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Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend open thread

88 thoughts on “Weekend Open Thread”

  1. Magic 8 Ball, will the madness continue with Hack Stone scoring four consecutive First Posts on the This Ain’t Hell Weekend Open Thread? Magic 8 Ball says…

    4. Congratulations, oh, First of the week!
      Now where are them there ceegars, top shelf imbibables, and cat’s head biscuits? Us lowly peons are waiting to be fed.

      1. Forget it Tox…he ain’t even offered up any half chewed crayons for snacking on. More proof that the Red Hat Software Company is colluding with another Proud but Humble past presidential candidate, using sekrit servers that can only be wiped clean with a hammer.

        A quad four…well played with the copy paste button. Your Kong is a Rat.

        1. I ain’t no Gyrene, I don’t eat no crayons.

      1. We should demand a recount of TAH; WOT, FoF ballots and peacefully assemble in the Speaker of the Site’s office until we get our grievances hearéd.

        Hack can’r reman in pow-ahrg

        1. “Let’s make sure we show up wherever we have to show up. And if you see Hack Stone in a restaurant, in a department store, at a gasoline station, you get out and you create a crowd. And you push back on him. And you tell him he’s not welcome anymore, anywhere.”

          Maxin Waters
          Rep. Maxine Waters 
          43rd District Congressional District

    6. Impressive. Truly. I don’t remember if I have a 4 or 5 in a row. I think KoB was the first for that.
      Not important. your first 4-fer.
      I bow/curtsy/grovel to your greatness.

  6. DID YOU KNOW…?
    Can you find the three incorrect items in this year’s April Fool’s column?
    By Commissioner Wretched
    didyouknowcolumn@gmail.com
     
    Friday is April Fool’s Day. A day set aside to allow the practical joker that exists in all of us (well, nearly all of us) to shine. A day in which harmless pranks can be pulled to get a cheap laugh at someone else’s expense.

    That’s what April Fool’s Day normally is to everyone else. To me, that’s daily life. And I’m usually the victim.

    This year, as I have done in years past, I challenge you to find the three items in the column that are just not so. There is no prize offered, of course, except the knowledge that if you find them, I can’t fool you.

    Which is a pretty neat prize in and of itself. 

    The correct answers will be highlighted at the start of next week’s column. Ready? Set? Go get ‘em! And it’s not fair to look these thing

    1. Did you know …

      … the longest word in English is more than 189,000 letters long? It describes a protein, would take about three and a half hours to say out loud and is made up of 189,819 letters. The “short form” of the word is titin. (And no, I won’t try to put it here, because I’d have to continue it to next week’s column if I did.)

      … the landing of the Pilgrims in the New World really was at Plymouth Rock? On November 11, 1620, the Mayflower came close to the shore at what we now call Plymouth Rock, near the modern city of Plymouth in Massachusetts. From there, the first colony of the religious expatriates from England began and took hold. (Leading to our stories of Thanksgiving, turkey, and all that stuff.)

      1. “The Plymouth myth is rock-solid; Settlers: In fact, the Pilgrims landed first
        at Provincetown — and the rock’s place in history is highly questionable, scholars say.”

    2. … a college football team had a “perfect” season? In 1891, the football team from Yale University was undefeated. The team posted a 13-0 won-loss record, but that isn’t what makes the season “perfect.” Each game was a shutout. In total, the Bulldogs scored 488 points in the season, while holding all of their opponents scoreless. That season was part of a 37-game winning streak for the Yale Bulldogs which began in 1890 and ended in 1893. (And college football hasn’t been the same ever since.)

      … only one window on the Presidential limousine can open? The window on the driver’s door is the only one that can be opened, and that is only to pay tolls. The limo does not have any key holes, either. Only the members of the President’s Secret Service detail knows how to open the doors of the limousine. (Does the President really have to pay road tolls? It boggles the mind.)

    3. … you have no muscles in your fingers? The human finger is composed of bone, skin, and ligaments. The muscles that do the controlling are in your palms and arms. (So, piano players, all those “finger exercises” were really “hand exercises” after all!)

      … traditional ninjas in Japanese history wore black costumes? The idea was to “blend into the background” and not be noticeable – at least, not until it was too late to do anything in response. (Pretty scary stuff does exist in the shadows, it would seem.)

      … the inside of a Kit Kat™ candy bar may surprise you? The popular candy is made up of chocolate, thin crisp wafer cookies, and … broken Kit Kats that are damaged during production. Tiny pieces of the damaged candy, mixed with cocoa and sugar, fill in the space between wafers. (Whatever … they’re delicious!)

