Men\u2019s public restrooms have urinals. The reason should be obvious. But in case anyone can\u2019t figure it out: it\u2019s kinda due to differences in physical configuration between men and women.<\/p>\n
However, it seems some of the male gender have \u201cissues\u201d operating those relatively simple devices. Most men are already doing fine. But there are some out there that seem to need some additional guidance.<\/p>\n
Guys, this is for you. Read and, if appropriate, heed.<\/p>\n
. . .<\/strong><\/p>\n Urinals are a fact of male life. But some oblivions* out there appear not to \u201cget it\u201d with respect to their operation, and make things unpleasant for the rest.<\/p>\n So, for the benefit of all, here are a few \u201crules of the road\u201d for urinal operation.\u00a0 Take note, and follow them.<\/p>\n 1. Watch your freaking aim<\/span>. Most urinals are not floor-length console models. Aim accordingly.<\/p>\n A drip or two on the floor is on occasion unavoidable; ditto occasional splatter. Puddles, however, are bullsh!t and are unnecessary.<\/p>\n If you want to stand in a puddle while you take a whizz, go outside when it\u2019s freaking raining.<\/em> Otherwise, hit the freaking target. Hell, you\u2019re shooting point-blank and have no excuse for missing.<\/p>\n (Don\u2019t laugh, ladies. You\u2019re shooting point-blank too \u2013 from even shorter range. And I\u2019ve seen evidence that leads me to believe not all ladies have perfect aim, either.)<\/em><\/p>\n 2. Pay attention to the business at hand (literally)<\/span>. Read the graffiti above the urinal after you\u2019re done, not while taking care of business. While most can multitask, a few can\u2019t aim while reading.<\/p>\n 3. Toothpicks in the urinal are a bad idea<\/span>. Some crabs have learned how to pole vault. Don\u2019t give them the opportunity.<\/p>\n 4. Similarly, cigarette butts don\u2019t help either<\/span>. The filters do nothing to filter out the smell. And the tobacco helps clog the damn things.<\/p>\n Besides, cigarette butts take forever to disintegrate. And enough of them will clog the drain, too.<\/p>\n 5. TP has no business in the urinal<\/span>. Don\u2019t. Ditto coins, pens, combs, or anything else that\u2019s not p!ss. (I guess spitting is OK if necessary.)<\/p>\n 6. Speaking of clogs: if the freaking thing shows signs of being backed up \u2013 don’t freaking use it, and don’t freaking flush it either<\/span>. Why? See #1 above regarding puddles. Instead, use another urinal \u2013 or the toilet.<\/p>\n 7. Unless it\u2019s broken or clogged, flush the damn thing when you\u2019re done<\/span>. Your p!ss doesn\u2019t smell like lavender, Chanel, Old Spice, or Axe body wash, fella. It freaking stinks like p!ss. Flush afterwards.<\/p>\n And don\u2019t give me that \u201cI don\u2019t want to touch the handle because other people have touched it after they touched themselves\u201d bullsh!t, either. That\u2019s why there\u2019s a sink, soap, and paper towels in the damn bathroom.<\/p>\n And if there\u2019s a problem, call maintenance to let them know. Don\u2019t wait for someone else to do that.<\/p>\n 8. Don\u2019t even think about \u201cdropping a deuce\u201d in the urinal<\/span>. Not even as a joke. Not<\/em> funny.<\/p>\n 9. Wash your hands afterwards<\/span>. Others have to use the freaking bathroom doorknob\/push plate, too. Besides, I might end up shaking hands with you later today.<\/p>\n 10. Dry your hands afterwards<\/span>. Even if it’s clean water, no one wants to mess with a wet door.<\/p>\n And hit the freaking trash can with your paper towels. They don\u2019t improve traction in the bathroom when they’re lying on the floor.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Rant over.<\/p>\n . . .<\/strong><\/p>\n *oblivion – a clueless tool of either gender who generally wanders around oblivious to the world around them<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"