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Headstone decisions

by IAS••111

Since I have some time to piss away before I assume room temperature, what kind of symbol should I put on my rock?   If I am lucky, maybe there is enough time to get my own symbol of some kind approved.  I browsed through the already approved ones:

OFFICIAL LINK

Decisions, decisions, decisions.  I can’t find “Dickweed”, probably an administrative oversite.  Also missing are “Shitbird” and “Clusterphuck”.   There are a few I might need some support getting approved.

 Emblems that would not be permitted include (but are not limited to), emblems that contain explicit or graphic depictions or descriptions of sexual organs or sexual activities that are shocking, titillating, or pandering in nature; and emblems that display coarse or abusive language or images.

Since my sexual organ cannot be eternalized in a rock hard format, I am at a loss.

Who knows, with the collection of dickweeds and shitbirds that hang out around here maybe I can get a TAH thingy approved before the Soviet puts all my shit out on the curb for a yard sale.  I am open to new ideas.

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111 thoughts on “Headstone decisions”

    1. Actually, those appear to be those officially approved by the VA for VA-provided headstones. See the “OFFICIAL LINK” link in the article.

  3. Where is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? I demand that the symbol for my made up church be made available. I may have to fall back to the church of my youth, Orthodox Heathen.

    1. The friendly staff at TAH values all our customers regardless how weird, and will do our best to ensure complete satisfaction with our content.
      RiR, one FSM coming up.

      Annnnd, here it is!
      fsm

        1. No, it isn’t. I don’t think we should be talking about someone’s mother, ever, regardless of who it is. Anyway, that’s my opinion. Your views may differ.

      2. If dreams were lightning,
        And thunder was desire,
        This house would have burned down a long time ago.
        Make me an angel that flies from Montgomery.
        Just give me one thing
        that I can hold on to.
        To believe in this living is a hard way to go.

  5. I am partial to the right hand closed with the middle finger extended upright. Seems the Arkansas Department of Veterans’ Affairs has a problem with that although they were willing to reserve me a plot with a view.

    1. Ed:

      “Emblems of belief for inscription on Government headstones and markers do not include social, cultural, ethnic, civic, fraternal, trade, commercial, political, professional or military emblems.”

      Sorry….😞

      1. I suppose I could make the argument that the Marine Corps is actually a fanatical cult*, and therefor the EGA is a legitimate symbol for a govvie headstone, but it’s likely to fall on deaf ears.
        (kicks rock)

        *NBL, Leathernecks. I’m glad you’re on our side.

        1. I remember catching an episode of “Major Dad”. One of the characters says something to the effect of not joining a cult because he would have to shave his head and do strange chants. At that moment you hear Marines running by the office while calling cadence.

    1. Again, classic.
      We all have our sayings.
      Glad you are not a complete asshole.
      Be safe, 2/17 Air Cav.

        1. Naw. There are only two people here that I would lay into if they wrote that and AW1Ed is not one of the two. Hey, if one leaves a door open, he ought not be surprised when someone saunters in.

          2. You catch me out often enough, Cav. It’s a rare treat to turn the table.
            *grin*

            edit-
            Now I’m curious who the ‘other’ one is. Got a pretty firm fix on the first.

  13. Dave Are you an Atheist or Agnosic?

    I saw the Atheist sign.

    BTW, are you going somewhere soon?🤔

    1. I am both Atheist and Agnostic. To me they are not definitions of degree in regard to the same thing.

      One defines what I believe and the other what I know.

      I am Atheist when it comes to anything supernatural, Gods of anykind, knocking on wood, salt over the shoulder, etc. I am probably more Anti-theistic than anything in regard to religions. Islam for example, I believe it to be a virus of the mind.

      I am Agnostic in regards to what I know. It defines knowledge and not belief. Isfar as that goes; the more I know…the more I know I don’t know.

      Insofar as my demise is concerned…the VA removed what was killing me for the time being.

      2. I always figured the difference between atheist and agnostic was that agnostics at least admit what they don’t know.

        1. I was apart of a top seekrit government program that did anal stuff to me… does that count?

          1. So you were probed and did not enjoy it.

            Your honor we have no further questions for the witness.

  14. I prefer no headstone at all, cremate me and save some money… Cremation and no service because it would be hypocritical of me… Scatter my ashes in Long Island Sound and we’re good to go.

