Perhaps one of the straglers that got turned around.
        He would like this guy.

  17. Just a question of geography. If the Hemisphere of Insults is invoked for a Brit, are we declaring the hemisphere west of the Greenwich meridian or the northern hemisphere, north of the equator? There is a portion of the UK east of Greenwich, technically in the eastern hemisphere.

    Or do we just says screw it and go global on this guy?

  18. ‘Sniper’

    — sigh —

    It’s always ‘sniper’ with these poser clowns.

    And I’m still not sure what “All Arms Para Commando trained” is supposed to mean. He’s as good with an 81mm mortar as he is with a Fairbairn Sykes “commando” knife?

    Surprised that our hero here didn’t go all the way and claim acts of derring-do with the Special Air Service.

    1. Saved round:

      After reading his phony claims in detail, I see that he’s also claiming to have “served in a counter-terrorist team in NI” (Northern Ireland).

      That’s a sure tip-off that this buffoon is a poser, because no true British military professional who has ever actually participated in those operations will be going around blabbing about it, particularly not on a website, social media, etc.

  19. I wonder why they call posers “Walter Mitty”. I’m sure there is some story behind that.

    1. Refer to the movie: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty”.

      Or the short story.

  20. Can’t help but wonder if this guy has special Spaznatz e-tool wielding skills or if he knows how to use flaming squirrels as signaling devices?

    Fuck this guy.

    1. You got it. He’s a S.Q.U.I.R.R.E.L

      Special Queens Underground Intelligence Reconnaissance Regiment (Expeditionary)(Light.)

      You may think the SEALs are tough, but they’ve got NOTHING on the SQUIRRELs.

Comments are closed.