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Doing my duty to warn you

by Jonn Lilyea••94

I received this in snail mail yesterday, and I figured that I had better warn y’all;

Ghost busters

So, who ya gonna call? TSO thinks it’s from the guy who bought his reflective belt. However, I think it was sent by a familiar tub of lard who we all know, and this is his clever way of communicating a threat. But, he’s too much of a yellow-striped coward to follow through.

Oh, by the way, it’s been turned over to the Post Office.

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94 thoughts on “Doing my duty to warn you”

  3. And just what is the USPS going to do? The writer is only passing on a warning of something bad that the “Spirit World” has cooked up for you. There was no threat of any human action. The USPS will write it off as the ravings of some new age kook and round file it. Rather than wearing a cross, I would buy some silver bullets. Or lead, if you find silver to costly.

    I would bet good money that it was mailed from the greater DC area. There are plenty of Evil spirits there abouts.

    1. Turning it over gives a chain of custody, in case something from the spirit world accidentally meets something from this world aka shit happens.

  4. Just a thought…..

    It’s very well written, lucid and understandable (considering the subject) to have been written by some of our “fans” (turds).

    😀

  5. Spelling and grammar rules out Wickre or Chevy. Absence of any references to catheters or prostate rules out Bernath. Seems obvious to me that you just need to shut the blog down.

          1. You mean that there is something lower shelf than that beloved brand of broke-ass Privates everywhere? Of course I am referring to “Military Special” brand spirits! Wow, a $3 bottle of Scotch? That’s even cheaper than Thunderbird. By the way, for further edification on the lower end of booze, check out the following website:

            http://www.bumwine.com/

            It’s funny, but surprisingly accurate and describes the behavior of certain intoxicated individuals almost to a “T”!

  6. The author is a skilled speller, that’s for sure.

    Roger: It’s another straw on a camel’s back, another paper in the file. It’s good to react to veiled threats appropriately. They may ultimately prove to be mile markers on someone’s route to jail.

  9. Post mark on the snail mail? Where’d it come from — or did someone just slip it into your mailbox?

    2. Yeah, but MrBill, they were “realy” scared. *Clearly*, they’re on the level!

  11. You can tell something is legit when it puts a space inbetween the last word and the punctuation .

    Because , you know , that is totally what we consider to be proper grammar .

    Oh , how could I forget the essential use of the double exclamation point !! Nothing more accurately displays the need for urgency and emphasis than that !! After all , a single exclamation point could totally be misunderstood !!

    Anyways , I think this paranormal group’s ” evil spirit ” is just the presence of the usual suspects . What if Wittgenfeld died and is saying stupid stuff beyond the grave ?? He is so dumb , he might not even realize that he is dead !!

    As for Bernath , he could have died in his tragic ” no fuel ” accident and just kept on going as if it didn’t happen . Only a ghost who thought he had been wronged in life would sue the maker of the plane it flew in life !!

    ( Are you getting annoyed by my use of spaces yet ?? )

    ( Because I am )

    1. “As for Bernath , he could have died in his tragic ” no fuel ” accident and just kept on going as if it didn’t happen .”

      There you have it folks, there’s the missing link to the notalawyer’s stupidity. He’s been a zombie this whole time. Shuffling gait, crappy balance, incoherent communication. IT. ALL. FITS.

      1. What ever came of Numbnutzs birdbath? Master has me chewing my coffee chalice awaiting news

  12. Maybe it came from the infamous Ghostbuster “retired LTC” John A.Kuykendall that was busted out(by Scotty/TAH) in January 2013.

      1. The only reason I remembered him was because the post said he was operating out of Colorado Springs. The wife and I spent 20 years in and around there and Manitou Springs/Old Colorado City/Green Mountain Falls,etc have a lot of old turn of the century buildings that are believed to be haunted. Not to mention the old Broadmoor Hotel that has been featured in many paranormal “reality” shows. It is(or at least was while we were there) a veritable hotbed of paranoid paranormal lunacy. Probably now more so since “left-handed cigarettes” were legalized.

