{"id":35050,"date":"2013-04-11T14:31:08","date_gmt":"2013-04-11T18:31:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=35050"},"modified":"2013-04-11T14:32:54","modified_gmt":"2013-04-11T18:32:54","slug":"tsos-beard-live-from-arizona","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=35050","title":{"rendered":"TSO&#8217;s Beard, live from Arizona"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m totally fine with heights. \u00a0Heights just don&#8217;t bother me.<\/p>\n<p>What scares the shit out of me is physics. \u00a0Just terrifies me. \u00a0Here&#8217;s what kicked it in yesterday&#8230;.I was in the door seat of the Blackhawk, with the door open. \u00a0All good. \u00a0Then it got up higher, and I started to freeze to death. \u00a0 Even in southern Arizona I could see snow. \u00a0So, now I am cold, and sitting 3 inches from the open door. \u00a0So, I decide to make sure the seat harness is holding my fat ass tight enough. \u00a0So I cinch it down until I am like quasimodo hunched over, but I can&#8217;t possibly move. \u00a0All good. \u00a0Then I look at the harness itself. \u00a0&#8220;Manufacture date: October 1, 2006.&#8221; \u00a0Now, is that good? \u00a0Is it old? \u00a0Is a harness strap like dog years or what? \u00a0Fear not! \u00a0There is a further thing printed there: &#8220;Retirement Date: \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Dude, no retirement date?<\/p>\n<p>OK, so here is me sitting there<br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/I1f_QJRocyM\" height=\"253\" width=\"450\" allowfullscreen=\"\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>So I&#8217;m contemplating what happens if the harness breaks. \u00a0(Quick aside, what is with Helo&#8217;s not having the strap like they have in MAXPRO&#8217;s and such that hangs down? \u00a0Dude, I need something to hold onto.) \u00a0So, I start thinking physics. \u00a0I know I will accelerate for the first 200 meters or so at 9.8 m\/s squared. \u00a0I&#8217;m at like 400m above the ground. \u00a0I could just fall and keep saying &#8220;I am a leaf on the wind, I am a leaf on the wind, I am a le&#8230;&lt;splat&gt;&#8221; \u00a0Or, I could try to angle it so I land in the luxurious elegance that is my beard, and probably walk away. \u00a0For some reason I decided instead I would use my last breaths to curse my enemies list as I go down&#8230;.&#8221;David Tyree, Lance Bass, Aaron effing Boone, Mathew Currier Burden, whatever Fox exec cancelled Firefly&#8230;..&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>OK, so the real question here is this: \u00a0On a spectrum from 1 to Liberace, how big a pansy am I for freezing and worrying about the harness breaking?<\/p>\n<p>(Programming update incidentally&#8230;PJs are the shit, and great to hang out with. \u00a0Looks like I am headed out with them on some stuff here the next few days, and the iPhone is dying so fast it&#8217;s shocking. \u00a0So, I may be in Comm silence for a bit. \u00a0But in all, Exercise Angel Thunder is pretty fricken awesome so far.)<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Oh, and Marine Recon guys are less than comforting. \u00a0This is the advice I got from one:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>It&#8217;s not the hitting the ground that kills u. It&#8217;s the bounce. The first hit breaks every bone in your body the bounce causes them to shift. When u land again they impale every organ in ur quickly cooling body. So we say grab grass. When u fall and hit the ground grab grass so u stay their You will be in a body cast but survivable. Anyway good luck and grab grass.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Thanks dude. \u00a0Remind me not to let you tuck me in at night.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m totally fine with heights. \u00a0Heights just don&#8217;t bother me. What scares the shit out of &hellip; <a title=\"TSO&#8217;s Beard, live from Arizona\" class=\"hm-read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=35050\"><span class=\"screen-reader-text\">TSO&#8217;s Beard, live from Arizona<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-35050","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35050","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=35050"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/35050\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=35050"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=35050"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=35050"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}