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Jason Lang, phony SEAL

by Jonn Lilyea••82

The folks at Military Phonies share their work on Jason Lang with us today. Jason was raised on a farm where he was bred to be a Navy SEAL. Don’t believe me? Well, look at this conversation he had;

Well, he got so mad that he is now a Waffen SS Nazi, since he can’t be a SEAL on the internet;

Of course, Jason doesn’t show up in the Navy SEAL database, and, shockingly, the Navy doesn’t have a record of him serving;

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82 thoughts on “Jason Lang, phony SEAL”

  1. This cat claimed Kennedy told his Grandfather 12 years before little SEAL Jason was born to train him. 12 years after Kennedy’s assassination little SEAL Jason popped out apparently already a legend!

    1. Well, aren’t you a petty little shit this morning.

      When you were looking forward to retirement did you imagine you would be spending your time trolling a specific individual as your primary retirement activity?

      Is that how you saw your retirement? Trying to get negative attention by calling him out on articles that have nothing to do with him and on subjects that he generally does not give a shit about?

      Pretty damn pathetic.

      More pathetic because you have decided to do it to a veteran because you do not like his political views. Views he earned the right to have whether you agree with him or not.

      1. Ummmmm,,did you not read the article, and just jumped straight to the comments? He was NEVER in the military, he is a military poser claiming titles others have died to earn. You are entitled to your opinion, but have a little knowledge on the subject matter before you comment. Sound like a plan?? Awesome!

      2. When I was looking forward to retirement? We’ve been over this before, Lars. I’m 33, over a decade younger than you claim to be, and not yet halfway to retirement eligibility. My career is going pretty well, in fact. Just got promoted, too. You keep thinking I’m a senior citizen based on…your own chickenshit prejudices, proving again how full of shit you are.

        Yeah, go fuck yourselves, you pathetic fucking loser.

        1. “Yeah, go fuck ‘yourselves’ you pathetic fucking loser.”

          Um, Whitey, is that a typo or or a deliberate slap at Lars multiple personality disorder?

        2. Congratulations, good luck with the new paycheck. I’m sure it’ll be tough getting more money.

          1. Also more paperwork, more bullshit, more headaches, and getting used to my firefighters calling me “Cap” instead of “Whitey.” And they’ll call me “sir,” which I hate…

      3. You’re reaping what you’ve sown with your attitude, demeanor and bullshit, Babbles McButthead!

      4. “Views he earned the right to have…”

        He was born with them knucklehead. He didn’t have to earn them. Another peek into the communist psyche; one must earn his rights. And just who determines when they have been earned them? You? Asshole.

    3. I’m a major in the US Army Reserve. I’m so special, there’s nobody else like me.

      But I’m really trying to say is that I have a sin skin, along with control, anger, emotional, and other issues. So, when somebody attacks me, I have this obsessive need to “correct” the issue.

        1. That’s true, nobody liked me. As a Major in the Army Reserve, I should be a battalion commander, but I tend to create a hostile work environment wherever I show my presence. People just can’t accept that I am always right.

    4. I was laughing pretty hard, but then realized this cumsack really does believe his own bullshit. This cat is several bricks shy of a load. Then again, do they really allow this guys to walk the streets? Seems like he really should be in a hospital room with someone watching over him.

    1. Word.

      This shit is beyond awesome.

      I bet a PhD Candidate, hell a clinical researcher, could make a career with this fool.

      I wonder what his signature move is?

      The “Two-Hole Stretcher”?

    2. The unclaimed Love Child of Bam Bam Bigelow and King Kong Bundy.

      All that’s missing is the flaming head tats.

      1. I was thinking George “The Animal” Steele myself, but I guess he doesn’t have the hair for it.

  4. Ho. Lee. Chit.

    This kid had an extra big helping of sugar frosted paint flakes for breakfast.

    1. I think I ran into “her” in Patpong….but then again, Mekong Whiskey can make you see things

  8. This all just sounds like a made-up wrestling persona (I hope) and he’s just maintaining character. Otherwise, he should be visited by folks with one of those dinner jackets that tie in the back.

  10. Man, that’s a whole heapin’ helpin’ of crazy there. When I worked in EMS we had two kinds of psychs, the frequent fliers who knew the magic words to get involuntary committed for an eval when they needed to get away and those that were the denizens of bizarro world the good ‘n crazy. That ass clown is not just good ‘n crazy he’s like the royal family of bizarro world crazy, crown prince level at least.

    1. Seen a bit of that myself, doc. EMT-B as well as 3yrs as a psych tech. Come to think of it, that’d be why der Kommissar’s bullshit sounds familiar…

  11. Mother of God. Past and present members of the DRG had a gangbang and this guy was the baby created from that event.

    It’s time for a pitcher of Mojo with a Bullfrog chaser.

  13. Jesus Christ! Sometimes I think you just make this shit up. But sadly, I realize this guy is actually walking around loose.

      1. I swear this had to be made up and then I flashed back to a couple characters; PFCs K.W. Woods and Rotan Johnson. Those two would fit right in with this craziness.

  14. He’s only 6ft tall? I know someone half his size who could take him on and win.

    He’s a real bull goose loony, top of the line. He should get an award for his histrionics.

  15. When I read the first Facebook screencap, my first thought was “this is the story from the game ‘Castle Wolfenstein.'”

    Who knew that in the 80’s, this guy was the inspiration behind the game?

    I am seriously impressed.

    Or not.

  16. Been born a warrior, and trained as such as a kid? Yes, I watched the 1998 movie, “Soldier”, to. Good movie. Many of these phonies adopt a movie’s storyline, or one from a book they read, then expect others to believe them.

    It appears that the only ones that should fear him are donuts and buffet food entries.

  17. So SEALs are US Marine German Nazi SS that are created when a Soldier and and a Sailor get it on…..

    Guy has been using way too many drugs while playing HALO

    1. I’m quite positive that the video bots in HALO could pound the living daylights out of Jason, and not even leave enough behind for a thin shit sandwich.

    2. I can see the advertisement now “Friday Night HALO ‘N’ HUFFING!! (BYOP) That’s “Bring Your Own Paint”

  18. Reading that stuff makes me wonder if the Symba dude had all his shots before climbing in the ring with Jason Crazypants…

  19. He was so special the schools he went to always dispatched the “short bus” for him to keep the other students safe.

  22. Sounds like this guy’s an EDP. If the Navy phased out the Seals, that would put the kabosh on the phonies, but that wouldn’t work because all the phonies claim that they were once Seals. Why did I even type out this comment and waste the ink on the ribbon. looks like a senior moment I just had. Belay this. Flash back- This is a drill, this is a drill, Liberty call, Liberty call. I’ll be on a 48 this weekend.

  25. Sadly, this is the kind of idiot the gun-control schmucks point to when they want to keep the rest of us from having nice things. This guy shouldn’t even be allowed a straw for spitballs. I will say, though, that his delusions are more impressively out there than most who are allowed to walk the streets.

  28. “Big Bang Lang”?

    Seems more like a dud.

    Looks to be a few propellant bags short of a full charge.

  30. This guy’s head is so inside out, it’s right side out twice over.
    Having a conversation with him was like talking to the March Hare while HE was on acid.

  32. If anyone deserves the Wall of insults it’s this dude. I submit the motion that it so be awarded.

    Second?

  35. Am I missing something or is he bragging he’s part of the Waffen SS which were murderers and just evil in general. He went from being a SEAL to a Nazi? Did I miss something.

    1. There are a lot of moving parts.

      His mind is a virtual kaleidoscope of intersecting themes.

  40. Oh sh*t i Don’t know if he was real or just trolling.

    how… how in the fu**ing world can someone be so fu**ed up.

    Did he believe the sh*t he’s talking about?

  41. I REALLY needed that laugh! 3.5 weeks of Hurricane Harvey response built up a lot more stress than I realized.

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