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Weekend Open Thread

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237 thoughts on “Weekend Open Thread”

  1. You guys have a great time this weekend….

    *tosses a chew toy in the middle of the thread*

    and GO!!!

    “ggguurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”

    1. I gotta tell ya, CPO…Were this my kid, he’d have a pair of 10.5E Justins so far up his ass, ER doc’s would be busy all night digging them out. And that’s just the beginning. Geebus!

      1. Mine would have discovered the joys of burning off excess energy by mowing the lawn by using one of the reel type push mowers. And while he was doing that I’d be converting his room from 21st century to 19th century. i.e. taking the lights out and placing a oil lamp on his dresser, blocking off the A/C vents and opening up the windows, and so on.

    4. There is a bunch of video’s of that kid taken by his brother. It’s kinda obvious after watching them that something is not right with him maybe autism.

    5. This video was a “web redemption” on Tosh.O on Comedy Central a couple years back at least.

      They pretty much made the whole joke about the kid making this up and that it was fake because it seemed like it was by the end of the skit.

      Though there are kids who throw tantrums about not getting to play WoW or Xbox, etc.

    6. This must be how a “progressive” DemonRat reacts when told by a conservative Kongress Kritter, no “hands across the aisle, no partisanship”.

  3. spending the weekend at a girl scout zombie run/haunted camp. i don’t know if i will survive taking 6 females(wife, 2 daughters and 3 other scouts)with me.

    2. Can I have your Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator? I had to turn mine in on a job order to NASA after it took a couple of plasma rounds to the external power pack and I’ve heard rumors that it’s being cannibalized for parts for the next space shuttle mission.

    3. Being old school Army MP, I hereby confiscate your stash of cold beer, pickup truck, three legged dawg and country music collection.

      over!

      4. streetsweeper…Country Music. Yea they always told me Country Music touches your heart. My only problem was…it had to go through my fucking ears to get there! 😀

  5. We’re going to have good weather here this weekend, and I’m goin’ arrow flingin’….the perfect antidote for frustration!

  7. Son #2 is stopping by Sunday with a couple of his pals, just in time for dinner. Go figure. Were both good cooks- working on the menu now, but I think it’ll involve Yorkshire pudding.

  9. Someone come over and cut my grass, edge, clean up the bushes, and powerwash my house for me. I’ll pay you in beer.

    2. Whats your location? I’ll be *blue lights* to it, if you are local to my zip code…Heh.

  10. So Bernath believes he is slicker than all the individuals, agencies, lawyers and “other officials” he has attracted.

    As far as the masses of people, places and things he has tried to sue … He has apparently dismissed all actions in Oregon and Florida.

    Well, not so fast Mr. Bernath, certainly you know that you may dismiss us, but we don’t have to go away for you to file later. The dismissal action is IMMCPOO an indication of cowardice.

    I will do everything as promised, planned and executed …

    You challenged me, three MCPON’s and the entire CPO mess!

    Now I can’t speak for the MCPON’s or everyone in the Mess, but I can assure you of this Bernath … I have the support of all off them!

    I will see you in court in both Florida and Oregon! Better up your game a wee bit.

    You are a fraud, liar, Valor Thief and much more … Go ahead and sue me again.

    One other thing Bernath, your past that clearly haunts you daily as evidenced by your disgusting web site … Yes YOUR past is all coming together.

    Just a few more pieces of the puzzle and we will know time, place, everything and everyone!

    So continue what you are doing as we peel your onion and deliver it to those who are most interested.

    You have grossly underestimated our resolve and resources.

    KMRIA … This is an issue of Stolen Valor, you are the thief and I am the Hunter and Protector.

    “Bernath is not, never was nor will he ever be a Genuine or Honorary CPO. PERIOD!”

    MCPO 2014.

    4. “Well, not so fast Mr. Bernath, certainly you know that you may dismiss us, but we don’t have to go away for you to file later. The dismissal action is IMMCPOO an indication of cowardice. ”
      Say that again in English for us poor Paratroopers. Are you saying that even if someone sues you in court then withdraws the motion you have to agree to let it go and if your a prick you can say “nope” and keep it going? LMAO. Bernath screwed the pooch on this one didn’t he?

    5. I’ve “fixed” a couple of Daniel Alen Bernath’s photos to reflect him being a PO2, because he never was a CPO in any capacity. :mrgreen”:

      1. Has anyone contacted the flying drunk clown in FL yet ?
        I guess they have. Because he’s been silent lately.

        1. He is with us. I am taking Daniel Bernath, Dallas Wittgenfeld, Paul Wickre, Frank Visconi, and the others you people attacked, with me on my C-130. We are on our way to a place that Daniel Bernath calls “Ologopo”. I think the name of the place is “Olongapo” or something like that, but every time I ask Dan, he insists on “Ologopo.”

          This is a long flight, but the cheese party is making things go by. We have cheese puffs, cheese curls, macaroni and cheese, cheese pizza, blocks of cheese, and cheese to no end. We are almost there, Dan wants to take over. Fine with me, cheese needs to be eaten.

          Dan says that there are a lot of medically converted females over there that are fun, and that we will like it. I heard that they will kick my ass if I try to treat them like my ex-wives, my soon to be ex-wife, and my sun. I plan on behaving. I can not eat cheese if I have a busted mouth. I do not care in the end. If Daniel Berthath loves them, everybody on this C-130 will to.

          Cheese,
          Dennis “The Blobfish” Chevalier

        2. I haven’t heard much of jack shit about DallASS Witlessfart lately, which is fine as I see it, he still bores the fuck out of me! “THE *SLUUURRP*MAN COMETH” – Yeah, right. *YAWN*

        3. SITREP time. Well, with Daniel Bernath and Dallas Wittgenfeld flying the C130, I went back to enjoy the cheese party. Shortly after that, Dallas came back with his purple suite and purple jump gear. He interrupted our party to ask to make an exit available for his jump.

          Well, he made his jump and said, “See you losers in he e e e e l l!” I didn’t realize what he meant until we had to look up at the tree tops through the window.

          I rushed up to find out what’s gong on. Dan kept talking about “making it to ologopo!” I said, “Not when we’re out of fuel!” I was pissed. Dan assured me, before the flight, that he was going to make sure that we were going to get fueled.

          He didn’t do anything to top our fuel off, or to even get fuel. We crashed. Someone call the amber lampf.

    7. So the court room bully had someone stand up to him and he backed down? That makes at least the third time that that’s happened.

      He sued Yelp and dropped the case.
      He sued the airplane manufacturer and dropped the case.
      Then he tried to sue TAH et al and dropped the case. But he really fornicated the poodle now. Because just like any other fight, when your opponent backs up, you step forward. That’s what’s happening here. The bully is on the run.

      OVER!

      (Well, OVER as in end communication. It’s not OVER for the notalawyer.)

      OVER!

    8. Give him hell, Master Chief! I won’t even give that person an insult. After having seen him in person, I feel nothing more than pity for what has become of a once honorable life.

      1. Screw that. He wants to play fuck-fuck? Good. He shouldn’t be so surprised when we don’t back down, especially when his sick little website is up.

        I don’t pity someone like him. Scorn, derision, and contempt. That’s all he deserves. Pity is for those whose circumstances are not of their making and/or beyond their control.

  12. Popping chuck roast into the crock pot tomorrow morning, with 1/2 pound baby carrots, 2 chopped bermuda onions, lots of garlic, winter savory, Mrs. Dash, mesquite steak seasoning, and beef broth. Cook on low for 8 to 10 hours, add quartered potatoes the last two hours, or make mashed taters and use the broth to make gravy.

    Read a good book after dinner, with cake, cookies, cupcakes or pie and lots of hot tea (or coffee).

    3. I want EBOLA melted cheese, make that several, with a side of 7 pound block cheese.

  13. *Wavies* TAH family 🙂

    Miss you bunches…Recovery is still tooo slow…but I am able to get around a little better now.

    Here’s lunch for tomorrow, perfect for a nice chilly day here in Dublin 😈

    TOMATO BASIL PASTA

    Ingredients Related Tips
    12 ounces pasta (I used Linguine)
    1 can (15 ounces) diced tomatoes with liquid (You can use fresh if you like as well)
    1 large sweet onion, cut in julienne strips
    4 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
    1/2 teaspoon red pepper flakes
    2 teaspoons dried oregano leaves
    2 large sprigs basil, chopped
    4 1/2 cups vegetable broth (regular broth and NOT low sodium)
    2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
    Parmesan cheese for garnish

    Directions
    Place pasta, tomatoes, onion, garlic, basil, in a large stock pot. Pour in vegetable broth. Sprinkle on top pepper flakes and oregano. Drizzle top with oil.

    Cover pot and bring to a boil. Reduce to a low simmer and keep covered and cook for about 10 minutes, stirring every 2 minutes or so. Cook until almost all liquid has evaporated – I left about an inch of liquid in the bottom of the pot – but you can reduce as desired .

    Season to taste with salt and pepper, stirring pasta several times to distribute the liquid in the bottom of the pot. Serve garnished with Parmesan cheese.

    Dessert

    Torta Sbrisolona

    Ingredients

    1 3/4 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for the pan
    1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
    1 1/2 cups blanched almonds, finely ground
    3/4 cups sugar
    1/4 teaspoon salt
    1 1/2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract

    Directions
    Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Butter a 10-inch springform pan; set aside. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, ground almonds, sugar, salt, and vanilla. Cut in the butter with a pastry blender until it is completely incorporated and there are no dry crumbs. Squeeze the mixture to form pea-size to 1-inch clumps.

