When in the Course of human events,\u00a0 there are people who saw a lot of war movies and wanted to do that too, but liked their couches more, it becomes necessary for such people to craft tales of awesomeness they once read about.\u00a0 To assume among the powers of the of the internet, the separate and greater station to which their tales of heroism and the Laws of Narcissism and of Narcissism’s God entitle them, a lack of respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare how awesome they are, and threaten to sue should they be found out, and to deny the causes which impel them to tell the lies.<\/p>\n
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that we\u00a0deserve<\/em> the adoration that other people fought for with blood sweat and tears.\u00a0 That we are endowed by Dr Phil with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Lies, fraud and the pursuit of Accolades.–That to secure these rights, the Government can’t take away my “free speech,” deriving their powers from the lies the congress critters told, –That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive to my personhood I can sue, even if I lied.\u00a0 It is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish their records, and to institute new better stories, laying its foundation on such acts we were too lazy to commit ourselves.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n We are better than you, not because we actually did the really impressive stuff that we claim to have done, but rather that we are clever enough to earn the accolades that go with said achievements, without having to sweat for them.\u00a0 We who make up stories are entitled to be treated like the special little snowflake we know we are.\u00a0 We are entitled to earning money speaking about our heroism that we did not actually display.\u00a0 We are entitled to VA benefits for the post traumatic stress we got from watching Deer Hunter.\u00a0 We demand and declare this!\u00a0 And if you don’t like it, we’ll sue the crap out of you.<\/p>\n No law shall stop us from putting on SEAL tridents with Master EOD badges on Marine uniforms.\u00a0 We will not accept your fellonius slanderous names like MSG Soup Sandwich.\u00a0 We are awesome.\u00a0 Just look at our medals!\u00a0 We were jumping into panama when we were in diapers and how dare you attempt to prove otherwise!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Signed,<\/p>\n everyone that steals valor<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"