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Ballduster McSoulpatch Memorial Stolen Valor Tournament Bracket

by TSO••64

Well, here it is.

Note that in the Final Four, the Kennedy and Ginsburg bracket “winners” will pair off with the winner going to the National Chumpionship, with the Roberts and Sotomayor bracket “winners” competing likewise.

For those curious, the last four out were:

Dominic “Blue Neck Gator” Gallegos
Shedrick “Homeless SEAL” Burgess
Mark Seymour “Wookin fa nub with a falsified ID card” David
Anthony “The Saginaw Forrest Gump” Vanderhoof

And now…..the brackets:

The JUSTICE KENNEDY REGIONAL:

1 Dallas “Flying Assclown” Wittgenfeld v.
16 Joseph “Who wouldn’t go AWOL from Jersey” Coyle

8 Gary “The man loves a parade” Spors v.
9 Thomas “Rolling Thunder Jackass” Lowry

5 Jonathan “The Cock Inhaler” Sharkey v.
12 Bob “Bolivian Field Mouse” Duft

4 Larry “The Round Marine” Gugle v.
13 Michael “8 tons of frijoles” Frisoli

3 Jason “Prison SEAL” Truitt v.
14 Thomas “Colonel, Lawyer, Minister, CEO, Phony” Hughes

6 Derek Kent “X-acto knife Recon” Rose v.
11 Ronnie Glenn “Wheelchair Security Guard” Eddings

7 Kyle “Dunking Bird” Barwan v.
10 Myron “Fanciful Coot” Brown

2 Brian “Wounded Mind” Camacho v.
15 Armando “Cabana Boy” Codoba

The JUSTICE ROBERTS REGIONAL:

1 Tim “Stuttering Jackass” Poe v.
16 Jorge “Columbian Medal of Valor Recipient” Cruz

8 Alex “Subway Sandwich Shop Commando” Popovic v.
9 Derek “Mutant Strain of GWS” Walls

5 James “Jumpmaster Noflash” Bryan v.
12 Ayush “Major in the Navy SEALs” Arora

4 Bill “Psychic SEAL” Brockbrader v.
13 Larry “Cambodian Drummerboy” Marquez

3 Graham “IVAW Ranger Brigade” Crumpner v.
14 Stephen Frank Cio “The Fourth most dangerous NDSM recipient in the world” Burrel

6 Fermijon “Maggots and Rice” Marrero v.
11 David “Toys and Total asshats” Lebrun

7 Melanie Evalena “Meth made me ugly” Gutermuth v.
10 Angel “Snagletoothed Douchasaurus” Ocasio

2 Ron “Gunny Driveway” Mailahn v.
15 Matthew “The Tattooed Phony” Beck

The JUSTICE SOTOMAYOR REGIONAL:

1 Gregory John “Trident and trim” Schaffer v.
16 Nathan “upside down ribbons” Seal

8 Mike “Goth Special Forces” Wilson v.
9 Eliut “Mitigational Fiction” Lopez-Enriquez

5 Brian Leonard “T-Shirts and Tattoos make you a SEAL” Creekmur v.
12 Ronald P. “The Jawa” Arlt

4 Jackie Lee “What’s a forged DD214 between friends” Climer v.
13 Mike “Secret Squirrel” Zinna

3 Gregory “Slats the Euro-weenie Marine” Leveau v.
14 Daron “burned my 3 year olds butt” Soard

6 James “Effects Linger” Dahan v.
11 Robert “72 medals and a dump truck to carry them” Vaughn

7 Carl John “Hero of Every Pacific Battle of WWII” Pequignot v.
10 Joe T. “the T is for Theft by Deception” Joseph

2 Jake “I rethunk whether I was in Astan” Diliberto v.
15 Darrel “Infidel Sniper” Tracht

The JUSTICE GINSBURG REGIONAL

1 Herbert “Cav Secret Squirrel” Williamson v.
16 Fatty McQuartermillion Pounder

8 Paul “PTSD Counselor” Schroeder v.
9 Asleigh “Shrapnel slit my throat” Martel

5 Jacob “read my plates bitch!” Cruze v.
12 Albert “Sensei Dick Munch” John

4 Dave “Tiger Hunter” Groves v.
13 Micaiah “Marine Terrorizer of OWS” Dutt

3 Paul “Prince Chumming” Tillson v.
14 Brian “Pound me in the ass Prison Bitch” Culp

6 Ken “Tri-recycled 18B Wannabe” Aden v.
11 Richard “Senator Dickenthal” Blumenthal

7 Jasper Land “My moustache alone is SF qualified” Holland v.
10 Leo “Half my Squadron Died” Webb

2 David Garcia “Not so Trusty” Diaz Jr v.
15 Timothy “Durango + Delta = Douchebag” Oliver

OK, so there you have it, the biggest dillweeds we’ve busted in the last 8 months. Voting will begin on Monday. It will be a poll a day next week, Mon-Thurs, with one Regional per day. 1 vote per person. The “winners” of each contest will advance to the Round of 32, the following week. Each week will be a round, with the later rounds being multi-day voting, with the total vote winner advancing. As I mentioned elsewhere, we will also be highlighting a different non-profit each week, so if you could throw a coupla bucks their way, that would be great.

