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Yer Sunday Funny: More Tales from teh Terminally Stoopid

by Hondo••35

Figuratively speaking on the “terminally” – though I’m not sure whether we should be glad or sad about that.

In Michigan, a man was allegedly afraid of spiders. So when he saw one, he tried to burn it to death with his cigarette lighter.

While at a gas station. And while getting gas.

Did I mention the spider was on his vehicle’s gas tank?

I’m not joking.

Luckily the resulting fire was quickly extinguished without injuries – except to the gas pump involved, which was destroyed.

Idiot.

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35 thoughts on “Yer Sunday Funny: More Tales from teh Terminally Stoopid”

    1. Maybe it is a new survival skill, from The Stunning Agency, the people that gave us The Flaming Squirrel.

  3. Eensy weensy spider
    Went up the fueling spout.

    Man took out the lighter
    to burn the spider out.

    Out came the firemen
    to deal with all the flames.

    Now the eensy weensy spider
    torments the man again.

    1. Just read that one, Jonn… talk about the gene pool being real shallow with those two (plus the lack of common sense)!

      1. It is people like this pair that causes the cops to cruse facebook. Felons displaying pistols is the current focus and they are being reeled in in pretty high numbers.
        Those tatts tell me that this guy should stay away from all cameras. Pretty hard to say “That ain’t me” and expect a judge or jury to believe it.

    1. Too funny. When she went into the store she asked:

      A) Is this station for right-side gas fills only?

      B) Can you please turn pump #2 around?

      c) Do you have a pump with a longer hose?

      d) Can I use your phone? My car is defective and I want to call the maker.

      1. e) Can I use your phone? I have to call a lawer in the Pacific Northwest of the United States so he can sue both the gas pumps and my car’s maker.

        Gotta love those Brits.

          1. Hondo,
            Checked it out too. I was hoping to see DISBARRED, then found out it takes two business days for that to show up. ? Buddha reincarnates him into a Hills of Kentucky outhouse, or a generation of inbreeding mistake that pees and ?’s out of his mouth

  6. Each of these mentioned above are almost as stupid, (but not quite), as landing an airplane, checking the fuel, finding that it is below recommended limits and taking off, only to crash, out of fuel a few minutes later.
    The only cure for stupidity of this magnitude is to leave the planet, in a box.

  8. I’m scared of spiders, and I once nearly shot a tarantula that was in my bedroom. The only reason I didn’t is because it was between me and the only .45 mag I had loaded at the time. Personally, I’d never try to burn one with a cigarette (I don’t smoke anyway). That would put my fingers way too close to the hellspawned little bastard.

    Anyway, it’s remarkably difficult to ignite gasoline with a cigarette, so if this story is true, he’s both dumb and unlucky.

    1. He was trying to burn the spider with a cigarette LIGHTER, which will certainly ignite the gasoline.

    2. The people who study these things say that the average person eats four spiders in their lifetime; They crawl into your mouth while you sleep.

      Sweet dreams! 🙂

    3. While I’m also afraid of spiders, I know that most of them can’t hurt you. Even so, I don’t want them crawling on me. It’s those legs. But the easiest way to kill them if they’re on your car depends on the location.

      On the windshield, close your windows, hit the wipers and the spray. On your visor, smack it against the ceiling good and hard. On the road, SPLAT! On the gas tank, a couple of paper towels from the dispenser and a firm ‘SPLAT!’ before you remove the lid will do nicely.

      I’ve also found that 409 household cleaner kills just about any bug of any kind. Haven’t met one yet that it can’t do that to.

    1. I’m sure that at least one of those gene pool dregs are trying to interpret it as a threat in any way it can!

  13. He could have done that on Birdcath’s gas tank and been perfectly safe. No gas or fumes in there.

  14. Are we sure it wasn’t Catheter-addict Bernath trying to sneak some watered-down fuel into his crash test aircraft?

  15. If Danny wasn’t disbarred, he’d sue the fuel pump maker and the cig lighter maker for a “deadly design defect”

  16. Let me guess – after this he went to his day job, working for the St. Louis Rams on their pyrotechnics?

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