    Gently press three-quarters of the mixture into the prepared pan, and sprinkle evenly with remaining crumbs. Bake until cookie begins to turn golden, about 25 minutes. Reduce oven temperature to 300 degrees F, and continue to bake until golden brown and fairly dry, about 10 minutes more. Transfer pan to a wire rack to cool completely. Remove sides of pan to unmold. Cookie can be kept, wrapped well in aluminum foil, at room temperature for up to 3 days.

    Enjoy!

    Oh and That Odious Santorum Stained EX Second Class Petty Officer, Never Was, Nor Ever Will Be CPO Hon. or Otherwise can go eat Toad Snot…By the Old Gods and the New, One hopes he falls face first into a Sewer and there will be no one around to pull him out.

    **Disclaimer** Not a Threat 👿

    Over!

        1. @Azygos~

          Nothing personal against sewers, just the Swamp Donkey Valor Theif who never was nor ever will be a CPO Hon or otherwise.

          😈

          1. I think “Swamp Donkey” is too nice of a term to describe that critter anymore, I was thinking of something like “Turd-eating sewer possum”!

    2. DUBLIN?

      Are you in THE Dublin?

      The closest I ever got was the Duty Free Shop in the Passenger Terminal at Shannon Airport, where transatlantic flights I was on stopped for refueling on three (03) occasions.

      Do you have red hair?

      PLEEEEASE tell me you have red hair?

      I’m so desperately lonely and in love!

      So, you are in THE Dublin?

      1. @John Robert Mallernee~
        Very long red curly hair down past my bum and dark eyes 🙂

        Do not be lonely sir, as many here, myself included care for you a great deal and say prayers for your well being 🙂

          1. However – – – ,

            I refuse to give up my sincere lifelong belief in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the Great Pumpkin, Leprechauns, Pookahs, Banshees, the Harps of Tara’s Halls, Brian Baru, Trolls, Elves, Goblins, Teddy Bears, and my Security Blankie.

            Furthermore, within the walls of our home, every day must be Chistmas Day, and because God gave me whiskers, I insist on being Santa Claus, because I love little ones, and I love giving presents.

          2. No matter what happens throughout the rest of the year, both by law and by my personal decree, it must always snow – – – HEAVILY – – – on Christmas Eve.

            We must always go carolling in the snow on Christmas Eve – – – , for which we should never accept payment.

            Likewise, whenever I play Santa Claus, accepting any monetary recompense will be considered blasphemy!

    3. GLAD to hear from you again, TC! Feeling any better lately? I wonder what that Bogus CPO/Bogus Oregon Attorney/Bogus Florida Resident will try and pull next? I’m still interested in what he’s tried to do with that small transit bus, because a googling turned up a couple of “tours” with his name attached, and hauling passengers for money DOES require a CDL Passenger Endorsement (Air Brakes or not) and proof of medical examination, has anyone whispered in the Oregon DOT’s ear about that?

        4. More T-bird, Boone’s Farm and MD20/20-fueled gibberish?

          Hey Wickre, GFY sideways with 1000 frozen porcupines!!

            1. I think you’re onto something, Sir! The part of the link you provided talked about people going nuts after indulging on Cisco, that could explain Psulmer Wickre’s brain-damaging rants!

    4. TC…Sorry I’m late catching up here. I am glad to hear from you and you are in my prayers for an easy and speedy recovery. Be careful as you “get around”. Take care. 😀

  14. We ordered Chinese delivered tonight, because I was in no mood to cook. Just lots of pain management issues and not enough time and/or energy to get done what I had planned.

    Tomorrow, however, I’ve got a nice simple veggie meal planned. Rice Pilaf with toasted pine nuts, and a side of oven-roasted diced butternut squash.

    Saturday is game day, so “ROLL TIDE!”

    Since New England played last night (and beat the JEST! again) I’m in a funk as to what games to watch on Sunday. I broke down and got the NFL Sunday Ticket and I really like it, despite the cost, so there’s a number of out of market games I can watch.

    Happy weekend to all the gang, and a Hawaiian Good Luck sign to Bernath and all the other posers out there. 🙂

      1. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I also want to keep and eye on the Fins & Bills games, just to hope for a loss for both of them.

      2. I am a die hard Colts fan. I got spoiled when I was stationed in Indiana and I got to see all their games. Now that I live in Alaska and my kids and myself are the only Colts fans in the State it seems I rarely get to see the games. I’m still getting settled into my new house so I don’t have Sunday Ticket yet.

    2. “ROLL TIDE”?

      (Remember that scene from, “FORREST GUMP”?)

      You must be close by.

      I’ve got pain issues, too, which is why I wish I could get my hands on a really, REALLY big EBOLA soft vanilla ice cream.

      1. Nope, just a ‘Bama fan since I can remember. I live up to Maine. Long commute for the games, but fortunately what the networks or ESPN doesn’t cover, the SEC channel does. 🙂

        Funniest thing that happened lately was when I went into my local watering hole wearing my new Alabama ball cap, and down to the end of the bar was this fellow wearing an LSU cap. He saw mine, paid his tab and left. As he was leaving I couldn’t but say “Have a nice day, and Roll Tide!” 🙂

      1. We only have one place local that delivers, but it’s actually pretty good. The next town over, however, has an EXCELLENT Japanese/Sushi bar that’s well worth the travel.

    4. I remember seeing her looking very much like that picture when she was in a movie where, as the daughter of a Mafia don, she was describing in vivid detail her sexual escapades, in an attempt to induce a fatal heart attack.

      I forget the name of that movie.

      3. That movie was ‘Prizzi’s Honor’. He played opposite Kathleen Turner, and Angelica Huston was the vengeful mafia don’s daughter.

          1. NO, no, that’s what they sing in the mountains on that cough drop commercial while the others play those long horns! “EEeeeebolaaaaaa”…

  17. One more weeks and my job “out west” is done. And not a minute too soon.

    The girlfriend and I went to her doctor on Monday. The phrase, “cautious optimism” is the most appropriate. Another CT scan in a few months. Prayers are appreciated.

  18. An interesting day. Not likely that anyone would guess what I was unexpectedly doing. It was fun, but a top secret mission.

    Oh, and for those who knew that I broke my wrist, it’s very slow getting back to normal. The breaks are fully healed, but the stove up stuff resulting from being immobilized for 5 weeks are rebelling.

    Enough about me! Hope everyone has a fulfilling week-end.

  19. I’m posting this in honor of a true American hero, Major John Joseph Duffy, United States Army, recipient of the Distinguished Service Cross, multiple awards of the Purple Heart, and the Soldier’s Medal.

    Stand by, folks, ’cause I think you’re gonna like this – – – ! ! !

