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Larry Martin; phony SEAL

by Jonn Lilyea••75

Our partners at Military Phonies share their work on this fellow, Larry Martin. He claims to have been a Navy SEAL, but he wasn’t brave enough to keep his Facebook page up after he was confronted;

Yeah, it’s called the “front leaning rest”, but you wouldn’t know that, you probably never did one.

He stole a stock image for this next one;

The BS flows often and deep;

The Navy says “Who?”

A more accurate depiction;

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75 thoughts on “Larry Martin; phony SEAL”

    1. Sad. The Army fakers really need to step it up.
      Come on, guys! We have cool hats, tabs, and badges. You can’t get (most of) that stuff with the other services!

      2. They just added a Caisson badge and are considering a Master Gunner badge, in addition to the new Instructor Badge so the fakes are going to have even more flair to show off soon.

      3. That’s why there are so few Marine Recon/Scout/Sniper fakers. We (Marines) just don’t have enough special “bling” to wear.

        1. Yeah, but I’m getting a bit jealous here. We got the best uniforms hands down. Ok, so we don’t have all the patches the army doggies have, but you just can’t beat our dress blues. We gotta catch up here in the phony race. Hell, we even have the Silent Drill Team and yet, no phonies make that claim.

        2. That’s probably why I don’t have any patches on my motorcycle jacket (don’t own a vest). Something I learned through the Marine Corps in reference to uniforms.

  4. His employer is Baker Hughes of Houston, TX formerly known as GE Oil and Gas. The only contact information I could find is their media contacts. You may want to send them a nice note about the black eye their company gets from having a sonovabitch like this bragging about his affiliation with them while stealing valor
    cathcart@bhge.com
    melanie.kania@bhge.com

    1. I’m not interested in seeing this jackass lose his job.

      I’m only interested in how long it takes him to shut off the hogwash and fess up.

      1. I wouldn’t either unless…He was hired based on his fake Veteran status, thus some real Veteran or qualified person were overlooked as a result, then I would love to see him lose his job and be prosecuted.

  6. Phony SEALs are making a run at the phony Soldier numbers for top spot in the February Fakers race.

  8. No SEAL swag, no ink, stock photos…he’s not even trying. This a cry for help “Please, please expose me!!!”

  9. The only time he sweats is when he’s told he’s been cut off at the local Golden Corral.

  11. Oh the Huge Manatee!!

    SORRY I COULDN’T RESIST….

    What a fat slob of a lying sack of shit…

      1. OK guys, we have a request and a Second for the Tower of Insults®™. Do we have at least one “AYE” vote?
        AND in the process improvement department, we will also now include the NEW & IMPROVED
        The OFFICIAL TAH BINGO CARD®™

        /FREE with every deployment of an equal or greater value Tower of Insults®™.

      1. Annnnnnnd off we go…..

        Hey Larry how does it feel yet again, to be made fun of and beat down SOLIDLY, like the fat kid trying to run during the dodgeball game at recess???

        This is for you, buttfuck,

        Tower of Insults®™
        (aka, “This Ain’t Hell” Thesaurus)
        FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
        TACTICAL NUCLEAR ROUND OUT!!!!
        DANGER CLOSE!!!!
        MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
        TAKE COVER!!!!!
        Larry “Fat Assed Chunk of Whale Shit” Martin , is NOT a Navy SEAL, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, HOLY Baby Ape Shit Breath, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, You flaccid piece of tofu, Simply a fart in life waiting to be fabreezed away, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, DILLY DILLY!!, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping giant ass walking fungus shit nugget, Bag of seasoned dog shit, Cambodian cunt sauce, Anyone who ever loved you was wrong, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, JERK OFF !!, Soup Sandwich, you’re such a pussy, when you get a haircut they charge you for a bikini wax, suck a big diseased gorilla dick and open those ass cheeks for the bull elephant that has been eyeing your lying ass, Poster-child for abortion, This twat waffle is dumber than a bucket of goat piss, I pray thou shalt be pursued into the mountains by sex-mad baboons, O thou creature of the pit!, If you are married, The only thing your wife wants for Christmas is a folded flag, Dick Swallowing Jerk Wad Spooge Sampling cum gobbling parasitic infection bunghole tonguer, Klootviool, should be ass raped and tea-bagged, at the same time, by a Rabid Rhinoceros, you were the kid that had to sit alone at lunchtime, He’s more fucked up than a spotted Zebra, If this wasn’t so sad, it would be as funny as watching a monkey try to fuck a football, Anus tonguing shitslurping fuckwitted hemorrhoid munching dick lips wanktoaster, pud-knuckling pus-nuts, farting dive bubble cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping, Sloshing bucket of Hippo Diarrhea, short strand DNA ‘tard, a bathroom selfie loser, fake “death stare” makes you look like a semen sucking cum vampire on his way to a flying J truck stop hobo ball sac buffet, Cuntosaurus Rex, You man meat munching, spunk bubble blowing butt sponge, slack jawed, banjo eyed, single strand DNA refugee from a blow job, not worthy to lick taint lint off my cats backside, dickwad that can’t make a good seal on Tupperware, Buttcrackiula, tit, You look like the product of an orgy at a family reunion. You’re funnier than a sock full of frogs and tougher than a jar of marshmallow crème, Sharmouta, hey douche bag, I bet your ass is jealous of the shit that comes out of your mouth, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, as worthless as a Toyota airbag, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, meat-gazing walrus fart hamster queef that should have stayed a tittyfuck cumstain in the back seat of an AMC Pacer, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die, needle dick bug fucker, wad of fungus on a pile of roach turd, Drongo, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, pigshit fungus Connoisseur ,worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, jejeongsin-iya?, whore-hopping fecal wart, Soppspiste Pitbulkukkforhud, stench-ridden, Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; you only gargled, shiftless, monkey-buggerer, petrified shit biscuit, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, ignoble itching buttcrack, You’re the reason God created Irritable Bowel Syndrome, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, lickspittle, useless bag of monkey fuck, dickbutt, rectum circling colon goblin, Asshole casserole, Vafanculo, Nut hugger, People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore, salad tosser, gonorrheatic urethral cliff diver, smeerlap, fud, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, You look like something I’d draw with my left hand, Mayor Grundle Butter of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, Holy cupcake munching monkeys, clitwart, cuntscab, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, malodorous odiferous felonious fido fucker, snowball, Coprophagous fop, Gonorrhea breath, swizzle tits, giggling beerflecked canker blossom, how did you survive infancy, rectal rapee, GonnoSyphaHerpaClapAIDS Patient Zero monkey buggerer, ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, R2-Dildo, You suck dick for beer money and you don’t even drink beer, secret squirrel masturbation specialist, hand in your badge, Adolf, you fart repeatedly just to make yourself smell better, spunk-trumpet, Bakrauf, face down ass up weak kneed pillow biter, wait of all the lucky sperms that came outta your daddy, you’re the one that WON?? Holy shit, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting, Pissflap, you’re as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Set, overzealous polyp burglar, poser quim squirt, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, Fustilarian, less popular than a Cheese and Veggie Omelet MRE, You are so full of shit, your ears stink, I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral, butt-pirate, as popular as an SBD fart in church on a packed house Sunday, you should get dorked in the squeakhole with the Barbed Cock of Satan, toadstool slime-inhaling dick-drizzling sludge, prodigious jenkem huffer, You’re a dirty coffee mug on a Monday morning filled to the brim with steaming frothy panther piss, Asparagus-dick, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, You’re dumber than snake mittens, Wooden dildo, assplow, Piss Whistle, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, lintlicker, Wino sphincter/ballsack coinesseur, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Stronzo, Pie-Faced Crotch Pheasant, Road apple, Mule muffins, Buffalo bagels, Beaver biscuits, pony pucks & Pigeon pellets (Shout out to M*A*S*H Col. Potter) , Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, manpleaser, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, People like this make me wanna hatefuck a dumpster, on fire, Shit-Slot Cosmonaut, Proper Daft Cunt, Fair suck of the sav, is so unimaginably and extraordinarily vapid and mindlessly stupid that he could get lost in an elevator, Meretricious, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, baby cave, analconda, Grade A chode yodeler, tittilating scrotalator pole smoker, Vaginal Sand Fairy, Drollenpijper, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, feral abacus, leg humper, You look like you were conceived through anal, meadow muffin, ax wound drippings, you’re such a loser, when you spank your little wee-wee, your hand falls asleep, horse squeeze Ball Cheese, when I saw this sperm receptacle, soggy biscuit eater, my eyes rolled so hard I saw my own brain stem, Schlumpadinka, wazzock, Tampon Tunnel, used toilet paper-sniffing Turbo knob vacuum of a meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, roach turd-munching shit-for-brains, dick pickle, gòrach pìos de cac,

