{"id":86821,"date":"2019-05-09T10:40:53","date_gmt":"2019-05-09T14:40:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=86821"},"modified":"2022-01-13T20:31:53","modified_gmt":"2022-01-14T01:31:53","slug":"woman-arrested-for-trespassing-at-cia-headquarters-and-asking-for-agent-penis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=86821","title":{"rendered":"Woman arrested for trespassing at CIA headquarters and asking for \u2018Agent Penis\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Hernandez has been charged with trespassing and is being held in Alexandria, Virginia.<\/p>\n

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Jennifer G. Hernandez might be the world\u2019s most staunch supporter of the misguided notion that 50 noes and one yes … means yes. Unfortunately for her, this concept has no application to the real world, especially when it comes to unauthorized CIA headquarters visits.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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The 58-year-old woman allegedly trespassed on the grounds of the Langley, Virginia, headquarters on four separate occasions, the police complaint said, before finally requesting an audience with \u201cAgent Penis,” as one does.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Hernandez reportedly sauntered into the building April 22 \u2014 the first occasion \u2014 through the main vehicle entrance before she was stopped by a bewildered CIA police officer.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Once questioned, she reportedly informed the officer she was following up with a recruiter at the agency as part of her application for CIA employment.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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It didn\u2019t take long for law enforcement to debunk her claims, however, so on her way she was sent, this time sans arrest.<\/p>\n

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Seemingly undeterred by the nonexistent prospects of Central Intelligence Agency employment, Hernandez returned over a course of three consecutive days \u2014 May 1, 2 and 3, according to the complaint.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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She showed up May 1 in a Lyft, the report said, and once more, informed officers of her need to see a recruiter \u2014 her very own unattainable wizard of the CIA\u2019s Emerald City.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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CIA law enforcement turned her away yet again, this time handing her a written warning with Gandalf-like \u201cYou shall not pass!\u201d instructions.<\/p>\n

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Never one to be dissuaded by something like reality, Hernandez then showed up in an Uber, indiscriminately dividing her expenditures among ride-sharing competitors.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Officers reported she again requested to speak to her recruiter, and that doing so at the CIA\u2019s headquarters was her only avenue due to the recruiter\u2019s phone being turned off.<\/p>\n

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Hernandez was interviewed by law enforcement at the culmination of the May 2 excursion before being booted from the premises.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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On May 3, Hernandez arrived for her final visit, requesting the return of her North Carolina ID card, which had mistakenly been kept in storage following her previous check in.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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In a last-ditch attempt, Hernandez asked to speak with \u201cAgent Penis,\u201d or perhaps she was simply out of breath from so many trips to the CIA and was inquiring about Agent Pete Niscombe.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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\u201cWell, why didn\u2019t you say so in the first place? That\u2019s a horse of a different color!\u201d is likely the officer response Hernandez hoped for.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Whatever the case may be, she was returned her ID before reportedly informing officers of plans to take the bus home, proving once more she is friend to all gainfully employed by the transportation industry.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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But in a sick twist for the public bus trade, Hernandez refused to board, telling officers, \u201cdo you really think I\u2019m going to leave?\u201d<\/p>\n

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Leave she did, though \u2014 just moments later \u2014 when she was handcuffed and put in a police car.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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Hernandez has been charged with a trespassing misdemeanor and is being held in Alexandria, Virginia.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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She has yet to hear back from Agent Penis.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Source: Woman arrested for trespassing at CIA headquarters and asking for \u2018Agent Penis\u2019<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hernandez has been charged with trespassing and is being held in Alexandria, Virginia. Jennifer G. Hernandez … Woman arrested for trespassing at CIA headquarters and asking for \u2018Agent Penis\u2019<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":667,"featured_media":77808,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[209,177],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-86821","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teh-stoopid","category-dumbass-bullshit"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86821","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/667"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=86821"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/86821\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/77808"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=86821"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=86821"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=86821"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}