{"id":34573,"date":"2013-03-15T09:37:28","date_gmt":"2013-03-15T13:37:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/valorguardians.com\/blog\/?p=34573"},"modified":"2013-03-15T10:35:28","modified_gmt":"2013-03-15T14:35:28","slug":"the-cottonelle-asswiping-system","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=34573","title":{"rendered":"The Cottonelle asswiping system"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Apparently I have been living under a rock, because I&#8217;ve never seen these commercials:<br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"450\" height=\"253\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/WSOEMruvMRE\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Now that I have seen them though (am home with the wife today) I have been sent into a sub-psychotic rage.<\/p>\n<p>When did they change the rules on how you wipe your ass?  For as long as I have been alive it was paper, or wipe, not both.  The Chinese invented shit paper in the 6th century, and it has served us well for the next 1400 years, and now Cottonelle wants to lead some sort of asswipe revolution??  No sir!  No sir!<\/p>\n<p>My wife thinks I am being ridiculous, but I&#8217;ve been forced to wipe with a cardboard MRE box, leaves, the radio portion of a CTT manual, a sock, and T Shirts.  In fact, at Fort Polk one time in the box the shit suck truck didn&#8217;t make it in to clear out portojohns, and we started using strips of T-Shirts.  I walked out of that FTX with 6 Haynes T-Shirt Necklaces.<\/p>\n<p>Back at basic training I had a bunch of PR Guard guys in my unit.  When the Drill Sergeant asked at 30 AG (before we went downrange) if we needed anything, one of the guys (Zapata was his name) said we needed sheets of paper.  The Drill Sergeant said we wouldn&#8217;t take notes until we got downrange at our training unit (D 1-19 INF).  Exasperated, Zapata says, &#8220;not sheets of paper, sheet paper&#8221; while making a wiping motion.<\/p>\n<p>For brave men like Zapata, I will not yield to this commercial pressure.  If there is one immutable truth that 12 years of infantry has taught me, it is that paper and wipe is redundant and wasteful.  For shame Cottonelle, for shame!<\/p>\n<p>UPDATE: Heh!<br \/>\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"450\" height=\"253\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/RRDSj62tlvQ\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Apparently I have been living under a rock, because I&#8217;ve never seen these commercials: Now that &hellip; <a title=\"The Cottonelle asswiping system\" class=\"hm-read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/?p=34573\"><span class=\"screen-reader-text\">The Cottonelle asswiping system<\/span>Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":148,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-34573","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34573","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/148"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=34573"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34573\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=34573"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=34573"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.azuse.cloud\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=34573"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}