  20. World WarZ Zombie Poser run on Marine Corps’ Raider shit in 5..4..3..2..1..

    RAAUZYUW RUJIAAA0352 2900035-UUUU–RUJDAAA.
    ZNR UUUUU ZUI RUEOMCG4180 2900036
    R 170030Z OCT 14
    FM CMC WASHINGTON DC
    TO ALMAR
    BT
    UNCLAS
    SUBJ/MARINE CORPS FORCES SPECIAL OPERATIONS COMMAND (MARSOC)
    SUBORDINATE UNIT REDESIGNATION AS MARINE RAIDERS
    R 170030Z OCT 14
    ALMAR 039/14
    MSGID/GENADMIN/CMC WASHINGTON DC DMCS P PO-SOD//
    SUBJ/MARINE CORPS FORCES SPECIAL OPERATIONS COMMAND (MARSOC)
    SUBORDINATE UNIT REDESIGNATION AS MARINE RAIDERS//
    GENTEXT/REMARKS/1. IT IS MY DISTINCT PLEASURE, ON BEHALF OF THE
    ENTIRE MARINE CORPS AND WORLD WAR II ERA MARINE RAIDERS, TO
    OFFICIALLY REDESIGNATE MARSOC SUBORDINATE UNITS AS “MARINE RAIDERS.”
    2. THE UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS TAKES GREAT PRIDE IN OUR SPECIAL
    OPERATIONS AND IRREGULAR WARFARE HERITAGE, AN ASPECT OF OUR CORPS
    THAT HAS BEEN RECAST OVER TIME TO MEET THE EVER-CHANGING NEEDS OF
    OUR NATION. FROM 1ST LIEUTENANT PRESLEY O’BANNON’S CHARGE AGAINST
    THE BARBARY PIRATES IN DERNA, TRIPOLI AND THE COMBINED ACTION
    PROGRAM OF THE VIETNAM WAR, TO THE CENTRAL AMERICAN AND CARIBBEAN
    INCURSIONS OF THE BANANA WARS, AND THE MARINES OF THE OSS AND MARINE
    PARACHUTE BATTALIONS IN WORLD WAR II, OUR CORPS HAS UNFAILINGLY
    ANSWERED THE CALL FOR SPECIALIZED ACTION IN ANY CLIME AND PLACE.
    3. LACED IN THE ILLUSTRIOUS NARRATIVE OF MARINE CORPS SPECIAL
    OPERATIONS LIES THE CREATION OF THE 1ST AND 2ND MARINE RAIDER
    BATTALIONS, ACTIVATED IN 1942 FOR MISSIONS IN THE PACIFIC.
    COMMANDED BY LIEUTENANT COLONEL MERRILL EDSON AND LIEUTENANT COLONEL
    EVANS CARLSON RESPECTIVELY, THE RAIDER BATTALIONS WERE CHARGED WITH
    CONDUCTING RAIDS THAT REQUIRED SPEED AND SURPRISE, SPEARHEADING
    LARGE AMPHIBIOUS LANDINGS ON BEACHES CONSIDERED INACCESSIBLE, AND
    CONDUCTING SPECIAL OPERATIONS BEHIND ENEMY LINES FOR PROTRACTED
    PERIODS. FROM INCEPTION TO DEACTIVATION IN FEBRUARY 1944, THE
    RAIDERS FOUGHT WITH COURAGE AND DISTINCTION, PARTICIPATING IN
    CAMPAIGNS ACROSS THE PACIFIC, INCLUDING OPERATIONS ON TULAGI,
    NEW GEORGIA, BOUGAINVILLE, AND GUADALCANAL.
    4. SINCE THE COMMAND’S FORMATION IN 2006, MARSOC MARINES HAVE
    ADAPTED AND FORGED AHEAD TO MEET EMERGING INTERNATIONAL THREATS
    ACROSS THE GLOBE IN SUPPORT OF OUR NATION’S DEFENSE. WITH THIS
    DESIGNATION, I MAKE OFFICIAL THE CONTINUATION OF OUR CORPS’ SPECIAL
    OPERATIONS HERITAGE FROM THE RAIDERS OF WORLD WAR II TO OUR MODERN
    DAY MARINES. THE MARINES SERVING IN THE NEWLY DESIGNATED MARINE
    RAIDER UNITS ARE CHARGED WITH MAINTAINING THE HIGH STANDARDS AND
    TRADITIONS THAT ACCOMPANY SUCH DISTINCTION. KNOW THAT YOU HAVE
    EARNED THE ADMIRATION OF YOUR FELLOW MARINES AND THE MARINE RAIDER
    COMMUNITY.
    5. DETAILED ADMINISTRATIVE GUIDANCE IS FORTHCOMING WITH THE RELEASE
    OF MCBUL 5400.
    6. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR UNIT REDESIGNATION AS “MARINE RAIDERS.”
    SEMPER FIDELIS. JAMES F. AMOS, GENERAL, U.S. MARINE CORPS,
    COMMANDANT OF THE MARINE CORPS.//
    BT
    #0352
    39F4

        1. I don’t get why people honestly thought the future would look like this.

          I mean, at least Star Trek set their future in 2256, not 2000.

          1. I still remember growing up in the 70’s and 60’s when plenty of bleeding hearts were bawling that the world would be a post-nuclear war wasteland before 2000 and we’re still here!

            1. Yeah, well I’m still mad as hell about all those bullshit predictions about the future. I mean, seriously, it’s 2014! Where’s my flying car?

            2. I remember the prediction that by 1984 there would be world wide famine and people would be eating people.

              1. According to the 1973 movie, “SOYLENT GREEN”, starring Charleton Heston and Edward G. Robinson (in his final role), that event takes place in 2022 (only 8 years from now).

                Please be sure and remember that Tuesday is “SOYLENT GREEN DAY”!

                Get to the shops EARLY on Tuesday, so you can hopefully get your weekly ration of delicious, nutritious Soylent Green, before the shops run out of their supply.

                Otherwise, you might get accidentally caught up in the food riots, with police responding in their huge scoop trucks, collecting the masses of rioting humanity, ultimately hauling them to the processing plants.

        2. Wow! Home closed-circuit monitoring, one-button shopping and able to pay bills using a *computer* !

          BWA-Hahahahahahaah

          Oh, wait …..

  22. Well, as some of the old timers around here know, I partake in some festivities at the HHC (Hillbilly Hunt Club, Jonn, TSO, and Mr. Wolf know the place) and on Sunday, we’re having our Fall Festival of Mayhem, which is juuuuuust what the sawbones ordered for stress relief. A Mosin Mad Minute will be the cherry on top (we plan on having approx. 7 Mosin’s firing at the same time) at the end of the day. I love the smell of gunpowder in the evening. It smells like…………FREEDOM!

  23. I went and saw “Fury” today. Pretty good flick.
    The only flaw I saw was the typical “Hollywood Time Condensation” where they have a series of events that would usually take place over days, weeks and months happening in the space of 30 hours.
    The equiptment and uniforms looked good and the combat scenes, which there were a lot of, were excellent.

  25. On another note, the evening news report was that bodaprez’s credit card was rejected.

    I kid you not.

  26. I have a stupid question that someone here at TAH might be able to answer. Does the Purple Heart have the two year time limit like other awards? My wife has been asking me to re-submit my packet, which I find ironic since she told me that she would kick my ass if I came home with one. I highly doubt I will since my injury was very minor and the people who really earned it got hurt a lot more than me. The worst thing about mine is popping slivers of shrapnel out of my skin for a while afterwards. My question is more out of curiosity.

    1. No time limit — just proof that you received medical help for injuries received from enemy contact.

      …
      e) A wound is defined as an injury to any part of the body from an outside force or agent sustained under one or more of the conditions listed above. A physical lesion is not required, however, the wound for which the award is made must have required treatment by medical personnel and records of medical treatment for wounds or injuries received in action must have been made a matter of official record.

      …
      (k) The following rules apply for processing award of the Purple Heart:
      (1) The statutory time limits pertaining to award of military decorations does not apply to the Purple Heart.< The Purple Heart may be awarded at anytime after submission of documented proof that criteria have been met.

      http://www.purpleheart.org/membereligibility.aspx

      1. I carefully studied those requirements, but already knew about them, as they are listed in my 1970 edition of, “THE NEW NONCOM’S GUIDE”, by Stackpole Publishing, which is my handy, dandy ready reference for researching any and all questions concerning the United States Army.

        When I completed my Basic Combat Training and was sent to the United States Army Southeastern Signal School, I knew I would never be in any heroic situations, and never expected to ever receive any medals for anything.

        So, imagine how utterly surprised and PROUD (!) I was when I was awarded – – – the GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL (!) – – – in 1970, while serving with the 101st Airborne Division in the old Republic of Viet Nam.

        Since regulations permitted it, and I knew that it was the ONLY medal that I would ever get, I walked around with my brand new GOOD CONDUCT MEDAL pinned on my olive drab jungle fatigues for the next twenty-four (24) hours, making certain that someone snapped my color photograph with my Kodak Instamatic camera.

        En route to the old Republic of Viet Nam, my bishop in The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-day Saints (i.e., the “Mormon” church) laid his hands upon my head and pronounced a special Priesthood blessing, that I would be protected from harm by an invisible shield.

        I appreciated the bishop’s concern for my welfare, but I remember being secretly disappointed, for I wanted to be a hero and have some sort of scar.

        No, I didn’t want to die or be crippled, but please – – – , at least let me have a scar – – – , just a small one, maybe?

        Months earlier, prior to getting assigned to the 101st Airborne Division (and BOY, did I love wearing that “Screaming Eagle” patch on my shoulder!), while stationed at Dong Ha with the 178th Maintenance Company (where you can actually LOOK into North Viet Nam from our perimeter guard bunkers), I was walking through the company area late one night when an enemy 122mm rocket passed directly overhead.

        As trained, I yelled, “Incoming!”, while simultaneously diving head first and face down for cover.

        I didn’t land on dirt.

        I landed on Perforated Steel Plate (i.e., “PSP”), which ripped open a beautiful, bloody gash in my left knee, mixed with the torn fabric of my olive drab jungle fatigues.

        Yes, the wound was very minor, but under strict interpretation of the criteria, I knew it rated award of a Purple Heart (no, you don’t have to actually be shot to incur a wound from an “outside source”), and as minor as that wound was, with me not being in any position to ever be a genuine hero, I knew this was the best I could ever hope for.

        I knew that under these circumstances, I rated the award, because when I was in Saigon, one of the guys in my unit got his Purple Heart for breaking his leg when he jumped from the second floor of his barracks during an enemy rocket attack.

        Soooo – – – , figuring this was my one and only chance to ever get a Purple Heart, I was making sure that all of my bases were covered, with ayes dotted and tees crossed.

        First, I reported to the First Sergeant at our bunker, showing him the wound, whereupon he then ordered me to report to our company medics.

        The medics, who I reckon were probably stoned, didn’t say anything, but dressed the wound.

        The next morning, I reported to Sick Call at the Base Dispensary, where a physician examined the wound and bandaged my knee.

        If anything was ever written down, I never saw it.

        Worse, because I was in the old Republic of Viet Nam for an unexpected and unusual two (02) straight years, instead of the normal tour of twelve (12) months, while serving under three (03) separate commands, that put a glitch in just about everything you could think of.

        For instance, all United States Army personnel medical records at Dong Ha were lost.

        Similarly, all 101st Airborne Division personnel clothing records were lost, and all of my uniforms held in storage at Fort Lewis, Washington were lost, meaning I would now have to replace all of my United States Army issued uniforms IMMEDIATELY, at my own expense.

        Some years ago, I did write a letter to the Pentagon, but never received any acknowledgement or response.

        My father thought it was all silly, but unlike me, he was a GENUINE hero in the United States Army, and unlike me, he thought awards, decorations, and medals were silly and useless, as was pretty much all other traditional United States Army ceremony, formalities, traditions, regalia, et cetera.

