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Steve Edgell; phony Green Beret

by Jonn Lilyea••84

Our partners at Military Phonies share their work on this dingus Steve Edgell who claims all kinds of crazy stuff. He’s a Ranger, served in Mogadishu, he was a part of the “extraction team” there.

He’s on stand by because he still has 3 years of inactive duty to do. Cops have to ferry him around to get ready for his missions to Korea, he’s not sure if he’ll come back, though;

Even his own brother is tired of his BS;

The Army has never heard of him – his whole schtick is stuff he gleaned from Hollywood.

He’s just a pathetic little twirp in Clarksburg, WV who is trying to be someone and stands in the blood and guts of his betters. He’s so brave that he wiped down his Facebook page. Maybe the Department of Defense can arrange a trip to Korea for him.

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84 thoughts on “Steve Edgell; phony Green Beret”

    1. Sj;
      I thought at first that he was from Florida from the pic of him with the orange jump suit and the aqua colored jail wall. Went back to story and I see that he is from WV. Whew.

  3. Why have a standing military when it seems that the Department of Defense has to rely on recalling “separated service members” for top secret missions that are disclosed on Facebook. I am just glad that Facebook requires all members to sign Non Disclosure Agreements so that these secret squirrels can keep their Facebook friends updated on their missions.

    1. That’s right, Hack.

      Every true secret squirrel ‘operator’ knows that there’s a standing classification/security waiver in place that specifically applies only if one is discussing classified operations on Facebook, or while sitting on a barstool.

      1. Or church social. Or explaining to the judge why you can’t pay child support. Or you will be on an extended assignment but want your employer to continue paying you a full salary.

  4. Gee whiz, Maduro is looking for guys just like this one! He should give the Venezuelan whatsidoodle a call and find out how soon they can get him down there. Last I heard in September, Maduro was drafting citizens for the coming war with the US. Here’s an opportunity to be the guy who stops the oncoming war before it starts.

    What a maroon!

  5. You know, considering that the anniversary of Mogadishu was this week, this clown may be in for some well-deserved grief. Hold on, let me check my backpack and my pockets…well, sorry, all out of fucks to give. Enjoy your new-found fame, asshole! By the way, I move that the new and improved Wall of Insults be put up for this guy. Can I get a second?

    3. All right, after seeing his latest stunt using the picture of a CSM who is Advisor to the Joint Chief of Staff, I rescind my “..not worth ” the Official TAH Wall of Insults®™ comment and vote “AYE”!

      1. Morning guys,
        Seeing as how all conditions have been met for TAH Robert’s Rules, here it COMES,

        Wall of Insults®™
        FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!
        TACTICAL NUCLEAR ROUND OUT!!!!
        DANGER CLOSE!!!!
        MOPP LEVEL 4!!!
        TAKE COVER!!!!!

