You might also like

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread – “Die letzten Schwimmen in die Freiheit”

145 thoughts on “Weekend Open Thread”

    1. That’s two in a row.

      Oh and you too Dennis Cheese Dick.

      ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

      凸 (｀0´)凸

  3. *some artistic license taken from the tune of “One Night in Bangkok”

    Giduck, men’s room setting
    And the truck stop don’t know what the men’s room is getting
    The creme de la creme of each ball batter hurled
    In a show with everything but Yul Brynner

    Lies fly, doesn’t take a minute
    Since the Stolen Valor Tourney had the best fakes in it
    All change, don’t you know that when you
    Play at this level, there’s no ordinary venue

    Lying ’bout Beslan or Afghanistan
    Or Mumbai, Sudan, or this place

    One night in Giduck and tall tale’s your oyster
    Men’s room’s a temple but my pearls ain’t free
    You’ll find a lie in every speaker cloister
    but if a trucker’s lucky then he’ll pretend I’m a she
    Too wide to feel his hog sliding up inside me

    One truckstop is very like another
    When your head’s down over sweddy balls, Brother

    It’s a drag, my book’s a bore, it’s really such a pity
    To be looking at a schlong, not studying terrorized cities

    Whaddya mean?
    Ya tasted one polluted, stinking man relish

    penis colada, warm and sweet, warm, sweet
    Some fakers get set up in a national news suite

    “Got tabbed”, you’re talking to a faker
    Whose every word is among the fakest
    I get my Sambo kicks below the waistline, sunshine

    One night in Giduck makes my believers bumble
    Not much between despair and ecstasy
    One night in Giduck and my integrity tumbles
    Can’t be too specific with my biography
    Large man from Spetsnaz cuddling next to me

    A law court gonna be the witness
    To the ultimate test of cerebral unfitness
    This grips me more than would
    A twirling shovel or SGM Anderson

    But thank God, I’m only working the balls, controlling it

    I don’t see you guys rating
    The kind of mating I’m contemplating
    I’d let you watch, I would invite you
    But the endings we use would not excite you

    So you better go back to your Bernaths, your Monkresses,
    Your Heavy Chevies

    One night in Giduck and tall tale’s your oyster
    Men’s room’s a temple but my pearls ain’t free
    You’ll find a lie in every speaker cloister
    but if a trucker’s lucky then he’ll pretend I’m a she
    Too wide to feel his hog sliding up inside me

    One night in Giduck makes my believers bumble
    Not much between despair and ecstasy
    One night in Giduck and my integrity tumbles
    Can’t be too specific with my biography
    Large man from Spetsnaz cuddling next to me

    sincerely

    John “Faker 6” Giduck

  7. We’re counting now?

    And yeah, first time with your son in that long, I can probably let it slide.

    Memo to Bernath–sucks when your websites get shut down, doesn’t it?

    Rustle, rustle, bitch. You should have known better than to fuck with a SEAL. You REALLY should have know better than to fuck with the wife of a SEAL.

    2. Claw….Way back in the mid-60’s, while in Okinawa for the usual “Last chance to get your wheels greased”, it was “You numba won G I, I gib you “short time”, only fibe dolla!” Some REALLY great bands played at different bars. The DOORS had some great competition there; they just did not know. Or care, I’m certain. One of my more reflective memories was during the brief “short time” with one beauty, she was chewing gum louder than I had ever heard. I must have been an exciting customer for her. One other memory that always amazed me was those permanently stationed on Okinawa most all had “Moma Sans” who shined their boots and generally kept their bunk area spotless.

  10. From the Sgt Grit (grunt.com) newsletter:

    “The Best BS Detector”

    “Almost every poser I’ve run into claims to have been “Recon”.

    A few years ago I ran into a very charming and convincing one while accompanied by my daughter. She listened to his routine about 2nd Recon until the end, then batted her eyelashes and asked “Were you at French Creek or Courthouse Bay?” “Oh, I was laid up in the hospital recovering from wounds during those Ops,” he quickly replied.