        For my father, the United States Army was only a paycheck, just another job, a means of providing for his family.

        When he died, he even refused the traditional military graveside honors due to him, although my stepmother did make certain there was at least a flag on his casket (which he didn’t want), so that I could have that.

        Despite him not wanting ANY military rites, he got one that nobody expected.

        A C-130 on final approach to Pope Air Force Base, seeing the small gathering below, with the flag on the casket, respectfully dipped and waggled its wings in salute!

        I wish I’d been there to see it.

        My brother-in-law told me about it.

        So, I never got a Purple Heart, and with no known written record of my very minor wound, I don’t reckon I never will.

        Mox nix.

        I can’t believe my own beloved United States Army gave me all these other medals and decorations, none of which are for valor or heroism, but instead, are the usual awards for meritorious service, et cetera.

        Maybe those medals aren’t for anything heroic, but they sure do LOOK good, and folks that don’t know any better probably do think I’m some kind of “hero”.

        If I just kept my mouth shut and never said anything, them folks’d never even know the difference, huh?

        I wonder if girls are impressed?

        After all, ain’t that what it’s all about?

        1. I actually did come VERY close to getting killed in Viet Nam, but it wasn’t even in combat, so it wouldn’t have ever rated award of a Purple Heart.

          No, that incident was attempted murder by my own unknown comrades.

          In December (?) of 1971, at Camp Eagle, Republic of Viet Nam, I was lying asleep on my folding canvas cot, when – – – KABLOOM!

          A fragmentation grenade detonated right next to me.

          A couple of things saved me.

          First, the grenade went off in the doorway of the hooch, which was lined with sandbags and fifty gallon drums of sand, and did not roll all the way inside.

          Second, I was lying down, as the shrapnel flew all around me.

          If I had been standing or sitting up on the edge of my cot, I would have been killed.

          Although surrounded by tiny shrapnel perforations in the plywood walls and corrugated tin roof, I was not even wounded, although momentarily in a state of shock.

          The only other guy in the hooch, Billy Wayne Gaddis, a cook from North Carolina, snapped me out of it by asking if I was going to go look for whoever threw the grenade?

          So, I grabbed my M-16 and cautiously stepped outside, but was unable to see anything in the pitch black darkness, nor could I detect any noise, as everything was totally silent.

          On a previous occasion, while I was away in Da Nang on an overnight maintenance assignment, my hooch at Camp Eagle was blown up, as a warning of what they planned to do to me.

          Years later, when talking on the telephone with Billy Wayne Gaddis, he swore up and down that no one threw a grenade at me, but that the explosion was from an enemy 122mm rocket.

          The size of the shrapnel perforations indicate otherwise.

        2. It should be remembered that the proper name of that military award is, “Purple Heart”, and NOT the “Purple Heart Medal.

          That’s because the Purple Heart is a decoration, and not a medal.

          Military awards are defined by the shape of the metallic device which hangs beneath the ribbon.

          Medals are round, while decorations have distinctive shapes, such as a star, cross, shield, geometric figure, or heart.

          Thus, my Good Conduct Medal is a medal, for the metallic device is round.

          My Bronze Star and Army Commendation are decorations, not medals, due to the distinctive shape of the metallic device.

          However, there possibly are exceptions, or contradictions to this rule of thumb.

          By definition, the Republic of Viet Nam Campaign Medal that was awarded to me by the Republic of Viet Nam is not really a medal, but a decoration, due to the unusual distinctive shape of the metallic device.

          On the other hand, the name of the award may not translate directly from Vietnamese into English entirely accurately.

      2. Thanks. Since I save all my records I still have my old packet with the sworn statements, SIGACT, memo from my CO, and proof that I was treated by my PA. I fell into a crack when I was originally put in for it. I got hurt four days before we stopped combat operations so my packet didn’t get submitted until we had been stateside for three months. Whoever it got sent to denied it and my Command suggested that I re-submit it when I got to my new unit, but I just never bothered with it. I really don’t care that much about awards. Heckler my DD214 doesn’t even have my MSM on it since I got the orders for it afterwards and I’m too lazy to get it changed.

          1. Also, an award of a Purple Heart can mean the difference between being buried in Arlington National Cemetery or not being buried in Arlington National Cemetery.

            Oh, you can be cremated and have your ashes inurned at Arlington National Cemetery, but actually having your body buried there – – – ?

            For me, it really DOES make a difference, due to my chosen religious faith, because I’m opposed to cremation, believing it interferes with and hinders the eventual resurrection of the body, which is supposed to be in the ground to provide nourishment to the Earth.

        2. You earned it. Get it put on your records, both the PH and MSM. I much rather see someone like you, that earned your shit and not think it’s a big deal, have it than some poser POS.

          John F-ing Kerry went through all the trouble to get a PH for a scratch, just so he could claim he threw it over the wall at the WH.

          Yours sounds like it was more than a scratch.

    2. My Uncle “Smitty” received his Purple Heart posthumously in the 1990s for an injury from Korea.

      1. Are posthumous military awards recognized and accepted in the Kingdom of Heaven?

        I’m guessing they probably are, else why would the governments of mere men continue to receive inspiration to grant posthumous awards?

    3. Yeah, get it done. Now. While it is not important to you today, and the odds are that it never will be, there could be a future medical condition in the midst of which you simply should not have to deal with getting the records corrected.

  27. Well, I’ve been reading this site for awhile, and decided this is time to make a post. I have been reading this blog on a regular basis, and hope to post here often.

    Should I introduce myself? I work as a civilian contractor at a military base in the DC area (I’d rather not say which one, due to security concerns). I wanted to join the Army, as my grandpa did during WWII (Army Medical Corps), but couldn’t due to medical concerns. Yes, I see the humour in the grandson of an Army doc rejected from the Army due to medical issues. ;o)

    So…that seems to be all I can say for now. I’ll come back and post more if I can. Thanks for reading this.

  28. This is, about, the midpoint between the 239th birthday of the Marines and the Navy I want to give a Happy Birthday greeting to all of you squids and jarheads out there.

    A couple of years ago my brother and I were at “The Grill” (a local eatery in Albuquerque) when I saw a plaque on the wall “USS Vancouver LPD-2.” The owner of the joint was aboard Vancouver on the 1984 fLoat when she picked us up in Pearl Harbor (Kilo 3-3.)

    Today I met a guy who was a RM1 aboard USS Dubuque, LPD-8, who was aboard the same deployment to the the Persian Gulf I was on in 1988 for Operation Earnest Will.

    It’s a small world.

    http://youtu.be/v4mw5_X2XLY

    1. Thanks for posting. Listening made me think of my #2 son, retiring from the Navy next February and #3 son with 17 years as a Marine. You made an old AF retiree very happy.

  30. Just reading through some of the comments about awards and medals reminded me of what happened to my second cousin recently.
    When he got out of the Army in like 2006 or so, his DD214 was all jacked up because his SRB was missing.
    His SRB had him going through Boot Camp, Infantry School, then to Ft Hood,,,, then nothing until he was discharged from Ft Bliss.
    When he went to the VA to get treatment for PTSD symptoms and treatment for facial injuries he was called out by the staff and told he was full of shit and never deployed.
    His real service was that he deployed to Iraq wth the 4th ID, and had recieved an Arcom or two for stuff he did outside the wire. During a patrol he took a header off a building ( no enemy action was involved) and landed on his face. He was treated in country and returned to duty. Later on when his unit moved they ended up being billeted in some shit hole that had all sorts of crap in the ventilation system and he got a seriuos Upper respritory Infection that resulted in him getting evaced to Germany then sent home. He ended up at Bliss then discharged ( Bliss or Hood I may have some dates and places that were off). It ended up that because of some investigation in Iraq that CID had His 201 file, and they had lost it.
    Luckily he still had contacts in the Army, He tracked his old company comander down and was able to get copies of by name orders that concerned his deployment in country. He was able to get his VA Medical Straightened out but never got his dd214 corrected,

  31. “AN ELDERLY BABY BOOMER’S PERSONAL
    EXPERIENCES IN THE EVOLUTION OF
    SURGERY AND ANAESTHESIA TECHNIQUES”

    By: JOHN ROBERT MALLERNEE
    Thursday 16 October 2014
    ________________________________________

    PERSONAL BACKGROUND:

    I was born David Roy Trueblood, at 2200 Hours, minus 09 Minutes, on Monday 28 January 1946, during a poker game in a tent beside the railroad tracks in Ellensburg, Kittitas County, Washington, delivered by Burton Alexander Foote, M.D., to Roy Lane Trueblood and Hazel Irene Albertson.

    In that family, there were five (05) sisters older than me, two (02) brothers younger than me, and two (02) younger half-sisters.

    According to official court documents in Decatur, Marion County, Illinois, all but the youngest boy and the two (02) half-sisters were abandoned by our biological parents, resulting in each of us then being adopted by different families, to grow up separated from each other, with different identities and heritages.

    With my new identity of John Robert Mallernee, I was adopted and raised by Master Sergeant William Vincent Mallernee, United States Army, and Virginia Lee Mapes, with three (02) younger sisters, plus two (02) younger sisters who did not survive beyond infancy.

    During my teenage years, with my parents no longer able to control me, the Juvenile Court issued a court order which involuntarily committed me to a state psychiatric hospital, initially at Big Spring, Texas, and again at Dorothea Dix Hospital in Raleigh, Wake County, North Carolina.