        Steve “Stinkeye” Edgell , is NOT Special Forces, ALLEGEDLY, but not confirmed or proven, but in some people’s opinion, works balls, tickles taint and tongue punches hobo’s crusty fart boxes all, I Guess, while being a syphilitic, turd-sucking feces factory, Bitch-ass Fuckstick guzzler, pile infested, onion-eyed flapmouthed butt-bailiff, “Fowl” mouthed Chicken Fucking Chickenfucker, moral equivalent of pond scum, THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS A WALKING TURD, inflamed, “Towel boy” in a gay bath house, Ambulatory verbal dissembling anus, gaping ass fungus nugget, Cambodian cunt sauce, Poopy Headed ball working asshole, Poster-child for abortion, Swallowing Spoo Sampler, shit tonguing, munching wanktoaster, cock gobbling Pigfucker, lientery steatorrhea, sperm burping, tit, sniveling, codpiece licking toilet seat sniffer, lying bucket of Chihuahua shit, taintpimple, Pillow bitin pickle smoocher, Bowl of ass soup, Festering fuckwart on a sewer rat’s ass, needle dick bug fucker, Satan even said about you, “Boy is this guy a DICK!, Sparklepony, Toilet weasel, worthless, Vice Admiral of the Narrow Seas, Blows winos behind bus stops for a nickel and gives change, More worthless than rubber lips on a woodpecker or tits on a boar hog, moldy bowl of ratshit, would wear Richard Simmons’ used jockstrap as a facemask, useless bag of monkey fuck, rectum circling colon goblin, rancid floor buffer wax spreader, both of your Grandmothers should have had an abortion, just in case, I’ve seen bigger wieners on a cocktail plate!, Mayor Grundle of Scrotumburg and Anusville, waste of oxygen, Grandstanding cunt, prickwrinkler, anal sphincter canyon yodeling phallic squeezer, numbnuts, snowball, giggling beerflecked canker blossom , ball-tickling & ball gargling bullshiat artist, maybe a “buggerer of little boys”, rottencrotched, rump wrangling, colostomy bag curator, culo de chongo, booger eating fuckbucket, Lemon Party-lusting fruitcake, putrid, rotting, Santorum Stained Molting Muscrat, whoreson whale’s carcass, overzealous polyp burglar, bed wetting, follows in Victorious Felder’s bovine excrement -filled boots, I wanna get a running start and drop kick him right in the ‘ol yogurt gun, toadstool slime-inhaling dickdrizzling sludge, prodigious jenkem huffer, as fucked up as an opossum eating shit out of a hairbrush, Champion Jailhouse Baloney Pony Rider, moron, Poodle Raper, cunt fart, Prevaricating orally diarrhetic sphincter mouth, Cock Bagel and Dick Doughnut, Straight Up Stupid Motherfucker, this buttmunch needs to eat out the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk, baby unit, one eyed snake charmer, you’ll never be the man your mother is, Odious Twonk, likes to suck the turds out of rabid dogs bungholes, baby cave, wide open mouth pivot man in a circle jerk, ax wound drippings , used toilet paper-sniffing meat gazer, terminal crotch infection, asshat, dick pickle, It looks like he smeared super glue on his lip and chin and went down on Whoopi Goldberg’s cootchie, wanker, herpes-ridden dung beetle target, first volunteer for being part of a jailhouse human centipede, should eat a nice steaming pile of monkey shit you ass clown, looks like hammered dog shit, helmet wearing short bus riding window licker, Head paddler in the douche canoe, more ate up than a chocolate dildo in a crowded gay bar, shitbag, dipstickus giganticus, Humpty Dumpty cleanup man after the fleet visits Naples, poofter, knob gobbling, fimicolous galactic Jackoff, Assistant Jizz mopper in training, inbred, toe-jam from an infected Filipino hooker that specializes in foot jobs, tortured turnip turd, festering pool of anal leakage, your penis lives in eternal darkness, I’d hate to see your toilet, retardus maximus, Microcephalic Toad Licker, steaming rat-felching bucket of moldy monkey fuck, Pecker-puffing pickle licker, catcher not pitcher, Arschloch, impotent koekeloeren, slaptard, couldn’t even be trained in my AFSC in the USAF to suck farts out of C-5 seat cushions, mumpsimus, reverse dirty sanchez lover, kutomba wewe, Cryptosporidium-ridden tire tosser, douche & enema nozzle, likes to molest small farm animals, dead and alive, is a hemorrhoid, schlong juice, cum-guzzling gutter butt-slut sphincter goblin, Fuck Tart, Sitzpinkler, lispian, Milksop, puss soaked jackwagon, waste of trace elements and water, Jizztissue, knob breath dick biscuit, Pettifogger, Bunghole Baby, donkey raping shit-eater, pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo it, may he lay a lip lock on the snotty end of a moose cock,butt munch, man of the night in a large animal bordello, I bet you’re the kind of guy that would fuck your own mother in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give her a reach-around (Thanks R. Lee) NOT a Ranger, NOT a SSG, NOT deployed to Mogadishu , Rumpleforeskin, fuckstain skidmark on the underwear of life, taint cookie, Fartleberry, Some NCO Should have beat you within an inch of your life, insult to humanity, I hope his ego hits the floor like a turd from a tall cows ass, shit-filled meatsack, masturbates to videos of Jar-Jar Binks, walking shart shooter, minge, moldy dingleberry on a roadkill swamp rat’s ass, test subject for Preparations A thru G, Remedy critch, Gnard gargling queefsquirt, stupid enough to try to sandpaper to a wildcat’s ass in a phone booth, Handgallop, twat, Obamawad, tool, bint, sleezebag, weaksauce, Gobshite, fuck hole, Pillsbury Dough Bitch, Should NOT be around WOMEN OR CHILDREN, touches himself inappropriately, Turd-Burglar, rimjobber, turd lizard of a roadkill opossum-humper, cum-dumpster, Inbred buck-toothed Swamp Donkey, Useless mangy crotch-dropping, Putz, rectal inspector, ferger, Sheep tits, gonad, queefer, chicken shit, choad, Puppy fucker, dopus, Blue Falcon and Blue Waffle, Fuck Apple with mold, twizzletits, tallywacker, Bozack, Gerbal Felcher, dingleberry, bitch, Saprophyte, ATM, pap smear, shitmitten, Dandy prat, Tazmanian Dorkwad rat fucking, shit-sucking warthog’s asshole, gimp, bescumber, coccydynia, sack of Siberian and stack of cum-stained hadji sheep shit”, mangina micropeen, Fuckrag, Syphilitic Turd Burglar, possibly likes to pick his teeth with his OWN used catheters, Hircismus, cheat, pope-fondling, turbo apeshit crazy, Cacafuego, Cock-juggling *Pussy* thundercunt.