        1. It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, feejackapeesack, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, bunghole warrior, cockwomble, bread loaf end slice, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, Your mother may have told you that you could be anything you wanted, but a douchebag wasn’t what she meant, If Mr. Rogers were alive, he’d piss on your grave, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, Uncle Fucker, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, Herp-Burger, poofter, intergalactic cunt muffin, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, chronic hemorrhoid, stugatz, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, Sea Donkey, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, can go suck a fat baby’s dick, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Bellicose ball gnashing raper of babies with rabies, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, bawbag, about as useful as a white crayon, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, scunner, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, fudgepacker, turbo douche & enema nozzle, mental midget, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, 100 retarded monkeys could jerk off in a stagnant swamp and generate a better life form than you, You are about as useful as a knitted condom, schlong juice, cockalorum cum-guzzling gutter slut, Dalton Coldiron’s bunny-butt buddy atomic sphincter goblin, If you stuck your brain up a gnat’s ass, it would look like a BB in a boxcar, Jackanape, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, pussytits, Milksop, You vacuous, toffee-nosed malodorous pervert, pillock, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, donkey raping shit-eater, twatface, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee) You fucking LAND WALRUS, NOT a Veteran, NOT a SEAL and OBVIOUSLY, No PURPLE HEART, your shoulders slope to the middle and your FUCKING QUINTUPLE CHINS START, shit snorting stain on Hillary Clinton’s yeast infected kootchie covers, you’re lucky we don’t dress you up in drag, drop your ass off somewhere in the Middle East and let an entire battalion of ISIS soldiers and supporters butt rape you until you’re turned inside out, you stupid toilet mint licker, Ball Basting Boy Wondor, planetary level atomic flaming douchebag, Santorium, lying shitbag wanna-be fucknozzle cleaner, Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, anal bum cover (LOL SNL Jeopardy), taint cookie, Mr. Men’s Room Wide Stance toe tappingglory hole hero, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, YOU’RE THE REASON ALIENS COME TO EARTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND STICK THINGS UP OUR ASSES BECAUSE EVEN ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS CAN’T FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twatscicle, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed slimy toadstool on a Swamp Donkey turd, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Fiction-flinging Gerbal Felcher, dingleberry circling ass buzzard, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, bukakke glazed shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, you lying sack of mosquito, Siberian and of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.
          We now include the NEW & IMPROVED
          OFFICIAL TAH BINGO CARD®™
          /FREE with every deployment of an equal or greater value           Tower of Insults®™.

          https://imgur.com/Egu9BbJ

          FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
          Can I get an AMEN?!
          (Or your choice of exclamation/interjection.)
          Here endeth the lesson.

          1. Oh and just a teaser for future deployments of the Tower of Insults®™…

            I have a special addition to the Tower for Ladies and Medical personnel….stay tuned.
            😀 😉 😀

          2. AMEN!Not everyone gets to meet their hero I raised mine (My marine). Wish I could say the same for Larry’s mom after this came to light I bet she wished she never gave birth to such a lying prick. New motto for birth control!Thanks to all of our active, retired, and fallen soldiers for their service. I’m ashamed that Larry would even think he could amount to what they are.

  14. Why is it always these wannabe cage fighter douches?
    Look tough guy, in the real world you need cardio.

  15. Yeah, he went full tardo with this. Has fond memories of watching men’s butts as they waded into the surf. At least, that’s the way I understood his comment to the pic.

  17. “Large” Larry Martin was never that fit and trim as the Frogmen in the stolen photo.

    Larry “The Large” … is so fat, he grows a neck beard just to cover up three folds of blubber handing below his jaw!

    1. This clown could make a career as professional test subject.

      Pay him in food pellets or some such shit.

      Loser.

    1. We should set a time for tomorrow and all send him a crap load of synchronized friend requests. Let him know we’re thinking of him. With love and such.

  28. AMEN!Not everyone gets to meet their hero I raised mine (My marine). Wish I could say the same for Larry’s mom after this came to light I bet she wished she never gave birth to such a lying prick. New motto for birth control!Thanks to all of our active, retired, and fallen soldiers for their service. I’m ashamed that Larry would even think he could amount to what they are.

  30. I love this ass clown’s photos.

    Straight up Heartbreak Ridge shit.

    “Stitch Jones, gonna be rock and roll superstar”.

  31. I like this blog a lot. Currently thinking of faking being a fake soldier/sailor (haven’t decided yet) just to be featured on stolen valor section. Sounds good?

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