    Now, we’re ready to begin my remininsces of the evolution of surgery and anaesthesia techniques, as documented in my own personal experiences.
    ________________________________________

    FIRST SURGERY – Tonsillectomy/Adenoidectomy:

    I do not remember exactly how old we were (maybe I was nine years old?), but I and my two (02) younger sisters (the youngest had not yet been born) were students at Spring Lake School (since renamed Lillian Black School – – – she taught me in Fourth Grade) in Spring Lake, Cumberland County, North Carolina, where Daddy, a career Master Sergeant in the United States Army, was stationed at Fort Bragg.

    The three (03) of us were hospitalized at Fort Bragg away back in the days when Army hospitals were composed of sprawling, confusing, single-level mazes of VERY lengthy yellow-painted wooden corridors, years and years before the more modern multi-storied concrete and steel Army Medical Centers would eventually be constructed.

    My very first impression was to be disgusted, insulted, humiliated, and angry because I was a boy being forced to lie down in a BABY bed!

    For the surgery, I was put to sleep with Ether (which smells sickeningly HORRIBLE!), administered by a specially shaped gauze and steel cup placed over the face, with drops of Ether carefully poured over the gauze, with isolated drops occasionally impacting on my facial skin, as I counted aloud backwards from one hundred.

    I know what it looked like, because in the newspaper comic strip, “JOE PALOOKA”, that exact scenario was portrayed when boxing promoter, Knobby Walsh, was being treated for his heart attack.

    Unconscious, I dreamed a vividly frightening nightmare of a HUGE green colored letter, “F”, in the midst of green colored circles, on a pitch black background, all of it rapidly spinning round and round, with the giant letter, “F”, getting closer and closer and closer, until finally colliding with my – – – ! ! !

    I was awake, and in a nauseaus agony of indescribably painful coughing and wretching, spitting up and spewing panfuls of a dark colored fluid (a blend of blood and ether?).

    As I lay in bed, unable to speak, Daddy came to visit me, bringing me two (02) presents, a book, “THE ADVENTURES OF SPIN AND MARTY”, and another book, “TARZAN AND THE LOST SAFARI”.

    I’m quite certain that my two (02) sisters also received presents, although I don’t know what the presents were, and Mama may have been there to console them, but I can’t really remember it.

    I do remember that as we drove home from the hospital, Mama and Daddy stopped at the grocery store to buy lots of Ginger Ale, and plenty of ice cream, Jello, popsicles, et cetera.

    And, of course, at school, all of us kids would excitingly relate our experiences, and compare notes, rather obviously scaring the pure living Hell out of all the other kids who hadn’t yet had their tonsils removed, for tonsillectomies were pretty much of a common rite of passage for all kids in elementary school.
    ________________________________________

    SECOND SURGERY – Mastoidectomy:

    I mentioned previously that I had been involuntarily committed by an order of the Juvenile Court to YEARS of unbelievable horror in state mental hospitals.

    That, in itself, is a pretty fantastic tale, but one I will not go into at this time.

    However, while locked up in the state’s insane asylum at Dorothea Dix Hospital in Raleigh, Wake County, North Carolina, I was suddenly transferred from the long term psychiatric unit to the surgical unit, having been told that I was very sick and needed immediate surgery to save my life.

    Odd, because I never felt sick.

    On the day of the surgery, I was wheeled into the scary looking operating theatre, and told to lie down on the table.

    There was a large, shiny metal plate, with wires connected to it, which I was to lay my bare bottom on.

    Upon seeing this, my very first impression was dread of electrocution, a fear even more enhanced due to having previously been forced to endure the repeated horrors of multiple electric shock treatments!

    But, they calmed and reassured me, and I climbed onto the table, with my bare skin against that metal plate, although I was still terrified and traumatized.

    There were two (02) objectives in this surgery.

    First, the left mastoid bone needed to be removed.

    Second, a graft was to be taken from a blood vessel on my left temple, and used to repair my perforated left eardrum.

    I was given an injection of Sodium Amytal (?), and once unconscious, would be given Fluorine (?) gas to keep me asleep.

    Although, a successful surgery, not everything went as planned.

    I don’t remember what, if anything, I dreamed about.

    When I woke up, there was indeed, some nausea and vomiting, almost certainly an expected side effect of inhaling gas, but it was relatively minor, and nothing at all like the agony of Ether’s after effects following a tonsillectomy.

    Anyway, I was told that the incision on my left temple was far larger than expected, because when the scalpel blade touched my skin, I suddenly leapt up, and began fighting, and had to be physically restrained before surgery could continue.

    The time spent recuperating was at least a couple of three weeks or more, but I enjoyed it.

    After being forcibly incarcerated with and preyed upon by violent, sadomasochistic socio-psychopaths, with no hope of escape, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and equally terrorized, abused, and preyed upon by the very staff who were supposed to be protecting you, it was pure HEAVEN being on a real, actual medical hospital ward, free from any physical danger, and able to enjoy looking at the pretty, young nurses.
    ________________________________________

    THIRD SURGERY – Tympanoplasty:

    Miracles of miracles, in spite of my unusual background normally precluding any such opportunity, I was able to become a regular soldier in the United States Army!

    While stationed in Germany at Spangdahlem Air Force Base, my left eardrum was once again perforated.

    Subsequently, I spent two (02) consecutive years in the old Republic of Viet Nam, as a soldier in the United States Army with a perforated eardrum, having been informed that there existed no facilities for repairing it.

    Time passed, as did assignments, and eventually, I was stationed at Camp Long in Won Ju, Republic of Korea.

    During that time, the doctors determined that my left eardrum could be surgically repaired.

    It was to be done at the 121st Evacuation Hospital at Yong Son Army Garrison in Seoul, Republic of Korea.

    A Korean surgeon in the United States Army, Dr. Kim, performed the surgery, basically repeating what the surgeons in North Carolina had done many years earlier, but with a uniquely gruesome twist.

    He would be drilling directly into bone tissue, with no way to locally anaesthesize the pain, AND, general anaesthesia was not possible, because he needed me to be awake, alert, and conversant throughout the surgery.

    So, as he explained it to me, I would feel every bit of the pain, but – – – ,

    With the drugs he would be administering, I wouldn’t care!

    He was right!

    I felt every bit of everything that was happening, and was alert enough to answer his questions during various phases of the surgery, but the pain didn’t bother me.

    After completion of the surgery, I slept for three (03) solid days and nights, non stop, straight through.

    When I finally woke up, during my recuperation, they gave me Demerol for pain, and boy, oh boy, do I love that stuff!

    No wonder people become desperate drug addicts and rob pharmacies!

    That there Demerol is really some top notch GOOOOOD stuff!

    In the Nineteen Seventies, folks everywhere enjoyed watching the wildly popular television series, “M*A*S*H”, based on the novel and Hollywood motion picture, “M*A*S*H”.

    In virtually every episode of that, “M*A*S*H”, television series, references would be made to, “the 121st Evac in Seoul”.

    While the 4077th M.A.S.H. was a fictitious military unit (albeit based upon an actual unit with a different numerical designation), the 121st Evac, in Seoul, was a real unit, and I love telling “M*A*S*H” afficionados that, “they operated on me at the 121st Evac, in Seoul”.
    ________________________________________

    FOURTH SURGERY – Catheterization and Drug Eluting Stents:

    At around midnight on Christmas Day of 2013, while a resident at the Armed Forces Retirement Home in Gulfport, Mississippi, I suffered the unmistakable symptoms of a heart attack.

    At this conventional computer Internet web site URL – – – :

    http://writesong.blogspot.com/2013/12/surviving-my-first-heart-attack.html

    People can read the detailed descriptions of the initial symptoms, response, and ultimate treatment for my own heart attack, which I have prominently posted, in hopes of possibly assisting others in rapid, accurate assessment of whatever symptoms they may be exhibiting.

    While waiting for the ambulance to arrive, the nurses did one of the most intelligent things that any human being can do in this situation.

    They gave me some aspirins, with a drink of water.

    As a result of that incredibly wise step, when the ambulance got there, my pain was greatly subsiding.

    By the time the ambulance reached the Emergency Room of the 81st Medical Group on Keesler Air Force Base, the pain had completely disappeared.

    So, they moved me from the Intensive Care Unit to a Nursing Unit, while they ran some blood tests.

    The results of those blood tests indicated I had a heart attack, with severe damage to the heart, and I was immediately returned downstairs to the Intensive Care Unit.

    The day after Christmas, they performed a Catheterization to install four (04) Drug Eluting Stents in the veins surrounding my heart.

    I remember lying on the gurney and looking at the table.

    The gorgeous looking young nurse who was about to begin threading a catheter tube into my femoral artery, said that I would feel like a wasp or hornet had stung me.

    Uh uh.

    I felt NOTHING at all.

    In fact, no sooner than I was being told that they were starting, than all of a sudden, they’re transferring me from the table back onto the gurney, and wheeling me back to the Intensive Care Unit.

    I was so surprised, that I wondered what was going on?

    They explained that it was all over and done with, and that everything went totally hunky dory, absolutely utterly perfectamundo and copacetic.

    They explained (and in a follow-up exam a month later, showed me the video recording) that the catheterization and multiple drug eluting stents procedure had required a couple of hours, during which I was kept wide awake in order to answer the doctor’s questions.

