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First Annual “Jesse MacBeth Stolen Valor Awards” competition nomination thread

by TSO••97

CURRENTLY VOTING ON FINAL FOUR, GO TO THIS LINK FOR TODAY’S BALLOT

Here is your field of 32:
Ballduster McSoulpatch
Master Sergeant Soup Sandwich
Rick Duncan
Sealey McChippendales.
Steve Snake Eyes Jordan
Willie Williams
Gunny Lauve
Jeff THE ROCK Harris
Ray Shitbird Sherpansky
De Hieu Tran
Salhem Dreasden/Dan McGrew
Michael Hamilton
Bill Hillar
David Baillie
William “Heavy Drop” Clark
Kyle Barwan
Skylar “E-Bay Recondo” Whalen
Jasper Lake
LTC Warryck-Regan Lee “Bad Lesbian” Wolf
Brigadeer General “PFC” Baxter
Jhon Kerwin “i B deployed foo” Williams
SGM John Letuli
Major Chris “I was there (15 miles away)” Shane
Carl “Awesomest SEAL In History” Doe
Jess “Skip” Hall*
Gen David “Torpedo Tube” Weber
Oliver “Wide Load” Karl
Geoff “PowerPoint” Millard
Matthis “I Oppressed Baskin Robbins at BAF” Chiroux
Ward “Not a Ranger” Reilly
Billy “Guitar strumming hero” Adamson
Cobb Public Safety Director Mickey Lloyd

UPDATE FROM SEEDING COMMITTEE: Remarkably the seeding committee has dropped Millard like a flaming turd, and demanded inclusion of Bob Spooky 8 King. Just a dramatic turn of events here at the Downtown Athletic Club in Sheboygen Falls. Also, Ward Reilly has been bounced for being too easy a target, he is replaced by Michael Chabot, youngest phony Special Forces Sniper of all time.

The Seeding Committee will be meeting this weekend. Said committee consists of:
TSO from This Ain’t Hell. (me)
The Sniper of the self-same titled blog.
Nick Palmasciano of Ranger Up
An Airborne Oboeist to be named later from Blackfive. (Update: Blackfive his self will be on the committee)
We are hoping to fly Mr. Greyhawk in as well, waiting on travel issues.

Contestants will be seeded according to a secret format we have made in conjunction with Stephen Hawking, and will be announced Monday Morning. Said contestants in the Big Dance will be placed in one of four regionals:
Flag Officer Regional
Senior NCO Regional
Special Ops Regional
Seek Help Now Regional

Are you ready for some October Madness?

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97 thoughts on “First Annual “Jesse MacBeth Stolen Valor Awards” competition nomination thread”

  2. Oh dude, Jordan all the way. I mean who takes pictures of themselves in their mom’s backyard pretending to be in Iraq?

  5. Here’s a few more: We could do like a “doucheoff” where only the worst get to the field of 16 or 32 or whatever:

    –Salhem Dreasden
    –Michael Hamilton
    –Bill Hillar
    –David Baillie
    –William Clark (aka “Heavy Drop”)
    –Kyle Barwan
    –Skyler Whalen
    –Jasper Lake

    And the list goes on, and on, and on…

    But I’d ask the winner (loser?) gets named on the 10th, sort of the anti-Veteran’s Day.

  10. TSO, I’m working on creating the award right now. I’ll email you a pic of it as soon as I get it done.

  14. Ballduster McSoulpatch:

    Folks,

    This is a perfect example of community organizing at its best. Good job OT!

  16. Soulpatch then soup sandwich.

    I’d put Jordan up there, but to quote my born and bread Irish parents “He’s not the full shilling”.

  17. Oh lord, I forgot about Regan Adams aka Warrick-Regan Blue Wolf or whatever. The one-eyed lesbian potty mouth.

  20. What was the name of that CSM at Bragg who was sporting an SF tab in the picture taken at the CSM academy?I believe he was a Samoan…

  26. What was the name of that CSM at Bragg who was sporting an SF tab in the picture taken at the CSM academy?I believe he was a Samoan…

    That would be John Letuyi (sp?).

  27. Thanks NH.

    TSO I think a “PX ranger” tab would be enough.

    Although as an idea: a neck band that is the photo negative of the MOH neck strap (you know the opposite color) with a medal thats a cartoon character taking a shit in a paper bag (shitbag get it?) it should be ringed by representations of all the awards that they claim to have. What do you think?

  35. Some of these retards had me laughing my ass off. I used to think people like this should just be kicked in the balls (with a proper combat boot) and told to stop it. However, sometimes I over think shit. Maybe you should have different classifications of awards. For “Different wars” for “Most Ribbons and Awards” for “Oddest mix of awards that don’t make any fucking sense.”
    I took a class last week with a county jail mental health worker. I told her how as a cop, so many homeless nuts claimed to be war vets etc. And it really pissed me off. She said it was all part of their delusion… so that kind of made sense. So I asked her: “you mean they’re all just fucking retards?”

    Yep.

  41. Frank, that dude is a classic, and I want to include him, but do you have the sources for where he claimed all that? Want to be able to document everything.

  45. TSO:
    After a ton of back and forth e-mails, (I quit counting at 50), this douche claims that we were friends from when he met me at Ranger School, (I’ve never been to Ranger School, and never on the grounds in the years suggested by Oliver.), also saw me when I was in some port with one of the ships I own, and also was given a ride by me in my brown Ford pickup.
    He got these suggestions from my FB photo albums, even though I have never owned a “ship”, (small sportfishers but no ships), and never had a brown Ford pickup.
    This week he sent me this, after I told him to suck start a .45 a month ago:
    “what ever happened to Frankie Cee, i get the impression this is not the Frankie Cee, as he does not remembers heads from tails, i sent all your emails to the FBI because i was not sure if you decided to help my brother in law with there conspiracy to deprive me of the military records to my efforts in the USMC, people have been trying to murder me and are now stopping me from living in my housing property, people are going out there way to make sure i get no support for being seen to be a veteran, and i am not sure who to turn to, like i mentioned , after a massive attack in the 90’s, i have found it hard to find people i used to know online, The FBI might not do anything about my complaints so i would not worried if i was you.. It would be good for me if you remembered me, because we were good friends for the short time i knew you, it must have been now about 18 years since we last met, it would be the end of things if you do not want to know me further, i can handle this, but if you ever find the need to help me out or to try and help the USA be all they can be, then let me know, as i get the impression you are forgetting about me”
    If you can decipher that you are better than me.

  46. The message, deciphered is, “I am a schizophrenic.” Just nicely tell him that you are not the fellow he thought you were, that you are moving to Swaziland, and that you will contact him in exactly 7 mos, 6 days, and 7 hours. Have him agree not to tell anyone. That should do it.

  48. Awww crap, TSO; I forgot to mention Ward Churchill. COB6 and I went a few rounds with him back in the Days of Crochety Old Bastard blog.
    Phony soldier
    Phony Artist
    Phony human
    100% pure liberal Asshole.

  49. What about the little stain from Ft Carson, Michael Chabot(?)….who was a Cav Scout or somesuch and claimed in the local paper of his SF exploits, complete with photo of himself in a green beret and ACR patch?

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