{"id":98039,"date":"2020-04-07T09:36:40","date_gmt":"2020-04-07T13:36:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=98039"},"modified":"2020-04-07T09:36:40","modified_gmt":"2020-04-07T13:36:40","slug":"stimulus-checks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=98039","title":{"rendered":"Stimulus Checks"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

Humor. Jeff LPH 3 sends.<\/p>\n

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another economic stimulus payment.<\/p>\n

It is indeed a very exciting program, and I\u2019ll explain it by using a Q&A format:<\/p>\n

Q: What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
\nA: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.<\/p>\n

Q: Where will the government get this money?
\nA: From taxpayers.<\/p>\n

Q: So the government is giving me back my own money?
\nA: Only a smidgen of it.<\/p>\n

Q: What is the purpose of this payment?
\nA: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the
\neconomy.<\/p>\n

Q: Isn\u2019t that stimulating the economy of China?
\nA: Shut up.<\/p>\n

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy
\nwith and your stimulus check wisely:<\/p>\n

* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
\n* if you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
\n* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.
\n* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
\n* if you buy a reliable car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
\n* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
\n* if you pay off your credit card or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.<\/p>\n

Instead, keep the money in America by:
\n(1) Spending it at a yard sale, or
\n(2) Go to a ballgame (if they ever resume), or
\n(3) Spend it on prostitutes, or
\n(4) Beer, or
\n(5) Tattoos
\n(These are about the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
\nCONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day. <\/p>\n

No need to thank me, I\u2019m just glad I could be of help.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Obvious omissions include guns, ammo, and bourbon. Thanks, Jeff.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Humor. Jeff LPH 3 sends. Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another economic stimulus … Stimulus Checks<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":657,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[213,332,407,92],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-98039","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-your-tax-dollars-at-work","category-guest-post","category-humor","category-satire"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98039","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/657"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=98039"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98039\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":98041,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98039\/revisions\/98041"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=98039"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=98039"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=98039"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}