    At that point he learned some choice words that could only come from a BAM who survived a tour with 2nd Intel. Although she’s gone Army to finish her career, she’s still Corps deep down and the best BS detector I know.

    Pete Dahlstrom
    ’68-’74”

    2. Being an average Army grunt I had to look up French Creek and Courthouse Bay. Pure gold right there.

    3. I can’t speak for Courthouse Bay, but I do know that things got pretty hairy around the French Creek Enlisted Club.

  12. I envy you, Jonn, but am very happy for you and your son.

    I wish you and your family the very best for Christmas and New Years.

    Drink only ice cold beer and make sure the steaks and burgers are medium-rare…..a nice bottle of red and maybe a cigar or two.

  13. Have a great time, Brother! And tell your son from all of us, “Thanks for serving, young man.”

    3. Amen. I dread the day my son leaves. I wish you and your son the best. Nothing better or worse than having a child who serves.

  17. I’ve been focused on really important things this morning. I put nuts out, hoping to get some shots of a nuthatcher, but the squirrels buried my nuts.

    So I had to put out more nuts.

    In re: the family reunion, got that, and the best of the season to the Lilyea family.

    So, what’s been going on while I was busy?

    2. Yanno, I was going to ask if having your nuts buried was painful, then I read Richard’s comment.

      That, I am sure, was painful… 😉

      1. Back in the day, while serving as a door gunner. I had my choice of duty stations. Mars or Vietnam. I chose Vietnam. My reasoning you ask? Mars didn’t have Black label beer, black light posters, Sanyo fans, or hooch maids!

        If you doubt me ask Claw he will verify. Smile

        1. Huh? What a coincidence. I also was offered the same choice of duty stations.

          Mars or Vietnam.

          I took Vietnam just because of the ample supply of tropical chocolate bars, ice cold Fresca and Ham and MF’ers.

          That’s a no shitter, just ask any gourmet C-Rat lover.

          1. There are no peaches and pound-cake in space. The crumbs clog the filters for the dilithium crystals…

            1. And then the Enterprize has to go from warp speed down to impulse power, Kirk gets pissed and calls Scotty, and Able Engineer Smedley gets to pull the bilges and scrubs the filters.

              Meanwhile, up on the bridge, Bones has to break out the Romulan Ale to calm Jim down and a Pinochle game breaks out with Sulu and Uhura until Smedly gets done.

              1. Spock was never allowed to play Pinochle. His Vulcan side proved to be too much of a card counter and his human side couldn’t ever figure out meld count and needed a cheat sheet. Plus Spock never could grasp the concept of a Ten beating a King.

                1. And then when Spock loses the pinochle game, he does the Vulcan nerve-pinch thing. Don’t you hate that?

          2. Firing the M666 Plasma Burst Gun, now THAT’S a GUNGASM (it’s what I used as an Apollo Mission Door gunner)! WHA? If I’m lying may a hornet sting me in the ass right *OOOOOOWWWW!*

        2. 3/17, still on a weather hold for the pheasant hunt?

          If so, sounds like a typical Army operation. You load up an extra large ruck with about 120 pounds of ammo, hump it on and then are told to hurry up and wait.

          Mule status? Up and running?

          1. Claw…..Pheasant hunt still on hold. Looks like jump off will be Tuesday.

            Mule is sitting in the garage, waiting for the mechanic. Prob. Week after next after I get back from pheasant hunt. It’s all in primer, I decided not to paint it till after the mech. Work is done.

                1. Good. Glad to hear that.

                  Reminds me of that song:

                  “I love to go swimmin with bow-legged wimmin.”

        3. I watched that video of the M60 and I just about had a gungasm. Then I dozed off. Does that happen to you guys, too?

              1. Thanks, Hondo.

                I don’t know who did the labeling on the video, but it’s incorrect.

                M167 is the Towed version. Prime mover was that stupid ass M561 Gamma Goat.

                M163 is the self propelled version. The gun system sat on the M113 APC chassis.

                1. Claw: thanks for the correction. Wasn’t familiar with the nomenclatures (wasn’t ADA and didn’t ever serve in an ADA unit), so I assumed the labeling was correct.

                  My pick as the ultimate machine gun for ground defense (yes, I know technically it’s not an “antipersonnel” weapon – but rifles and backpacks are equipment, not “personnel”). And having been present at a demo or two, I can say the audio doesn’t really do it justice. Sucker sounds like the biggest freaking unmuffled lawn mower or chain saw on earth when it fires. (smile)

                  1. Oh,Yeah, she sounds like a big old bullfrog, just like the 30mm on a Wart Hog.
                    I served in three different Vulcan outfits from 72-81. Two towed, one SP.
                    As you say,”anti-personnel”, not supposed to even whisper that. Geneva Convention ears were always listening. The few SP Vulcans that deployed to Vietnam were used like that and the Commies got their panties in a wad and the experiment was stopped.
                    But when I was in 1/3 ADA with the 101st at Campbell, there were some instances of gun emplacements that there was no way they could have fired at anything in the air, but made a great perimeter defense ring.

                    1. I got to witness them fire a couple of times at Balad Iraq. I think the C-RAM is packing a Vulcan. Hear the burp, look up, see something blow up in mid air, buy the t-shirt.

                    2. The Annual Service Practice for Vulcans in Germany was at a German firing range on the Baltic Sea at a installation called Todendorf. It was just like an in-country R&R, there was even a FKK nudie beach to go to.

                      The targets were 10 foot bright orange leather sleeves towed by a cable attached to an OV-10 Bronco. If you knocked a sleeve off or clipped the cable, it was an automatic case of beer from the Battalion Commander.

                      Good times.

          2. EX…….I have not seen the video you speak of. I still have memories of the M60 and the distinct sound it makes while firing it.

            I always say, mostly in jest, we Army guys couldn’t shoot for shit. But we sure liked to pull the trigger! If it fired, we wanted to shoot it!

            1. Steve, the video she’s talking about is over there on the “Obama to issue Executive Orders” post.

              It’s a black and white training documentary.

    2. I told McKinnon and I’m telling you, s.t.f.u. unless you want to spend the next 18 years in that bright blue dot orbiting the moon. I have pictures of it.

      Does Captain Kaye have osteoporosis yet?

      1. *FEEHHHH!* I’ll get him reassigned as a cyber brothel stall cleaner on a Zaygorp 6 Android Brothel!!

      1. You know, Senior Chief, spewing diet soda through your nose is not exactly the most pleasant thing in the world.

  20. Jonn – enjoy your time with your son…

    My weekly shout out to Dickless Danni-boi (WTF with the website, BYTCH!!!), his anal buttsekks partner in slime QuEeFeRs (still hanging on to Danni’s junk?), and Chevy Cheesedick (looking for love in all the wrong places and snarfin’ down the formunda?).

    A special shout out to Dildo Cockholster, the World Rump Ridin’ Rodeo Bunni Felcher champeen of the Stonewall Tavern…

    1. Yeah, his “a special” website is down but his other one with a name similar to this is still up, his”.is” site. Daniel A. Bernath the Fred Phelps clone has pissed off A LOT of the wrong people.

    2. My blog came down, because I ran out of bullshit. I’m glad they took it down, I meant to say, “A Special Ed Guide,” but auto correct ruined those plans. I didn’t correct it, as I was half assing things like how I half ass refueling things.

      Now, you people may be wondering how I became a “chief”. Well, after I ETSed out of the Navy, I joined the retarded reserve. I rapidly climbed the ranks from PH2 to PNC (imagined). I was going to use “PNC (imagined/retarded reserve), but my buddy Dennis Howard Chevalier, the Cheese Monster, told me to drop both the (imagined/retarded reserve). Since it was in line with my half assing things, I thought it was a good idea.

