It’s been 3 years since I made the selfish choice to end my life. Through self medicating with alcohol and other ego driven behaviors I destroyed my life and burned bridges with people who loved me. I had a plan and was actively pursuing it. The best woman I’ve ever met came home from work to find me bawling uncontrollably and I told her I just couldn’t do it anymore and I left. <\/p>\n
I called a friend and he told me to come over. I instead went out drinking trying to have a good time. It didn’t work of course and I found myself intoxicated and driving to his house a few hours later. <\/p>\n
I called Z and WT roommates and close friends of mine. Both were asleep. Not wanting to wake them up (they would have but I felt guilty imposing on them, foolishness) and I left to carry out my plan. I was driving to my father in laws farm where my guns were kept out of the house and away from my daughter and I was pulled over after making an illegal “U” turn. <\/p>\n
The police officers did their jobs, exceptionally well and it’s because of them and their actions that I’m alive to write this today. They were both vets and I opened up and was honest with them. They took me to the VA and I was hospitalized for 8 days. I got out and kept self medicating. I tried therapy but I never quit the booze until one day that amazing woman came home and said it was best if I moved in with Z and WT. <\/p>\n
I couldn’t argue, I had no legs to stand on and she was trying to save my life and protect my child. A lot has happened in the last 3 years and some change since I stopped writing here. I will tell the story of my recovery and hopefully inspire someone else through their own road and on their own path. <\/p>\n
We don’t talk about this enough and we’re losing friends and brothers and sisters every day to these struggles. The three pronged approach to treating PTSD is sleep, diet (meaning everything you put in your body not just food), and exercise. I’ll try to keep my posts brief and organize my thoughts but dyslexia and severe ADD hamper these efforts. <\/p>\n
I’m not seeking attention or a cry for help and I will do my best to protect the anonymity of those close to me while telling my story. I have more motivation now than I ever have and have no intention of taking my life or risking it unnecessarily any longer. The children of suicide victims are three times as likely to carry out suicide themselves. This is a cost I cannot afford. I wish you all wealth in spirit and love and good health. More to follow -Kilo<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"