      1. Traditional ninja did NOT wear black costumes (at least, not traditionally – mission parameters might have occasionally demanded such). The black costume idea came from the clothing Japanese theatre hands wore to avoid audience attention. It’s a bit after April Fools Day, but that’s one of the pieces.

        1. Plus all the ninjas in You Only Live Twice wore gray clothes tactically. 🙁

    4. … the longest railroad in the world also crosses the highest number of bridges? If you ever take the full ride on the Trans-Siberian Railway in Russia, you’ll travel 5,772 miles from St. Petersburg to Vladivostok, and during the trip – which takes at least seven days – you will also cross 3,901 bridges. (And the view is breathtaking, but seldom changing.)

      … the largest rat species in the world lives in Papua New Guinea? The Bosavi woolly rat can grow up to 32 inches long and weigh more than three pounds. (And you know what it does, right? It goes around saying, “Here, kitty, kitty …”)

      … selling one’s organs is legal in Iran? (One would assume the buyer has to wait until the seller isn’t using them any more to collect.)

      1. And we all thought the largest rat lived in Merritt Island Florida. The more you know.

    5. … a radio broadcast caused a nationwide panic? On October 30, 1938, the Mercury Theatre of the Air performed a radio production of The War of the Worlds, based on the novel by H.G. Wells (1866-1946) and starring actor Orson Welles (1915-1985). The broadcast was staged to be a series of “news” bulletins about Martians invading Earth. It was so convincing that thousands of people nationwide panicked, believing that the planet had been invaded. Reports were received of mass hysteria in eastern U.S. cities, and newspapers claimed that citizens went to the New Jersey area where the story was allegedly taking place in order to do battle with the Martians. (It did prove how effective radio can be, though!)

    6. … killer whales are not whales? Orca, which is what killer whales are properly called, are actually members of the dolphin family. They are, in fact, the largest members of the dolphin family. (You mean Flipper is related to killer whales? Wow!)

      … eggplant contains nicotine? Actually, the seeds of the eggplant do. Ingesting seeds of the eggplant is unavoidable, as they are tiny, are found throughout the plant, and give it some of its texture and flavor. They also have trace amounts of nicotine in them. But don’t worry, especially if you’re trying to quit smoking – you would have to eat twenty pounds of eggplant to get the nicotine equivalent of one cigarette. (Skyrocketing blood pressure isn’t worth the nicotine fix, though.)

      Now … you know! Or … do you?

      1. Nicotine is also found in
        Cauliflower,Eggplant (Aubergine),
        Potatoes, Green tomatoes, Ripe tomatoes and Pureed tomatoes.

        That MSG stuff that is really Urban Legend/Fake News? It’s all naturallly produced in our bodies. Always cracks me up when I hear an extremely obese person go to a Chinese Restaraut and request MSG not be put in their food. Yep. Those folks who scarf the Ole All You Can Eat Chinese Buffett think they outsmarted Mother Nature as they waddle their way out the Restaraunt, cutting down cigarette snokers hanging outside the restaraunt…

        1. Green tomatoes, Ripe tomatoes and Pureed tomatoes.

          In other words; tomatoes. 😉

  10. My son tells me that in the on line gaming community Russians are now persona non grata everywhere. Some of the Russians gamers have taken to pretending to be from other countries, especially Poland, which has really pissed off the Polish gaming community. The irony of a Russian pretending to be Polish to avoid being a pariah is somehow hilarious to me.

  11. Plymouth Rock:

    “So there you are on the television show “Jeopardy.”

    “You have a comfortable lead and Alex is reading the Final Jeopardy answer: “The place where the Pilgrims first set foot in America after their long voyage on the Mayflower.” What a stroke of luck! This one’s a slam dunk. Confidently, you write down your question. “What is Plymouth Rock?”

    “And you watch all your winnings go down the drain. Because your answer is wrong. The actual spot where the Pilgrims first set foot in the New World is Provincetown, Mass.”

    The story of how the Pilgrims left Europe to seek religious freedom in the New World is known by every schoolchild. Called
    Separatists in England, these religious dissidents fled to Holland to be allowed to worship as they pleased.”

    “But life in Holand proved hard, and when the Separatists noticed that their children were acting more Dutch than English, they decided to emigrate again — this time to America.”

    3. > their children were acting more Dutch than English

      Their children were smoking pot?

  12. The False Commander “Phony” Phil Monkress (CEO of All-Points Logistics) work balls.

  13. Russian disinformation,,, I wonder if that was the action under-taken during the whole Cornpop incident!

    1. Knowing how Babylon Bee has trouble keeping ahead of left/libtard “woke” bullcrap for satire nowadays, I’m afraid this’ll be true next month.

  17. Thirty something and I award myself Honorary First once again.

    ((((OVER))))

  19. Completed the 7th radiation treatment today.
    Only negative effect is having to have a full bladder, so I have to chug 32 oz of water 40 minutes before treatment. I get a potty break when it is over – but then there is the 40-45 minute ride home….
    I’ve located a well-placed gas station with easy access bathrooms.

    Traveling the stretch of I-45 to and from, I have, this week, seen:
    1 – 18-wheeler who apparently tried to cut across the grass when he missed an exit and dumped his flatbed trailer
    1 – mangled pickup truck where the driver had to be extracted by jaws of life after he didn’t pay attention to the “Construction Ahead” warnings. A worker was also injured.
    1 – 4-mile long (and growing) parking lot where a pickup and a motorcycle proved, again, that two object cannot occupy the same point in the spacial-temporal continuum. The rubber-neck line (which I was in) was “only” a two mile back-up.

    1. I have 5 more weeks to see how that count holds up to being “average”

      Y’all have a great weekend.

      1. GB, are you in a vertical or horizontal position when they shoot you?

        Ol’ Poe’s cancer was in his throat so they strapped him down to a table and put a mask over his face to hold it immobile, not a pleasant experience for someone with borderline claustrophobia.

        Of course, Poe being Poe, he just couldn’t lie still, and perversely had to move his head around under the very close constraints of the mask, which really didn’t matter. They still killed the tumor and along with it my salivary glands and my taste buds. Four years later Poe still has a terribly dry mouth and minimal sense of taste.

        Be thankful yours isn’t in your throat. Best wishes for a rapid end to the treatments and a successful outcome.

        1. Me too, Poe. Took 36 sessions (twice on Friday). At least I didn’t have to undergo chemo. One hospital wanted to put in a feeding tube; after hearing that I transferred to Stanford Hospital and they said “nope — just radiation … if you’d like to join with this trial we’ve got going on..” Say no more!

          After 6 years I still do not have to shave the right side of my neck because the hair doesn’t grow.

          Dry mouth still is a nightly bother — I wake up about three times each night with my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. At least my taste buds recovered after the first six months. Still hard to swallow food.

          1. — GROAN —

            Oh FFS. YGTBFSM.

            What species of extreme LOSER would ever even consider having that hideous shit permanently tattooed on to their body?

            Please tell me that that image came from The Onion or the Babylon Bee.

            We hate you ninja! (I took the liberty of speaking for AW1Ed there.)

        1. 27 May 2022!!!!

          😆😅🤣😂😆😅🤣😂

          (We feel sorry for both you and AW1Ed…)

    2. I wonder if Li’l Tommy Cruise filled his Depends when he was pulling all of those Gs?

    1. Really? What the fuck. If you’re going to name a ship after a female Supreme Court justice, how about Sandra Day O’Connor? Kind of like naming a ship after Carl Levin.

      1. That one should be for Senator Patrick Leahy, who Rush Limbaugh referred to as “Senator Depends”

    3. I was thinking more along the lines of “USS Deadinthewater.”

      What the fuck is next? USS Fat Leonard?

      I wonder if they’ll be assigned to the Seventh Fleet….

  22. Quick dick mcdick on YouTube has an interesting article on Canada’s carbon tax that went into effect April 1st.

    I’ve tried copying the link to this page, but have no idea where it went. He is informative, entertaining and funny with his subject matter.

    1. WTF?! How did this turd keep his fucking job and how did someone not catch this bag of filth earlier?

      I want to crush the nuts of any swinging dick that’s in his fucking contact list, just to be sure. Pervert pedo pieces of human garbage in need of a one way trip, pro bono rocket flight into the sun, mother fuckers.

    2. IMHO he and those of his ilk need to simply be pushed one at a time into a crematorium or hot lime kiln because they need to get used to burning.

    4. Yeahhhhh he’s a bit of a local legend around these parts. He’d be excellent coyote bait.

          1. “Frodsham began his federal service career by enlisting in the Army in 1973. He served seven years in the Army before transitioning to civilian federal service.”

            “He became the Humphreys deputy garrison commander on Aug. 1, 2007. During his time here, Frodsham helped oversee the beginning of the largest construction project in the Army. Also,
            Humphreys added the Splish & Splash water park and the Child Development Center.”

            1. “His military training includes: the Army War College; Army Management Staff College; Logistics Executive Development Course; Command and General Staff Officers Course; Personnel Management for Executives I and II; Organizational Leadership for Executives; and the Department of
              Defense Equal Employment Opportunity and Affirmative Action for Executives Course.”

              So much for all that training. He has been siiting in prison since 2016.

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