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NY State Sen. Tony Avella wants to ban machetes

by Jonn Lilyea••97

State Sen. Tony Avella

From the New York Daily News comes the story of NY State Sen. Tony Avella who, after some vicious machete attacks in New York City wants to make possession of a machete worthy of a year imprisonment in that state;

State Sen. Tony Avella plans to introduce a bill to ban the possession of the scary blades in New York.

“The fact that anyone can easily purchase this potentially lethal tool is just crazy,” he said.

Smaller knives such as switchblades and gravity knives are already banned and listed as deadly weapons under state law, but machetes are considered the same as butcher knives.

Do you know what else they could do? They could make it illegal to kill people with a machete. What? It is already? And people aren’t obeying that law? Then, by all means, let’s write another law that criminals won’t obey. By the way, Senator Avella, you said it all in your little comment – it’s a “tool” that’s “potentially lethal”. So are nail guns, circular saws and hammers. And, oh, yeah…guns. The part that takes them from “potentially lethal” to “lethal” is the person who is holding the tool.

Is there some kind of contest that the rest of us don’t know about in the New York State legislature for the most ridiculous legislation?

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97 thoughts on “NY State Sen. Tony Avella wants to ban machetes”

  2. And pointy scary looking “assault shovels.” I don’t know how many snakes, etc, I’ve killed with one.

    1. Don’t forget Assault rakes, assault hoes, assault post hole diggers, assault lawnmowers (the worst) assault chainsaws, uhm I think, I think thats about it… So glad I don’t in NY state.

      1. Let’s see this pathetic little city NERD take out an overgrown berry vine patch or maybe even kudzu without a machete…idiots! It’s tool, like a knife, a gun, a hammer, a rake, a shovel…what part of that do you not understand along with those that voted for this freak!!

      1. Why does this remind me of Rex-Kwan-do? Bow to your Sensei…bow to your Sensei…BOW TO YOUR SENSEI!

  3. Okay, what about brush hooks? Two-handed tool mounting a heavy steel head with a 12-inch razor-sharp edge–gasp! Never mind that they’re frequently found on fire engines for a good reason.

    Or chainsaws? What reason could someone possibly have for owning a chainsaw? Haven’t you seen “Scarface?”

    Or kitchen knives? One of the most common murder weapons, according to the FBI. Besides, you should all be vegans anyway.

    Or axes? Deforestation is evil, so axes are evil, too! You know who liked axes? The Vikings! And they were BAD!

    Or baseball bats? How dare you expose children to a ready-made cudgel?

    Or baseballs? My God, a man was killed by a fastball 90-odd years ago! These dangerous destructive devices must be eradicated!

    I could keep going. How much time ya got?

    2. Rocks are bad. Ban them.
      Long icicles are bad. Ban cold weather.
      Stupid politicians are bad. Ban them.

      1. Patrick McManus, the late Field and Stream humorist whose name I may have misspelled, wrote years ago that rock throwing arms would have to be registered with the government (like black belts are–and brown belts as well, I’m told).

        1. According to Wikipedia, Patrick McManus is still alive. Oh, I do hope that’s true.

          1. God willing he’s still alive, old Pat has written some funny stuff over the years. I refer to him (with affection) as “Ese pinche Viejo mentiroso” which loosely translates to “That damn lying old man” because of his wildly exaggerated stories of his childhood and especially his dog, Strange. I don’t think he ever wrote a bad column or story, just funny stuff often illustrating a deeper truth.

        2. Black belts (and any other belt for that matter) do not get registered with the government, it’s an old myth

        3. I can tell you from first-hand knowledge (having over 40 years of martial arts experience) that “black belts” are not required by law to register their hands or any other body part.

      2. You’re all being stupid….

        All we have to do is enact one final piece of legislation and the crime problem will be solved:

        ….make it illegal to break the law.

        DONE

  5. Just wait until they try banning pointy sticks. Oh, and martial artists know how to hurt people with their hands, so they need to ban martial arts, too.

    Cars are killing people? Well, cars are actually useful, but the subjects don’t really need them, so let’s just ban them for the serfs.