  23. Jonn, Best wishes to you and your family during the Xmas Season.

    On a side note does anyone have a suggestion for stopping a dog from digging holes ? (short of a Hydra Shock)

    1. That depends a lot on why the dog is digging. Is he hunting moles, trying to get out of the yard, or does he want to bury something?

      1. Pinto don’t think its moles haven’t seen any evidence of them. He’s in the juvenile delinquent stage 16 months old. We purchased four paws spray repellant and he just licks that off the grass. He’s the second Presa that I’ve owned. First one was fantastic with off limits areas and not digging… This bad boy hasn’t gotten that memo.

      2. Do you have gas lines or sewer lines on your property?

        It is possible he might be smelling something like that.

        1. Ex, I don’t think there are any in the back area. It’s kinda random the bastard has dug them all over. Even put some of his dinosaur droppings in the hole and rubbed his nose in it. I’m ashamed to admit I even filled one up with water and stuck his mug in it, the wife says I definitely lost that wrestling match.

          1. FWIW, I had a dog who had a favorite spot in the yard to dig – until a liberal dose of black pepper was applied to the area. No more digging.

            Of course, I’ve been known to use powdered CS to keep cats from shitting in the Mrs’s flower beds…

            It’s all about terrain denial.

            1. NBC, CS for cats sounds like a win win win! My neighbors Tomcat could certainly use a few hours in the gas chamber. He’s an evil sulking bastard that waits for you to wash your vehicles then he comes over and walks dirty paw prints all over. Found about 3 dead squirrels on the side of my house over the past few months and I suspect he may be the reason although I’ve never heard of a cat killing a squirrel. That’s gotta be one mean ass junkyard cat to do that.

              1. Not really, my parents once captured and tamed a half Siamese alley cat that had that habit (he would curl up all over my parents but whenever anyone else was around he his, thus his name ‘Dustin’, he was always dustin’ under the couch or bed!)that suddenly stopped eating any and all cat food they bought for him. A trip to the Vet confirmed that there was nothing wrong with him and my folks were still baffled until Dad moved the camper in the backyard to reveal a bunch of squirrel carcasses, all stripped down to the tail and pelvis! THAT cat thought “TO HELL with this junk, I’m getting fresh meat!”.

            2. Crushed red pepper (grocery spice rack type) works pretty well too to discourage dogs from digging in a particular spot. Not sure about cats and crapping/whizzing, though.

        2. Well, then, there may just be a dinosaur in your back yard, and that’s what he smells. Or gophers.

      2. GDC, I like the back and forth between Lars and other board members. Makes for a lively board.

    3. Depending upon where you are and where they’re digging …
      When I was stationed in Idaho, my dogs used to love to dig their way out of the back yard to go visit the neighbors. They were friendly dogs; but, some of the parents of the young children were afraid the dogs might play to roughly.
      To stop the digging, I gathered enough lava rock to create a stone fence beside the wood fence. I placed lava rock 1 foot beneath the ground level to 1 foot above ground level. These rocks I used were, on average 1 foot in diameter. The dogs no longer got out because they didn’t like digging in the lava rock.

      1. He’s not trying to dig out just multiple random holes, I’m going to try NBC’S suggestion of a shit load of black pepper

        1. That’s a good choice. I discovered the hard way that CS2 powder WILL stay in the yard through the first yard mowing in the following Spring.

    1. If she had seven pounds of cheese in her pants, he might.

      Yeah, pass the brain bleach.

    2. Dunno. Been a while since wife #7 left his butt. He might be getting pretty damn desperate by now.

    3. What are you talking about Jay Jay? After seeing Shrillery’s picture in Drudge Report, I rushed to the shower, beat my puny guy like it was one of my ex-wives, while I fantasized her smothering my face with her bare ass and full weight. I will be honored to leverage my 34 years of protecting people and property to protect her. Her angry outbursts reminds me of me and my angry outburst at the computer when reading your comments.

      Cheese,
      Dennis (Denny) Howard Chevalier

  25. Having been a “Cockpit Commando”, in the big game sportfishing tournament tour, I have met some pretty heavy hitters in the legal world. One of them who enjoys the stories of my psst, asked several times over the years if there was anything that he could do for me. Not wanting to be owing to anyone, I pretty much sat on it. He called me this week asking for some GPS hits on fishing spots off Cozumel, where we had beat up on some Sailfish. During the conversation, I mentioned the ongoing saga of Bernath and discussed some of the high points. His assessment of Bernath? Straight out of Smokey and the Bandit, “He is one Dumb Sumbitch.”, and asked me to e-mail the link to some of the Bernathian posts. Being a Florida attorney, he was particularly interested in the parts about the Dumb Sumbitch being taken to task in California, and said that he will ask around the Florida Bar to see if he has made an appearance there.
    So, Bernath, you Dumb Sumbitch, Rustle rustle, bitch.

    1. Ahh, the Good Old Boys Club. Remember, revenge is a dish best served cold.

      On crusty bread with mustard, and a frosty beverage near at hand!

    2. Frankie: I do hope you mentioned to him the part about someone possibly “holding himself out to be a lawyer” in Florida while not a member of the Florida bar. I understand Florida considers that a bit of a “no-no”.

      1. He stated to the News Crew that was on his lawn when The Hair was there that he was an Attorney, and spoke of the case he bought forth in Florida.
        He failed to mention he was inactive (not eligible to practice) in Ca, or that he was not licensed in Florida.

        1. True, JAOD. But if no one brings that to the attention of LE or the Florida Bar, no action will be taken.

          Seems to me I’ve read somewhere that holding oneself out as an attorney while not licensed to practice law in Florida is a felony under Florida law. But perhaps I’m wrong.

          1. I’m sure that the law in regards to falsely representing oneself to be an attorney is only enforced when someone solicits business doing so.
            If Birdballs tries to get clients he’d get his micro-balls in a wringer.
            As far as I know the only court actions I know of in his in Florida are him acting pro se.

    1. Let me say, with all of the emphasis I can, that there are skilled and professional terrorists out there right now who are examining our vulnerabilities and making devices which are designed to kill Americans, lots of Americans around the world, in further acts of mass murder by terrorism. Let there be no doubt about it.
      REMARKS BY THE COMMANDANT OF THE MARINE CORPS, 31 OCTOBER 1983 in response to the bombing in Beirut, Lebanon.

  27. Jonn,
    Glad your son is home. You and the MRS enjoy your time together and a heartfelt thanks to your son

  28. My grand daughter thought she would sign up for the talent show next year.

    We went out with our BO sticks to figure out a six minute routine of attack and defense moves that include running, jumping over things using the BO.

    Its always polite to tell me what shes going to do before surprising this OL lady. Not yet wearing protection gear, she ran up to me and busted open a seven stitch wound on the top of my head that knocked me out.

    Instead of stitching it up with our new emergency medical kit we received after passing our “Red Cross classes for fixing injuries while camping, etc”, she called 911. My little Papozz gave me a concussion, seven stitches and a overnight stay in the hospital.

    She showed the doctor how it happened with her BO. She’s getting paid to teach his eight year old son Buddhist BO Fighting. The accident was caught on video and I will delete it.I

    The one for the talent show next year, we’ll send to Jonn.

  30. That Dumb Sumbitch, Daniel A. Bernath, once had an e-mail exchange with me at my old e-mail address, trying to coerce me into saying that Judge Dan Hyatt had contacted me and asked me to help bring down the Dumb Sumbitch. He offered things if I would “be honest and tell him about it”. When I “honestly” told him that there was no such connection, that I had never contacted or been contacted, nor had any discussion with Dan Hyatt, he reneged on his promises. That lie, told to me, became instantly embedded and will sway anything that I may think about the Dumb SumbitchNow and for all time.

