Well here we are once again. The last regular weekend of the year. Enjoy it. The rest of this year will be full of guilt for putting off shopping or repressed rage for going shopping. Tempers will flare, assaults will happen in Walmarts all over the country bedlam and insanity will reign over us, in this the season of love, peace on earth and goodwill to men.<\/p>\n
I had a conversation the other day with a fellow hater of the holidays. We can spot one another you know. We see in each others body language and tone of voice a longing for times gone by. A time when store did not open on Thanksgiving Day, A time where deaths did not occur over a 5 dollar toaster or a good deal on TV. We remember fondly when the schedule for Thanksgiving was we start eating around 1:30 come on when you get ready. Now its the first sale starts a 4 PM so you better be here by 10 am if you want food.<\/p>\n
OK so I lied, I dont hate the holidays, I mourn their loss. I hate seeing people plan the storming of Walmart, Sears, JCPenney and so forth like they were the beaches of Normandy. As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow people are acting like covert agents today trying to get the layout maps for black friday sales. They will toil over them, looking for choke points, planning the best routes to take so that they may get from one sale item to the other in the least amount of time. I would love to see this played as a war game. I can imagine sand tables with scores of holiday shoppers around them. Pointing out flaws in the plans. Taking Europe back from the Nazis was childs play compared to getting a 3 dollar Mr. Coffee.<\/p>\n
All over this country people are camping out in front of Best Buy and other big retailers. I guess its kind of like being deployed. Shopping carts are being converted into makeshift forts. Starbucks are command post. Runners are bringing those brave shoppers on the front lines food, and of course the latest intel (Sales Fliers) God help the poor store managers if there is a misprint in an add. Faulty Intel is worse than no intel. Mt God man you are sending them onto a slaughter…<\/p>\n
So from me to you, Enjoy this, the last normal weekend of 2014. God be with those of you going into that fate worse than hell. I will be going into the bunker soon. I have enough Ramen and beef jerky to get me to January.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"