  6. I know how to stop this jerk. He’s a Democrat. Just accuse him of being anti-Filipino, anti-African, and anti-Latin American. That ought to do it but quick.

      1. I would have but micks and machetes don’t mix. You’re in just as soon as this wop tries to ban shalalies. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must surrender myself to the pc police.

  7. How about banning guys having dicks? That way, no more rapes!!! I’m sure Mr. Tony “the commie” Avella wouldn’t object to that; would he?

    1. Obviously not, since he doesn’t seem to have one. Just make sure he washes the sand out of his mangina, and puts on the proper size panties.

    1. Wasn’t that tried with much success in the Country Formerly Know As Not-So-Great Britain?

      Oh. Never mind. Carry on.

  9. What my cat leaves in the catbox can easily be considered a lethal weapon, in all of its states.

    Let’s ban sewing needles, straight pins, seam rippers, embroidery hoops, fountain pens (they have nibs), table flatware – especially forks, plastic straws, skillets… my word, the list just goes on and on, doesn’t it?

    I truly do want to send the senator a gift from my cat, just to let him know what I think of his serious problems with fear of everything.

  10. Keep in mind that NYC requires a permit to transport carbonated beverages, mandates that toilets be evenly divided between men and women (even though women need more then men if you go by the long lines), it is illegal to carry an open can of spray paint and to illegal to jump off the Empire State building.

    NYC has a lot of dumb laws, and NYS is not far behind. Worse is the number of laws that never make it past getting into a committee.

  11. “The fact that anyone can easily purchase this potentially lethal tool is just crazy,” he said.

    WHAT A RETARD! Home Depot and Lowes are gonna be pissed I tell ya.

  12. I can see his point, after all machetes serve no useful sporting purpose, and you can’t hunt with one. /sarc

  13. Bear with my rambling for a moment. You’ll see the point.

    It’s illegal to harry wild game — basically, to run it to death. That’s where we get the idea of sportsmanship in a hunt, in fair chase. This is a major objection to using dogs to hunt, even though it’s legal in several states; people object to the idea of an animal being run down with no chance of escape.

    More and more, I’m beginning to feel like we’re being harried to death by the people we elect. It’s guns and then it’s knives and then it’s gun locks and then it’s gun safes and then it’s permits and then it’s reciprocity and then it’s concealed carry and then it’s open carry and then it’s castle doctrine and then it’s self defense and then it’s…

    Round and round we go. Do you realize that we never truly win any of these arguements? That they are never settled, once and for all? If we win in court, they go to the public for a vote. If we win the popular vote, they tie it up in court. IT NEVER ENDS.

    WE ARE BEING ATTACKED BY THE VERY PEOPLE WE PUT IN OFFICE. The machete thing has nothing to do with protecting us, and everything to do with controlling us. We are being harried and hounded to death, just like a game animal being run to earth.

    1. If you think this guy can out run me and then take away my guns and edged weapons, you are wrong.

      Half way through his anticipated chase, while he is gasping for air, I will stop just short of a hill, brandishing my arms as an army of well armed citizens crest said hill to drive him back!

      Note: This is a satirical response not intended to offend any NYS lawmaker who was never subjected to 32 years of annual PT tests.

    2. Oh, come on! I can probably outrun his flabby ass, and I’ve got arthritis.

      I’m really beginning to think that politicians should be required to undergo very extensive psycho analysis, starting with Freudian and Jungian in-depth encounters, and concluding with testing for autism and hyper-loaded ADHD syndrome. They should also be required to sit through an interview after a strong dose of whatever truth serum is in vogue now, and video recordings distributed to all networks everywhere.

  16. I just realized, after reading that piece about the plastic knife laws in Oz, that not only do I NOT ever want to to there, but I also forgot to include in my list of lethal thingies, the following:

    sheets of paper, because paper cuts

    lemons, because lemon juices makes paper cuts hurt

    dentures, becuase if they come loose you can choke to death on them

    BE AFRAID!!!! BE VERY AFRAID!!!! THE GIANT ALIEN COCKROACHES ARE COMING TO GET YOU!!!!!

