Tag: Bernath

Always nice to hear from a friend:

Counselor:
As a further sign that I wish to meet and confer to resolve all differences short of litigation; I know that being an open homosexual is now considered to be a great thing, with open homosexuals serving in the US Army and Navy. So, your “coming out” really can’t be considered a bad thing, right?

I also want to tell you how “brave” you are for coming out and I am sure that all your colleagues (esp. the lesbians Valkarie and Ex PH2) will stand with you firmly, like a ramrod crossing shit river.

Daniel A. Bernath
Attorney at Law

I totally get why he thinks I am gay. I dress superfluously and flamboyantly. In fact, Joan Rivers once said that I do more for her in my Patriots hoodie than any other man has done for her since 1927. I get it. Look, I am a sexy man, there is no escaping that fact. When Bernath sees pictures of me, I don’t doubt he feels a stirring in his loins. I’m his Tom Brady.

The problem is, I am happily married. To a woman. So I just don’t see it working out between Dan and I. However, I really hope he does find the courage to come out himself. As he says, I have NO PROBLEM with gays at all. Heck, I even saw a gay midget dancing to Copa Cabana a few weeks ago, and it was one of the highlights of my life. Any of you on my Facebook know that to be true. It was a thing of sublime beauty.

But Dan is trying so hard to fight off the gay. Like Jacob wresting the Angel, poor Dan is being held down by his homosexual latencies. Which got me thinking, would Dan actually make a good gay?

I report, you decide:

Push play for the music as you peruse Dannie-Boi’s pictures.

Dan could live his dream of being bathed by men.

Or be a unicorn.

He and Richard Simmons could hawk Obamacare together.

He could finally start dating Johnny Weir.

He could march in the Phony CPO Pride Parade.

Heck, he could even create his own video game.

You’ll never convince anyone that you aren’t, as Ace of Spades would artfully state it, “a pack a day smoker of the cock.” So you might as well set yourself free Dan. You’ll feel better about yourself.

Now with new Poll Goodness: