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Military Chaplains Picket Weinstein’s HQ

by Ex-PH2••59

On a bright, clear Monday morning, a large group of military chaplains gathered together at the headquarters of Michael Weinstein to protest the mischief being done by the self-appointed RAHIC through his insistence on removing Christian religious symbols from military bases.  They noted that he has been targeting just about anything that even vaguely resembles a cross, including two sticks blown down in a windstorm, while completely ignoring other denominations.

Deeming it gravely unfair to focus on one religious group alone, they have formed a Syneaudde Premarius to get signatures on a petition to force him to acknowledge all branches of religious persuasions or give up his campaign and stop whining.

A group at a roundtable discussion included the following indignant dignitaries:

Rev. Vic Vickers, the Vicar of Viccmoor Parish

Rev. Juan del Bautisto, Eglisia de los Muertos

Rabbi Shlomo Herschell

Dr. D. B. Cooper, DDV

Asriel Biegattmie, Pagan Society/Wiccans United

Corbyrne Maelwrydd, Thornborough Druidic Campagne

Deogredde de Mantua, Knights of Malta

Sprig Musumba Diego, Nicenian Pastafarians

Dilbe Agnew, High Priestess, Isle of Lesbos Temples

“We feel that he’s discriminating against less well-known sects like ours,” said Her Priestessness Dilbe Agnew. “It’s unfortunate that, in these times of open societies, someone like Michael Weinstein is picking on one group only, the poor old Christians who’ve been picked on for 2,000 years. Even the Romans gave us the occasional nod, y’know.”

“We’d like to point out that focusing on a single view of divine divinity is unfair to the other orders,” said Ms. Bigattmie, waving her wand around. “We witches have had our share of misery, but it’s all fluffy bunny stuff now, and it’s because of him and his obsession with crosspieces. He probably pickets factories that put crosshairs in targeting scopes, too.”

Thornborough Druidic Campagne spokes-Druid Maelwrydd agreed while he was handing out leaflets about portable stone circles. “We’ve been hanging mistletoe on every base at winter solstice for years, and he’s never once shown up to picket the bull sacrifice. It’s the only time of year we eat a lot of meat, too. His negligence is noted. We don’t think he’s even remotely earning that nearly half-million big ones  that he gets as a paycheck. That money could buy a lot of bulls and oak groves, you know.  Maybe our stuff isn’t so spectacular, but we’re open to everyone. Those stone circles are everywhere. We just build a fire, sing some songs, roast wienies, and chase away the Dark Forces at Hallowe’en. How cool is that? And he’s ignoring us. It’s  completely unfair.”

What the group of protesters is looking for is fair representation in Mr. Weinstein’s campaign of snubbing, picketing, and dissing religious preferences.

“Either it’s all of us, or he stops his exclusive targeting now,” Sprig Diego said. “We Pastafarians welcome everyone at the table, especially on Pasta Carbonara night. We’ve sent invitations to him to join us and hear our side of the plate, but he’s ignored all of us. That hurts our feelings.”

When asked for an opinion about Mr. Weinstein’s preference for sniping at crosses and wanting those images removed, Vicar Vic Vickers speculated that it may have had something to do with not getting as many toys during the holidays as he was expecting when he was 10 years old.

Rabbi Shlomo Herschell seconded that opinion, reflecting that “a lot of adult angst has to do with not getting that pink Barbie bicycle you were expecting.” He added. “It’s sad, but true. Must have hit Mr. Weinstein the hard way.”

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59 thoughts on “Military Chaplains Picket Weinstein’s HQ”

  1. Thank you Ex-PH2! That was great! HEY! You are not picketing us! Why not! Gotta love it!

    1. Thank you, Jack. Fair is fair, right? What’s good for the Christmas goose should also be good for the Ostara bunny… or something like that.

    2. It would have been easier and simpler to just bring sticks and beat the living shyt out of the satan loving asshole!

  2. I guess you didn’t hear back in time to include a comment from Potter Headly of the Rastaferians?

    Nicely done.

  4. Another one Duffleblog will scratch their heads and say, “Why didn’t we do this first?”

  5. Onion/Duffleblog, right?
    Sauce, goose, gander.
    Satire at its finest.
    Thank you, Ex-PH2

  7. It is unfortunate that Thee Temple ov Psychick Youth, Jediism, The Bullet Baba’s Motorbike, and Happy Science didn’t make the list.

    2. I don’t they have any chaplains yet, and Obi-wan Kenobi was not available for comment, anywa.

    3. Or Rev. Jim Jones of The People’s Temple with a pitcher of his signature Kool-Aid just for Mikey WHINEstein.

  10. Tell me you DIDN’T reference Rev Bautisto as “Speaker for the Dead”. “Card” well played, well played.

  11. I support their efforts, but Mikey will deflect as usual. Many Atheists can not stand his ass either. Mikey seems to work on the philosophy that “Any Press is good Press”.

    He will bring up the one case where he objected to an Atheist’s actions and then rant on with one of his Fire and Brimstone sermon’s about the horrible indoctrination that his own kids had to face in the military.

    Thanks Ex-PH2 for posting this…far be it for me to be the only one that objects to Mikey and his band of victims.

    This Atheist will now return you to your respective invisible friends to use your telepathic super powers to communicate with them your dislike for Mikey.

    I have no such super powers so I can only hope that Mikey spends some time sucking bat shit off of a cave wall until he gets centered.

    1. “I have no such super powers”

      But Dave, on the contrary, you can borrow those super powers for the low, low price of 1,000,000 Hail Moses’s and 1/10th of your pocket change.

      1. I am offended that Rev. RightOn from the church of Whats Happenin Now was not invited.

        Mikey does far more harm than good. But he does like the money.

      1. Ex, I am extremely upset that you did not mention all of my good work on the home for destitute prostitutes! They give their all for just pennies a day! They sell it, then they still got it? What a great basis for a religion? I will get on my knees any day for such a deity? Just name the price?
        (Snerk……)

        1. I did actually consider including the Vestal Virgins Association, as well as some of the other less well-known wimmin’s groups, but my space was limited.

  13. IF ONLY Mikey Whinestein would disappear like me, just think how happier this world would be…

      1. I’ll see your coffee, and raise you a nice sip of Dr. Pepper through the nose! You’d think after all this time that I’d learn to NOT try to take a drink of anything when reading posts like this one. Apparently not!

      1. You really didn’t get sued over that?

        Color me shocked. They’re the only people more lawsuit happy than Dan Bernath or the Phelps clan.

    2. If Mikey generates legal action out of this, not only will he look ridiculous, but he will have to admit publicly that he was hosed by me. Lookin’ forward to it.

  16. Ya had me right up to D. B. Cooper, and then I couldn’t stop snickering. Well played, Ma’am.

  19. And yet, with all the others being mentioned, how could you leave out the TRUE savior of the universe … that salesman to the salesmen … J.R. “Bob” Dobbs, and the Church of the Subgenius? I’m sure that Pastor Buck Naked would have loved to be interviewed for his views on Mikey’s antics.

    1. Hm. It seems that Pastor Buck isn’t with the Church any more … how about The Rev. Dr. Dr. (Mr. M.D.) David Meyer II, Pope of All New York?

      (No kidding, that’s what the guy really called himself.)

  20. Michael Weinstein is another of those who refuse to acknowledge that the Constitution offers “Freedom OF Religion”, not “Freedom FROM Religion”. Those who are targeted by him and his ilk are afraid to get into an expensive legal battle over it, and he/they capitalize on that. Caving in to he/them is as counter productive as appeasing Muslims. They just come back harder.

    1. I did but they didn’t respond. I’ll just keep posting here until I really fool you guys and someone notifies Mitch McConnell or GEN Chaos and a Congressional investigation is started. It’s what I live for.

      Just give me a little time.

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