    Geez!

      1. I doubt they could be any stupider than most of the politicians and bureaucrats in DC and many a State Capitol!!

  17. The only Tool in this post is the numbnuts proposing this new law! Now that’s a tool.

    PS. The implements he is displaying are not machetes. They are bush knives or pangas. Used for several millinnia as weapons of jungle warfare.

    1. That’s OK, the AR-15 rifles they always show aren’t assault rifles either but they don’t let pesky things like facts get it the way.

      The point is, those look scary so they MUST BE BANNED!!

    1. I went off about this on my facebook page when I read it yesterday. You know that they have such a problem with geriatrics doing drive-by gentleman’s duels in NJ.

  19. What? No corn knives?

    How am I expected to keep the jimson weed, canadian thistle, lambsquarter, volunteer corn and marijuana out of this year’s soybean crop?

    Those all need to be whacked off with a corn knife (machete). You do this by walking the rows in 105 degree heat and humidity without a canteen.

    The only fun involved in that is when you get to chase down a groundhog that fell asleep and was too far away from his burrow.

    Non-Farmers have no clue.

      1. Roundup is OK for smaller weeds. But too much application can ruin the crop.

        Do some research on Superweeds such as Pigweed, Horseweed, Giant Ragweed, Johnson Grass(Foxtail) and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
        Also Roundup Ready Crop Seed, glyphosate and glufosinate.

        Herbicide resistant weed control is a constant battle by man,machines and technology.

        But nothing is quite as effective as cutting them out before the weeds get too big/tall and go to seed to produce the next generation.

        1. Claw131,
          You forget *dickweeds*.
          They’re impossible to get rid of.

          /*waves at Jonn*, takes a bow.

          1. Yep, but we could severely curtail their growth pattern with a corn knife.

            Screw the herbicides, they take too long to be effective. I want instant gratification. Off with their heads!!!

                1. OK, time to stop.

                  The thread has morphed from machetes to The Ten Commandments and Yul Brenner.

      2. There’s other problems with Roundup (the biggest being that we’re seeing increasing strains of weeds which are resistant to it) but the gist boils down to, there’s absolutely no substitute for manual removal. I high-five my fellow farmer and glance at my garage full of lethal implements designed for doing something Senator Avila clearly would never dream of doing: an honest day’s work.

        1. Thank You, Farmgirl. BTDT, born and raised on a corn and hog farm in northern Indiana.

          You’re correct on the manual removal being the most effective means of weed control.

          Things get interesting when you run a jimson weed trunk that is as big as your forearm through the grain head of a combine.

          1. CLAW, just hearing about that makes me want to duck and cover. I’ve got a smallholding in the PNW and am back in college for ag sci; no hogs, just sheep and various poultry. No jimson weed here – one of the most pernicious invasives here is scotch broom, which pretty well requires the same treatment (machete, or machete AND Roundup) to be kept under control.

            Unless you have the breed of sheep I do, in which case they eat it down to the ground. Doubt that’d work so well with jimson weed.

          1. Sorry, Master Chief. You can’t do that in the middle of a soybean field.

            That may work along the ditchbanks or in the backyard along the fence line, but in real life you have to walk the rows.

          2. Try dealing with Musk Thistle and Thorny locust (Black Locust) trees in the Missouri Ozarks! I’ve been tempted to deal with the locust trees via drilling a 1/2″ to 3/4″ hole diagonally into them, then pouring some diesel fuel in it and plugging the hole shut, then wait to see if that can kill the tree and stump! Musk Thistle? It’s a never-ending battle, leave one or two plants alone and next thing you know, your pasture is overrun with it!

            1. Hmm. I can see why you’d be tempted – but diesel fuel would probably have some undesirable side effects. If you want, API, I can check into it a bit for you (assuming you haven’t already, which is never a safe assumption, I know). I’ve got some agricultural science resources which might turn something up. No pressure, though!

      1. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODAMNIT!

  21. I’m coming up on year 2 of living in the Northeast soon (I look at it just like a deployment). Everyday completed here is just another day closer to being able to leave.

  22. There’s a rumor Avella’s campaign was funded by a donation from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Kudzu.

    1. Perry, are you sure you don’t mean the Society for the Prevention of Extreme Cruelty to Kudzu (SPECK)?

      There, fixed it for you.

  23. The next ban list will be photo copied from TSAs list of things you cant have in a aircraft. Unless your a criminal than its o.k.

  24. They should of held job fairs then those critters wouldn’t be swinging big knives at each other. Ha!

  25. “Is there some kind of contest that the rest of us don’t know about in the New York State legislature for the most ridiculous legislation?”

    Dah … YES!

    So, you can bet there will be a run on knives, hatchets, machettes and all blades of all sorts in NYS this weekend.

    I would investigate this idiot and see if he holds any stock in the “edged tool and or weapon industry”. There is usually a ridiculous connection.

    We can rule out he has stock and interest in the “bandage and medical dressing industry!”

  26. How about icepicks, screwdrivers, chisels, and claw hammers? IT’S FOR THE GOOD OF OUR CHILDREN!! /sarc
    Politicians are a perpetual cornucopia of STUPIDITY!!

    1. OH, I forgot about tire irons and crowbars. One banned, only criminals will have them!!

        1. Lug wrench – tire iron. What about toilet BRUSHES? The bristles on those things are SO stiff YOU COULD PUT YOUR EYE OUT with one!! HEY, what about small pieces of sheet metal that COULD be made into weapons? GOTTA BAN THEM TOO, it’s for the good of our chiiiillldren!!! /sarc

  27. NY State Sen. Tony Avella, should be tried under the law he touts for having those big knives. A year in jail.
    I use a machete in the garden beds in the fall. Work really well at chopping down dead plants. My pruners could cut off a finger if your not careful, he should ban these too. And you know old peoples canes and walkers could be used as a weapon, so these gotta go. Toothpicks can be pretty dangerous too, so really I guess if the nanny state of New York is going to protect everyone from getting hurt or mugged, they could just lock up everyone in New York. Let’s strart with the politicians, because they are the most dangerous to everyone’s Freedom!

  29. I do have a question, though…
    Is there companion legislation that will ban the dreaded “knife hand”? If so, there’s going to be a lot of pissed off NCOs and Petty Officers out there. Just sayin’!

    🙂

  30. Been a while since I’ve actually been around machetes, but they didn’t look anything like what he’s holding. There probably is an old, rusted one hanging out back somewhere. It doesn’t look anything like what he’s holding either.

    Wonder what he’d think about some of the scythes and such used by the old timers to cut grass and weeds off creek banks, hillsides, and fence rows back in the day. Goats are good for such things, but this clown would probably want to tax you for each that you owned, then control their food intake as well.

    1. Well, if some idiot can tax you for the rain that falls out of the sky onto your roof…. think about it, for a moment.

      There is a point where idiocracy finally implodes on itself. And that’s when a state like Colorado decides that ‘legal pot’ legislation maybe wasn’t such a good idea, after all.

    2. WAIT, OWB!!! Don’t goats produce CO2 and methane like cows? GLOBAL WARMING GASES, TAX THEM!!! /sarc

  31. OK, I held off for 90 comments but just cant believe I am the first to say it… “No, that isn’t a knife – THIS is a knife!”

  32. That’s all fine and well but when oh when will our lawmakers protect us from windows on any floors above 25′? Every single one of them is a tragedy waiting to happen. We need Meryl Streep or some other expert to testify to Congress about the dangers they pose, especially to children. These ‘baby’s mom’ are in no way negligent. Those texts are important! If they weren’t the government wouldn’t give them phones out. Its the lawmakers allowing these death traps. Light and fresh air? They are just leftovers from western civilization’s unfair and racist domination of world history. Maybe we can pressure Google into put foam pads over all the sharp corners in cities that they have a campus or at least in the workplace.*

    *since its TAH, I didn’t put up my customary sarcasm warning.

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