        FUCK YOU, ASS HAMSTER!!!
        Here endith the lesson.

  6. Alright, I’ll come clean. That picture here last year of Claw, 3/17, and I was taken just before we left on a top sekret squirrel mission to an undisclosed location. Yep, they needed a fat geezer signal officer experienced in 60’s commo technology, a Supply Sgt with P38’s, and a door gunner with his on Mule.

    It was brutal. We all caught the PTSD. That’s all we can say.

    1. I always knew in my heart that you three formed the core of the real SOF team that the “Expendables” movies were based on…

    2. “Yep, they needed a fat geezer signal officer experienced in 60’s commo technology”

      Dime a dozen.

    3. It’s because of you fuckers that us recently retired comm-techs with experience in the latest technology only get the scraps. (sniff)

      At least Steve-O is wearing a proper uniform. (The orange one)

    4. “a Supply Sgt with P38’s” and genuine mess hall coffee cups. Can’t forget about the cups.

      But, really, and TINS, did I ever tell the story behind how I killed a squad of enemy dickweeds with just a stick of Zipper-Eze from the canvas repair kit? It was on that last mission that sj, 3/17 and I pulled, and it happened like this…….

        1. And I also have the genuine recipe (late 50’s/60’s) from the Army Master Menu for SOS.

          It’s available upon request.

          1. Feeds 300? I’d like to see it…email or here if there’s other interest. After you finish shoveling snow?

            1. Nope, not 300.

              The recipe goes like this:

              Menu No. K-75 CREAMED MEAT
              (beef, lamb, veal or ham)
              Yield 100 servings, 6 ounces each.

              Ingredients:
              Meat carcass….25 pounds
              or
              Meat, ground…..17 pounds
              Onions, chopped 1 pound (1 quart) (optional)
              or
              Onions, dehydrated…1 1/2 ounces (12 tablespoons)
              Bacon or meat fat…1 pound (1 pint)
              Flour, sifted..1 1/2 pounds(1 1/2 quarts)
              Milk, evaporated…16–14 1/2 ounce cans
              Beef stock or water(for milk)…2 gallons (8 quarts)
              Salt…To taste
              Pepper…1/4 ounce (1 tablespoon)
              Bread, Toasted…100 slices

              1. Cut meat into 1-inch pieces; grind.
              2. Cook meat in its own fat until brown, stirring frequently.
              3. Cook onions in bacon fat; add flour and mix thoroughly.
              4. Mix milk and beef stock or water; heat.
              5. Add hot milk to fat and flour mixture gradually. Heat to boiling point; boil 1 minute, stirring constantly. Add salt and pepper.
              6. Pour sauce over meat; simmer until meat is well done but not overcooked.
              7. Serve on toast.
              Note. Chopped green peppers or pimientos may be added to sauce and simmered with meat.

              And there you have it. Genuine Army style SOS for those that are craving a taste flashback to when the Army only fed the troops the finest breakfast menu. Enjoy. Hope all you cooks out there can understand the recipe and downsize it accordingly to fit your needs.

              Jonn, I know this was a little off topic and should have been on the WOT, so don’t beat me up too bad.

              Nope, not enough snow yet for shoveling purposes.

              1. On second thought, maybe one of the admins (with super powers) can do a link over to the WOT with this comment to where it should be.

                Either that or just move the comment in its entirety over to the WOT.

                Thank You.

              2. I can cut that down to feed me or me and three. Does it heat up okay in a microwave or do you have to use a saucepan?

                1. “Does it heat up okay in a microwave?”

                  Dunno. Recipe was designed and published for either garrison or field mess cooking in the white name tape Army.

              3. Always liked SOS over scrambled eggs, not toast, with a bowl of grits with butter on the side. That was a breakfast, even if I got it at midnight chow.

