We wrote about Derek Hamm in the following two blogs
As a quick reminder, Hamm claimed that he had been awarded a Purple Heart, a Silver Star and a Bronze Star. He scammed a lot of people.
Well, they finally got around to handing out Hamm’s sentence.
Tyler man gets 11-year prison sentence for posing as decorated veteran to defraud investors
By KLTV Digital Media Staff | Dec. 7, 2023
TYLER, Texas (KLTV) – A Tyler man has been sentenced to 11 years, three months in federal prison for posing as a decorated veteran to defraud investors.
Derek Robert Hamm, 39, pleaded guilty to wire fraud, money laundering, violating the Stolen Valor Act, using a fraudulent military discharge certificate, and being a felon in possession of firearms and ammunition. Hamm was sentenced to 135 months in federal prison on Dec. 7, 2023, by U.S. District Judge J. Campbell Barker. Hamm’s sentence was the largest ever imposed in relation to a fraud scheme involving the Stolen Valor Act.
Queue jokes about prison Hamm sandwiches.
Well he definitely looks like a HAM
Fuktard
That Hamm sandwich is going to have its buns full of mayo soon. Lettuce relish in the tots that such a delicacy will be fed(erally) (im)pounded by some starving anti-“pig” felonious fellatio addicts. Sorry, you asked for jokes.
I’m drinking bleach now…
Hamm and eggs =YOLKS which rhymes with Jokes.
Like ol’ subway Jared learned…
https://realfunny.net/uploads/jared_fogle_can_still_get_a_footlong_in_prison_but_its_going_to_cost_him_a_lot_more_than_5._6191513948.jpg
Go Texas!
Blow me. Commie.
In the joint, Hamm can tell bad yolks to his fellow peeps because bad actors are called Hamms which are associated with eggs. Eggad, I think I got that one right. I’m walking on egg shells right now so I’d better quit.
As long as he ain’t a Ham radio operator…have at it Jeff.
Shades of Hertz, Armstrong, Marconi
Shades of Hyman, Almy, Murray
How many hams do you think we may have on TAH?
Well, bye.
Caught red-hamded.
Now he will be Hamfisted
And Hamboned.
Or Hammered (from behind).
A lot of veterans in that area they don’t take kindly to people faking the fink.
I’ll bet he don’t smoke….
Oh, he’ll be smokin’ soon enough, with enough friction……
And a working a Phildo for his new man.
If he had actually joined, he’d of only had to do 2-6 years, depending on when and what!
With such outrageous claims, he was rather Hamm-handed about the whole SV scam thing.
I’m just as glad that all this is taking place in TX, instead of up further north. A lot of beer drinkers “in the land of sky blue waters” might get upset about his name.
He’s gonna be a Hamm & cheese (ewwwww!) sammach soon enough.
Get him in a prison pileup, with enough friction, he’ll be a smoked Hamm.
And the jokes just keep writing themselves……
Are Muslim inmates allowed to have Hamm?
He’s both halal and kosher Hamm.
Hey, Hamm! Kiss My Irish Ass! Enjoy your next eleven years……….scumbag!
I wonder if Bubba & Thor have popped his cherry yet?
I wonder if Hamm prefers:
1) a Slim Jim
2) a Vienna Sausage
3) a Kielbassa
4) a Knockworst
or…
5) a Pork Banger
Maybe he likes Juicy Bananas?
Good.
The Underwood Corp is awaiting the latest issue of Prison Bride Weekly featuring this Ham. I’ll bet that the spread will be quite devilish.
PHUQUE HEEM!
It’s a shame…he has a decent beard so you’d think he wouldn’t be such a POS.