  13. Stuff like that gets put away in the “Kook File” of whatever agency it gets reported to 99.9989% of the time, just sayin’… I remember going to a War of 1812 Round table with my Uncle one evening, and after the meeting we saw some camera flashes on the battlefield behind the place they were meeting that evening and heard some “Paranormal Investigators” with their digital cameras “investigating”, trying to photograph “orbs” and whatever else. For people that call themselves “Investigators”, they were incredibly easy to sneak up on (I’m just another everyday “Leg”, and it was child’s play!), I could tell that my sudden presence and questions scared the shit out of a couple of them, and I soon had a card from their organization and website, I’m certain they’re the same breed as the one that bought TSO’s PT belt!

  15. I’m a fan of the paranormal TV shows. While we were down in Indiana we went on a couple of “investigations” to see what it was like. It was actually kind of fun. The group we went with didn’t try to prove ghosts exist, but tried to find rational explanations for what the people were experiencing. Sadly I didn’t hear any chains rattling or see any floating sheets.

  16. Proud: “I remember going to a War of 1812 Round table with my Uncle one evening….” Two things. One, years ago I referenced the infamous Bladensburg Races in a Maryland newspaper. The reference was not well received. Damn revisionists. Two, I have an original 1814 newspaper that describes the British attack on Fort McHenry. I considered offering it to a Maryland school for display in September but, then, I remembered how much I detest that state, formerly my home state.

      1. VOV,are these supposed to be pictures of a fresh,steaming pile of Snowman poop in a slit trench at the North Pole? (Smile)

    2. Hondo…Owe me a keyboard my friend. Coffee all over it now. Thanks, I needed that laugh this morning! I REALY did. 😀

  19. What’s the code for embedding or displaying an image here?

    I use the code I have used elsewhere that works fine, but never seems to work in these windows…what am I missing?

    3. Hmmmm,Chelsea Manning’s vision of his persona five years from now or how Bubba and Thor see him/her/it right now?

    1. Try just posting the URL, VOV. Sometimes the site is odd in what it will and won’t allow.

          1. VOV: not positive, but I think you have to have a posting account (e.g., permission to post articles) before the system will let you do certain things in your comments. Perhaps embedding images is one of those things.

            Posting a full URL virtually always works. Just don’t post more than a couple in a single comment, or the system will flag it as spam.

  22. Ohh- the Spirit of Posers Past has come to haunt us.
    Nothing rattling a couple of chicken bones and holding up an FOIA document won’t scare off.

  23. From what I understand about poltergeists, they are able to remain aloft even when fuel gauges indicate empty.

  24. Geezo Pete, I take the car to the shop for recall work, and this is what I come home to?

    Does that ‘paranormal group!!’ not know that sending out junk mail during a Mercury retrograde, especially just ahead of Samhain / Hallowe’en / All Souls Eve will come back to haunt them?

    Could they learn to use a spelling dictionary and a grammar / punctuation guide?

    It’s okay. I will pull out the dried gourd moppet, lite three blue or green or yellow candles, with or without the glitter, and do the Fordhook butterbean dance to frighten off EEVVILLL spurts.

    I will also offer a plate of chocolate chip cookies, as a tribute.

    Did I miss anything?

    2. Spirits for the spirits… I did forget that.

      In truth, a poltergeist is merely a spook that spent too much time at the local stealing from the patrons’ pints.

      It’s just a shame that the full moon does not hit Hallowe’en (10/31) this year, isn’t it? It is incredibly bright.

  27. Didn’t Ballduster McSoulpatch pass by his own hand a couple of years ago???

    Iwould imagine that someone has a Voodoo Doll of the staff here at TAH !!!

  28. Great, you might be dealing with amateurs at best, phony ghost communicators/summoners at worst. 🙄

    Whatever they said during their little pow wow wouldn’t put us in danger, just them and the room they were in. 🙄

  29. Okay, it came from P’burg…Anyone have any idea where the flock DeWald is these days? I wouldn’t put it past him to try this crap since he wasn’t able to make it to DC in person and kick our asses. Or was that get his stomped into the sidewalk, I’m old now, I forget.

    1. I think he’s firmly ensconced in the land of cheese curds. I could be wrong, but the last I knew he was there.

  32. Subject matter made me think of Vlad….

    Possible, but if so then he must’ve thrown down some serious weapons-grade sedatives in order to hear his own thoughts over the sound of how awesome he is.