    However, I knew none of this, for they administered drugs which immediately erased all of my memories of everything that was happening, as it was happening.

    Ain’t that neat?

    Gosh, gee whillikers, I hope I sang a song and told some jokes.

    PLEEEEASE tell me I sang a song and told some jokes!

    Of course, not EVERYTHING went exactly as planned.

    After the good stuff was over (i.e., the catheterization and drug eluting stents), back in the Intensive Care Unit, they couldn’t get my femoral artery to stop bleeding.

    In my opinion, it really wasn’t bleeding enough to be concerned about.

    But, they kept trying and trying to stop the bleeding, and everything they did only made things worse.

    All night long, it was tourniquet after tourniquet after tourniquet, and finally, the worst of all, relays of direct pressure on the wound, causing hours and hours of INTENSE, unbearable pain!!!

    This is what happens during the Christmas holidays, when all of the regularly scheduled staff are off duty.

    With the dawn, came the regular staff, which immediately solved the problem by injecting lidocaine and epinephrine, and applying an occlusive bandage.

    After recuperating for another day or so, I was discharged and returned to my comfortable private quarters at the Armed Forces Retirement Home.
    ________________________________________

    FIFTH SURGERY – C3-C4 Anterior Cervical Fusion with PEEK Cage

    Some time back, for whatever reason I can’t even remember, the psychologist at the Armed Forces Retirement Home (who is no longer employed here) administered a battery of intelligence tests to determine how my brain was functioning, and why.

    I reckon it may be because I’ve pretty much always been the sort of guy who fits like a proverbial square peg in a round hole.

    Anyway, right at the moment his contract expired and was not renewed, he was generous enough to show the test results, even though he was actually there on his own time, with no contract and no pay.

    At one end of the spectrum, my IQ is at least 130 or more, and at the other end of the spectrum, my IQ is at least 130 or more.

    But, right in the middle, there is a part of my brain that isn’t functioning at all, not even at the level of “FORREST GUMP”.

    So, since I’d had a heart attack, it was a good indication that I might also have suffered a stroke, leaving me with significant brain damage.

    An immediate MRI scan of my brain was recommended and so ordered.

    At this same time, I’d gone to see the staff physician at the Armed Forces Retirement Home, Matthew Carlson, M.D., complaining that my hand hurt whenever I was operating my computer, and put my hand on my mouse.

    I suspected Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, but Dr. Carlson said I wasn’t exhibiting those symptoms.

    So, while ordering the MRI of my brain, he further ordered an MRI scan of my neck.

    Ain’t it plumb wonderful and downright miraculous that he thought to do so?

    Had he not done it, I might be dead right now, for the neurosurgeon, Miguel Angel Melgar, M.D., Ph.D., F.A.A.N.S., F.A.C.S., stated I was within a fraction of a hair of becoming paralyzed from the neck down.

    He said that all I had to do was trip and fall down just one time, and that would have been the end of me right there on the spot.

    Dr. Melgar repeated over and over again that it was purely miraculous that the correct diagnosis was accidentally stumbled across just in the nick of time.

    Oh, by the way, as much as I can determine, the MRI scan of my brain did not indicate any damage.

    Soooooo – – – ,

    Maybe I just plain ol’ ain’t like all those other ordinary “normal” folks, huh?

    As for the surgery on my Cervical Spine?

    It was scheduled twice, and postponed twice, first because they needed to have my prescription medications completely flushed out of my system, and then, at the very last minute, when it was discovered that I had a urinary infection requiring a couple of weeks on antibiotics.

    Finally came the big day when, at long last, the mad doctor would cut my throat!

    Outside of the Operating Theatre, I lay on a bed or gurney (?), while a Nurse Anaestheologist and someone sitting at a desk were doing whatever they do.

    Since I was still conscious, and it’s now down to the last minute, I figure it’s time for a bit of fun.

    “Uh, Nurse, I’ve got a confession to make.

    When I was listing all of my medications, I forgot to mention that I’m a heroine addict.”

    “Oh, please don’t tell us that!

    Not NOW!”

    “Ah, yes, I’m a heroine addict – – – ,

    I like girls!”

    “Also, I use Coke.

    I prefer Pepsi-Cola, but I do use Coke.”

    “You know, here I am at this hospital, with Medicare paying thousands and thousands of dollars, just so the Country’s top neurosurgeon can – – – ,

    Cut my throat!

    If only I’d gone to Syria – – – ,

    ISIS would have gladly cut my throat for free!”

    So, seriously, how do you think my surgery went?

    I don’t remember going to sleep.

    I don’t remember waking up.

    There was no pain, no nausea, no vomiting, absolutely NO unpleasant after effects at all!

    The only glitch was edema in my throat due to the trauma of surgery, situated between the cervical spine and the trachea and esophagus, which was interfering with the proper closure of the epiglottis, which created a danger of strangulation and/or aspiration pneumonia.

    As a result, I went the next several days with no food or water allowed in my mouth.

    It was apparently serious enough that Dr. Melgar requested the telephone number so he could personally call my next of kin at that very moment.

    Because the edema was taking so long to recede, Dr. Melgar was ready to insert a feeding tube down my nose, which would be followed up a few days later with surgery to cut a feeding hole directly into my stomach.

    Boy, I was horrified!

    I was working around the clock, constantly pushing myself, learning all over again techniques for swallowing without choking, and getting my bowels and bladder to function dependably.

    But, the timing of this surgical procedure couldn’t be better!

    After all, here I am with this bodaciously looking bandage and fresh cut throat, walking around looking like this, just in time for – – – ,

    HALLOWEEN ! ! !

    Ain’t that so super duper neat?

    Do you know who it is whose medical specialty it is to teach you how to properly swallow your food without choking?

    A SPEECH THERAPIST!

    Can you believe it?

    Another interesting aspect of my post operative hospital care was – – – ,

    Major construction and renovations being done on the Post Operative Ward at the very same time that Post Operative patients are on that ward attempting to recuperate!

    So, I’m back at the Armed Forces Retirement Home, where nursing staff improperly changed the surgical dressings, resulting in slight inflammation at the incision site.

    If all had went as planned, the bandages should have been removed yesterday when I was getting my follow-up exam at the hospital.

    As it is, I now have to start taking antibiotics (IF I can even get the prescriptions filled – – – again, our own AFRH nursing staff), and I have a brand new surgical dressing on the incision which is NOT to be removed at all.

    I must continue seeing Dr. Melgar weekly, until further notice, and I am to stop wearing the Aspen Collar, as it is irritating the wound.

    I mustn’t shower, but only give myself careful sponge baths.

    Anyway, Folks, there you have it.

    My memories of my own personal past surgeries, indicating the progression and development of surgical and anaesthetic techniques during my lifetime.

    Thank you.

    John Robert Mallernee
    Armed Forces Retirement Home
    1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311
    Gulfport, Mississippi 39507

    Cell Phone: REDACTED
    E-Mail: REDACTED

    Personal Web Site:
    http://writesong.blogspot.com/

    Personal Video Channel:
    http://www.youtube.com/user/writesong

    1. ****************************************
      ****************************************
      ******** WARNING ! ! ! *********

      This dangerously illegal and highly immoral subversive underground resistance message is being surreptitiously monitored by the Beaming Internet Government Broadband Radio Oscillation Telecommunications Hearing Electronics Reconnaissance (i.e., “B.I.G. B.R.O.T.H.E.R.”) as part of a coordinated clandestine domestic surveillance investigation, in cooperation with the National Administration of Zealous Interrogation (i.e., “N.A.Z.I.”) and the Commission on Message Monitoring Investigative Electronics (i.e., “C.O.M.M.I.E.”).

      Serious felony criminal charges are pending, with extreme penalties yet to be determined!

      *******************
      *******************

      Greetings and Salutations to All my Kith and Kin and All the Ships in Outer Space:

      Attached to this e-mail is a 21.9 kilobyte MicroSoft WordPad document, in Rich Text Format, of an article that I wrote, “AN ELDERLY BABY BOOMER’S PERSONAL EXPERIENCES IN THE EVOLUTION OF SURGERY AND ANAESTHESIA TECHNIQUES”, which I have just now submitted for publication in “JAMA”, the prestigious JOURNAL OF THE AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION ! ! !

      Of course, merely submitting it doesn’t really mean a whole lot, does it?

      Will they find it acceptable and/or worthy of publication?

      We’ll just have to wait and see, huh?

      When I was filling out the necessary application form at their web site, in the spot where they required me to list my degree(s), I typed in, “G.E.D.”.

      Ain’t this neat?

      Thank you.

      John Robert Mallernee
      Armed Forces Retirement Home
      1800 Beach Drive, Unit 311
      Gulfport, Mississippi 39507

      Cellular Telephone: REDACTED

      “Everyone of us who is alive today will die, and for that reason alone, we should be more kind towards one another.”

      ****************************************
      ****************************************

    2. To be absolutely honest, I know full well that I never amounted to much of anything, never did anything really worthwhile, and don’t have a whole lot, if anything, to brag about when sitting in front of a campfire.

      BUT – – – ,

      Can you BELIEVE me writing and submitting a scientific research paper for possible publication to, “JAMA”, the prestigious, official Journal of the American Medical Association?

      Yeah, lots of guys get to be real doctors, and lots of doctors have their research published by the Journal of The American Medical Association.

      So, it’s no big deal, right?

      Hah!

      I ain’t no doctor, and in fact, I ain’t much of nothing, really.

      So, for me, it IS a big deal, a really, REALLY big deal!

      True, the Journal of the American Medical Association may decide to never publish my amateurish medical research paper.

      But, they did accept my submitted manuscript, and are now giving it their due consideration.

      WOW!

      Even if it’s never published, just the fact that they even accepted it and are considering it – – – !

      Gosh, gee whillikers!

      Ain’t that something?

      I thought it particularly amusing that, in the spot requiring a listing of my degree(s), I decided to enter, “GED”, – – – which they accepted!

      Boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy ! ! !

      Merry Christmas, Y’all!

  32. I’ve made some bad decisions in my life. I bought a Ford Pinto in ’74 or so. I voted for Carter. I lived in Maryland. That sort of thing. But all of that is ancient history. I am opening a restaurant, featuring West African cuisine. I figure I can’t miss, what with a house specialty of maafe (see pic in link below.) I’m not sure what to call the place. Suggestions are appreciated.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maafe

    1. 2/17 Air Cav…May I suggest…”The Puke on a Plate Diner”.

      Today’s special: Ebola Stew. Sure to give you the two step trots.

      The Blue Plate Special: Your Dead Blue Face laying on the plate.

      And the always Favorite: Bat’s ala Amula’a Wife. Yep, our dishwasher, Amula had his wife come in with all the dead bats she found and fix up a mess of Bat’s ala Amula’a Wife! A real crowd pleaser.

      No coupons allowed on specials. No Twofer Tuesdays. One glass of water per customer. (Clear, non brown water extra.)

      (We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, although…we never have.)

      No shoes, no shirt, no pants…YOU’RE WELCOME! Come on in!

    2. My father was on the jury for the Ford Pinto trial. I have a bunch of maps and documents from the trial.

      1. The Pinto trial was held at the Pulaski County courthouse in Winamac,IN. My county seat where I was born and raised. See,the world does indeed get smaller every day.

        1. I was born and raised there. It is a small world. A few years back I was sitting on the E-5 board. Turns out that my brother was one of the kid’s wrestling coaches in Winamac.

    3. Cafe Maafe, of course.

      With a sauce made of peanut butter and tomato – it might actually be good. It’s no more bizarre than mole (mo-lay) sauce in Mexican food.

  33. My wife knows me well. We were coat shopping and I was checking out the winter coat I liked when my son asked what I was doing. Without missing a beat my wife replied that I was looking to see if and which one of my pistols would fit in the pocket and if I could secure it.

    1. That looks like the photo album of “Jim-Bob & Billy-Ray’s Shadetree Garage”!

  36. Just finished the PSAT.

    Bernath is not, never has been, and never will be a CPO in any capacity.

    Enjoy your day.

    2. Having been expelled from high school, I never appeared in the high school yearbook, I never played football or lettered in any athletic competitions, I never completed my Army R.O.T.C. training, and I never attended the high school prom.

      I did try out for the football team, but my folks refused to let me play, which just totally destroyed me deep inside.

      1. Probably just as well. With all the concussions, I doubt you’d have lived long enough to grace the pages of TAH with your stories, wisdom, and song.

        Thanks for the shoutout. I’ll try to do as well in life as you have 🙂

  37. By the way, add this to the list of things Bernath has been wrong about. His death clock for me said I was going to die yesterday. No, I didn’t. I’m not sure whether he meant I was going to die of natural causes or if his hit man assured him I would die yesterday, but, whatever. There is not a stack of hitmen piled up in the front yard either which is probably how that scenario would have played out.

    1. Well,that leaves us with a question. What is the standard measurement on a stacked cord of dead hitmen? 6x8x6? 4x8x4(for midget hitmen)? It’s a thinker.

      1. Claw131: a cord is 128 cu ft. An average human body is about 3 cu ft in volume. So doing the math yields somewhere around 42 or 43.

        Interestingly enough, 42 was the answer to the question, “What is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything?” So I’m going with 42. (smile)

        1. Hondo,I guess ambient temperature has to figure in there somewhere also. The terms stiffer than a board and bloated armadillo in the Texas sun come to mind.

        2. +100 for the Hitchhiker’s Guide reference! Now, if only I wasn’t under General Order 1A I could enjoy a Ouisghian Soda or a Jynnan Tonnyx!

          Of course, the whole “42” thing reminds me of a T-shirt I once had that had written across the front:

          “BEER IS THE ANSWER!!
          What was the question?”

    2. Bernath was wrong? Well, that can’t be right; he’s never wrong. Are you sure you’re not clinically dead and all that hate, malice, bile, and spite he says have consumed your very soul aren’t keeping your fingers moving across your keyboard even after your heart has stopped?

        1. Really? This whole site isn’t a mouthpiece for the Dumpster? You learn something new every day.

    3. Well, in view of your good news that you’re definitely still alive, I would like to add a bit of my own.

      Our good friend Valkyrie, who has been missing from the board for a while for various reasons, is definitely alive and well, also, and send greetings to everyone except the klown kar krewe.

      (rustle, rustle, rustle)

    4. Yup, no ninja dickweed death squad showed up either at Casa de Sparky or the place “out west” where I’m staying.

      I mean, any worse, and I’ll be thinking these clowns are full of shit or something.

      Would it help those fuckers if I gave them each a Garmin or a shitty iPad app?

    5. Jonn- You better check on the folks that live down the road from you… Jared the goat staring SF/Intel wizard might have killed someone at the wrong house.

      1. Old Jared (who no one in the industry knows!) is such a weak individual that he couldn’t kick his own ass.

        That is all!

  38. @ Sergeant Lilyea, Et Alii:

    I notice that I’m not the only one saying this.

    Please, please, PLEEEEASE give us the menu options of, “EDIT”, and/or, “DELETE”, so we can fix our embarrassing typographical errors!

    Thank you.

  39. For history buffs–and there are more than a few here at TAH, there is something very, very cool on this page. It’s a segment of a 1956 TV show “I’ve Got a Secret” in which Samuel J Seymour, the last surviving witness to the Lincoln assassination, appears. Mr. Seymour died two months after the show aired. The segment is smack-dab in the center of the YouTube selections when Proud Infidel’s 9:23 p.m. (Oct 18 “1920s What the Future Will Look Like” ) video post ends. Or you can watch directly. (Thanks, Proud Infidel!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_iq5yzJ-Dk

  40. Well, here is the latest from dandan’s “aspecialdayguide” When will these idiots stop? Again, this is some stupid shit and what does Psul think this is going to accomplish.

    (Maryland) An assailant fired three “described as Ruger .222” rounds recovered from the home of Paul Wickre and Karen Williams today.
    The slugs were imbedded in brick and just below the living room
    windows. Windows were broken.

    State Troopers took over the case believed to be aggravated by the
    far right skinhead hate organization “This Ain’t Hell”. Investigators
    immediately pinned the shootings on the far right group as publishing
    instructions to their group to attack Wickre and his wife, as well as
    political figures.

    This Ain’t Hell is described as equivalent to the The Order inciting
    their members to gun down a verbal opponent, Alan Berg, a radio disk
    jockey in Denver. The shooting and murder were traced back to The
    Order that published repeated directions to their members by press and
    early Internet that Berg should be killed, his address and location,
    in 1995.

    Law enforcement familiar with the case, likened it to the inciting of
    Lee Loughner, later convicted of attempted murder of a Congresswoman,
    by Loughner incited by an Internet site from a far right PAC, that
    “targeted” Gabby Giffords, as to her politics. Loughner murdered a US
    Judge John Roll, as well as shooting Giffords in the face.

    An investigator familiar with the case, stated that casings were
    recovered on the road leading to the Wickre house, which was published
    by the hate group “This ain’t Hell” on a Linode Server with the name address,
    pictures of the house, directions and helicopter pictures of the target by
    the hate group.

    The MD District Attorney familiar with the case would not comment, but
    that the State Troopers found it to be an interstate act and
    coordinated the case with U.S. Attorney Rod J. Rosenstein.
    Investigators are pursuing forensics to West Virginia, where the
    skinhead hate group is located and has had their weapons inventoried
    from prior restraining orders.

    The victims received a hate warning, the prior night from the head of
    the skinhead group, name concealed by the States Attorney, that had
    specific intent. Investigators added, that the volume of email
    threats, messages, intimidation, and criminal menacing were being
    traced to Linode Internet Hosting Server in New Jersey, email exchanges
    and IP addresses left in a two year trail.

    1. Always gratifying to see TAH phonies going with the tried and tested strategy of trying to get to the site through its ISP. Because nobody has ever tried that before/sarc

    2. OOOOOOHH, three .222 rounds? HOW SAVAGE!!! /sarc

      I consider those peckerwoods as a fine example of WASTED TALENT, one look how fast they make shit upsometimes makes me think they could make fortunes as fiction authors!!

    3. @ BERNATH’S FUEL GAUGE:

      For verification and/or further elucidation of facts, please cite the original source of this alleged news report, including the conventional URL.

      With all of the unprofessional name-calling repeated throughout that posted article, I’m suspicious that any such incident ever occurred, or was ever officially reported.

      1. John, please read my first sentence. Yes it is all BS, but this is what Dan has posted at his web site.

        1. @ BERNATH’S FUEL GAUGE:

          Thank you for clarifying that.

