{"id":7568,"date":"2009-02-03T10:30:45","date_gmt":"2009-02-03T15:30:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=7568"},"modified":"2009-02-03T10:32:13","modified_gmt":"2009-02-03T15:32:13","slug":"top-10-character-witnessestestifiers-that-mathis-should-call-at-his-sham-hearing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=7568","title":{"rendered":"Top 10 Character Witnesses\/Testifiers that Mathis should call at his sham hearing:"},"content":{"rendered":"

10) <\/span>Joshua Key will be testifying<\/span><\/span><\/a> on the use of 6-inch .50 cal rounds to ignite gasoline a la Die Hard II.\u00a0 <\/span>He will also provide evidence that Adam and Jamie from Mythbusters are part of the Bush Family Evil Empire, <\/span>out to malign his totally awesome war stories<\/span><\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

9)\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>Chanan Suarez Diaz will testify about Death Missions<\/span><\/span><\/a> where you take units without officers, and send then out to chum the water for bad guys.\u00a0 <\/span>Also, how Marine units debate whether to go on patrol by democracy, and how they all respect and cherish the wise advice of their corpsman.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

8 ) <\/span>Jesse Adam MacBeth with testify on his<\/span><\/span><\/a> time in the R-r-r-r-anger S-s-s-s-pecial Forces G-g-g-g-g-s-17 C-c-c-c-lassified units where they k-k-k-k-k-illed lots of I-i-i-i-i-raqis.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

7) Live via teleconference from Caracas, <\/span>Jimmy Massey will be testifying about killing civilians<\/span><\/span><\/a> and then shoving them into tractor trailers.\u00a0 <\/span>It is expected he will relay how \u201cthe scene was so bad \u2018that the plasma from the body and skin was decomposing and literally oozing out of the crevices of the tractor-trailer bed.\u2019\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

6) <\/span>Geoff Millard and Adam Kokesh<\/span><\/span><\/a> will be doing a joint appearance discussing the rank structure, and how it\u2019s not important what rank you actually are so long as you give yourself a one grade promotion in public appearances.\u00a0 <\/span>Also, how the US military official position is that \u201cF\u2019ing Hadji\u2019s can\u2019t drive.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>(Rumors that Millard and Kokesh are the same person, like Quatto from Total Recall are mere internet rumors.\u00a0 <\/span>Check Snopes for details.)<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

5) <\/span>Chris Arendt will talk about his service as the highest ranking E4 in history<\/span><\/span><\/a>, Superintendant of Camp Delta at Gitmo.\u00a0 <\/span>Also, he will be discussing the importance on an emo haircut and how he <\/span>hopes your unit hates you<\/span><\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

4) <\/span>Cpl Jason Washburn will be discussing how the preferred weapon<\/span><\/span><\/a> to use against elderly females bearing vegetable borne IED\u2019s is the Mk19.\u00a0 <\/span>\u201cLook kids!\u00a0 <\/span>They\u2019re coming right for us!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

3) <\/span>Camilo Mejia will be testifying how the line between torture and not torture<\/span><\/span><\/a>, between faux executions and playing cards is a fine one, only to be discerned by whom he is talking to and how much sugar he had on his Wheaties that morning.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

2)\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>Scott Thomas Beauchamp will be testifying on Pre Traumatic Stress Disorder<\/span><\/span><\/a>, and the role that precognition plays in it.\u00a0 <\/span>Also, how to drive a Bradley fighting vehicle, and the proper wear of a skull cap.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

1) Evan Knappenberger won\u2019t be testifying per se, he\u2019s expected to just yell at the presiding authorities.\u00a0 <\/span>\u201c<\/span>F*$# them, and may their kids all grow up to be godless fags; may their red-white-and-blue blood cleanse this land of the stench of rape and plunder<\/span><\/span><\/a>.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

10) Joshua Key will be testifying on the use of 6-inch .50 cal rounds to ignite … Top 10 Character Witnesses\/Testifiers that Mathis should call at his sham hearing:<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7568","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7568","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7568"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7568\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7568"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7568"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7568"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}