    🙂

  33. “familiar tub o’ lard”

    I thought you were talking about me.

    sincerely

    John “Faker 6” Giduck

  34. No sweat,
    The ghost of Chesty Puller watches over me, he would knife hand any haunt that gets in the perimeter,

        1. That’s OK, MGySgtRet. Lt Gen Puller’s ghost will pay the young man a visit soon, and set him straight. (smile)

  36. Another freedom being Atheist has brought to my life, I need not worry about people talking to their invisible friends about me. That’s just too funny. I think you are supposed to burn the letter with some of your own hair on a full moon while singing the Marine Corps hymn backwards.

    1. Yes,he is a dumbass of the fake CPO’s caliber. I did some Google-Fu after I remembered his antics. One of the funniest things I came across was a gofundme account he set up in December 2012. He wanted 25k to start production for a paranormal reality TV show in hopes of selling it to a major network. 21 months ago someone contributed $5.00 to it and that is all he has received to date. So I don’t think that little project got off the ground. I wonder where the five bucks went. Any guesses?

  39. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

    If that evil spirit comes into my bedroom, he may get slimed himself…err…I mean his slimy head may end up all over my wall…

    Guess we all need to bust out the special, holy, blessed .40S&W hollowpoints of undead destruction.

      1. You shall count to three, no more than three, because three is the number of counting.

        1. Five is right out……

          Arthur: One! Two! Five!”
          Sir Galahad: “Three, sir!”
          Arthur: “Three!”

          /(Little known historical fact: King Arthur was a Second Lieutenant) 😀

  40. Paranormal groups…yea, ya gotta love ’em. Talk about getting all wrapped around the axle over stuff. I for one, called a local Pastor, Priest and Rabbi just to be sure. They said they’ll take shifts watching me sleep…as long as I don’t touch myself during the night. I said, sorry fellas, but there’s NO way I can guarantee that one. They all passed. Bummer and we have no local franchise of Ghost Busters here! What the hell am I gonna do now? I know, I’ll move my Glock 30 from the nightstand to the custom mattress holder, closer to my hand. “I ain’t afraid of no Ghosts!”

      1. ChipNASA….Thanks for the “heads” up. 😀 However, I put in a lot of range time and I have little fear of shooting myself in the wee bits.

  41. This is my imaginings of MY visit.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yR5Z4n1TdSI

    When he comes I figure I’ll say, “Hey, how about this. We play the best two out of three hands of five card draw. You win, you get my soul. I win, I get your sickle AND you head to my obnoxious neighbors four doors down on the right and first, scare the bejeebers out of his ass hole little kid, the meanest kid in the neighborhood. I mean make his hair stand on end and turn white! Then you take his folks since they applaud the little rug rat terrorizing the neighborhood kids, animals and spray painting fences. (He has an artistic streak you know.) Yea he’s a real little jewel that kid. “So what say you death?” He will probably say, “I’ve just been to your neighbors and did JUST that! No way, it’s your turn.” I will respond “Now hang on there Death, you know, I been watching Obama for six years now and I know we can work a deal. Okay, how’s this, same game, you win you get me, no fuss, no squabbles. I win and tomorrow morning…you take Obama, Biden, Kerry, Pelosi, Boxer, Holder, Murray, Cantwell, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Boehner, ALL TRULY non-peaceful loving Muslims and YOU close the Southern border and KEEP it closed. That’s the deal, take it or I may not kill you but I’ll fill your black rob and sickle handle full of .45 holes. Plus that can’t be good for those boney fingers either.” He says, “Okay, wow, that’s a tall order but let’s do it.” Of course…I win. Been playing poker my whole life and a guy who’s been busy collecting souls for eternity past ain’t gonna beat me. No way, no how. So, the next morning, I wake up and immediately go to Fox News. Guess what? A lot of initial chaos but by golly, suddenly the world is a safer place, our country is a safer place and everyone in Washington DC is having Champagne toasts in their offices on work time! But, I love to dream. “I have a dream.”

  42. By the way, our TAH cover photo is very reminiscent of what I think the paranormal group sees as the “ominous evil coming to get us”. Spirit thugs in black robes descending into you bedrooms at night. Although I don’t believe spirits need to rappel anywhere. But the high cost of doing any business these days with Obamacare and such for them to consider, perhaps the spirits are going old school to save money. I mean, “A soul here and a soul there and pretty soon you’re talking real money”.

  43. Of all the scary movies in the world, the original black & white version of ‘The Haunting’ is the only one that ever spooked me. It especially helped to spook me that I saw it on a dark and stormy night, and at just the right moment, an sudden sweep of air from that storm made every open door slam loudly shut.

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