    If I were to be buried I want “Here lies one Surly Curmudgeon Sonofabitch” that would make me smile.

    1. Although I would like a Priest to handle my final sacrament, I can honestly say I don’t particularly care about the disposition of my carcass afterwards. I mean, if I’m dead, why would I give a rat’s ass?

      1. I told my wife to have me cremated. Then take some of my ashes and mix them into a big batch of lasagna. Then take the lasagna by the Fire Department and drop it off. That way they can just eat me.

          1. In life, there are POS, no matter where you work or go.
            For the most part, no, just some of the less than nominal that were an on going pain in the ass.

    2. A few years bac, one of our Cowboy shooters passed. Per his wished, his remains were cremated. The resultant ash was loaded into a muzzle loading cannon and a batch of 12 gage blackpowder rounds. Two firing parties blasted his remains all over two ranges we frequent.

  18. My great-uncle was a medical doctor and served in England as an Air Force flight surgeon during World War II. He made it home and died in the early 1950s of cancer. A few years ago, I traveled to San Antonio and found his grave. It was a surprise to me that his grave was completely unmarked … I suppose, according to his wishes. I know that I could get him a marker furnished by the VA to commemorate his existence and service, but should I? It’s on my list of things to do, but I have been moving very slowly.

    1. If it’s a private cemetery, the VA will provide a marker but the cemetery will charge ($500+) to install it. You will probably also need the deed to the plot.

  21. We still have time to found a Church of the Raging Asshole. Looking at that list, official recognition shouldn’t be too hard. Just need a symbol.

    3. When IAS=SOG at the altar of the immaculate horizontal stabilizer. There IS order in the universe.

    5. ChipNASA deserves equal credit or more for this magnificent work of art. I just put the parts together.

    6. What happened? Wasn’t there room for ‘Imaginary Chief Petty Officer’ or ‘Well Documented Asshole’?

      I guess he showed us.

      I almost hurled when I saw the broken airplane. Now that is some funny stuff.

      1. Ah yes, I have fond memories of the “services” I attended at the local Our Lady of the Swinging Tit, quite the congregation, the pews up front were always full.

  24. Crossed Whiskey Bottles with a lit cigar centered on the vertical axis.

    When the Soviet puts your stuff on the curb, dibs on the pink robe…..And the Soviet..dibs on her too.

    1. If anything tempts me to pray…its for her next EX. The poor bastard, I have an Operations Manual prepared.

      The golden rule is; She doesn’t really want to know what your opinion is … when she asks its because she wants to hear her opinion in a lower voice.

      There is a whole chapter on “Things, strange things that happen in the night”.

      Her favorite hobby is eviscerating the male ego.

      Always remember, she has friends…that will hurt you.

      Good luck to whomever takes on the burden.

      1. So basically a better formed version of all since Eve? No prob. Decades of on the job training. The diminished testosterone is offset by the increased bulge in the bank account.

  25. I can’t find “Dickweed” probably an administrative over-site. Also missing are “Shitbird” and “Clusterphuck”.

    You could always change your name to “Banotz” or “Schmuckatelie”.

  26. I like number 70. Its new since the last time I looked.

    Still no Northern Pedestrian or Seventh Day Adventurist. Two religions I put down on my visa paperwork during the ELF-One days

  27. WHAT?!?! No Cthulhu or Elder Gods?!?! Blasphemous!!
    By the shade of HP Lovecraft!!

    2. You only have to worry about impact tremors.

      If you hear or feel them, you’re already dead meat on a fork. Nothing will save you from them.

  28. Since my sexual organ cannot be eternalized in a rock hard format, I am at a loss.

    Well, you could just tell them to use the Hammer of Thor symbol. We won’t tell them what you really meant. (smile)

  29. So many choices, so little time left….

    I’ll take the Shepherd with the Flag, for $10. The curses I can put on my grave…. 🙂

  30. Told MRS D that she’s to buy a new refrigerator when I kick the bucket, and bury me in the box. That way she’ll think of me every time she opens it. Her plan is to cremate me, put my ass in a Guinness bottle and put me on the mantle. I’m ok with that too.

    1. The rakkasan tori has only one bar. The shinto tori in that list has the two little windows for the soul.

      The rakkasan tori is painted red with the blood of our enemies.

  33. Chong: When I die, i want to be cremated and put in am baggie so all my friends can smoke me.
    Cheech: ah, remind me not to be one of your friends

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