  7. I mean really, this shtick is hilarious – if he wasn’t serious. But that makes him funny. In an OMG sort of way. A good read for a game night beer bust. The girl in the text chain – she’s not really serious. Is she?

  8. There is a poka-dot clown suit hanging on the wall to the left in the BDU photo above. And the beret fixture on his mellon makes him look like a hobo French street sweeper.

    1. One would think that a real life US Army SSG wouldn’t have a Class A Jacket hanging in his closet that looked like it was slept in! And yeah, he wears that Beret like a pissed-off Amateur French Pastry Cook as well, and where does one see somebody wearing orange coveralls, I wonder how many times he’s been arrested and done jail/prison time?

      1. Real tidy bedroom there.
        Bet the guy can’t even make up a bunk.
        Must stank like a locker room at the steam and cream.

    2. That polka dot suit is a prototype of the Urban Camouflage Battle Dress Uniform that the proud yet humble woman owned business that I work for designed for the Department of Defense. Software has not been selling as well as it used to, so the Vice President Of the company decided that we need to diversify. In fact, the company is going back to what made the company successful, manufacturing and selling artificial Christmas trees. That is where Firs comes into play for the company name. The Vice President expects sales to skyrocket about mid January.

  9. Oh, and what the hell is that on his head? It makes him look like a retarded Picasso!

      1. Maybe he wants to look like Brit Col. Mike Hoare of 5 Commando fame back in the early sixties.

        2. I was gonna say…..I thin this fella is short a few fries of a Happy meal.

          Something in his eyes just scream “recycled DNA strand”.

          2. Some families in WV have family trees like a straight stick. This guy’s family tree looks more like a wreath.
            (Runs, ducks, hides and takes cover from Jonn)

  14. Well, we have what appears to be a repeat jailbird and a half-assed poser as well, I would motion for The Official TAH Wall of Insults®™ to be raised against him, but he’s not even worth it to me, IMHO that would be like using a baseball bat on a cockroach.

  15. Seekrit skwirrl mission? More like seekrit skwirrl buttsekkx ops at the local ghey bar. And he likes jailhouse orange… must have sampled the wares at the BTJT Deli (Home of the WORLD FAMOUS Cockmeat Sammich).

  16. If he’s the flaming badass he claims to be then maybe he ought to be dropped off somewhere in Mogadishu with a slingshot to prove it?

    1. If he’s so badass, he should be able to do all his killings with a rubber band…

    2. If he’s so badass, I’d love to see a match with him and Chuck Norris. hehehehehe

    1. Maybe he spouts his shit to impress his bedmates in whatever homeless shelter he frequents when he isn’t blowing winos behind bus stops?

  19. How long before we hear his “commanding officer” “Michael Epley” come in and defend him? It’s been some time since we’ve had a good sock come in and defend someone.

    1. Doc,

      Should we come up on the TAH 1MC and ask for all hands on Team TAH to prepare to face outboard and stand by to repel sockpuppets?

          1. I gots me a Bean Burrito MRE somewhere in a closet, let me eat that and I can flatten a forest!

            1. We may have have to run that through the JAG and make sure it’s ROE compliant…or make a command decision to abandon the ROE

    3. This sock puppet string is comedy gold. You guys always make me smile after I get pissy from watching our local fake news.

  21. Seeing him and idiots like him juxtaposed with images of the genuine Quiet Professionals who were killed/injured recently makes me think we need to take all of the Green Beret posers and drop them in Nigeria for a while. Let them play their poser games there.

    1. Nigeria is far too nice for them, I say drop them off in someplace like downtown Mogadishu armed with only a slingshot and let them prove they’re as badassed as they say they are.

  22. I’m a Marine, so I don’t know how to wear a beret, but this shitstain really has it all fucked up – even I can see that. He looks like a fairy French professor!!! I know he’s all kinds of fucked up, but you army dogfaces really need to bust his ass for the beret.

    1. Yes, his beret wearing is quite clownish. Maybe it came with his polka dot clown suit he wears when he is out tickling taints.

  23. OMG…None of his story is true?…I was rooting for the guy to win. It had everything, intrigue, drama, possibility of no return, and the ‘ Facebook cone of Secrecy’ activated so he could announce the secret plan he was tasked with…so disappointed in this guy….

  24. I’m a little late on this one, but great morning read. I’m going to stop watching TV or reading books and just read the exploits of this assclown. Can’t wait for the sequel and prequel…

  25. One must give props to Major Epley, that goes out and fight for his men’s honor on social media. You don’t see too much of that these days.

    Hahaha…

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