  31. Today is the 30th Anniversary of Arrow Air Flight 1285.

    May those 256 souls on board Rest In Peace.

    2. Those Navy cheerleaders have not.

      For the last time, Navy folks, the WOMEN wear the skirts.

      Damn.

    3. Oh, Well, that’s why I’m a Cubbies fan also.

      There’s always next year.

      But pretty close this year, 21-17 Navy.

  33. Just saw a Chevy comercial for a “Special Ops Truck” that they will donate $ to SEAL museum. Wonder how long before a pier shows up in one and excuse will be he’s doing it to donate?

  34. Midshipmen and Black Knights kept it classy from beginning and through the honors at end!

    Both teams played a good game, Army played a damn good game.

    Well done!

    1. The after game events were refreshing to see future service members in such a respectful ceremony. American pride on display. Good news for a change. Glad CBS carried it.

  35. In a small tribute to all our lady lionesses here at TAH:

    “When a man hits his target, they call him a marksman. When a woman hits her target, they call it a trick. Never did like that very much.”

    Annie Oakley.

    Hand Salute to all our ladies.

    1. And in that same vein, here’s what Ginger Rogers said when asked how she felt about having the privilege of dancing with Fred Astaire:

      Hey, I can do everything that Fred does, only backwards and in high heels.

      Again, nuthin but love to our TAH Lionesses.

    2. I was informed last night by a very good friend that the police are now telling women to use wasp spray instead of pepper spray for self-defense. It has the same effect as pepper spray, but you can use it from 30 feet away and still hit the target.

    1. VERY COOL, but how quickly would today’s moonbat liberal pols BAN toys like that these days?

      1. API: Amen, Amen, AMEN! Guess all of us who played with those toys ended up shooting/murdering folks (sarcasim with a smile). And I still remember Candy Cigarettes, Bubble Gum Cigars…and of course, those “violent” Looney Toon cartoons and the Three Stooges..

      1. PH, yep…just like a good ole Hershey Bar was a nickle…or a Mcdonald Hamburger was 19 cents…and God forbid that gas was 25 cents for a gallon, but I guess when those fellows came out in their uniform, filled your tank, checked your oil, cleaned your car window, it was worth it…

    3. I’m old enough to remember that but don’t recall seeing it. Maybe it was too violent(Ha Ha) for the Chicago stations to air.

      But only three bucks? Where’s my S&H Green Stamps when I need them?

      1. Claw, are S& H Green Stamps still in existence? I remember saving those in those booklets…they kinda tasted nasty when licking the. You mentioned Chicago with a laugh. Ironically, all those murders taking place in Chicago today are by folks who weren’t even born in the 50s or 60s. My guess is that they read history books about the Prohibition period in the 20s and learned it that way (another sarcasm).

        1. Pat, as far as I know S&H Green Stamps (as we remember them) have went the way of the dinosaur. They have been turned into some type of an electronic credit bit scam.

          Chicago TV on VHF and South Bend TV on UHF was what we got over the air in northern Indiana growing up.

          Even back then we had a pool going on how many murders were going to be committed in Chitown on any given day.

  37. Woke up this morning and freaked out when I looked into the mirror. I had this horrid neck growth that sent me in a panic mode and straight to the ER. Turned out that this strange neck growth happened to be my head. I need to stop having that frozen jaw drop mouth open stance. That was part of the problem.

  38. I was over at my friends house yesterday and was waiting for him in his study.

    Mounted on the wall was a deer with a trophy rack. Very impressive.

    And then I looked out the window and saw a dog dropping a huge streaming pile of Phil Monkress and it made me wonder what exactly what the False Commander and CEO of All-Points Logistics, Phony Phil Monkress, had on his wall.

    And then it dawned on me. Knowing what a drunk, addict, lair and pervert Phil Monkress is, I imagine he has a 15″ dildo mounted on his wall as a reminder of some prior conquest.

    That strikes me as the type of weirdo Phildo is and always was.

    It makes me shudder.

    Time to drink.

Comments are closed.