{"id":57266,"date":"2014-12-22T08:54:42","date_gmt":"2014-12-22T13:54:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=57266"},"modified":"2014-12-23T07:33:58","modified_gmt":"2014-12-23T12:33:58","slug":"2014-blue-falcon-stolen-valor-tournament-shitbag-sixteen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=57266","title":{"rendered":"2014 Blue Falcon Stolen Valor Tournament – Shitbag Sixteen"},"content":{"rendered":"

 <\/p>\n

\"TOURNAMENT_BRACKET_SHITBAG_16\"<\/a><\/p>\n

WEST REGIONAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

WEST Seed 1 v. 5:<\/p>\n

1) Nate Fornwalt, Lemonade Stand Stealing Phony, Embellisher<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Fornwalt_Nate\"<\/a>
\nCLAIM<\/strong>: Wounded veteran with numerous purple hearts, Marine Special Ops.
\nTRUTH<\/strong>: Iraq vet with no purple hearts, no Special Ops.<\/p>\n

Before becoming famous for stealing money from a kids lemonade stand, Fornwalt the Forlorn here was making snowmen “spattered with red paint, fake blood, symbolizing the blood he, and others, had shed in defense of their country, blood from his wounds that left his body, and mind, scarred, and have forced him, at 33, to face his own mortality.” Of course then he put all the medals and rank he didn’t earn on the snowman, because that’s what you do.\u00a0\u00a0 But he builds snowmen because…”Being an adult, we forget we were kids at one point,” he said. “I try to keep in touch with that child, that 13-year-old boy inside.”\u00a0 Yeah, I like to stay young by stealing kids money too.\u00a0 Shitdick.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

5) Thomas DeCare, Beer Swilling ISIS Killer, Valor Thief<\/strong>
\n\"Decare_Charles\"<\/a><\/p>\n

CLAIM<\/strong>: I can\u2019t even make out all the shit on his uniform, except the badge above his name tag which seems to indicate he was bombed with fecal matter from a Pterodactyl.
\nTRUTH<\/strong>: NPRC says \u201cwho?\u201d<\/p>\n

Where is DeCare now?\u00a0 Only the wind, and the SecDEF know.\u00a0 He could be in the thick of combat in the Maldives, or he could be knee deep in Bud Light bottles at a frat house somewhere waiting for his beeper to go off and deploying him to far flung war zones.\u00a0 If you live in Oswego County NY, you should know that Monday Night Football is where first contact was made with this asshat, and it is Monday.\u00a0 So if you aren’t busy, do some fly bys of Fulton, NY pubs tonight, and maybe you too can see this triple stacked pile of dog shit <\/del>hero.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

WEST: Seed 2 v. 3<\/p>\n

2) Derek Church, The Real Unslim Shady, Embellisher<\/strong>
\n\"Church_Derek\"<\/a>
\nCLAIM<\/strong>: SSG, Ranger, 82nd, Infantry, Straight.
\nTRUTH<\/strong>: PFC, 18 months as a nasty girl then a quick exit.<\/p>\n

It’s pretty obvious how this guy made it this far, I mean, just look at him.\u00a0 He looks like the physical manifestation of the Sumerian<\/a> deity Gozer<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0 (\u201cIt just popped in there. . .\u00a0I tried to think of the most harmless thing. Something I loved from my childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Mr. Stay Puft!\u201d)\u00a0 But besides the awesome look he is cultivating, my favorite thing is his sockpuppet friend Will Chamberlain who warned that “I suggest you all get off his damn back before you wind up with the entire 75th ranger regiment on your fucking door step!!”\u00a0 Really?\u00a0 The entire regiment?\u00a0 They’ve got nothing going on so they are all gonna fly in from Washington and Georgia to set us straight on this fat body?\u00a0 I’ve known a 75th guy or 10 in my day, so if they really are coming, you might want to stock up on booze.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

3) Cornelius Davis, Smadge says what?, (Unknown until FOIA)<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Davis_Cornelius\"<\/a><\/strong>
\n CLAIM<\/strong>: Sergeant Major, Bronze Star, Silver Star.
\nTRUTH<\/strong>: Army says \u201cNevah heard of you\u201d.
\nThere really is no way to do justice to this guy absent just watching the video:
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