A note: these guys are the worst of the worst, and everything they do steals from those of us who earned medals, and especially from our brothers and sisters that never made it back. Some complain that the event here is too flippant about a serious subject. Believe you me, I know how serious it is. This Tourney is an attempt to make sure everyone sees just how big a problem these guys are. It generates traffic so that future people who google these asshats will know about their perfidy.

The Supreme Court says that private individuals and blogs should handle the shaming of these people. Jonn said it best, and I will leave with his interpretation about what the Supreme Court said:

This Ain’t Hell and all of our partners are the stocks and dunking chairs in the village square of the internet – a place where folks can come and throw rotten tomatoes at the valor thieves. The Supreme Court gave us a warrant to be the internet’s vigilantes and bounty hunters.

So get your rotten tomatoes and cabbage ready, and Let’s Get it On!

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64 thoughts on “Ballduster McSoulpatch Memorial Stolen Valor Tournament Bracket”

  2. You lost me Spork, on which section?

    Should be 1-16 in each Regional, which one did I sscrew up?

  3. Justice Kennedy regional – seeds #7 and #11 are both Ronnie Glenn Eddings.

  6. I know, and Sharkey at a 5 seed shocked me.

    I took the Seeding Commitee’s seeding, added them all together, if they were not selected I gave them 75 pts on that sheet, and then just added together and sorted by results. Ron didn’t get seeded by one person, and the rest had him as a 1 seed. Not sure if it was oversight or what, but either way, the selection committee has spoken. Hopefully he’ll show up here to talk up his game and pull an upset in the Unsweet Eight.

  7. Aden a 6-seed? Gunny Driveway a 2? Slats the Euro-Weenie a 3? Cock Inhaler Sharkey a 5?

    Well, my mileage certainly did vary. But it’s a good field nontheless – and ya never know how it will turn out until you finish the last round.

    This ought to be fun. (smile)

  8. True, 2 seeds have risen to the occasion. I’m betting it’ll be him vs the flying assclown in the national chumpionship. Naming the regionals after SC dufusses was a nice touch.

  9. In the seedings I sent to TSO I had Barwan as #1 overall (dickweed was wearing my Cav patch) followed by Sharkey, Gunny Driveway, and Ken Aden(because he was recent and won’t give it up)

  10. Should’ve had a play-in for a couple of the 16 seeds…I know you’ve got more than this…

  11. I really like the professionalism that TSO and the selection committee brought to the fore in doing such a difficult job. I guess my half-assed comment, last year about having a tourney was grabbed and taken to its logical conclusion by the maestro of fighting phonies. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut, once in a while, and an old fart soldier has a good idea every now and again. 🙂

  13. As the graphic I posted in the Wittgenfeld thread goes, “Dis gun b gud…”

    And just enough bracket busters in there to really make it interesting.

  14. Can’t wait til The Sniper gets ahold of The flying assclown for his photoplasty. It’ll be his “finest” hour.

  15. Glad to see Jake Dilberto getting his moment in the sun as a #2. I met him once and he really laid it on thick his credentials as a special operator in Afghanistan and Pakistan. He really is attempting to make a career as an expert on the subject of war and the region. “Contests” like this are exactly what the Supreme Court was talking about because now if anyone thinking of booking or hiring Jake Dilberto based on his representations will learn the truth, or lack therof, if they do some cursory research. Thanks guys!

  16. One additional thought that I wanted to raise along the lines of my last post…. I’m guilty of this too, but in order to make this work in terms of search optimization, can you please work to ensure that names are spelled correctly (not withstanding people like Gunny Driveway who apparently can’t consistently spell his own name).

    For example, Jake D’s name is misspelled above… Jake Diliberto is the correct way. Thanks again.

  18. Awesome job, agree with the need for this, as unfortunate as it is. If time permits maybe have a NIT for the also-rans.

  19. Great job. This should be fun. I need some laughs.

    My man, “Ranger Burrell”,looks like he can get to the semis with that 14th seed in the Roberts bracket.

    As I stated on a previous post, being “the 4th most dangerous man in the world” has to count for something.

    No mercy.

    PS – I am suprised LT Mini Bud did not make the cut.

