{"id":36145,"date":"2013-06-11T05:40:29","date_gmt":"2013-06-11T09:40:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=36145"},"modified":"2013-06-11T08:26:03","modified_gmt":"2013-06-11T12:26:03","slug":"wipe-like-a-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=36145","title":{"rendered":"Wipe Like a Man"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Thanks to Michael Shlitz for bringing this awesomeness to my attention.\u00a0 I think you&#8217;ll all agree this is the most many S**t paper commercial ever.\u00a0 <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dollarshaveclub.com\/one-wipe-charlies\">One Wipe Charlies.<\/a><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"450\" height=\"253\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/3FOae1V1-Xg\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Now that you&#8217;ve seen the video let me put out a few thoughts.\u00a0 First, and foremost, there is nothing more terrible than having a Baghdad Blowout when your on over-watch and your ass wipe is in the OP 300 meters away.\u00a0 I&#8217;ve had to attempt to use Arab &#8220;toilets&#8221; more than once and it is the <em>worst<\/em> feeling in the world to unconsciously reach over to where the TP <em>should<\/em> be and find nothing there.\u00a0 That is a shitty day my friends, and I will not talk about my improvised solution.\u00a0 Not cool is all I&#8217;ll say.<\/p>\n<p>Second, anyone whose ever had Mermite every other meal with MRE&#8217;s making up the difference will tell you, it is the most horrible feeling in the world to have a rock hard log with a massive tsunami waiting to break behind it.\u00a0 Giving birth, then pissing out your ass (POMA) only to realize that all you have are those little Kleenex packets that come in the MRE to wipe away the foulness makes you realize the devil must somehow been involved.\u00a0 You also tend to realize that more than POGie bait, more than extra batteries, more that something shiny to keep the LT occupied, the one thing that you want with you is asswipe.\u00a0 Not just any ass wipe though.\u00a0 The strongest most rock hard SOB of an infantryman will tell you, when diarrhea eventually sets in (it always does) you want your ass feeling like it was wiped with silk.<\/p>\n<p>Third, I&#8217;m not endorsing the product here at all, I just thought that the video was funny as hell.\u00a0 Having said that, I&#8217;ve used &#8220;Hoah wipes&#8221; and &#8220;anti-monkey butt&#8221; and all sorts of products like that.\u00a0 I think it&#8217;s important for soldiers to test out various products and figure out what works and what doesn&#8217;t.\u00a0 I also think it&#8217;s great that there are companies that realize the realities of the field and try to make products to accommodate those needs.\u00a0 Field sanitation and comfort don&#8217;t <em>always <\/em>have to be mutually exclusive.\u00a0 There&#8217;s all sorts of things that I learned (like wearing hoes on a long ruck march) that any good NCO will pass on to his or her troops.\u00a0 The job requires that we go to miserable s**tty places and live in conditions that are worse than the &#8220;cruel and unusual punishment&#8221; that gets inmates released out of California prisons.\u00a0 Even the slightest bit of comfort can make or break a deployment\/Field op.\u00a0 So I say good on to anyone that attempts to come up with something that can be used for said purpose.<\/p>\n<p>Lastly, I&#8217;m so glad to see manly commercials making a comeback.\u00a0 Seeing commercials of men so stupid that they walk into sliding doors or set themselves on fire while barbequing are getting pretty F**king old.\u00a0 It&#8217;s bad enough I&#8217;m expected by society to willingly sign a hand receipt for my testicles whenever there&#8217;s a change of command in Girlfriend Command (GIRFRICOM), I don&#8217;t need to be bombarded with clips making me out to be the biggest retard that ever lived just because I happen to be a dude.\u00a0 I&#8217;m sick of pastel colors, calming yoga poses, and commercials about how a certain type of yogurt will make Jamie Lee Curtis have a better defecation experience.\u00a0 Every once in a while I want to see a guy shaving with a chain saw for no apparent reason.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0\u00a0<strong><em>WHO<\/em><em> CARES?!?!<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 We&#8217;re men, we do stuff like that (well maybe not <em>THAT<\/em>).\u00a0 It&#8217;s nice for add agencies to remember that hey, there&#8217;s this whole other group of people that buy stuff, and they don&#8217;t happen to be soccer moms.\u00a0 Or women.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Hope y&#8217;all have a good week.\u00a0 Go forth and do Awesome.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Thanks to Michael Shlitz for bringing this awesomeness to my attention.\u00a0 I think you&#8217;ll all agree &hellip; <a title=\"Wipe Like a Man\" class=\"hm-read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=36145\"><span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Wipe Like a Man<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":631,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26,13,170],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36145","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blather","category-society","category-who-knows"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36145","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/631"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=36145"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36145\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=36145"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=36145"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=36145"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}