          Since I’m not personally involved in any of the controversy, I don’t know who’s who, nor do I comprehend any or all of the sundry back-and-forth postings regarding it.

    4. Has this been “reported” anywhere other than on Daniel A. Bernath’s webpage of blithering idiocy?

      1. I have done a news search with Paul’s name and “shooting”, “drive by” and so forth and nothing comes up.

        If this had any validity, I can guarantee you that the Admins here would have been contacted by the authorities.

    5. Even if it is true, and it probably isn’t, there’s absolutely no reason to believe this is affiliated with TAH in any way.

      I would think that any of the multitudes of people who Wickre has bothered and started feuds with and committed crimes against over the years would be more likely candidates.

      Alternatively, although I can only speculate, there’s a chance that someone in the League of Extra Stupid Shitheads (aptly named by Proud Infidel) might have turned on him. I can’t imagine they’re too happy after he tried to sell them down the river in his pathetic peace offering to TAH and his lawsuit against monkeyass, and a lot of them are unstable/retarded enough that I could picture them doing that in an attempt at intimidation.

      Or he might have just gotten drunk and AD’d three times into his own house. Heaven knows he is that dumb.

          1. OK,got it.Never had one of those.Mine were always on purpose cause I had enough sense to keep my finger off the bang switch until needed. But I did have one yesterday after watching the Utah calendar girl’s video a dozen times.

            1. I guess that’s why I had to ask. In the 20+ years I put in,I had never heard of that,either accidental or negligent.I guess we actually had enough discipline to not play around with loaded weapons when we got bored.

            3. Originally posted by Twist:

              There is no such thing. It is s ND (negligent discharge).

              That’s the term we’ve used at all the Army units I’ve been assigned to, and at all the Army schools that I’ve been to. We don’t use “AD” or “Active Discharge.” For example, “One of the reclass NDed right when they got started on their training mission!

              Originally posted by CLAW131:

              I guess that’s why I had to ask. In the 20+ years I put in,I had never heard of that,either accidental or negligent.I guess we actually had enough discipline to not play around with loaded weapons when we got bored.

              This is more of “complacency” issue than it is of people horsing around.

              Downrange, we were “locked and loaded” before we crossed the wire. Depending on threat condition, you were also “locked and loaded” within the wire. You had to consistently check the selector switch to make sure that it stayed on safe when you weren’t firing your weapon. This wasn’t as much of an issue when you’re holding your weapon in front of you, but more of an issue during those times you put the weapon at your side.

              Those with M9s also had to deal with this issue, especially with the way the weapon was holstered, and how it “behaved” in the holster.

              There were plenty of “opportunities” for the selector switch to stray from “safe.” People not paying attention to that, as well as to what they were doing, grabbed the trigger and “bham.”

              I didn’t witness any NDs at any of the places I was at, whether that was with live rounds or blanks. It was an issue elsewhere in the Army. With the Army being away from being a “force in garrison” to an expeditionary force for the last decade and a some years, with more time being spent either deployed, or mostly out in the field, NDs became more of an issue.

              It looks like you had the same “luck” as me in terms of not hearing one of those. :mrgreen:

              Originally posted by HS Junior:

              Really? I’ve heard it referred to as AD in sofrep.com articles.

              I’ve heard negligent discharge used, perhaps a segment of that community uses active discharge to describe the same thing.

        2. “Actually, it should always be considered a Negligent Discharge”

          This is the statement of the individual that taught me real world pistol shooting, he was a Florida Sheriff’s Department head SWAT team instructor.

          1. In Bernath and Palmer (of the Ballsack)’s case, it should be “Intentional Discharge”

            A well-aimed semen shot right in his face.

    7. False police report or accusation of a criminal act against someone?

      How cute. And how very fucking stupid.

      Rustle, rustle, bitch.

    8. The only rounds Palmer (of the Ballsack) has taken are shots of semen in his mouth. And maybe multiple shots of cheap booze.

      And in that case, I suspect Commander Phil Monkress of All-Points Logistics.

    9. OK, so I’ve been out most of the day, tending to things in the world of reality, and I see that not only has psulie-boi still not regained his grasp on reality, he’s also still a bad writer.

      Yes, that is definitively his crap.

      Isn’t something like that going into the filing a false report area? Oh, of course, there’s that disclaimer that it was created by someone’s 6thp-grade-level child, not the 5th-grade-mental-level of the idiot adult who wrote it.

      They should be careful whose names they invoke in vain, too. It can backfire on them rather badly.

    10. Since Toasty and I both have curly red hair past our waist, I believe that blows the “Skinhead” lie to bits.

      Or do I have to “retrain” to be labeled as part of you misfits’ “internet bullies,and hate group”, since I’ve been absent for so long?

    11. OK, I’m an arch-conservative and I have very short hair, but I’m a Skinhead now? I didn’t know that white supremacy groups allowed Hispanics! What is this, affirmative action? This dude is batshit crazy. Nothing more to say on that.

      🙂

    12. I read that twice, once for context and content, and again for Ss&Gs, and here is my response.

      It is definitely written by psulie-o the uncoolie-o, aka pickwickre peckerwood, aka psulie-boi, and all the other psul references we’ve got.

      Skinhead? I have more hair on my eyelashes than the phony (not a) CPO has on his head, never mind the dead rat on his face.

      I used to buy the morning paper from a guy in the Loop who had literally lost everything. Nice guy, got hit by the recession. I talked to him a lot. He had more honor and dignity than these two braindead morons will EVER conceive of having.

      The newsguy I will remember for a long time.

      These two useless plasma bags will be forgotten the moment they shut down.

  41. “Or he might have just gotten drunk and AD’d three times into his own house. Heaven knows he is that dumb.”

    YES HE IS, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he did indeed do that and sue the gu’s manufacturer afterward a la Bernath!

  43. Ruger .222?

    I can believe Remington, Hornady, Federal, etc, but last time I checked, I don’t remember seeing Ruger ammo.

    Ruger RIFLES, OTOH…

    Christ, this fucker can’t even get his accusations straight.

      1. But my point remains, I don’t recall ever having seen Ruger AMMO. Ruger RIFLES, sure.

        So yeah, at least we agree Bernath is fuller of shit than a Thanksgiving turkey.

      2. Ruger made strange version of its Mini-14 for sale in England for a very short time. It was chambered in .222 because military calibers were illegal at the time. And you worked the bolt on the rifle one shot at a time bolt action style. So it just looked like a almost evil assault rifle

  44. I can personally vouch for NO DAMAGE of any kind to any house on Wilson Lane in Bethesda, MD, by anyone I know.

    I will also personally vouch for anyone who says psulie-boi is a boring little twit and does so without laughing hysterically.

  45. Really Birdbath? Who the fuck uses a 22 for anything other than target plinking?
    I guess you are really digging in deep. Better post all you can before every thing you own is taken away fro you in court,

    1. You mean everything he doesn’t have stashed abroad so nobody can ever collect anything from him.

    2. Isn’t a .22 what they used to call a Saturday night special?

      Seems like a girlie-boi’s gun to me.

  46. The rat-bearded self catheratizing life support system for an anus wrote

    “The slugs were imbedded in brick and just below the living room
    WINDOWS. Windows were broken.”

    Well fuckface how did the “slugs” manage to go through the windows and break them, them go back out the window and embed themselves in the bricks below it?

    Looks like the hobo-cock loving never was or never will be a CPO is engaging in his favorite past time. Fabricating shit on his website.
    By the way the site “A Special Day” was originally set up to be for Birdbath’s Grand daughter to use to start a wedding photography business.
    Fuck-knuckle has probably been disowned by her, and now uses the site to write his sick fantasies of actually controlling shit.

  47. Just to let everyone know that I’ve been out of the loop for the past month because I underwent emergency surgery for my gallbladder at the beginning of the month and was finally discharged from the hospital about a week ago and has been recuperating at home. I feel a lot better now and has finally been able to get back on the internet to send this out. My stomach is still in a lot of pain from where they cut me open, but I’m hoping I will gradually recover from that…

  48. All right, I’ve spent enough time here this morning.

    I have a cake to frost, cookies to make, and words to write. And I made the best cotton-pickin’ roast chicken last night, enough for several meals.

    Heat oven to 375F

    Boneless skinless chicken breasts
    Mrs. Dash Garlic (or your favorite)
    Knorr dry bouillon – chicken – 1 dessert spoonful mixed with a cup of water

    Sprinkle Mrs. Dash in the bottom of the pan. Put the chicken in and sprinkle that liberally with more Mrs. Dash. Add the cup of bouillon to the pan. Roast the chicken for 90 minutes at 375F.

    No additional salt or pepper is required. The dry bouillon is salty enough.

    Use the broth from the pan for making gravy for your mashed potatoes.

    Gravy: 2 tablespoons of butter, plus any chicken fat from the pan, 2 heaping tablespoons of flour. Mix together in a saucepan over low heat for the roux. When properly mixed, add the pan drippings and stir to keep it creamy. If you don’t have enough to make a lot of gravy, mix up some more dry bouillon and water, and add that to the pan.

    I use Mrs. Dash a lot because there is enough salt in other ingredients and Mrs. Dash adds some seriously zippy flavor.

    This also applies to beef gravy: use the broth from the crock pot for gravy.

    It becomes its own food group, you know. The two best things about Thanksgiving are crisp turkey skin and turkey gravy. 🙂

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