  21. I’m looking for Barwan to be knocked out mid-round with a stretched DSL and Sharkey to be called in to sub for him.

    Anne frankly, Anon, I spelled Diliberto’s name ENTIRELY different. 🙂

  22. You wouldn’t by any chance have put a second, lowercase “d” and “o” in there, ROS – would you? (smile)

  23. The colonel over Subway Sandwich boy any day

    Derek “Mutant Strain of GWS” Walls

  24. Wow, I can’t believe the Cock Inhaler is 5! And the Cav Secret Squirrel guy is a 1??

    Ah well, this ought to be fun. And maybe the Cock Inhaler will come over here and demand a recount because his seeding is way too low.

  25. Nicki,

    I had Cock inhaler as my #2 overall making him a one seed in a bracket. What totally did it for me was his comments on his own thread of shame….freaking priceless!

  26. OT – I know, right? He literally made me laugh out loud every time he came over here to spew his particular brand of insanity!

    Well… maybe he’ll stage a comeback, eh? 🙂

  27. Are not Fatty McQuarter Million Pounder and the “Round Marine” the same imposter?

    They are in two brackets. (He is fat enough to do that, though)

  28. Wow !!
    Impressive screen layout, TSO.
    It’s heartwarming to read these comments — The JOY Of JUSTICE .

  29. I don’t think it will matter enough to upset Gunny Driveway in the first round. But I just learned that since we’ve done the seedings, Matthew Beck has been trying to shut down the Stolen Valor Facebook page. He’s managed to get one of the site admins banned from FB for offending him. Just wanted to make sure all the relevant information was out there.

  30. TSO: Green Thumb (@27) has a point. Don’t think the Round Marine and Gugle are the same guy (I did once, but I believe I was wrong). I think you need this link for Gugle:

    http://www.pownetwork.org/phonies/phonies243.htm

    Unfortunately, Gugle may not be eligible for this year’s tourney – he doesn’t seem to have done much else in the way of shitbaggery since his final outing in 2006/2007. I could be wrong, though.

  31. Roger, figured it out this morning, Gugle is actually mentioned in the comments of that other one. We’ll get this right eventually.

  32. Frankly, Pud the Inhaler did nothing for me. His empty threats consisting of nothing but a list of words for which his mother relegated to him basement duty coupled with the reeeeeeally AWE-some arte de moustachio just screamed to me that he’d not be able to pull himself from his beloved D&D long enough to follow through on them. Plus, I couldn’t even laugh at his antics due to his abject stupidity. Seriously, dude was DUMB.

  37. The #16 in the ginsburg regional, Fatty McQuatermillion Pounder, has to be an odds on favorite! Forty four medals? SEAL trident? A blouse big enough you could hide a platoon in? A wattle so big he coule hide a scout/sniper team under there? Jump wings? C’mon guys, give credit where credit is do!?

    Let’s don’t forget #13 in the kennedy bracket, “Frijoles” Frasoli! Between him and his lover “mays”, he has to be afforded some consideration.

  38. ROS

    It was TSO’s write up of Vlad that did it for me….I still laugh my ass off everytime I read it…..I still chuckle fondly picturing TSO walking circles around him until his heart stops pumping all the while flinging pudding at him with a spork…. 🙂

  40. I’m dying over here, OT and Hondo. The only thing that could possibly make the pudding slinging any better would be if TSO were to say to him “I shall taunt you a second time!” every sporkful.

  41. TSO better watch out, ROS – the Cock Inhaler could always fart in his general direction! (smile)

  42. Nicki

    I’m picturing him saying, “bitch, get back in the kitchen and bake me some pie!!”

  43. So after reading this stuff and going over the seeds I find one of these turds lives nearby….like within a mile nearby…guess I’ll have to drive over and see what Burrell looks like these days…

  44. I bet his mother was a hamster and his father smelt of elderberries, too. TSO could smell him coming a mile away.

  46. Since I wasn’t around for the tourney last year I am SO looking forward to this one

  48. I would really like to see a Dick Blumenthal upset over Ken Aden, because even though Aden tripled down on his stupid at least he was legit in some areas. Dicky Blooooomental just liked to “misp…lie his ass off” about his days in “the nam” or as some call it…the marine reserves. When called out one it Dicky didn’t eventually back out he just covered his lies with the “mispoke” line and fortunately for him his constituents were willing to buy it…

  49. JPJ, that’s because Blumenthal’s constituents have the same critical thinking skills as TAH’s own, Insipid. I think Dickie will pull it out, and slide in to victory over(on top of) Aden.

  50. I am going to campagn hard for bloomie! Come on guys when he was in viet…well wherever he was, things were different. Hell, he will pay some guys to stand around while he makes his apology for everyone being too stupid to understand that he really meant Marine reserves when he said Vietnam. Simple thing for stupid electorate to mix up…

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